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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

When they say we have no crisis, I'm willing to believe that the crisis they have. ********** In a gay family who are shaved, and the husband. ********** Yesterday invited friends to the bath, worn out brooms in the bucket. Came drunk, thought that the bucket of soup, eaten with brooms. I dislike vegans. ********** Elite St. Petersburg French bakery cafe Garcon Garcons urgently required with knowledge of French. Or at least the Russian language. Or even any language other than Azerbaijani. ********** - What superpower would you want? is Solvency. ********** in Any case, do not make a cult out of alcohol. Just thumps. Calmly, without fanaticism. ********** - we Have no plans for tomorrow? Well, I'd like to have a light hangover. ********** the President of...

The Americans did not get the missiles in the military base, since there was no hospital, no school, no wedding procession... ********** From the point of view of financiers, adultery is an ordinary assignment of the debt, in this case, married. ********** the Lack of a visa has never stopped anyone from going global. ********** Karma is like 69. You get what you give. ********** in order to destroy the life of any person, do not need an army. Usually, only one man or one women. © Charles Bukowski ********** as you need theoretical physicists to screw in a light bulb? a: two, one to hold the light bulb, the other twisted universe. ********** - I Have a feeling that on my computer in my absence someone working... - And what's that note on the keyboard? - My...

- And that was the case, my fellow students had gotten drunk to pig squeal, and then put on the mask of Predator and Alien and running naked in masks on the female Dorm. Ah, that was fun, though all ended badly. - From uni flooded? - yeah, I said that this behavior is unworthy of the rector. ********** Pulled out of the washing machine duvet cover Mobius. He's in the Laundry was alone and ate himself sideways. ********** Some thoughts come to mind under escort. Stanislaw Jerzy LEC ********** the Bank offered me a special condition on the loan to clear the money from the previous borrower. ********** Live in a small town is when to "Come in large numbers", adding "at least". ********** - John, I brought you ten hamburgers! - Beautiful! Voice: - have You...

I became an adult. You can do whatever you want. And just want to sleep... ********** - drinkin ' Again!? Come to your senses! Think about what kind of future awaits you? - Light. Unfiltered. ********** One day my father took me out in a boat growing up in the middle of the lake of life and was thrown right into the murky waters of everyday life. So I learned metaphors. ********** From the ironic tone I always have two desires at once: to passionately kiss her and choke until you turn blue. ********** Life passes in anticipation of 18:00 and weekends... ********** Tweet the time of the meeting: "the Moscow Police said that someone will come to Tverskaya street - a sucker!". ********** Leave the Red planet to the Communists, capitalist scum! © Karl Marx...

A little More, and my generation is proud to say: We lived in Russia before serfdom. ********** 2017, to power was Lenin. And it's not a joke, and Ecuador. ********** recently, the Russian governors are increasingly replaced through jail. ********** In our area there is shop "Dream" in it after all, even the most overdue. ********** maiden's Main dilemma - how to dress to look naked. ********** stagnant. Comes to the hospital a young dad: - Tell me, who gave birth to my wife? - the Girl. - How?! Didn't you call from the regional Committee? - Oh, excuse me, then, boy! ********** compromise is the equality of the two compromising. © Political dictionary ********** the Most delightful time of life when you wear a coat over underwear and go to the store for...

That will show mom just after the words: "COME HERE now, SOMETHING will SHOW": something interesting — 1% "Look at all that dust!" — 99% ********** When I noticed that foot hanging out of bed, I realized that, in principle, given the current circumstances in my life, if I drag a monster, then why not. ********** I always work wonderfully, because my Director Vyacheslav. ********** Pippin relatives homeopathic. Do not take them seriously. ********** Sponsor of the day - a lot of cases. A lot of cases - I x*W spit! ********** the Face of beauty will be ass, passing through filters of photoshop. ********** Really now, and in space a used car would also be more practical Russian products? ********** On a winter vacation student Helen gave one of his many fans...

- don't be upset! said the psychiatrist to the patient with a split personality. ********** When I have nostalgia, I open OK, looking at classmates - just let go. ********** - How do you feel about same-sex love? - is Very positive, comrade Commissar! ********** In the life of the black bands are replaced by white Slippers. ********** some time in Russia, the most honest person who stole the least. ********** In Kiev, in the elite boutiques speak and write only in Russian. Because no one will buy "ELTA vzuttya that shkarpetki" for $ 700. ********** VTSIOM: the Quarter of Russians believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth. Actually, nothing surprising — it is surprising that a quarter, not 86%. ********** In response to NATO exercises in Germany, with...

- do You respect me? - Respect. - what if I died, would you give money to a wreath? - of Course I would, what a speech!?.. - So give now. We better prop. Why would I want this wreath? ********** the Last hope of my friends to get married disappeared when the bride's bouquet caught my ten year old sister. ********** news: NATO in Germany, the gaining of the Russian-speaking extras for teachings. so Vain is the risk dressed them in military uniforms, the weapons... Our organize themselves and take Berlin. ********** Remember, I once wanted to enter the philological, but theirs the Dean was against it. Dunno why. ********** the Country is all good, only the bad people - lazy, jealous and not want to work. Poor government - led by such people. They need milk...

