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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Health Ministry proposes to ban the sale of tobacco born after 2014. Received a counter offer from the Ministry of Finance and the Pension Fund — individuals born after 2014, to distribute tobacco free of charge. ********** "unfortunately, sources of evidence of Russian interference in American elections as secret as the sources of evidence of chemical weapons that Saddam Hussein, so we are unable to provide them," said Barack Obama, then I thought, did not say whether it something extra. ********** With the chimes question "What did You do before the 17th?" has acquired new meanings. ********** Trump reported that Russian hackers replaced reasoned and evidence-based report of the American intelligence meaningless document. ********** Slavic girls: "man...

If you take 100 grams of vodka, it will excreted in 4 hours, and if you accept Islam, you will not be able to take 100 grams of vodka. ********** If you're lonely this cold winter, do not worry. Winter will be over soon and you'll be lonely in the spring. ********** In Europe, the migrants appealed to the court of human rights and require Morozov is again warm. ********** the Crisis is when the store is discounted goods more expensive than new before. ********** the bride ended after the phrases of the groom: "Who Pyatikhatki hundred break?" ********** - I had a difficult childhood - one toy made of wood and nailed that to the floor. - Garbage! We have the entire family had one phone, no Internet, no touch screen, and the one nailed to the wall...

American military joke: At the interagency review, the inspector asks soldiers: - What would you do if you awoke to find the tent Scorpion? Infantry: - would Crush his Shoe. frontline Commando: - I would have severed the sting, and the rest ate! air force Pilot: - Call by telephone. the Inspector: - And where is the phone? Pilot: to Ask the maid where in the hotel room came from the tent! (Context: the American pilots has never been especially severe conditions of service, and currently the USAF is increasingly moving to drones, in consequence of which the pilots perform combat missions without getting up from your office chair). ********** the First word of the child in the family of ophthalmologists was "ssmnc". ********** Immediately after the enable...

A beached whale. The people gathered and pushed it into the sea. Keith: "How can I evolve if you keep pushing back?" ********** By coincidence, 76-year-old suicidal woman off Maria, jumping out of a window, is held at the bottom of Nicholas. Who all his life dreamed that grandmother began to fall from heaven to him. ********** We need your children for as long as our costs are higher than their costs to us. ********** Movement up the career ladder will help you caustic remarks against the authorities, you'll keep to myself. ********** Received the proper education enables you wonderfully to succeed in life, never applying. ********** the light was so long that we were almost evacuated for Parking in the wrong place. ********** - Dear, our opinions in the...

Same event 2016 - finally ... this year is over! ********** - Tell me, have you fat "Adidas" is? - what's That? - Well with three layers. ********** - Why is New year such a fun holiday? - Rejoice that survived the old year! ********** - Who's there? - Santa Claus! - I didn't order! - You and your wife ordered! ********** Maria: - Nadia, Hey! How was your weekend? Nadia: - Precrease was in Munich. Maria: - don't fuck with me, you live in Munich! ********** it's Amazing: you can sleep with the wife in different rooms, and the grandchildren still born! ********** the Tendency for racial equality, marching in the USA since Martin Luther king, broke Barack Obama. It is proved that the stupid evil niggers do exist. ********** Russia condemned the 35 expulsion of...

As mentioned, Nicholas II, let him get over this terrible 16 second year, and finally begin a New one - 17th! ********** the Only person in Russia with a salary of 17,000 rubles can be held liable where, in the case of errors, will be fined 100,000 rubles. ********** Baskov, Kirkorov and Galkin has refused to star in all new programs, they say, tired of themselves, and the audience. But Yuri Antonov will sing some new songs! What a dream... ********** If you think about it, in each of our lives joyous holiday called "New year" too few to decades to see the same faces during the holidays on all channels. ********** How many times in the New year will hit the chimes, so many months in the new year. ********** Leaving Barack the White House, Obama pointedly...

The Mistress of a cat on the couch watching TV. Program about healthy lifestyles. Narrator: - Serving, you eat at a time has to fit in your palm. Fifteens cat, look at his little paw: - