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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Man there should be such, that it wanted to listen and obey, not to teach what to do and how to do... ********** If you conscience is not biting, so she's already had enough of you! ********** I need a good night's sleep because tomorrow is an important day. I can't sleep because tomorrow is an important day. ********** Well, evacuated from Moscow the relics of Santa Claus, and once on the street has become warmer. ********** an Employee of the Bank, translating grandmothers across the street, inertia kept the 3%. ********** I'm in the mood is of two types: zae*is zae*Ali... ********** news: - the hydrometeorological center announced the beginning of summer in Moscow. Grandfather from the couch: - They would be back in September was announced...

Valentine before marriage, always said, "I don't care what man, let it be ugly and poor, the main thing that I was with him interesting!" Now she is married and she is interested in everything - where the husband wandered to the morning, as he managed to drink the entire salary where he got the lipstick on the collar - and much more. ********** - I never realized our trump or trump is a schmuck? - trump our schmuck. ********** In the second decade of the XXI century a rhetorical question "what for to the priest an accordion?" sounds like is not a rhetorical "what for monks boat?" ********** the Person who said "laughter is the best medicine", apparently never suffered from diarrhea. ********** in Russian there is the amazing feature, which no one else in...

If you had to say: "It is when you live a husband", now: "This with on the phone!". ********** - And today, when the Internet has entered our life... - And I would say that life is slowly turning into the Internet... ********** Why would Moscow not to impose a symmetric policy: every Russian politician who has ever had any informal contacts with the West, subjected to daily public harassment? Apparently fear that the Kremlin will be only the regiment of... ********** - And in the meantime a second pot of salted cucumber ends... - the five-liter? It's how much vodka to drink!? - Women, and they are somehow able cucumbers is without vodka. Mystery. ********** so Meet in the future to get married. Life is too short to waste it on meaningless relationships...

Putin – the Chairman of the CEC: - How do you assess the prospects of the nomination of Dmitry Medvedev for President? - Not-e-et, we just don't draw! ********** - Why I always think that you have another? - I don't know, but it is also all the time so it seems... ********** this is Weird: there is no money, and the dependence on them. ********** 40 minutes trump sought from Putin's answer to the question why Russia has not intervened in the elections in order to support it. ********** That's just not necessary now to touch me with your hands can't earn. ********** - I don't know, Vladimir, if you do not interfered in the elections of the United States, for any price I have to meet you halfway? ********** Angela started to build a career in 18 years. But...

- Sara, honey, we the power went out. Come see what's in the flap. - And the husband I what? - Sara, and who have the life insured? ********** for the record. If you add to a smoothie, half a Cup of vodka, your guest will not notice the lack of fresh strawberries. ********** Sobyanin changed the curbs on the curb. Us culture is not added, but in Moscow now eternal rain. ********** If the Queen could take not only the king, but the horse and the elephant, it's not corruption, it's chess. ********** I Want to be Mature and accomplished man, but poplar fluff itself will not be lit. ********** In Moscow, the weather is such that rare dog lead to walk his master. ********** - Cooked cheap noodles. - Well ? - the feeling that in the pot conspiracy: "We, the...

Germany can't play for the players, and Russia - the players for the teams. ********** the Germans were returned to relatives Shukhevych ration, not because he served, and to defame his good name. ********** Mobile - update. the Tablet - update. the Computer - update. TV - update. the Game bar update. Shit, I'm afraid to turn on the iron! ********** the owner of the car stuck in a huge puddle at the entrance to the village. Tucked Savior, farmer with a tractor, he gratefully handed 20 Euro. - I'm sorry, but this service costs Euro 100, - said the farmer. - This is too much! You pulled my car in two minutes, - said the owner of the car. - That's right. But you do not consider how much I spend time to not let the puddle dry. ********** If you drill in the...

Tip: If you wipe the monitor screen with vodka, the virus Petya becomes good and starts to decrypt the files. ********** a Pessimist is an optimist thinking. ********** When my old woman is infuriating, she's drinking motherwort on alcohol. And hate it that I drink alcohol without motherwort. ********** Those who are with me difficult, don't torture yourself... Go on x*y, I will not be offended! ********** - If Julio, Pedro and Conchita is the Spanish names, then what must they have swearing! ********** About any your good photos sooner or later, that's where you completely not like himself. ********** - Why the majority enrolled in College - girls? - Guys don't always have than to pay for it. ********** the Driver, remember : Ghouls and motorcyclists in...

The World will be a fever as long as getting into the list of Forbes will not begin to be considered as hit. ********** Putin gave the inhabitant of Izhevsk the trip to Sochi. If such gifts he will do annually, then after one hundred and forty million years, all the Russians at least once will be able to relax in the resort city. ********** "Beg so that your name called the virus" (Poroshenko). ********** Russia. 21. There are two football coach. - Again? - Again! - you service ordered? Put candles? The relics venerated? Winning the Psalms read? Repented? Asked for forgiveness? Holy water drinking? - Yes! Tried everything! - Well then I do not know how to help you! ********** a Wreck a drunk woman under the morning comes home. Husband, rubbing his red...

