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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 481 items

No matter who you say is important, he listens. No matter how you say it is important, as you know. No matter what you say, it is important that remember. it does Not matter why you said it, important, than it backfired. And don't tell me, who should you say anyone should hear that we should remember, as should understand, and be responsible, you have it or don't. ********** not to leave the person for a lifetime a disabled person, the killer tried to shoot as accurately as possible. ********** If the wife is often satisfied with the scene, it is possible to tolerate. If they at least sometimes - bed. ********** Yesterday Google translator hung around the world in two hours: some asshole tried something translated from the Evenk language to the language of...

Scientists: 95% of the pokemon suffer from delusions of persecution. ********** Today Petrovich in the stairwell caught a serial killer. it Turned out that Cheryl at the entrance of the existence of a neighboring house. ********** Nadine's husband - no, no, Yes full of Hope. ********** Revolution in Kashchenko: attendants moved to the side of the sick. ********** 2019 in Russia declared the year of the theatre. theater of the Absurd. ********** Scandal in the Metropolitan school: student touched the lady for a doormat. ********** In fact, the second coming has already happened, but now the world is arranged so that Christ immediately put in a straitjacket and sent to the loony bin. This is somehow better than what he had done the first time. Grow...

- Damn it!.. I'm here on Matan's proof was written on two pages, as it turns out, it is generally necessary to refute it. ********** - Rzhevsky, how many of you remember, but you're still a Lieutenant? - But how many I had the General's. ********** Announcement: "On a permanent job requires working immortal". ********** I Watched the semi-finals of the Champions League. Thought of coming matches of our national team at the world Cup. Cried. ********** Araneidan. ********** the Soviet people were richer. For example, in Moscow restaurant "Prague" has always stood foremost. And now? That's the same! ********** - Barsik, it's minus 10, you know? I don't know why you even go there... ********** - the papers write that Anna Semenovich lost in the most...

When the head fog - in the fate of the inclement weather. ********** - And, again, if you rename the police to the police? – asks Putin to Medvedev. And again declare that it has become a lot better. - Dim, and a great idea! ********** the Largest in the history of our country the amount of 270 million rubles was found yesterday the owner. Fortune smiled to the collector of the savings Bank. Lucky are looking for. ********** Vitaly Mutko has requested to the President on amendments to the administrative code to replace the fines on admission to the matches of the national team of Russia on football. ********** Even at the end of the idiocy would be a desperate struggle for leadership. ********** Yesterday I wrote on Facebook: it's Time for workers to take...

Interestingly, during yesterday's hurricane in Moscow, Russia tried to stop the storm going against the wind with an icon of Nicholas II? ********** the American magazine "Time" doesn't include me in the list of hundred most influential people in the world. Felt match for Putin. ********** the joy of the arrest of another corrupt can be safely likened to the joy of carp, when one pike of hunger eats the other. That is, of course, those that you finished, but still nice. ********** Not so dark as the dark personality in it. ********** anguish From the green to the green dragon hand. ********** Or diplomats return or Skrobala finish. And that asymmetrically did. ********** Innovation mind, has decided that it is time to find the time and do stupid things...

When you write "b*send" instead of "fuck" - God still sees everything. But now he thinks you're a cowardly pussy. ********** "Smart" missile explodes immediately, she will fly to the target, but not explode, wait, when she is discovered, brought into enemy territory to explore, and then, when everything will be ready for viewing and will come all the heads of the defense Ministry and the General staff, kaaaaak PI@danette. ********** Zharov Durova thought to roast, but the actor Zharova Nadur. ********** a Sober way of life or promoting people who never normally drank, or those who recently went through. ********** Well, that he liked healthy food. Too bad that she ate. ********** — Grandfather and Grandmother, your Bun a us hostage. If you don't pay the...

The Doctor am I infertile?! - Yes, Ivan Petrovich, and with the birth... - Oh, blaaaa... And how am I now his wife will say that our children are not mine?.. ********** breast Feeding in public doesn't bother you? And it annoys me. Because of baby head you can't see anything. ********** Strike against Syria needed to Donald Trump, otherwise, no way to pass the two latest Russian missiles. ********** Fucking fashion. The men all had beards pootermobile. Fucking tell anyone now ask the computer to fix it. ********** Recently revealed that Skrobala poisoned substance, standing on arms in the USA and the UK. What is particularly cynical on the part of Russia. ********** - A y us spring is in the relationship... - Everything blooms and smells? - He-a, all the...

Roskomnadzor has blocked Russians access to heaven. Base: the Apostle Peter refused to give the keys of the FSB. ********** Our Deputy - oak bark instead of the cerebral cortex! ********** the Joy of permission to gather dead wood marred by the prohibition to boast assembled in the Telegram. ********** travel the world without a penny. Moved up to 300 meters. ********** In different countries conducted a survey "which produces the most money per square centimeter square?" In Venezuela, the majority answered "In the oil fields" In Qatar: "gas shelf" South Africa: "diamond mines" In Russia: "armchair judges" ********** Fish tail waved, and left Oleg with aluminum trough. ********** Financial situation: nose and he laid down. ********** chemistry Textbook...

