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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

13 years plus – this is the age of my cat. ********** In the Soviet Union was a queue. now, just not all the office. ********** - I still don't understand what Tarzan is different from Mowgli? Well, first, one was raised by apes, and the second wolves, one of the count's family in England, the second of the poor in India, but the main thing is Natasha Koroleva - Mowgli it is not! ********** Roman Abramovich forgot to pull out the wallet from my pocket and accidentally washed an annual budget of Nigeria. ********** memo to the Deputy of the Russian Federation. the Template for bills: with the Name of the Russian Federation, in security, in development of the legal community _________ (further too add, blah blah blah), to PROHIBIT_______________ (here add...

Dmitry Rogozin really despises about the defense: not just all your soul, and your whole family! ********** The oldest man in the world died in Indonesia in 146 years. IBA, Photo until his death was a heavy smoker. He was survived by four wives, 10 brothers and sisters and all their children. Smoking kills slowly but surely. ********** the world Bank has allocated Ukraine $150 million to support small and medium corruption. ********** Some believe that life is like a Zebra - white stripes alternate with black. Others believe that life is like chess - what kind of cage, white or black, you will be, depends on your progress. For the most life like checkers wherever you go, you can only go to the black cells. ********** In Russia decreased alcohol consumption....

In his youth, we will demolish the walls and build bridges, with age — burn the bridges and build walls... ********** the winner of the international competition for playing the balalaika faster all grates potatoes for hash Browns. ********** non-drinker, economic, loyal, caring, hard-working men — it's like a Siberian tiger! Seems to be there, and no one has seen... ********** Only the weird dynamite could come up with a prize that is not given to Tolstoy, 12 years refused to give to Einstein, but for the first 9 months of hope the birth of something epochal was given to Obama. ********** the Hedgehog was walking through the football field when he reached the other side, the other hedgehog said: "You are stupid, what if the game started, you would be...

Again this year, "Night wolves" are unable to get to their cottages in Germany because of Poland! ********** isn't it time to consider the project for the launch of the Dnieper to bypass Ukraine? ********** the Good news especially for optimists: - this year, winter tires can not be changed. ********** Like closer to the fall to Tinker in the garden. But its a no. Have in another. ********** What distinguished capitalism from socialism? the rot of social Capitalism and socialism - capital. ********** news Headline: "Gennady Padalka decided to retire from the cosmonaut corps". Logical continuation: "Now he's become the lone space Ranger". ********** news Headline: "the Participant of liquidation of bin Laden wrote a book about it". The proposed text of the...

Downloaded and installed it on the phone a special application to save Internet traffic, almost all of the traffic ate advertising in this fucking app... ********** the kitchen is full of smoke and obscenities naruhina. ********** Yesterday she was acting so that it is long past time to leave. Today so that it is high time to marry. And so the circle, in a circle, in a circle. ********** Axiom 1: In Russia two troubles : fools and roads Axiom 2: an Intelligent fool is always the way give Conclusion: In Russia the bad roads because smart has conceded the right to build them fools. ********** Their flawless skin and perfect figure I owe the dark. the Darkness should be absolute. ********** will Celebrate the holiday on 1 may impact the work of the punch 6 in...

To Overdo it - this means that after drinking you alcohol a woman becomes so beautiful that you think you're unworthy of her... ********** After the shipwreck of the Russian "Estuary" first, just in case, apologized to the Turks. ********** the Perfect relationship is an intellectual proximity with mutual your little jabs and hints of light debauchery. ********** in our country the hearse cause at times easier than an ambulance. ********** From the biography: "she Thinks is fluent in German, but it turned out that it is Yiddish, which he does not know". ********** Cigarettes "camel": "'ll Help You care about your health". ********** the Pilot of raider is different in that one plaque estimate in hours, and the other in years. ********** Dirty thoughts, at...

As spoken in the five-story building: "an Uninvited guest is worse Sobyanin!". ********** - Tsilechka dear, I today all night didn't sleep well! - Oh, Sam and Shaw are you even still able to do well? ********** In one of the shops "IKEA" I went to the bar and ordered a pint of beer, and gave me hops and malt. ********** Before you go out of itself, define the route and remember: what starts with anger, often ends in shame. ********** In the framework of the program "Affordable housing" now, every Deputy or officer can according to your taste to equip the camera in the Butyrka or Lefortovo prisons in which, if caught, and will serve. The promotion is valid only at the time of the presence of freedom. Persons not participating in the program, cameras will be...

High relationship. Ex-wife called the present, to congratulate me on my birthday. ********** My immediate plans is to buy to fly shoes and warm clothes. ********** I was Watching "Anna Karenina." Well. But the plot is so hackneyed. All the time it seems that I've read somewhere and seen. ********** - Your life motto? - the Drummer. - are You a musician? - No, just me on the drum. ********** You also curious why the fifth column measures the Russian salaries and pensions in dollars, and the cost of repair of Russian aircraft carrier "Admiral Kuznetsov" - in rubles? ********** "the train was discovered Lolita" After San. treatment and disposal of Lolita, the train proceeded further. ********** Germany: Please do not build a copy of the Reichstag building and...

