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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 493 items

I only saw one violinist, is really similar to the violinist albert Einstein. (George Bernard Shaw) ********** To a jewelry store entered a gloomy young man, guided on the seller and demanded at gun: - Give me a ring with precious stones, but only quickly! the terrified salesman handed bandit ring. He looked at it and barked: - What are you giving me?! It's a diamond ring! Give me something cheaper to see my bride believed that I bought the ring! ********** If on a hot summer day on the windowsill pounding drops, do not hurry to rejoice, it may not be mushroom rain, and air of a neighbor. ********** Good booze on Wednesday evening essentially brings the offensive Friday. ********** What distinguishes Dmitry Medvedev from piggy and stepashky? Hand in the...

2028. Urupinsk. The pension Fund comes grandfather to the design of pension. One employee to another: "Look, Petrovna, the pensioner is alive!" ********** it was so good before, no problem of choice: what kind of sausage is in the store, and buy that which institution nearby, that do what the girl gave on that and getting married! ********** Success is the ability to go from one crash to another without losing enthusiasm. (Winston Churchill) ********** - what do you think will live till end of the world? - of Course, we will live, not a pension! ********** the Journalist asked the actor: - Who, in your opinion, the best modern actors in the world? - We few, - modestly replied the actor. ********** If you want to keep, don't ask woman about the past but...

And Sabivka it's exactly about football? Or is it philosophy? ********** the Budget is the money intended for the benefit of the people. And these people we see every day on TV... ********** - the Sheriff, this guy was standing on Broadway with an outstretched hand. - Fifty-dollar fine. - But he's only five. - Let him out, let him get. ********** How many officials need to screw in a light bulb? Two: the first sets the ladder up and steals the lamp, the second screwed the bulb in and steals the ladder. ********** Catherine, I know only the good side, and very good it is not allowed. ********** I do Not drink, do not smoke, do not swear obscenities, nobody believes, except my mother. ********** In Russia always admire the intelligence of blondes, about smart...

Doctor recommended me to take before bedtime 50 grams of cognac a month. I can't afford such long-term treatment - going through the whole course today... ********** as long as mankind exists, honest people are born than die. ********** If a woman immediately said "Yes", look for the catch. ********** - Sorry, I don't know. I have a girlfriend, and we're doomed. - Maybe engaged? No... ********** - Lawyers to manage the economy, economists of the army, military geography... - What you all about Russia! - how did you know? ********** Men! And let you will wash, clean, cook, iron... And we you want! ********** Children's doctor, who can not cheat during the vaccination tells the child: "don't worry, now it's like a needle in the arm stick". ********** Not all...

The world Cup will end, and the Mundaka left. ********** - Have some friends, son, remember, understanding is the dominance of their opinions and unquestioning obedience. What are you doing?! - nothing, Nothing, dear. My son is already dressed, go to your mother. ********** I Marvel at the patience of the trump. If Putin, the entire leadership of the Democratic party would have been sitting in the case "Montanesa". ********** In a family of photographers give birth to multiple children and then choose the one that is better. ********** He didn't know how to hint to her about sex, so casually, put your phone on its... ********** the realities of modern communication. It should not be put after the message the smiley and no one understands what you mean...

- Old man is the best professional that you want in any enterprise! Don't be afraid of raising the retirement age! You need a Smith who knows exactly where to hit, but can't lift to hit a sledgehammer? ********** Union for the protection of birds conducted among first-graders of a city exit "a kindness Lesson". Thirty-two pigeons died from an overdose of bread. ********** All think that girls with huge Breasts dream to sleep with millionaires. In fact, girls with big Tits dream just to sleep on my stomach. ********** Wearing shorts, t-shirt, sneakers. Wife: - Here it is, a show off, he ran the women show what it's all sports! Dressed in formal trousers, a dress shirt, dress shoes. - Well begun, is now every young to tell if he is a businessman! Wearing...

- I'd have slept with Lena for the collection. In her low voice, was always interesting, as heifers with a low voice groan. - As a homosexual. , Bastard, you broke so my childhood dream... Wait... how do you know how homosexual moan??? ********** From the correspondence: - Where is NG going to celebrate? - XS - What kind of place is this fashion - "HZ", I think, all there note. ********** - Dad, what are the players? Forwards and guards? - If you call correctly, goalkeeper, forward, midfielder and all-American running back. But in the national team of Russia and cashback... ********** doing business without advertising - is like winking girls in complete darkness. © Stewart Henderson Britt ********** Neighbors could not look enough at each other through...

