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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 470 items

Roskomnadzor has blocked Russians access to heaven. Base: the Apostle Peter refused to give the keys of the FSB. ********** Our Deputy - oak bark instead of the cerebral cortex! ********** the Joy of permission to gather dead wood marred by the prohibition to boast assembled in the Telegram. ********** travel the world without a penny. Moved up to 300 meters. ********** In different countries conducted a survey "which produces the most money per square centimeter square?" In Venezuela, the majority answered "In the oil fields" In Qatar: "gas shelf" South Africa: "diamond mines" In Russia: "armchair judges" ********** Fish tail waved, and left Oleg with aluminum trough. ********** Financial situation: nose and he laid down. ********** chemistry Textbook...

The Postman Pechkin blocked Telegram your boy. ********** Know where you fall - shot the woman with a cart. ********** Russian Gopnik decided to support the Patriotic impulse. Now they press the iPhones and defiantly break them. ********** Wrote in the comments to tweets, trump all that I think about it. Expect personal sanctions. ********** a True artist, a slight flick of the wrist opens the beer. ********** Men can not appreciate the beauty of the female mind, but they are lovers of other women's charms. ********** the Russian producers were allowed to make American goods. The case for small: to find producers in Russia. ********** If members will continue to push the idea of treatment people oak bark and hawthorn instead of drugs, the people may offer...

If you have no problems - check for a pulse, maybe he's already there, too. ********** something went wrong, and when Ivan kissed the frog Princess, turned himself into a Prince-laguku. ********** Developed-developed country... Put the Minister of economic development... Continue to develop the country! ********** Every time I hear advertising "Only that Artem made a whopping 17 clicks to buy a pair of headphones. And could, in just one click..blah-blah-blah...to get a mortgage from Sberbank", the head is one and the same idea: after all, What is this fellow Tom - not too lazy to spend ten minutes, found and bought exactly what I wanted. Now kicks himself into the music. But could it be otherwise: just one careless click and your middle age you're a sad...

Any man will confirm that get out of the house easier, than to clean it. ********** - I do exercises every morning! - I do exercises every evening. Otherwise charging can't keep up. ********** - Cuckoo, cuckoo: how many years left to live? You feel stupid, Petit... ********** Queen for a long time digging in her purse, then with a charming smile said to the policeman who stopped the car behind the wheel where she sat: - Please, let's see where my rights are. Without glasses I can't see beyond their noses. ********** the Official Supervisory body drops into home and yells to his wife: - Dear all, we have blocked Telegram! - goes into the room, kisses his wife on the cheek, looking at the monitor, pauses for a second and says: - You... in the Telegram? But...

In connection with loss of trust to Trump, Russian hackers have been instructed to prepare for early elections of the President of the United States. ********** - want a new anecdote about APTLD? - Shhh... jokes about Roscomnadzor prohibited by Rosobornexport. ********** Teacher Nina Petrovna brought from the library "Atlas of the world", "Dictionary of foreign words", "All about the exotic plants," the filing of the magazine "Boats and yachts", books from the series "Kitchen of the world", "Handbook of numismatics" and became a grade essays "How I spent my summer." ********** Carnival happy eating pancakes, Easter cakes, but as lent is coming - at least atheist become! ********** the Scotsman, looking at the photos of his friend, asks: - Why you and your...

They Say money is evil! So that's why I'm so kind... ********** Apparently, the Third world war will be announced on Twitter. ********** the Principle that happiness in the little things, deny big Tits. ********** - you're schizophrenic. - What is it, doctor? - the Split personality. - Which of the three? ********** - Me, please, imitation coffee, imitation milk. - What? - I mean, a cappuccino. - Ah, Yes. - Thank you. Here's a simulation of money. - What?! - I mean, a hundred rubles. - Ah, Yes. ********** you understand that You are getting old when you walk into a bar, and the old men sitting there, no longer asking: "whose are You, son?" ********** the Government should immediately impose additional sanctions against the population of Russia, and the joy...

An Aspiring filmmaker's sleeping with a women who takes in his films. the Famous film Director takes in his films women with whom he sleeps. ********** - Girl why are you not wearing? - the Belt rubs nipples Horny! - Move! ********** most of the follies committed in an attempt not to do something stupid. ********** - Yasha, you said something? - Sara, unfortunately, I still said "Yes" in the registry office three years ago... ********** the Official reports to the economic forum about the success of the Russian economy, improving the investment climate and the imminent collapse of America and Europe. After zawieszenia speech sits on its place in the hall and says in a whisper to the assistant: listen, look for where the dollars can be cheaper to buy...

