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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Turkish border Guards demanded that the German tourists were photographed on the passport Topless... ********** interview with domestic footballer: - yesterday You won the national championship. As you noted this event? - We wanted for a long time, went the whole team to the Philharmonic, where with great pleasure listened to the 5th Concerto for piano and orchestra in e-flat major by Ludwig van Beethoven. Then, we went to an evening of Japanese poetry – haiku, Tanka... Amazing! Come on, what have you strained something, kid? Relax. Kidding! Just to get drunk PPE snot, as usual! ********** Information is to Google the XX century! ********** the teacher to the student: - I'm rarely surprised, but if you can, put the standings. - I know how you surprise the...

There are women middle-aged and have stasialovich. ********** - Solomon Markovich, Moldova and Bulgaria chose, wee believe it or not, after Pro-Russian President! - Sho wee shout, mony? Have to tell you, Shaw, any Pro-Russian President will be Pro still exactly as long as Russia will not end the us dollar. ********** Dying old Rabinovich. Among his papers reveal an envelope marked "My last will". Open, and there is only one phrase: - a beg you, Sophie, let me lie in the grave, SAVE!!! ********** If the mail is tied handle, I just take the rod. ********** - Girl, you married? - was Just there. I do not advise, dude, don't suggest... the Ring to the pawn shop, dress on sale, dream on the asphalt... ********** - You marry me will you go? - No... I-so-was...

One boy always walked my girl to the station to make sure that bitch is gone for sure. ********** Work at the Centre for artificial insemination. In the column "profession" always write - AIST. ********** Gets Shahid suicide bomber to the light. He meets the Creator. Shahid: O Allah, I am so glad to see You! Hope to meet again and to talk with a Holy fighter for the cause of Islam Sheikh Osama! God: Lucifer, you hear me? Into the pot with Osama it, even though they're talking to all eternity! ********** Scientists have found a gene that is responsible for happiness. Is Schengen. ********** "Rectors of St. Petersburg Universities"™ recognized the doctrine's failure to deliver state museums in the use of ROC pseudoscience, and posledovala this doctrine...

Sometimes I really don't want to get up for work, but then tell myself that there are still some 40 years, and it cheers me up. ********** Armenian radio asked: - Why homeopathy is a pseudoscience? the Armenian radio I thought, and replied: - Because of 50 grams in the morning does not help. ********** - knock knock, open. - who are You? - We are witnessing Babayarova. - Jehovah? - No! We saw the actual Baba Yaga! ********** - Why are you shelling Donbass? - Ukraine protected. We don't have that in the Donbass. - what in the Donbass? - Attacks. ********** the Forward of "Barcelona" Brazilian Neymar and the Russian Football Union was 25 years old. This is the only thing that unites them. ********** Bloomberg became aware of the fact that the European Union...

Elizabeth II celebrates 65 years on the throne. Our something to strive for! ********** Russia again introduce ration cards. As expected by tradition card number 0000001 will be solemnly presented to the President. ********** Today, as reported by the media, unknown stole unemployed Muscovite ten million rubles. The entire civilized world is outraged! Why is Russia such a tiny unemployment benefits?! ********** - Aunt I'm your nephew, do you me not let me go to sleep? - I'd love to, but we are together in the eight rooms are restricted. ********** Hello, Grandfather frost! I think last year I correctly written the word Porsche... ********** Sciatica, he as a traitor, a bitch, to shoot back. ********** - I can't give you the 50 thousand that was borrowed a...

Goldberg got the M. 100, and to remind uncomfortable. They met. Morduhovich: - Izzy, what a frost! - tell me about it, a Helmet, twenty degrees! remember what was a hot day when I lent you the money? ********** unlucky in love? Lucky with the cat! ********** Talking to two old man. - I remember that used to... - Yeah, well? - Yes. And, here, what happened can not remember. ********** Evil tongues say that in the case of a major War, our "ylita" immediately teleports to London to tel-Avivi. Well, what of it? – I ask you. And advanced technology for what? Feat people you can effectively lead and Twitter... ********** You looking for me in the crowd, but not find. Because I'm on the couch. ********** is the dream, check out what not in money happiness...

Aspire to such independence, and you and the flowers presented. ********** Why in the country where the false Dmitry shoved into the gun and shot them in the direction of Poland, there is still no Park of historic rides? ********** Learn to calm the watch, even if they are late, do not hurry. ********** the Russian Empire killed writers, Soviet writers, therefore in modern Russia the course on ignorance. ********** Boy meets a girl. - I'm single now, but I want to tell you that I am a girl very dear. - that is, you're free because, dear? ********** Cactus - the only house plant that can withstand your cat. ********** Issued a decree prohibiting entry into the United States citizens of certain countries and taking the first steps in the construction of the...

