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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

People like to start with a clean slate, forgetting that this suffering will ever end. ********** White and fluffy - it's just not suntanned woman with unshaven legs. ********** don't worry, ' said the bumblebee, biting Baba Babarikha - in the 21st century it will be called a Botox injection. ********** - Here's how to call someone who could force their compatriots to dive into the icy water in the bitter Russian cold, in order to take the faith invented by the Jews? - Red Sun. ********** let's finally recognize the Russian Mat is a national treasure and forbid to use it, citizens of Russia! And those who violate specific to take penalties!!! Then begin to live!!! No oil is not necessary!!!! ********** - How are you in bed with me? - I like it. - You like...

I'm not saying that mankind is somehow not there develops, but if aliens arrive, they will come in contact with the dolphins. ********** – thick And you will not? – Devour, we'll see. ********** - What is property division? Is when she once undressed, you then after some time her property share. ********** do Not allow a woman to indifference. It out does not come back. ********** I Love that feeling when you find money in a winter jacket. The main thing that people didn't suspect anything. ********** Today is the first time the soup cooked. Nastuha say: "Let's cook the soup?", and went to play. two hours later, coming into the kitchen, and there is soup. it Turned out, cooking is easy. ********** with the Owner I became gradually — first I bought a Lada...

- Well, let's go to your place? To Kursk? - you know how to sew! ********** Girls, if you have a good mood - uzvelesi. ********** the Internet is constantly appear different psychics predictions, which indicate that Russia has a bright future. For this reason I wanted to see that gray on black looks bright! ********** trump and Merkel discussed the question of the inadmissibility of expansion of KVN to the West. ********** - Hello, this courses on the ignorance of the people? Hello!! Hello... ********** nobody has managed to remove the muddled that she could not because she had a headache! ********** - What a long time the deputies did not please us with interesting bills. Somehow, even bored. Is easy to fix. It is enough to assign Shurygin assistant...

Boy night without knocking entered the bedroom of the parents and lost brother... ********** If no one comes back from the future to stop you, then you are not that bad decisions are made. ********** Teleportation exists! Proven domestic cats at the sound of the opening door of the refrigerator. ********** - I think... - don't do this you can hurt yourself! ********** Why are we called voters, not vibratory? After elections, not election. ********** From 1 April Ukraine will rise again electricity. If this is not done, it is required to attack Putin. ********** Went to the employment office look – just, all the seats are occupied! ********** - the Secret of your relationship? - Believe miserable everyone except each other. ********** Characters of the bad...

Recently learned that the CIA is watching everyone through the TV with the SMART TV. And I have a home just like this... Now every time you walk past the TV, I remove his pants and show Pindos bare ass with the words "Hello McCain!". have you noticed that the Senator recently very nervous? We got him! (me and my ass). ********** In our time, the accuracy of the information is inversely proportional to velocity. ********** After two weeks of experiments with Russian tourists, British scientists came to the conclusion that alcohol is harmful at first, but after a while it becomes not only useful, but necessary. ********** - Why do you want to get a divorce? - I don't have any reason to quarrel with her husband. ********** the Degradation is when you think...

- Give away the microwave around, but not warm, looks good. - so the chicken is not warm, but knurled enough? ********** Germany imposed sanctions against Russia over the Crimea... And the Germans all know that Crimea joined Russia German? ********** Financial situation: the only hope for Robin hood. ********** 14 years To 30 years I would travel all of Europe and take over Asia. 30 years: If it is to restructure the loan at 14% then you can take Lecho for the shares. ********** Set the alarm for very early in the morning to run. In the end, at 5am I turned off the alarm and continued to sleep, but I dreamed that I run. In principle, I'm happy. ********** My doctor advised me to kill people. Well, no, not directly said so, of course. He said that I should...

The Legend that people can't live without a job invented by those who never worked, for those who never rested. ********** the Conversation between two friends: - Damn, what am I going to say now? - the Truth. - What truth? - I don't know... Think of something... ********** - Sofa, save money! Still think about the future... - monia, and why should I think about the future a bad thing? ********** - How do you feel about the GIMP? - Great! - Well, get ready, go to the garden, lime trees we smear. ********** One Roman says to the other: — if you only Knew how many women I slept! — mmm?.. — Well, less, of course... ********** - Dad, why say that we have no life, and the circus? - Well, look, kid: we have a main trainer and the chief clown. There are extras who...

Of the program of resettlement from dilapidated housing. In Moscow, from Khrushchev in a modern home. In Russia - from the fallen barracks in Khrushchev. ********** - Yasha, how's Izzy? Something you have together could be seen. But such friends were. - All, Sonia Markovna went to Izzy its on the ground. - Oy vey! When? - a Month already ...... as this shmuck himself bought a car. ********** Man, who lives a cat, never will dissect around the house without panties. ********** - you Have a very beautiful coat. You are the rich in this bus. ********** a win-Win at the Eurovision song contest: bearded buranovskaya grandmother in a wheelchair. ********** - What you should offer: the hand or the heart? - Better the neck and the wallet. ********** to Secede from...

