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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day on ugar.life

Daily updated jokes on ugar.life! Only fresh jokes!

Found 430 items

Is: If our shampoo You will not be able to wash your sasukeuchiha child, we will make You a new one. ********** — Where can I get a tattoo, so mom didn't see? — my mom on the back. ********** - for many years in Russia once a year a lottery takes place, called "Direct line with the President". Lucky he got through, he can get Russian citizenship, a new apartment or even house, to get to a good doctor, to improve your town, etc. - why is the lottery? Because of the 2.5 million applicants are lucky only a few less carries only sperm in the uterus. ********** At the press conference after the match Uruguay – Russia: - ... Well, you know, because our key players injured, it was hard for us to expect to win... Excuse me, who do you think are the key players...

After Uruguay's 3-0 victory over Russia, thousands of people took to the streets of the country, they jumped, rejoiced, chanting slogans... it was one of the happiest days in Ukraine. ********** the Finance Ministry sees no grounds for fluctuations of the ruble, and he, bitch, still hesitates. ********** - the Saudis Have won, the Egyptians won, and the Uruguayans lost! How so, Mr President? what can we negotiate with Uruguay About! ********** - you have such a vodka? - Great, just downloaded. ********** Two gamers met one another: - yesterday I was on the machines thirty pieces squandered, the wife will kill me. I fifty-lifted! - How?! - Passed. ********** — Izzy, how do you like this Jewish passion? — the passion, Sam? — What? Writing Russian folk...

Shuvalov – out. In The "Vnesheconombank". Let it knocks. Dvorkovich – ass. I mean – the chair of the head of SKOLKOVO, well, until the pile - the Board of Directors of Russian Railways. Prikhodko whipped in the soup – appointed first Deputy head of the government apparatus. Cruel. Even worse treated Siluanov – was promoted to Deputy Prime Minister. Ideologue space bautismo Rogozin ruthlessly banished from the MIC. Only the space. Well, tea, not Queen pots. Kudrin, hirelings of the world bourgeoisie, generally driven under the bunk – put on the Counting chamber. In General, to hear our President of the people's aspirations. Dispersed liberals pissing rags. Now alive! ********** the Men sent to the program "What? Where? When?" an empty envelope, because the...

An Amazing series. Moscow janitor found near the club "SOHO" smoked a cigarette, finished his and at night swept the whole of Moscow. ********** Not in money happiness, but if there is no other – take the money. ********** I don't know what all unhappy. Before the work could only die tsars and General secretaries, and five years later ordinary simple worker can do the same. is This not welfare? ********** the state Duma suggested the government to allocate money for the funeral of the Russians dying before reaching retirement age. deputies – for the people! ********** the Opposition is now calling the wolf to Zabivayu "dog Putin"... ********** well, No, they're funny, these designers: sign "Clinic" so-subtly written font "Necropolis"... ********** it Seems...

If everything around you is some irritable, maybe you're annoying. ********** - why cats wash? - Is a series to jump with a parachute, to feed the elephant to cross the river on the crocodiles, to put the toothpaste back in the tube, to tell my wife that she's fat. Everyone needs it once in your life to try... ********** I always knew that he would not live until retirement - but now has a chance to live another 5 years! ********** - I accidentally poured USB port of the laptop. He says he's found new hardware, but cannot determine how... It's whiskey and coke, silly! ********** - I take this opportunity to thank Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin for kindly providing them the opportunity to thank Vladimir Putin: Thank you, dear Vladimir Vladimirovich! **********...

To hurt a woman, a great mind is not necessary. The mind need not to offend. ********** 2035. Sitting on the curb beside the road an old man in front of him is a hat with a trifle and a pair of filthy bills. MIMO is a boy. Grandpa husky voice: - my Grandson ... be kind, give the old man Minutochku, in the extreme, and that I do not have a pension, and the work of man doesn't take no one starving... Boy: - what are you, grandpa, doing, when you are your home, pensions were canceled? In the same sitting? the Grandfather indignantly: - what! When the pension was canceled, we all went out to the streets!! Jumping, running, screaming all over the city!!! the Boy stares: - what are you shouting? Grandfather, to get more air to the chest...

- Well, shall we play a game? - Is. State: - Where a pension? : - Under this thimble. State: - And that's not guessed! ********** Indian team with songs and dances to free the hostages. ********** Swallow, strongly alluding to the rain, walked down the street on foot. ********** - Watched yesterday on TV the movie "Bet larger than life"? - is it about raising the retirement age?! ********** actually, I should have been born in Finland, but the stork who was carrying me, very tired and therefore left me in the Republic of Karelia - in Petrozavodsk. ********** Now it is fashionable to think about how Putin in 2005 promised to prevent raising the retirement age, while he was the President... Well, just like the children, because during that presidential term...