Tried Several times to stand on the road leading to the temple. But every time something prevented. The Gundyaev not the time clock flashes for 30 thousand dollars a pop on fancy car again will kill people for the transition, then once again leaked something velocipede and doseprophylaxis on the rampant sodomy in the ROC, the Church insolently require themselves Isaac... ********** Children's love of sincere parents as long as they do not understand the value of money. ********** due To the fact that Shmarov, Bagdasarian denied a driver's license, dad gave her 90 thousand rubles a month on the fines. 3 thousand on every day. ********** In the ROC proposed the "Immortal regiment" cease endlessly to go through the victory in the great Patriotic... would Like...

News From: ISIS announced that it would send reinforcements brothers Democrats to fight against the dictator trump. ********** the browser of the chief of Roskomnadzor, the tab "recently closed sites"... ********** now it is evident that the New year has passed. In the garbage cans appeared first tentative Christmas trees... ********** you are so up in arms about Chinese missiles near the border? After a week ago warned everyone - Aliexpress shipping problems. ********** did you know that in 2017 you can use the calendar to 1917? Coincidence? I don't think! ********** Try not to impose people and then it will become clear: whether you they really. ********** Today night I had a dream so good that even in the dream, I realized that this is a dream...

Nothing undermines the person awake, as the sounds of a cat puking somewhere. ********** the American tanks were unable to overcome the Polish roads! They're really going to fight Russia? Morons, BL...! ********** an Interview at a financial company: - You are applying for a Manager position? - Yes. - How about a little game? Sell me this pen! - Pen?! I ass you a pen stick and you'll get it and sell, and my kidney at the same time! The money was after a week! Understood? - Um... And now I understand you are in a Department of settlement of arrears? Well, tomorrow can start work. ********** Celia Abramovna once at the resort we went to sunbathe by a naturist beach. After a couple of minutes shouting through the wall: - the Man! I can't take it anymore! Or...

Eve was the first woman who said, "I have absolutely nothing to wear!", and the only one that spoke the truth. ********** Femen announced the collapse of the movement on the left and right Boobs. ********** Give a man a rod, teach him to fish, and then he will still vote for someone who promises him buckwheat. ********** 1997. Don't sit in the car with a stranger. Don't get on the Internet. 2017. Call a stranger from the Internet, to sit in his car. ********** by Controlling such a huge country as Russia, all you have to do in especially large sizes. ********** I when tired sleep — an angel, a pure angel! With discarded hoofs. ********** - I have the water covered with bubbles, what's wrong with her? - It began to boil. Drop the pasta! ********** - Hello...

- With the arrival of trump power in my house, it was safe. - How? - Already three days since the wife and daughter went to Washington for protest marches, and the house was so very quiet. ********** - Darling, you know I'm non-confrontational. If you say go fishing I will go, but if you say - don't go, I'll still go. ********** To protect the national prestige of the Russian biathlon Union decided to rename the women's national team in this sport the "circle of the lovers of Wellness skiing with a gun." ********** police interrogation: - Well, what was the fight about? Suspect: - the Beginning was the Word. And the word was – Went to h... ********** poor health – the main advantage of idle old billionaire. ********** she said She dreams of unearthly love...

Chief, after returning from vacation, a few hours sitting in a chair, staring at the wall. Finally, slaps himself on the forehead and joyfully exclaims: — Guys! And I remembered what we do here! ********** - the Doctor, what it could mean: my husband does not snore but does not sleep because... grunts... - have it... you have not all? ********** Chelyabinsk hackers so brave that tried to hack Inbox the Governor. they Have almost all turned out, but he drove the bike the mailman and ran off. ********** due To the fact that "Emergency" can allow RAM to prevent the passage of machines, in Nizhny Novgorod has begun to develop a powerful armored bumper with fangs on a GAZelle. ********** Last warning often do Russian Mat. ********** - I Read the Internet. Obama...

I'm not rich enough to buy out a Bank loan and money to pay for it several times more than he pays me for depositing. ********** - you Have a hacked account? - No! Got hacked! I repeat: My account got hacked! Money requests, insults and vulgar comments wrote I do! ********** Girl, born in the USSR, break less than girls born already in Russia... ********** Not really believe in signs, but I began to come to the freight Elevator. ********** Cats still need to amend the list of medicines. somewhere between sedatives and antidepressants... ********** In fact, Russian hackers are interested to hack exclusively each other, and the post Hillary and other state Department training is done on the cats. ********** Today the street boy with the water gun struck the...

Watched on TV the speech expert. It turns out that global cooling is a symptom of global warming! ********** Vladimir Putin said that in response to the expulsion of Russian diplomats, Russia will change the passwords on all the computers in the White house. as well As American citizens fear that Russian hackers hacked the sperm Bank USA and children from DiCaprio, born from Shnurov! ********** In the United States is not a "color revolution". Revolution there will be "black and white"... ********** Okay, Google, what route is Sasha who sucks? ********** the Pope as if to himself: — Weird, what do these millions of people down there in the square? Voice: — They came to say goodbye to you, my son! Dad: — So, am I dead? Voice: — Yes, my son ! You died and I'm...