I think that going to the exam, to prepare for it, it's all like playing with marked cards. © Nikolai Gumilev ********** - I heard people buy plots on the moon and on Mars, although we could buy them at the bottom of oceans on Earth. - But before they did not to get... ********** If the mountain itself will not come to Magomed, then Mohammed sober today. ********** I don't wear a hat to anybody it not to. © Gabriel Garcia Marquez ********** it Seems that the US picked up by Ukrainian virus. the Democrats Trump: - You are an agent of Putin! trump the Democrats: - Yes you do agents of Putin! ********** the key is to find human dignity, and the drawbacks then they themselves are. ********** - Oh, she asks, marry me. I'm a king with the time we will have...

When Medvedev makes a selfie with his iPhone to stream myrrh... ********** - Doctor, tell me honestly: am I gonna die? - Yes. - Soon? - fortunately for our commercial clinic, no. ********** - Good for you, tips you can take. And we could go to jail. - where do you work? - the police. ********** Why do people want Stalin (of course, not for himself but for the neighbor)? Our man in the street, yearning for Stalin, desperate in their hopes and subconsciously understands that his life is bad under any regime. So then let going to suck for EVERYONE! Though this doesn't hurt... ********** the end justifies the means, and the means determine the end. ********** the Kremlin activist arrested for attempting to hang a feminist banner... - Could bare Tits to show...

Propose a toast to the Women, for our Women! Not for those women of the West, who drink, smoke, cheat on their husbands, and for our Women, who, besides all this, still working! ********** - Abram, what are you nuts, what is that gift?! - rose, sho do you want?! You on February 23 mend me socks and told Shaw they are like new. Today I've sharpened the knives and they, too, once out of the store. ********** - you Know what "major in minor"? - something from the music? - No. This is when my dad took the keys to the Ferrari. ********** In fact, the March 8 is a day when people congratulate on the presence of certain sexual characteristics. ********** - let's drink? - is there a reason? - the Port for the shares. - happy holiday! ********** After the rain...

Explanatory note the bill to ban quadcopters: "...pose a threat to the constitutional order in Russia, destroy the foundations of statehood, to weaken the spiritual ties of the population..." ********** If your boyfriend does not advertise your relationship on social media, it is not only your boyfriend. ********** I wanted to start to play sports, but something went wrong and I started watching the series. ********** In connection with the historical date of "one hundred years without a king" Natalia Poklonskaya offered to all Russian monarchists to note an alternative date, "one hundred years without a king in the head". ********** Putin gave Tereshkova sculpture "the Seagull sits on the water." Bulk requires more than a sculptural composition "the...

- Interestingly, during post, the President may "eat" the Prime Minister? - Maybe if the neither fish nor fowl. ********** Australian politician: our people want someone like Putin. GDP said, You know what to do, the referendum, and we will have a South Australian Federal Okrug. ********** Democracy is when the order in the food chain determines not a lion, but a pack of hyenas. ********** Found dog. Shepherd. Bitch. And maybe not bitch, but bite. ********** - Oh, you! He is a true virtuoso of sewing! We can say Yudashkin investigation of the case. ********** it will be easier to get to work on time, if next to the alarm you put a mousetrap. ********** - I And my wife called the Warrior of Light! - Why? - I have It in army under the contract is, the Light...

- Tell us about your book. My first book written in the genre of political Thriller. In the story dies suddenly, the Russian President and his closest ally becomes the head of the country. In a fierce political struggle, intrigue and attempts on his life, the new leader was able to deal with internal and external enemies, to stop the chaos in the country, to restore relations with the United States and Europe... - Tell me, Mr President, do you really think that this book print? ********** - I'm an atheist! - you have a normal God did not exist. ********** If the woman asked to be silent, it means that the conversation is just beginning... ********** Mother Vovochka: - Watch roars! And today had to pick him up from the crib and laying in bed with me! the...

The Basic principle of computer development: as soon as the new CPU more powerful, faster, it immediately in the forced mode, put new software , even pointless , even harder because: Nehru you, serf, to fly, you must know its place ... ********** - Bonds privatization... Of all the latest promises greatest trust is teleportation in 2035. and then begin to live ! ********** - What is love? - Love is when you close your eyes to the shortcomings of the partner, and then open the hop, and have children! ********** Favorite position of men and the cat: the body is sprawled on the couch, weighed down by an abundance of free time... ********** Paradox: in the month of March we, in the South of Russia, the grass is in better condition than the asphalt...