- Daddy, let's emanem on North Korea. - Ivanka, stop it! - Well paaap... ********** If not for Twitter, would be sitting right now on a bench outside the house and called neighbors slut. ********** Discusses a new bill that the post is sent just in a clear plastic envelope. ********** the Leaders of world population: 1. China. 2. India. 3. Facebook. 4. USA. 5. Indonesia. 6. Twitter. 7. Brazil. ********** - do you have undeclared Palace on the banks of the river? - the Kremlin. ********** Among American presidents it is believed that not recherchiste any country, you're a sucker and a schmuck. ********** to be Locked with you for a week in the apartment and no one to contact except the food delivery service. ********** - Why banned Jehovah's witnesses? For...

If There is even a single country, exchanged the construction of missiles on visa-free cleaning of toilets in Europe? ********** Coach of Russian national team on football you want to assign to Boris Moiseyev. He will fight for every point!!! ********** - Professor, why the octopus belongs to the order cephalopod? - what else? Head, ass, feet, hands... Not pictures... ********** My son broke his iPhone, so I'm ready for someone to give. If someone is interested, he's 4 years old, dark hair, brown eyes. ********** the truck after forty years: - I'm the girl picked up, she and grandson walked... ********** 17 APR disabled winter heating, 19 APR included summer heating. ********** - Leather jacket is a unique garment in which you can sweat and freeze at the...

It seems to Me that manufacturers are deceiving us because after shave gel from irritation nifiga does not help, as all annoyed me and continue to annoy. ********** Destiny is when you stand at the bus stop 40 minutes, and some retard came up, sat down, and immediately left. ********** Fira Solomonovna always spoke only the truth. And sometimes she invented. ********** the Principle of my life is simple: drowning - rescue, of the freezing - thawed, brazen - TNA**dit. ********** Psychological trauma of childhood still possible to forget or hide deep inside. For example, I don't remember when digging potatoes. ********** transplant Surgeon Sidorov on the way to work makes three changes. ********** - why are You sad? - Yes, the owner of our company said that...

During the divorce process the client goes to his lawyer: - I ask you to use all the arguments that I was awarded the car and not the children... ********** Cockroaches are utterly brazen - require crayons. ********** Please choose the correct option: 1. The morning starts with a strong coffee and a light Breakfast. 2. The morning starts with a gentle kiss of a loved one. 3. The morning starts with red eyes, a sore head and thought "I wish I was dead." ********** - Well, you're the girl from science is far... I'm narrow-minded! ********** the Latest version of Windows are becoming more insidious and trickier: When she tells you: "You entered a wrong password, try again!", it is concealing from you that the first attempt of the CIA are unable to intercept...

Regarding the detention of television host Pavel Lobkov, who roamed the center of Moscow on the suit of a member: - Spring! Leading triumphantly walked around the center in the form x*I! ********** has Become common place to say that in exchange for loyalty and devotion puts the power to the regions, state-owned companies and agencies of their men by feeding. I completely disagree with this. What is it feeding? It obiralovka. ********** Russian language evolves, of course. Recently I read on the bus doors: "Doors open inside" ********** Like and love him, and he's good, but for some reason sometimes you want to take a frying pan and CAAC to give him head! ********** the Official in the answer to the question "do you have undeclared Palace on the river...

My teacher said that we should love his subject. After covering his exam I said we all do stupid things when in love. ********** Under the toilet rim 4 billion microbes. At least something I have a four billion... ********** Women and so have something to show, so show it is not necessary. ********** - Dad, if I could find a thousand rubles, what do I do with them? - Son, you must immediately refer them to the police, and people will say that you are an honest man! - And if I find a million? - as soon As possible bring it home and hide it! If you have a million you won't care what people say. ********** Today, on Good Friday, my hands are bleeding abrasions and cuts, and his face and forehead in deep scratches, like from the crown of thorns. People think...

After the election of President trump, the phrase "Brazen red face" sparkle with new colors. ********** Decided to lose weight. So I did not order a pizza, and she went for it... ********** - Zalman, I'm trying to sleep! - Verochka, but I'm not doing anything! Not even moving! - A time to... ********** it bothers me is the health of modern children. With all these gadgets and Internet of fresh air not see. Now remember, boys, break the old battery, will melt in the fire the lead, there will fry freshly caught pigeon, eat it, and the merry gang, will rush off to play hide and seek on the ninth floor of a newly built Khrushchev... ********** Italy opposed the extension of sanctions against Russia. Italy risks becoming the first country to ban entry to...