Cupid who has run out of arrows, stabbed with a knife lovers. ********** Each girl is from, she claims. Smart is able to maintain a balance. ********** Tell us about methods of weight loss. However, I'm not interested in "less food, exercise more". I am interested in: "Cut the strand at the moon rising, read the plot, put under a pillow and lose weight by 5 kg", or something. ********** One smart girl really wanted to be stupid. But was not pretty enough to kiss. ********** Odessa. The old courtyard. In the apartment door and knock the robbers. - Who's there? - don't be afraid, open, visit! ********** - Everyone worried about why cheaper oil and gasoline is more expensive; why the overall level of knowledge of pupils decreased, and the average score on the...

As they say in guy Ritchie's "don't use idiots for the job". Idiots first practice on Skriblah, and then poison the hobo drunks, although it was instructed exactly the opposite. ********** Say that before the penalty shootout Mario Fernandez learned about assigning him the title of Hero of Russia, and after a series - about deprivation of the Russian citizenship. ********** - Dear driver, your license!? the Right to life, liberty and security of person! ********** - have you Seen the President of Croatia was on his team among fans, the usual stands, without any protection! Not that Putin - the floor of the stadium security had with him. - Well you compare, but who needs it the President of Croatia?! - really, who needs it? She's their retirees didn't...

Group Omsk tourists had a rest savages and the savages returned. At this age people do not re. ********** woman needs a balance: to be loved by all and she one. ********** – And then probably suddenly start dancing clouds, , And the grasshopper would play the violin... – B all the same, Mr. Minister, I would like to hear what the effect in economic terms is expected from Your proposed reforms? ********** - Doctor, I think I'm a little eccentric... - And you have at least a million dollars? - No. - maybe you and some prominent artist? - No. - maybe you are an outstanding scientist? - No. - Then I will disappoint you - you are eccentric, you are just an ordinary weirdo. ********** enough is Enough! Let's bear something else. ********** I have never eaten...

Is So important, what is not said about him: sleeping. I want to say: busy sleep. ********** Raising the retirement age, the government accused the Russians that they began to live longer. But silent, that is getting worse and worse. ********** I in the childhood was engaged in a dogfight. And then I was told that it is not called. ********** - Rumor has it that coke, that would be better foamed, add some washing powder. - Is a MYTH! ********** Observation: the city can not be considered large if in transport there is a bus stop "Center". ********** That seems to be all right. Married, father of two children, took a mortgage, car loan, working two jobs - as a security guard and a taxi driver. But there is no feeling of internal freedom and that's it...

It is Unclear why so happy our members the victories of our players. Because now they, the deputies, who solely occupy the minds of the people the first place among pido..., sorry, a notorious gay. ********** - I was bitten by your bee - complains cottager neighbor, the beekeeper-fan. - Show me what it is, and I will punish! ********** I am before my morning coffee zero percent of energy. I after a Cup of coffee zero percent of the energy + tachycardia. ********** Bought in a stall condoms and antipolitsay, citizen Petrov fully disclose to the clerk his plans for the evening. ********** Talking two ballet dancer. - I Have such narrow pants, that everyone can see my floor. And I got even closer I see my religious affiliation. ********** the first engine...

My goal Sergei Ignashevich protested against pension reform. ********** From the school of life. Masha began to grow Breasts, but Lena is not... And in fact were best friends. ********** I think that parents who dress children in camouflage, just want them to see. ********** it feels so good in Russia! the Free ride, polite policemen, pointers convenient, fun and festivities. it is a Pity that all this applies only to fans and will end with the World Cup. ********** questions for patients to doctor: my Husband drew iodide the net child on the back table of the championship of Russia on football. And for a few weeks does not wash off, makes corrections! Not harmful if the baby so much iodine? ********** Life is not measured by number of breaths-exhalations...

Turmoil in Thailand, almost led to the fact that the country almost got head resting there, the Governor of Krasnoyarsk region. ********** of course I read in the books that the rats are fleeing first. But that they fled with the stolen millions... ********** Experienced woman can do 27 to 36 of insights per second. ********** the Slogan of the pension reform in Russia "dish the dirt". ********** Experienced biology teacher so clearly explains about pistils and stamens that at recess the whole class around the corner nervously Smoking. ********** Every time I put my hand on the cat, my hand is 35 cm on average for the approach I put my hand on 18 occasions. A day I do about 20 approaches. Total, average, I look 126 meters of cat per day. ********** S...

- look, the watch I bought is waterproof, 50 meters hold. - And why do you want the waterproof watch? - And suddenly the rain will fall. - Under 50-meter? ********** I need to know how many women pairs of shoes for happiness — one more than they have. ********** - Honey, have you seen where are my keys? - You in the hallway dropped. There, lying on the floor, a slap. - Well no shit myself! That is, when you're on a lake about@Bala car keys, it was Masha-lose things, and I now fuckface?! ********** Remember: you need to be able to forget. ********** Love goes. Because it offers more. ********** - have You heard Sergey Zverev has developed a method of lining makeup. - So it is a method by contradiction!.. ********** - Tell me, do lawyers ' professional...