Share of the Pension Fund of Russia: While retirement is a coffin as a gift! ********** Peskov: Vladimir Vladimirovich, it is possible to raise your rating up to 99.9% for a day! Putin: - I Wonder how? Sands: - to Cancel the increase in the retirement age. ********** How to identify a fraudster? He is the most confidence. ********** Russia responded to US sanctions and raise the retirement age to 65 years for men and 63 years for women, and the last blow was the introduction of 20% VAT. ********** raising the retirement age - that half-measures! Give the complete abolition of pensions! ********** - put my Headset today. - tomorrow I parachute jump. . ********** online: -Girls, remember - if the street in the next month with you persistently try to meet...

It is not necessary to say that the government can only improve! It age ranges to lower can!!! ********** Beauty is the wealth of women. And wealth is the beauty of men. ********** Through football, the pension reform was marked by a General rejoicing. ********** - This victory over Saudi Arabia for the people of Russia very expensive - stated officials, increasing the VAT and the retirement age. Now the fans have openly afraid of the victory over Uruguay. ********** - so, how's your English? Learn gradually? - Hello, my deer friend! - And Hello to you, my friend, the deer! ********** My brother's lifelong dream to become an astronaut, and I wanted to become a doctor and cure him. ********** In Yuzhnoye Butovo to walk in the evening one dangerous three...

Young couple in the Bank takes the credit: - what credit take? - gasoline. On the weekend I want to give up on kebabs. ********** Young girls who constantly take selfies sitting on the windowsill, for some reason remind me of potted seedlings, which then will certainly grow vegetables. ********** Kozak has promised not to increase gasoline prices to 100 rubles. Up to a maximum of 99.99. ********** If your son is coming home, laughs out loud and is always eating sweets, do not rush to sound the alarm. Maybe it was just a fun sweet tooth. ********** — Masha is learning? — Masha knows everything already... ********** Plow-plow 11 months, as the horse, but then a month rest, like a pig... ********** Who is waiting for more hard disappointment? Russian fans of...

Just for the exam at the agrarian University the phrase "What the fuck?" could be part of the issue. ********** Output June 12 was originally called "independence Day"... Boris Yeltsin from Gorbachev. ********** I Imagine in North Korea today presented to the meeting in Singapore: Kim called on the carpet trump. ********** One day, Ernst said to myself: "I Must create a program that its audience did not realize what was going on in the world. To make them thinking about politics is primitive and stupid. If I can? I do not know. Time will tell." ********** the Leaders of the United States and North Korea met for the first time. - Hau do you do? asked trump smiled for the cameras. Excuse me, comrade How Blow Do we executed last year - smiled in response, Kim...

De Niro at the award ceremony publicly sent trump nah@nd. What? Bondarchuk also could publicly send nah@th trump. Russian actors not ssyklivee those inflated Hollywood stars will! ********** Missed Egypt. Decided to at least watch football, tickets to "Zenit-Arena" to ask the price. Stayed for 90 000 (Ninety thousand) rubles. Are they to Peter and the pyramid brought? ********** - Girl, and how old are you? - How much you give, I do not mind! the main thing is how much the judge will give... ********** Maybe if we paid less than some of these modern rappers, and paying more teachers, in the future there would be more smart people and less shitty music. (actor Samuel L. Jackson) ********** a Very lazy moth is called procrastinate. ********** In Russia is 1...

No in Russia such obstacles which no one swore. ********** - Suliko, you know, between us and the ballet lies the abyss? - giv, is not an abyss that is the orchestra pit. ********** When you sit down to learn a foreign language, it often slips thought: "What the fuck, the first builders on Earth started to build this tower of Babel?". ********** Each of us goes his own sexually. ********** — Your son wrote in the book that he wants to spend the summer in jail! — What's wrong with that son wants to spend the summer with his father? ********** Russian bribe-takers! Catch the moment! Turns out, the offering type bath, sauna, Hamam no longer punishable. the Precedent has occurred. ********** the Grandson asks his grandma: - the Grandmother, well read tale - We...

Old Age is when the refrigerator is getting less food and more drugs. ********** According to the latest research VTsIOM, the rating of trust to the government increased by 3% and approached the level of confidence in our football team. ********** - could You tell me where is located the city Museum? - I don't know, ask someone else, I'm local. ********** the optimist woman should be half full. ********** - Well, Yasha, how's your wife? Oh, Sara would be the perfect wife, if she has not demanded of me that I was the perfect husband. ********** - Tell me why you dress as a beggar? Do you have that?! No money for good jeans? We pay you a respectable salary! - But it is a normal jeans, day ago purchased... - why not ripped? Holes-where? ********** Pilots...

- Mr President, why you took Yevtushenkov Bashneft? - There have been irregularities in the privatization process. - So they were everywhere. - Great idea! ********** still, Russia ukrainofobsky country. Cost the star of "Playboy" from the Ukraine to try a little to earn additionally in Russia prostitution - from arrest and deportation. But in Ukraine, the Russians Babchenko, Muzhdabaev, the host can prostitution is legal. ********** Women harmful long vrednichat. ********** On an expensive powder sitting king, Prince, king, Prince. The shoemaker, the tailor can't afford this. ********** Split personality - it is, of course, sad. However, if you want to transfer the couch, the two of us to do it much easier! ********** the Best capital policy: fairness...