The Postman Pechkin blocked Telegram your boy. ********** Know where you fall - shot the woman with a cart. ********** Russian Gopnik decided to support the Patriotic impulse. Now they press the iPhones and defiantly break them. ********** Wrote in the comments to tweets, trump all that I think about it. Expect personal sanctions. ********** a True artist, a slight flick of the wrist opens the beer. ********** Men can not appreciate the beauty of the female mind, but they are lovers of other women's charms. ********** the Russian producers were allowed to make American goods. The case for small: to find producers in Russia. ********** If members will continue to push the idea of treatment people oak bark and hawthorn instead of drugs, the people may offer...

If you have no problems - check for a pulse, maybe he's already there, too. ********** something went wrong, and when Ivan kissed the frog Princess, turned himself into a Prince-laguku. ********** Developed-developed country... Put the Minister of economic development... Continue to develop the country! ********** Every time I hear advertising "Only that Artem made a whopping 17 clicks to buy a pair of headphones. And could, in just one click..blah-blah-blah...to get a mortgage from Sberbank", the head is one and the same idea: after all, What is this fellow Tom - not too lazy to spend ten minutes, found and bought exactly what I wanted. Now kicks himself into the music. But could it be otherwise: just one careless click and your middle age you're a sad...

Any man will confirm that get out of the house easier, than to clean it. ********** - I do exercises every morning! - I do exercises every evening. Otherwise charging can't keep up. ********** - Cuckoo, cuckoo: how many years left to live? You feel stupid, Petit... ********** Queen for a long time digging in her purse, then with a charming smile said to the policeman who stopped the car behind the wheel where she sat: - Please, let's see where my rights are. Without glasses I can't see beyond their noses. ********** the Official Supervisory body drops into home and yells to his wife: - Dear all, we have blocked Telegram! - goes into the room, kisses his wife on the cheek, looking at the monitor, pauses for a second and says: - You... in the Telegram? But...

In connection with loss of trust to Trump, Russian hackers have been instructed to prepare for early elections of the President of the United States. ********** - want a new anecdote about APTLD? - Shhh... jokes about Roscomnadzor prohibited by Rosobornexport. ********** Teacher Nina Petrovna brought from the library "Atlas of the world", "Dictionary of foreign words", "All about the exotic plants," the filing of the magazine "Boats and yachts", books from the series "Kitchen of the world", "Handbook of numismatics" and became a grade essays "How I spent my summer." ********** Carnival happy eating pancakes, Easter cakes, but as lent is coming - at least atheist become! ********** the Scotsman, looking at the photos of his friend, asks: - Why you and your...

They Say money is evil! So that's why I'm so kind... ********** Apparently, the Third world war will be announced on Twitter. ********** the Principle that happiness in the little things, deny big Tits. ********** - you're schizophrenic. - What is it, doctor? - the Split personality. - Which of the three? ********** - Me, please, imitation coffee, imitation milk. - What? - I mean, a cappuccino. - Ah, Yes. - Thank you. Here's a simulation of money. - What?! - I mean, a hundred rubles. - Ah, Yes. ********** you understand that You are getting old when you walk into a bar, and the old men sitting there, no longer asking: "whose are You, son?" ********** the Government should immediately impose additional sanctions against the population of Russia, and the joy...

An Aspiring filmmaker's sleeping with a women who takes in his films. the Famous film Director takes in his films women with whom he sleeps. ********** - Girl why are you not wearing? - the Belt rubs nipples Horny! - Move! ********** most of the follies committed in an attempt not to do something stupid. ********** - Yasha, you said something? - Sara, unfortunately, I still said "Yes" in the registry office three years ago... ********** the Official reports to the economic forum about the success of the Russian economy, improving the investment climate and the imminent collapse of America and Europe. After zawieszenia speech sits on its place in the hall and says in a whisper to the assistant: listen, look for where the dollars can be cheaper to buy...

- And in South Korea and Brazil put presidents for theft... You do not compare, they are just ridiculously small stole. ********** - Honey, give me money, I your wallet at home... - Remember... ********** the Leadership of some countries reminds me of the computer — the hardest and the smartest object that somehow managed outright cretins. ********** In Yekaterinburg on the market were confiscated and destroyed 600 pounds of sanction apples. The entrepreneur couldn't explain where it came from apples. Unlucky man. The entire quest is almost gone: custom posts of traffic police.... ********** Who said that Muscovites suffer from traffic jams? the Muscovites from them, trudge! ********** And they lived like cat and dog. He protected her, she walked...