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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day on ugar.life

Daily updated jokes on ugar.life! Only fresh jokes!

Found 430 items

In my life, I listened to 1500 albums. But only two groups have formed me as a person. This senior group of a kindergarten and, of course, the hydroxyl group of ethanol. ********** the Intricacies of American politics due to the fact that Russian hackers got drunk and pounding on the keyboard. ********** If your life is not sugar, not salt someone else... ********** - Never knew that could drink so much. - how much did you drink? - Yes I do not know, but woke up in the morning with this woman.... ********** I Want love and affection, and around the noodles and tales. ********** Ad: "Publish a book "Advice for a happy marriage." There are the words "do Not marry whom you, b***s, got, head to think". And 200 blank pages to draw". ********** One question to...

Advertising in shop "Vegetables-fruit": "the Ladies, wishing to preserve the elegance of the lines, recommend bananas. You ever seen a fat monkey?". ********** Silence is really gold, just so few are those who can afford it. ********** Svetlana was extremely honest girl and could not tolerate any manifestations of the lie, therefore, in the income Declaration in the section "sources of acquisition of property" frankly stated "sucked". ********** Economic wisdom: how much you got money, spend less. ********** Commentator Guberniev "we lost to USA but how lost!" ********** - What breed of dog is the most evil ? - new York ! ********** Male solidarity. The girl on reception at the sorcerer. - Help bewitch a man. - Ugh, you're fat. ********** Silence in the...

An increasing number of professionals coming to the conclusion that our fighter of corruption will never fly. ********** I try to do everything quickly, to do nothing is faster. ********** In a big way on small need not go there. ********** At the international conference on the "Internet of things" absolute furor speech by Russian programmers. They declared that everything in Russia is programmers, living with moms, free provided automated systems to Ironing, washing, cleaning and cooking. And their refrigerators all!!! have built-in functions salonpolster. Free! ********** I Wonder how is calculated the monthly norm of precipitation, if it falls every day? ********** human rights Activist Lyudmila Alexeyeva told the Russian President that 2000 years ago...

Evolution says: can't achieve success - do children. Maybe they will be able. The next iteration of the same. ********** in other countries, too, installed the umbrellas on the beaches, but not from the rain! ********** Shit!.. California homeless beg for money on the hawk, and in order to fill up the car! ********** - the Accused, what can you say in your defense? - Only one thing: I was entrusted with millions, and I appropriated of which only 700 thousand... ********** "Promise less than you can do. Do more than you promise". a Friend asks: - Is to massacre too? ********** Dictionary smartphone replaced "import substitution" to "import perversions"! The state Department never sleeps! ********** during a long investigation, the workers of the UK have...

In a past life I was definitely a pirate, because the only way to explain my love of drunkenness, and idleness. ********** Elections of the mayor of a provincial town over unconventional counting of votes. ********** Today I saw the sign "Russian bath sauna Hammam". It is unclear why only Hamam. But if I, an intelligent educated person, what ought I not to bathe? ********** Flight to Dubai is delayed through the fault of the passengers. Even if one bought a ticket. ********** johnny: - Mom, and I was the teacher today, the Apostle called. - well Done, johnny -happy mother - so you finally became a good boy. Sister: - not an Apostle, she called him a dunce. ********** - Open the cage, and then the horse tan uneven! protested the blonde, looking at the Zebra....

Jealous wives, remember: wherever your husband are at work, the store, in the subway, on the street, at a PTA meeting, in the courtroom - he's surrounded by women. The women there only in the men's room, except for the cleaners. ********** - Petrovich, again, bitch, plump, looking for companions! Go see a psychiatrist! - have been. - And how? - I drunk! ********** Ad: "Need a caretaker of the cemetery. The apartment is available at the place of work". ********** It is easy to find, hard to lose and impossible to forget. He hemorrhoids. ********** Sometimes I would like to lose everything, but where is it much to take?.. ********** Women in adulthood, endlessly ruffling the presence of her husband should remember that there are a lot of used cars who dream...

For Those who have nothing, need less than those who have everything. ********** There is nothing more suspicious than an impeccable reputation. ********** To the news about the new combat suit with the exoskeleton of the Russian production. - And now those who have served, imagine your ensign in this costume. the Exoskeleton will allow the ensign to lug through the hole in the fence three times more of its weight. ********** - Solomon! I'm fat! - And how you determined that you're fat? - I can't get into my old wardrobe! - God Sofa! Well, buy a bigger one! ********** Knives are like people... Stupid no one needs... ********** multiple Sclerosis – this is when you really want to forget, but can't remember. ********** - Hello, is this room you rent? - the...