- And in South Korea and Brazil put presidents for theft... You do not compare, they are just ridiculously small stole. ********** - Honey, give me money, I your wallet at home... - Remember... ********** the Leadership of some countries reminds me of the computer — the hardest and the smartest object that somehow managed outright cretins. ********** In Yekaterinburg on the market were confiscated and destroyed 600 pounds of sanction apples. The entrepreneur couldn't explain where it came from apples. Unlucky man. The entire quest is almost gone: custom posts of traffic police.... ********** Who said that Muscovites suffer from traffic jams? the Muscovites from them, trudge! ********** And they lived like cat and dog. He protected her, she walked...

One American film Director filmed the novel Hemingway. After the premiere he was told that Hemingway is very unflattering recalled about the painting. This can only be two reasons - categorically stated the Director. Any Hemingway haven't seen the movie or have not read the novel. ********** When good with his fists, the evil is already with a gun. ********** Students gnaw granite science, and teaching it to them chew. ********** People: - Again everything is more expensive! Three skins tear up from me! State: - And fuck you THREE skins?! One is enough. ********** we have to Live so that everybody was saying that you're not affect them... ********** December 2016. In Irkutsk (Russia) from poisoning "Hawthorn" 123 people were injured. 78 of them failed to...

- Why do journalists so often and with apparent sympathy by telling us about the plight of women with low social responsibility? - Colleagues after all. Corporate solidarity... ********** Lecture on political science. The theme of "gangs". Lecturer - grandmother, God dandelion. - In 90-e years in Moscow there were many criminal gangs, which were often formed on a territorial basis, that is, on areas. For example, the Solntsevo group, which is now broken up... the Voice from the last row: - Yes, as they broke up?! Nichrome! Grandma is changing dramatically in the face and angrily, Oh, begins the list: - What do you mean collapsed? Sanya Small put, Skull planted, Shaven on the pen set! the Lecture was disrupted... ********** trump – helpers: - Yes... it seems...

Want to improve relations - to improve and not want to find out. ********** I Noticed that the employees of "Mail of Russia" have recently become more humane? will Listen, comfort you, cry with you for the lost parcel. ********** If you choose the lesser of two evils, the greater evil may be very offended and take revenge. ********** - Storm sky mist conceals, snow spinning vortices... Or here's another: "Above the gray plain of the sea wind, clouds..."... - the Director of hydrometeorological centre if the weather in April more specifically? ********** - Hello! - Hey. How are you? - is Normal. - doing What? - Getting statistics. - Th for statistics? - Yes here, I think. who and how many times a day told me the stupid phrase "Hello", "how you doing...

Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you what you can be useful to me. ********** Stability is when the dollar returns to its place, and the ruble prices... also remain in place. ********** On a call to tech support: "I can't log in to the computer!" and I want to answer: "I do not know, try to change position...". ********** the Ombudsman after his inauguration went to the world Cup and have committed harassment... "Great and mighty Russian language" - said to be Turgenev and he added: "In the mouth your feet!" ********** Abraham met Sarah, rested in the sanatorium, at the station, came home, Abram takes a telegram from the table and shaking it in front of his nose Sarah says: - Read! read Sarah: - Abram, tomorrow arrive in 15-40 meet. Your favorite...

A Psychiatrist by mistake instead of the test slipped the patient the form of the exam, the result of which he was simultaneously enrolled at MSU and to the day hospital. ********** my wife's cat-British... decided on the sly too to send, it tries%of the house, had long dreamed of! ********** - Your eyes are like two inductee. - what? One mows and the other one is really blue. ********** Nutritionists advise to eat often, but gradually. The first part I have a good job. ********** I have Before me two bills, one in denomination of 50 rubles, another worth 5000 rubles. Feel the difference? ********** - Hey, April, you have the ground is white! ********** - Why so few read Newspapers? - Toilet paper is sold everywhere. ********** As for selfies, you can...

- Dear colleagues, I brought grandma's diary with powerful spells for money. I will read them, and you — chorus repeat after me! the Minister of Finance, and more traditional methods of recruitment do you know?.. ********** Any caught stealing a police officer is dismissed a month ago. Any of the collapsed building - an illegal construction. That would be so, and with a failed marriage... you have Lived together for a couple of years of life no no,and then the marriage certificate is not issued suddenly on the paper, no watermark... and ZAGS that was left, and signatures are all invalid ... ********** According to Shmarov Debian 125 times deprived of the rights and appointed harm we can say inhumane punishment - fine of 200 rubles. Obviously the traffic...

Man will drink - won't remember anything. the Woman drink it and remembered everything! ********** Russia in solidarity with Britain in the case Skripal will send diplomats 25 countries. ********** UN Secretary-General expressed extreme concern about the actions of Israel against the Arab demonstrators, who were peacefully throwing stones at the Israeli police. ********** once the red light was used for manifestation not only of depravity but also of film. ********** ads on avito: Sale cheap SUV known British brand 4x4 all wheel drive, studded, black, 2015, kit all-weather, night vision devices, small mileage. In the apartment. In short: for sale cat. ********** Women are divided into two types: 1) Her Boobs - the dream 2) Her dream - Boobs ********** Opens...