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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day on ugar.life

Daily updated jokes on ugar.life! Only fresh jokes!

Found 430 items

The Hubble space Telescope received the first pictures of extraterrestrial life forms. And if the resurrection of an alien life form don't pay a million dollars, these images fall into the network. ********** Urupinsk architects to maintain a unified architectural style of the city is not interfering in the processes of erosion and decay. ********** the Person that thinks about himself and what he thinks not about himself. ********** oil Painting: "Hercules, tearing the doors of the subway closed before his nose." (c) Nestor Hippos ********** all his life he rapidly went up the stairs. and finally came to the attic with loft ********** After permission to collect deadwood, the state Duma is preparing to allow the Russians to eat the peel, drink from puddles...

People who say that I should get out of your comfort zone - step out of my comfort zone. ********** to Forgive much easier if he sincerely repents and burns. ********** Bad dancer tenth egg was in the way. ********** - Please increase my salary. - Now you're a senior designer. - No, salary. - Now you're the art Director. - at least five thousand, please. - Now you are master of design in this sector of the galaxy with the official entry positions in the work book. Fuck... ********** Explain to someone why everything is described in science fiction comes true in the West, and everything in satire, dystopia and horror in Russia? ********** - You're my everything. - I and my too. Come still buy. ********** "You will regret this" - is not something that we had...

- Well, the old year was carried out? - Performed, but he returned several times with a half-liter bottle. ********** If in the childhood Vladimir's parents were not sent to judo and ballet school, Russia was a completely different fate. ********** Brother went on a business trip and left me his cat. Now every morning starts like at McDonald's: Wake up, loudly say "Free man", and to me from all the clutches of a hungry customer rushing... ********** the working day is 9 January is already over, but still not everyone in our group had to tell how they got drunk for the holidays. ********** - Grandpa, are you a gunner? - Yes, my grandson, grenade and artillery. how? - the Trunk is not worth it, but the powder gases are still leaving. ********** Christmas...

- You're a witch! what makes you think that? - you Have a doll with my face full of needles... - I'm just the fairy godmother and doing acupuncture... ********** Russia has decided to abandon the dollar and all international calculations carried out in cents. ********** Scorcher from Moscow so strongly dispersed his Ferrari almost brought down the Apostle Peter. ********** the Belly is the process of becoming a Roman Gladiator in a Roman Senator. ********** In adult life the only entertainment is counting how many days you weren't drinking. ********** it's time to find a single guy in the wine and spirits division of Auchan. Characteristics: perplexity and empty the trash. Beautiful may in the ABC Taste to look. ********** the seventh day is free to...

Went outside, and there's winter again. It is that every day now? ********** Due to paranoia, I began taking better care of myself. ********** So hit them up for that hike easier to move a few time zones ahead, than to go to bed before four in the morning. ********** In any field feel like a fish in water: jamb jamb. ********** Two odessite talking over religion. - Dumb, why Tomos carry back and forth from Istanbul to Kiev, from Kiev to Istanbul? - I don't know, Izzy, but I think I want to save on customs clearance. ********** the Holidays are over, the people sobering up. The last time I saw only two drunken men, one of them was me. ********** it Will not have much time, and in Russian schools the children will be hard to tell how saints in the nineties...

Heard that Sobchak again divorced. Another rider fell from the saddle. ********** In the DNA of the son of the public Prosecutor discovered the attorney General. ********** In Russia profitable are two types of businesses: oil and funeral. ********** - keep it simple and people to reach for you. - Yes, and don't forget to mention that some of them you will not know how to lose. ********** Jesus Christ after seeing the bill for the celebration of his birthday in Russia, said: "I will not pull." ********** when And why from the countryside to the city, it is called "urbanization", and when from the city to the village, the "rest"? ********** Seemingly normal news on Yandex: "Married "Miss Moscow" the king of Malaysia in just two months, abdicated the throne."...

- What are you doing now? - Optimize their costs. - Fire the extra employees? - No, breaking up with his mistress, divorce his wife. ********** it is Very painful to open instagram. Please stop to travel. ********** Tired women, always take out the brain! Bought the rubber, but it also TICKLES. ********** Best skin care is the care work. ********** - Nastya, you have a nose appeared a birthmark? - that is not it I a glass rubbed.. ********** Sclerosis is when she falls in love without memory, and who don't remember. ********** From love to hatred - one snoring. ********** Russia announced an embargo of agricultural products of Ukraine. The right move was still deported to their Homeland Matvienko, Kiriyenko Kozhemyako and other Cossacks. ********** it Turns...

If your husband allows himself to walk home in his underpants in front of the guests, he strongly care for foreign women. However, you... ********** Culinary book "Russian cuisine" was recognized as extremist, finding that most of the recipes combine foods sanctions. ********** Janitor in Russia more than a janitor. ********** - We don't want in Paris ?! - Yes, Mr President, You really do not want ********** That we men like in women!? ...SILENCE!!! ********** - have You read that NASA invited Rogozin to the United States for negotiations, and us senators against. - I'm Afraid, I suppose, that Rogozin will come back and honestly tell you that no NASA does not exist. ********** January 4, economical hosts eat new salads, eating them ftalazolom...

