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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day on ugar.life

Daily updated jokes on ugar.life! Only fresh jokes!

Found 430 items

"Abidal!" - from the Creator of "I would, if wanted, easily quit drinking, Smoking and eat after six!" ********** - have to write In English, you say? Pen? And how can we change the layout? ********** In response to the construction of the layout of the Reichstag at Moscow, the French government decided to build the layout burned in 1812, Moscow. But Mongolia decided to go ahead and is now building near Ulan Bator mock Russia for training Patriotic Mongolian youth. ********** - There's nothing worse than an old lady with a rake. Is, you're fucked. ********** But where are the real women, if the army makes real men? ********** the vassal of my Vassal - not my vassal. translated Into modern language: the slave of my slave - I don't roll back, the rollback...

You know that you're a good mom, when you put the batteries from your vibrator to toy child. ********** according to a development, trump will soon close the TV program "Namedni", "Doll", and then all dispersed CNN... ********** On the planets, open NASA, there is water! This differs them from many localities in Russia. ********** the Boy with the unpronounceable name Kadimagomaev rarely called to the blackboard. ********** HOW to IMPROVE the DEMOGRAPHIC situation the Newspaper reported: "Tuva, Chechnya and Ingushetia are the leaders in the question of fertility". But they are leaders by the other indicator, the unemployment rate - the highest. From this it follows that potential workers are deprived of their work, have the opportunity to focus on...

Met two singers. One another: - Tell me, Boris, and truth be told, that if in the mouth to take the voice better? And then fed under the "plywood" to sing. - I don't know, Philip. Singing-I only then began. ********** - Met a man. Is my mate?! But no, once again someone's candy... ********** Soon in all offices across the country held the annual update of the mugs. Men's after the 23rd of February, women - after 8 Mar. ********** Biting elbows, can not eat! ********** Well, loshka, pants socks your received? now Wait on March 8, gold and iPhones. ********** Chuck Norris made Igor Krutoy to change the name. ********** - If Raul Castro will suddenly go crazy, as we understand it? - is Very simple. He would immediately demand that we instead of "Cuba" spoke...

Tried instead of "OK Google" to say "Piss in the corner". Works! ********** the Government had nominated Serdyukov, the Board of Directors of "United aircraft Corporation". Now he will build a flying stool. ********** I Wonder when bald men wash their face how far they go? ********** In man, everything should be fine - and horns, and hoofs, and tail. ********** on 23 February, the men get drunk and call my ex ... commanders. ********** I love to pay evil for evil. For example, money for vodka. ********** - the Doctor, for many years, I suffer from shoppingmania and gambling, can you help me? - of Course, you have the recipe, drink for a week. But it was a Blizzard!!! Well, you're still on that fuck the money - so at least the stomach clean. ********** the...

Existential horror of modern man is that he is mortal, and that the iPhone-then you can't take it. ********** If a girl says "I want to marry!", this means that she wants to get married. If a girl says "I don't want to get married!", this means that she wants to get married. ********** Sadness flew away, problems the end... Everything was really stabilizes! ********** One day I woke up to a morning Blowjob. It was the last time I fell asleep in the subway with his mouth open. ********** Lovers - they are like spots on the coat: that one, the ten - still have a heap. ********** the Style of modern novels: ...and she gently put his hoof to his mighty horns... ********** - Rabinovich, you're whole life collecting coins, tell me, what is the meaning of the new...

- Tell me, Fima, and VI I, too, will continue to give pleasure? - Celia, ve still mean tomorrow? - No, I mean deeper. ********** news of high technologies. did you Know that with the advent of Apple Pay and Samsung Pay, you no longer need to stick bills in a stripper's panties? simply bring the priest to her smartphone... :) ********** Cindy Crawford once said: — on Monday morning, even I don't look like Cindy Crawford... ********** When the wife in the evening viewing on your smartphone commercials that sent her girlfriend for the day, I'm every day more convinced. Internet two. ********** - do You like balloons? - of Course. Love them all. - Weird. They are blank inside, but everyone loves them. And I was feeling overwhelmed, and I'm fucking useless...

If to run very fast past of paintings, you get the cartoon about the sea. ********** People that are creating cellophane bags instead of tear them lose on the average 2-3 years of life. ********** When looking for a girlfriend on the Internet, try to find a photo where she looks like a complete*bische. it will be in life. ********** the rural hinterland. The son tells his father: - dad, I'm like an adult already. Want to get married. - what's the problem? Well, one wife then I will be a little. It should be at least six. - Well you know, just a little later. Now the hay, tomorrow we start to mow. Mowing day. In the evening sat down to rest, the son of the father: - dad, I was a little excited about the six wives. Four will be just right. - talk to you...

