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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Psychologist. - Doctor, help me. My wife is beautiful and clever. Her career is rapidly going up. All is good, but then she admitted to me that you slept with the head of Department, to the post of Deputy. The type is so accepted in their company... Doctor: Well if you are all right in terms of family, maybe we should forgive and come to terms with what it was? - the Doctor, but she's in the last month has changed already 5 departments, and again today went for the interview! ********** Rabinovich, a Widower married his coming and the housewife now has for free what previously had to pay, plus the bonus of sex. ********** it Happens sometimes. Inconsiderate guy in a text message from his girlfriend "Honey, I have a dead hamster" habitually responded "me...

Yesterday, at the checkout I was asked to show a passport. After all, every day sad students buy cheap wine, buckwheat and potatoes on shares. ********** I Asked the taxi driver, they say, far from the nearest shop? Says 200 rubles here. It turns out there are three systems of distance measurement: 1. Metric — meters 2. Imperial miles 3. Taxi driver — rubles ********** - Expensive, but what is the point in our sex life do you like most? - When you're in the kitchen went to smoke, quietly sleeping. ********** That's all they say that we have mobile phones are not bugged, but it is not... Yesterday in the country garbage was burned, a friend called, asked what I do. So I said: - Musorgsky burn! ... after 15 minutes my site was up 8 police cars! ********** the...

- You said that you plan to spend we have an incredible amount?! So there is. I two thousandth bill holding for the first time. ********** Singer Tree when frightened, the smell of pine needles. ********** I'm Sure my funeral will be an event. a Lot of people will come to check whether I died. ********** raising the retirement age to blame dashing 90-e, the Great Patriotic War, War with Napoleon and Tataromongolskoe Yoke and not Putin, as some people mistakenly believe ********** - do you think Khabib will win Connor? , bro, whatever. Makhachkala bus you saw? - No. - now, anyone who Makhachkala bus goes to your stop win Connor. And Habib always a way out. ********** Scientists found out that a hungry cat responds to any name, when it is offered food...

Sochi taxi drivers do not understand the Formula-1. Why 20 excellent car chase, and no passengers? ********** Tour of Russia: - Look to the left is a sailing yacht of Russian patriots. Look to the right - is go limousines patriots of Russia. - what are these people on the dump collect peaches crushed by a bulldozer ? Is the insidious agents of the state Department ********** forbidden to Masturbate because it will interfere with the gather dead wood ********** -For what?: Poltavchenko was thinking - I didn't do anything! ********** Director of a large supermarket calls from the home Secretary: - Well, how's my favorite ficus? - he's not. - How? What happened? His fire hose is badly hurt, well trampled... - That you're always so.... Could me sometime to...

The Royal edict in the city of Salisbury was renamed in Bosilovo-Chepetsk. ********** If buying the store cheese product, you think that you've tried the cheese, seeing as the road makes patching, are you happy about that now go under the present pavement, receiving a pittance for their labor, are you sure you get a decent salary, then know that you really exist, and you seem to live. ********** - how many followers do you have before me? - Someone like you better than me? - first like And how old was it? - And it happened to a few people you laykali? ********** the Stars told me that I am the most intelligent and beautiful. Who am I to argue with the stars? ********** once Lived in the light of the host of smaller bookshops - has purchased wholesale books...

And anything that cheese is actually a curd, and we continue to pretend everything is fine? How much can you tolerate this lie?! ********** During all this time none of the driver "BelAZ" not even a single policeman did not check the title... That - too lazy to go down, and this - too lazy to get up! ********** - Mr President, 90% of Russians are against raising the retirement age. - Dima, how is it that we as agents of the state Department have missed something? ********** All argue that retirees have without exception poor and miserable. And look crime news and the amount that they did on the purchase of any garbage in fraud, is discouraged. ********** - Ah, which country is fucked.... - What? - the fuck knows, I wasn't even born then. But they say the...

You're not an adult until I learned to live with a constant feeling of sadness... ********** Two black and half white. For some it's a trip to the bakery. unlucky for some a walk through Cape town. ********** - are You ready? - put Make-up on, wait. - You don't need makeup, honey. - Oh, really?! You need a plastic surgery. ********** the Fanatical propaganda of the virtues of raising the retirement age painfully reminds me of something. Oh Yes! Looks like a propaganda of bigots: you now suffer and endure, but then you will be happy in the afterlife. ********** all at home skrobala excuse me, who is the last? -then, by passport numbers ********** the First buyer of Apple's new super phone has become the 247-th in the queue, he was 2.5 hours. The remaining...