- Kazbek! Hey mate, you say in the capital was 2 years, why are you doing that whole time? - Like what? Fried Chicks and Chicks spinning on its spit, haha that's it brother!... - Mmmm... Shawarma traded? -...Yes.... ********** Road is actually not repaired, and only move pit road to the driver was harder to remember. ********** the Main problem of women is to find a guy who will be a man more than herself. ********** - As in English "look"? - To google. ********** it Seems that in 10 years will sound again the question: “where were you and what were you doing in the seventeenth?” ********** - I Say Teens I promised money for the arrest at the rally. Who did it? - Have to wait and all will become clear: if you give money, it is clearly the case, the state...

In a Russian prison in absentia tortured Yatsenyuk... ********** - Dimo-Oh-Oh-Oh! Dimo-Oh-Oh-Oh! Dimo-Oh-OOO-Oh! don't yell at me!? - And Dimon will be released? - Dimon PI*Dula fawn over and got out already. And you still have fifteen days to sit. ********** Morning coffee Turboslim evening tea Turboslim night cake Harbison! ********** if you cave in to a man, only when he breathes passionately in the back. ********** People need to give occasion for gossip, otherwise they'll navydumyvali itself... Karina Demina ********** Generally, if a man does not write the day, all a woman is automatically considered to be free. ********** Kudrin: - We need to reduce tensions in society and somewhere somehow in the world economy to be built... Reporter: - what? - No,...

In SKOLKOVO made a breakthrough: artificial synthesized nanoglass and pulled it on artificial nanogap. ********** ...corruption (not prohibited in Russia)... ********** - You kissed my girlfriend! - It is true! What is it you a friend? ********** For organizing an unsanctioned rally A. Navalny was sentenced by the Basmanny court to 200 hours of labor in cleaning sneakers Dmitry Anatolich and painting the house of his ducks. ********** - are You always this romantic? - No sleep anywhere. ********** Faggot (expletive) am. husband. kind, in units of the number of used Rus. the language at almost any confl. things., as a rule mentally. In the plural. the number is usually pronounced loudly, in unison, and with feeling, when watching the game NAT. football team....

British scientists have successfully developed and tested in mice a remedy for old age: no mouse to old age have not lived. ********** It: - I'm just melting from your words... It: - I harden your... ********** a woman is a Woman: body complex, the mechanism is uncontrollable, unpredictable actions... ********** - What to write in commercial offer? , Write "cash up front"! ********** - Vanya, stop eating shit! - And on the first channel said it was delicious! ********** the final blow to the detained opposition caused the lawyer mark Feigin, to volunteer to protect them in court. ********** Dialogue blonde mirror: - Light my mirror, tell me Yes, the truth reported. I'm eh on the light of all the sweeter, all ruddy and whiter? - You are beautiful, no doubt...

- Now like a real man, you just have to marry me! - Madam, like a real man, I'm already married! ********** Last opened a loud crime in Kiev was the assassination of Stolypin... ********** - is a quest to buy the products. ********** - I of course terribly sorry, but I have to ask. Only I have the phrase "Best wife obtained from former prostitutes" is associated with the phrase "the Best pots out of the toilet taken in public toilet"? ********** At the world Cup from Russia Julia Samoylova need to send at least some hope of victory will be. ********** "on Thursday evening, television channels reported that as a result of the plan "Interception" in Moscow detained a man who stole a jar of coffee from the store" - and who will dare to say that the plan...

- did You hear that Medvedev has raised pensions by 1.5%. - Sick people, a lot of thought, ashamed. - Judging by the amount of premiums he's just under the mattress stash found and decided to share. Temperature and it happens. ********** : for Only 500 rubles, I can go or not to go to the rally. Anyone else? ********** - a Ukrainian passport to the killer Boronenkov planted the Russian special services, as the Ukrainian killers go to the case without documents, - declared in SBU. ********** Modern parent meeting is when the parents scold the teacher, showing him his mistakes in the teaching and upbringing of children. ********** once during the Crimean War, the great surgeon Nikolay Pirogov, in terms of the captured English soldiers, surprised: "what...

Singer so often sent a microphone in the room, sang to the audience that after the concert I went to the cashier and demanded the return of two thousand, ' cause the karaoke for 2500 rubles is too much. ********** the Scarecrow went to the emerald city, because his ex-wife gave him the whole brain. ********** the Method of carrot and stick - this is when you whip the stick. ********** According to the Slavonic calendar for the coming year "Stalking Fox". the Only one I thought perhaps the Arctic Fox? one Of those that sneaks up on you, though it could be seen from afar? ********** Every time you fight with your wife, go into the other room and put your favourite film "poisons or the world history of poisonings". ********** - Mom, I'm in a bar. - Baba...