From the police report: "Went to the call by the statement C. Volkova. The call about the sober husband, drunk wife". ********** Psychics came up with a new service for drug addicts - interpretation of hallucinations. ********** - Dad, what is "Alaverdi"? - "Alaverdi", son, is when one man said a toast to some man, and the man in reply, said the toast. Or, one person could do for another something and the response also did something. Well, for example, Basque sang at the wedding of the daughter of a judge Kahalewai, and the judge, Hahahaha the wedding singer read the verdict. ********** Hollywood. Academy Awards [Oscar] ceremony. Fashionable young Director: - first of all I would like to thank three great men, had the greatest influence on my work: Jack...

New favorite saying of the officials: "Nothing public - just business!" ********** Lifehack: heavy polukilogrammovy spinner, entirely made of cast iron or lead, it will be possible not to remove from hands even in the night a deserted place. And this niche is legal brass knuckles on the market is still not occupied by anyone. ********** Under communism, the Orthodox churches showed visitors the abomination of desolation. Now they demonstrate the abomination of gold. ********** Poklonskaya with an icon of Nicholas II headed the procession in Yekaterinburg. that is to say, clitorectomy carried prestolonasledija.... ********** Housewarming - ceremony of beginning of capital repairs of the apartment. ********** Volgograd has 24 days as there is no rain, the...

- What kinds of psychological violence did you know? - no Money but you happiness, good health, good mood, hold on... ********** At the airport "Ben Gurion" sitting officials, registered repatriates from Russia for citizenship. Your name? - Isaac. - Isaac? - Isaac. - Listen, let me write Isaac, why do you here is a Russian name Isaac? ********** In the family of robots scandal. Her husband put the plug in the neighboring socket. ********** the Only sea I've seen this summer is a sea of work... ********** There is a feeling that those 8 cups of coffee that I drink per day, not to sleep on the job, begins to act only after 22-00! ********** Believers in global warming demanded to ban the publication of meteorological data for insulting religious feelings...

Bookstore: - I would like something modern, topical, but without any frills, it is written precisely and concisely, without unnecessary details and characters, not forcing the imagination. - I understand what you need - the seller is responsible. - Now, please buy the timetables. ********** — But you know that tulips close at night, yet the sun and in the morning open again? — As a beer shop. ********** — Why don't you like our state? is the State supposed to protect the citizens and provide them with a comfortable life off — road, there is electricity, water and other amenities. there is such a mix of housing Department and chop? — Yes, and we have the state — a mixture of Cheque and ASS. ********** Ads about Dating: Mark - Tatiana Year of release - 1998...

Desire to please other people we call good parenting. ********** If the woman decided to be right - this is not correct. ********** losing in the finals of Wimbledon, one of the "Williams brothers" Venus led to a sharp fall in shares of pharmaceutical companies producing steroids in the United States... ********** - integral of stupidity at the time. ********** important words a woman can say to a man is not "I love you so much", not "you're the best", not "I'm so lucky to have you" and "I was wrong and was a fool!" ********** - I Wonder if a woman will give birth to six, how much she will pay as a benefit? Well, at the funeral of the husband of a suicide should suffice. ********** - the Aunt - is not an age but a state of mind. - the Aunt is Kashtanka...

Man there should be such, that it wanted to listen and obey, not to teach what to do and how to do... ********** If you conscience is not biting, so she's already had enough of you! ********** I need a good night's sleep because tomorrow is an important day. I can't sleep because tomorrow is an important day. ********** Well, evacuated from Moscow the relics of Santa Claus, and once on the street has become warmer. ********** an Employee of the Bank, translating grandmothers across the street, inertia kept the 3%. ********** I'm in the mood is of two types: zae*is zae*Ali... ********** news: - the hydrometeorological center announced the beginning of summer in Moscow. Grandfather from the couch: - They would be back in September was announced...

Valentine before marriage, always said, "I don't care what man, let it be ugly and poor, the main thing that I was with him interesting!" Now she is married and she is interested in everything - where the husband wandered to the morning, as he managed to drink the entire salary where he got the lipstick on the collar - and much more. ********** - I never realized our trump or trump is a schmuck? - trump our schmuck. ********** In the second decade of the XXI century a rhetorical question "what for to the priest an accordion?" sounds like is not a rhetorical "what for monks boat?" ********** the Person who said "laughter is the best medicine", apparently never suffered from diarrhea. ********** in Russian there is the amazing feature, which no one else in...

If you had to say: "It is when you live a husband", now: "This with on the phone!". ********** - And today, when the Internet has entered our life... - And I would say that life is slowly turning into the Internet... ********** Why would Moscow not to impose a symmetric policy: every Russian politician who has ever had any informal contacts with the West, subjected to daily public harassment? Apparently fear that the Kremlin will be only the regiment of... ********** - And in the meantime a second pot of salted cucumber ends... - the five-liter? It's how much vodka to drink!? - Women, and they are somehow able cucumbers is without vodka. Mystery. ********** so Meet in the future to get married. Life is too short to waste it on meaningless relationships...