The Only good thing a bad Parliament to be disbanded. ********** In the forest wound up children's Robin hood! He takes from the rich and gives to mother. ********** Two Russians won 500 million rubles in "Russian Lotto"... - Never before has Putin and Sobyanin was so unlucky in the lottery!!! ********** there Is a man with a sign "THIEF." Fit two in civilian clothes. You're under arrest for insulting the President. - So there is not written who is the thief. - You keep us for idiots ? ********** Our Director writes to the President that my high salary as much as 115 thousand. Is it possible to lie to the President, but who then each month now I have 100 Grand? ********** If you in the New year we meet a Santa Claus coat with reflective stripes, then most...

In the case of accession of Japan to the Kuril Islands, Russia will not seek the deportation of the Japanese. ********** , Russian hockey player Saprykin staged a brawl on Board the aircraft. It seems that soon the FPS will collect the weak Russian team ********** Why did you stop to bring on holiday as a sacrifice to the gods of other people? the Only normal tradition ruined. ********** When the Russian government says it plans to increase the average life expectancy in the country to 78 years, with us it does not mean. ********** do you Know what a nut 18, embedded in the snow, can radically change the course of battles snow? ********** - the West decided to Rob the millionaires. - And we have retired. ********** cornet Obolensky: Lieutenant, please share...

January 1 — Holy Day of brine and soda. ********** - Honey, I don't want to get fat for the holidays. - You prices on the products seen? There is not to lose weight! ********** the Mother asks the daughter: - What is that tablet in your bag? - GAVE ME ANSWER, and no, it's a noshpu... ********** Tourist asks from Odessa: - Tell me how many residents of your beautiful city? - Milen!.. - Yes you that?! And how many Jews? - You sho you, you hard of hearing? ********** 1 January-31 December 2019 possible to go to the hospital without Shoe covers! The Year Of The Pig! ********** Modern blockbusters: did not look, but condemn! ********** as the years begin to understand that Santa Claus is an unnecessary appendage to the snow maiden. ********** What is the...

The New year is akin to a marathon. Little to prepare for the start, the main thing is to distribute the forces on the entire distance! ********** Buyer: what is your washing powder wash? Seller: In principle, all wash. the Buyer: Give me one, cheaper. after a few days. the Buyer: Your powder did not washes! Seller: So you were asking, what wash, not wash! ********** How many Freudians need to change a light bulb? Two. One changes, the second is holding his dick. OH, THE STAIRS!!! I WANTED TO TELL THE STAIRS!!!!!!!! ********** - Fima, that's your Sophie all the time buys at a pharmacy some krem is the same from the person or from what? - Oh, George! Don't torture me! This birth control krem: it's like they stick better to it not to approach... ********** In...

Psychologist. - Doctor, help me. My wife is beautiful and clever. Her career is rapidly going up. All is good, but then she admitted to me that you slept with the head of Department, to the post of Deputy. The type is so accepted in their company... Doctor: Well if you are all right in terms of family, maybe we should forgive and come to terms with what it was? - the Doctor, but she's in the last month has changed already 5 departments, and again today went for the interview! ********** Rabinovich, a Widower married his coming and the housewife now has for free what previously had to pay, plus the bonus of sex. ********** it Happens sometimes. Inconsiderate guy in a text message from his girlfriend "Honey, I have a dead hamster" habitually responded "me...

Yesterday, at the checkout I was asked to show a passport. After all, every day sad students buy cheap wine, buckwheat and potatoes on shares. ********** I Asked the taxi driver, they say, far from the nearest shop? Says 200 rubles here. It turns out there are three systems of distance measurement: 1. Metric — meters 2. Imperial miles 3. Taxi driver — rubles ********** - Expensive, but what is the point in our sex life do you like most? - When you're in the kitchen went to smoke, quietly sleeping. ********** That's all they say that we have mobile phones are not bugged, but it is not... Yesterday in the country garbage was burned, a friend called, asked what I do. So I said: - Musorgsky burn! ... after 15 minutes my site was up 8 police cars! ********** the...

- You said that you plan to spend we have an incredible amount?! So there is. I two thousandth bill holding for the first time. ********** Singer Tree when frightened, the smell of pine needles. ********** I'm Sure my funeral will be an event. a Lot of people will come to check whether I died. ********** raising the retirement age to blame dashing 90-e, the Great Patriotic War, War with Napoleon and Tataromongolskoe Yoke and not Putin, as some people mistakenly believe ********** - do you think Khabib will win Connor? , bro, whatever. Makhachkala bus you saw? - No. - now, anyone who Makhachkala bus goes to your stop win Connor. And Habib always a way out. ********** Scientists found out that a hungry cat responds to any name, when it is offered food...