Bill gates has proposed to tax the labor of robots, the robots staged a rally and seized several unmanned taxi and blocked streets in the city. ********** the Lord help you to understand: Not cisena the side of the road on the street on March 8, it's still Obama or trump? ********** Say, President Putin proposed the unemployed American retiree Obama to play the main role in the play "uncle Tom's Cabin" ********** the interview in the protection of: - And you che from mentovki drove? - Yes, he left, - confiscation? ********** Ufologists objection - the land of the learned, settled, dirtied so tightly that the aliens have nowhere to sit! ********** -That's all attacked Milonov that he was seen in Finland. And you look wider. the working day is 14 Feb, so the...

Female: All our troubles begin with this phrase: "No, girls! It is not so! It's really good!" ********** Childhood is a time when happiness from the fact that you bought a toy railway more than adults when you bought the Railways. ********** Always give way to pregnant women in transport. From the point of view of karma is generally ideal: you would concede to a woman, a child and two future retirees at the same time. ********** the glory of the Limpopo! The dark knight will come - bring order! ********** She: I'm crazy. He: Oh come on, that's very nice. *2 months later* He: you're completely fucked up!!! She: bitch, I told you, I warned. ********** - From the fate not go away, we'll all be there. God gave, God took... - Sorry, but you definitely...

She gave him a son, after a couple of months after meeting. ********** One lady tells the story: - we Sit all in the chat: three married, three unmarried and I... ********** When judging that put pineapple on their pizza - remember that somewhere people among us, laying the apples in the salad and mayonnaise in soup. ********** -log correspondence is the interlocutor, who constantly need to ask a question after every sentence to continue a dialogue with him. ********** Never forget the people with whom you have what to remember! ********** a Little girl writes a letter: "the Uncle of the Minister of defence! When will read my letter, GO TO X*Y! Because the Pope tomorrow will be 27 years old, and I was in the army will not take, because I'm a girl...

Get Acquainted with the interesting woman for serious relationship. And no, you won't... wife had returned from the store. ********** the saleswoman was so rude voice, that took a package, without exception. ********** - Evgeny, when I meet you in the Park walking with a lady, involuntarily come to mind the verses... - Pushkin? - No, Chukovsky. - ??? - is the Gorilla, Crocodile leads... ********** You only live once, but if you did everything right, once is enough. © Mae West ********** Your vacation - just a moment. Vacation colleagues is a fucking eternity. ********** the length of the penis of a whale is 170 cm.! I'm like a whale's dick. ********** Pasha decided to make Vick the offer and took a knee. Pain Victoria agreed. ********** on Valentine's Day I...

If the dispute point of view of women still coincided with a male - then the man realized that it is easier to accept. ********** - Professor, and what is pseudoscience? - you See, young man, a pseudoscience is a set of beliefs about the world mistakenly regarded as based on the scientific method. - How our economy? ********** Another plus in the Treasury of tall people - my lower friends don't know I'm bald! ********** somewhere on the bench sits a Teddy bear and wants to bought it. somewhere a young man can't wait when that Day comes and he will give the girl the Teddy bear. Where a girl is praying to gave her anything, but not a Teddy bear. ********** Trying to find logic in the words of his wife, blew his brains out himself. ********** In my life, I...

Turkish border Guards demanded that the German tourists were photographed on the passport Topless... ********** interview with domestic footballer: - yesterday You won the national championship. As you noted this event? - We wanted for a long time, went the whole team to the Philharmonic, where with great pleasure listened to the 5th Concerto for piano and orchestra in e-flat major by Ludwig van Beethoven. Then, we went to an evening of Japanese poetry – haiku, Tanka... Amazing! Come on, what have you strained something, kid? Relax. Kidding! Just to get drunk PPE snot, as usual! ********** Information is to Google the XX century! ********** the teacher to the student: - I'm rarely surprised, but if you can, put the standings. - I know how you surprise the...

There are women middle-aged and have stasialovich. ********** - Solomon Markovich, Moldova and Bulgaria chose, wee believe it or not, after Pro-Russian President! - Sho wee shout, mony? Have to tell you, Shaw, any Pro-Russian President will be Pro still exactly as long as Russia will not end the us dollar. ********** Dying old Rabinovich. Among his papers reveal an envelope marked "My last will". Open, and there is only one phrase: - a beg you, Sophie, let me lie in the grave, SAVE!!! ********** If the mail is tied handle, I just take the rod. ********** - Girl, you married? - was Just there. I do not advise, dude, don't suggest... the Ring to the pawn shop, dress on sale, dream on the asphalt... ********** - You marry me will you go? - No... I-so-was...

One boy always walked my girl to the station to make sure that bitch is gone for sure. ********** Work at the Centre for artificial insemination. In the column "profession" always write - AIST. ********** Gets Shahid suicide bomber to the light. He meets the Creator. Shahid: O Allah, I am so glad to see You! Hope to meet again and to talk with a Holy fighter for the cause of Islam Sheikh Osama! God: Lucifer, you hear me? Into the pot with Osama it, even though they're talking to all eternity! ********** Scientists have found a gene that is responsible for happiness. Is Schengen. ********** "Rectors of St. Petersburg Universities"™ recognized the doctrine's failure to deliver state museums in the use of ROC pseudoscience, and posledovala this doctrine...