In 1917 the revolution began with the capture of the Telegraph. In 2017 counterrevolution — ban Telegrama. ********** - Know who I am? Racer! Oh, interesting. - you know what my car will be? The best! Samogonochka! ********** Want you not to say - be silent. ********** When you choose the name of the child, the most fun is knowing how much is in the world the people you hate. ********** - the Patient, you every day to drink a glass of juice from freshly squeezed oranges, two kiwi, a slice of pineapple and avocado. - the Doctor and all of that vodka can? ********** - Rabinovich told me that Sarah left him ten days ago and since then never came home. what would you have advised him? - was Advised to wait another week before to arrange a Banquet for this...

- Mom, can I have a cookie? - But gave it to me for mother's day. You are a mother because of me. ********** a Fool is the smart a distinct advantage: where there is laugh at the fool, smart beat. © Vladimir Zhemchuzhnikov ********** How to determine whether it will rain or not? If your car shits the bird in the next couple of hours it won't rain. ********** - where is the laugh? - Where I want, it's a free country. ********** Sad time - not fall, and the week before salary. ********** Russian players from the Confederations Cup, flew, and home to Russia is not necessary to fly. And visas saved. Convenient. ********** the Fry is a purely male affair! But to buy, cut, marinate, strung meat on skewers, to buy her husband a beer, prepare garnish and glances...

- But I have land in a decent area. - you're the man! Much? - Not enough – fifteen flower pots! ********** Coach scolds the attacker, not got to empty gate, "you Have legs of assholes grow?" ********** - Yes, I like to him politely, with the epithet, as you were taught... - that's it, with the epithet, though not the most successful. And it was with reverence! ********** "in China, which has virtually no domestic oil fields, for the sixth time(!) this year(!!) reduce(!!!) retail prices for gasoline and diesel fuel in connection with the fall in oil prices in the world."(C) "the audit chamber of Russia: development institutions and state corporations in six years vanished without a trace 5 trillion(!!!!!!!!!) rubles"(C) the Secret is simple: in China, before...

As all fashionably called. Instead of just talking - in the garden applique glued. And then - master class decoupage. ********** But interestingly, in modern contract for the sale of the soul there is an item with a check mark on the consent concerning the processing of personal data? ********** - Who to be cooler: the forum administrator or a God? - the forum Administrator. God's actions are allowed to discuss. ********** Wife MRI done of my head. The first question of the husband: "Well, did you get brains?" ********** I Wonder if the Lisa Peskov know what happened to the son of Ivan the terrible for the bad comments in the social.networks?? ********** I offer the next coach of the national team of Russia on football to make Putin, the players recruited...

The Answer is inside you, it is only necessary to understand the question. ********** - how much are You squeezing the bar in the supine position? - four hundred Pounds. - you ain Jock, and apparently will not say. is the amount for a week. ********** It: - All the way-that's me FUCKED... It: - Well, who are you then, in this situation? ********** - why do you call him Jimmy two jackets? - And Jimmy is a moron, he is offended... ********** My kids are lucky! When I die, they won't have to fight over the inheritance. It is not there. Oleg Butaev ********** In the capital of Natursten the airport is also renamed in honor of the President. ********** - do you Have children? - Yes, Bob, adult blue. - I mean, son? mean drunk ********** - Tell us, johnny...

- Mr President, are we ready to live under sanctions for decades? - We in the Kremlin is ready. ********** - what's the news? What's good? - Why must I be so limited? ********** - you're Always arguing with me - You're wrong! I agree with you... ********** Every phone conversation I begin with the words "My phone is almost dead and may be switched off, so this will be quick". ********** too Bad that management in Russia hand, and these hands have grown out of your ass. ********** a galloping Horse will stop. Especially white, especially with the Prince. ********** Yeah, I wanna be every night I come to you in a dream and gave. ********** - you Have good neighbors? - Yes, they have a very simple password for Wi-Fi. ********** how easily people are offended...

The doorbell to the man. On the threshold of a neighbor. - Hello, you acted as a guarantor of the debt from my husband? - Yes. And that he does not pay? - Pays, but does not perform. ********** - I only smoke expensive Cuban cigars. - That is, do not smoke? - That is, do not smoke. ********** the Proctologist and the gynecologist can see the life from different sides. ********** Cat sometimes worse than the tiger. Tigers somewhere far away, and the cat - she is near here. And it should be washed. ********** - is that a metal or metal? Metal. , Exactly? - Verbs with one L is written. ********** it is Better to be an unrecognized genius, than a recognized idiot. ********** City detox is the place where the man for who he is. ********** Go from nowhere to...