Plans for next year: 1. Continue to wait for something. ********** Here is the telly said that raising the retirement age is not scared... And you imagine that the bosses declared Saturday a work day, and on Sunday you already have an appointment to the Apostle Peter. ********** Homemade xenon in the car Anton was so bright that the road inspector, who stopped him, was visible healed fractures of the leg. ********** Sometimes you want a simple human start of the heating season. ********** Here we are all afraid of the 90-mi. And what is worse solntsevskaya olszanecki? ********** In a fit of unity is important not to trample each other. ********** Interview with a famous hockey player. it was Hard for you to adapt to the NHL games? - As you say, it is hard...

Along with the term "pretensioner" you must enter the term "netdeposit with negotable and nedregate". ********** It's something we have not diversified the economy? Yes, we have pipelines in all directions. ********** "Armenian radio" said, - How to determine is a gay active or passive? the"Armenian radio" said: - Have a good gay anger. If he says "fuck you", he is passive, but if "fuck off", then active. ********** - Surname? - Zuev. is the Name? - Sericon. - this is a Strange name. Where are you from? - From Zabarovskis region. ********** Mama duck easily distinguish your ducklings. Man - hardly. They are cute, but they were all the same. Girls, think about this when going to the beautician. ********** Quick reference journalist on the psychological...

If you are like the man of your dreams — this is most likely not the man of your dreams, because it is unlikely in your dream someone you don't like. ********** Sense to go to work, if we all die, and in a few billion years the sun will burn the hell out of the ground? So I write in an explanatory note. ********** Came to visit friends. They have about a door Mat it is written: "Pretend I'm your ex!" So hard I feet never wiped. ********** September 28 the same Day General Director in Russia and the world day against rabies. Coincidence? I don't think. ********** Not everyone is able to stay in the memory of mankind – your just one of those who have this case burned. ********** — I have no time for a relationship. — Make a career? . Show men, which I cut...

About training. Among those who want to help us most are those wishing to help to spend our money. ********** - And why, if a man accidentally falls into the women's bath, then at him yelling and splashing boiling water? - So they're not painted and without hair! ********** I Dream that I have has a button for "sleep". Clicked on it and blacked out, not thinking all night about problems. ********** Time heals free, because it is not necessary to complain about the quality of treatment. ********** And you also learned the correct way to eat a sandwich on the advice of a cat of Matroskin? ********** Yelena Isinbayeva arrived in his native Volgograd, where he played street basketball with the people. Then said that Volgograd is the best city on earth and went...

Mom said that when you love someone, buy an apartment in the city center. ********** – Give me a rag, glasses should be wiped. Flashes all the time something strange before my eyes. Is the people. Oh... ********** As you know, ideas come to Russia to die. I'm afraid the liberal idea is doomed... ********** Crooks and thieves in the far East lohanulis began to rig the elections only when estimated 95% of the votes, and even in the second round. The head of the CEC Panfilov's angry. Say, idiots have to falsify from the beginning! And canceled the election results. In the third round will do the right thing. ********** Stalin: - Tell the artist what You see in the future? messing: - I see rich people. They have expensive houses, yachts and cars. And I see...

Test TVs got another test and sofas, and now comes in two rates. ********** more and more Russians have less money. ********** rush Hour. Metro. - the Man that you need me?! - I'm not yours! - You me aura MNU! ********** Adult life is when the one who forbids you all the cool things exclusively by yourself. ********** Accidentally prostirnula headphones in the pocket of his pants. Not feeling that the sound became clearer. ********** 2017. - you have a Good town. - Thank you, Mr Putin, sorry tourists are very few. - ... I'll think of something... ********** Barely 18 years old I entered the social Elevator, he immediately got stuck on the first floor and stood there until my retirement. ********** - Long car drive? - three years. how? Well, on a string...

...And then we got drunk and laykali each other all night! ********** to Live in society and be free from influenza is impossible. ********** Told mom that have kids only if you get rich. She got upset and said that he wanted grandchildren. In my opinion, I do not believe parents... ********** Mathematician met a girl in one of social networks. They struck up a conversation, during which she asked him: - what color are your eyes? - Well... for the most part white. ********** In 431 in the city of Ephesus hosted the third "Ecumenical" Cathedral of the Christian Church, in which patriarchs and archbishops from around the world discussed the question "do women have a soul?". Reading, once thought to engage in them, there was nothing chtoli? But then when I saw...

- Dad, and elections in the USSR? – Uh, were. But they did not decide anything. - But now solved! ********** Tattoo turns girls skin to skin "Chicks". ********** This monkey managed to become a man hard, but the man in the monkey turns without difficulty. ********** She so clearly said "no", he immediately understood - I agree! ********** Restaurateur dismisses the Fiddler: You do not know how to play. Visitors listen to you and very little to eat. ********** Noticed that birds on a clean machine shitting with special pleasure? people Have as well. ********** Zolotov said, on what terms he wants to fight, he will be in the astronaut suit and with a baton, and Bulk in handcuffs. ********** In a cafe where the napkin is divided into four parts, nothing good...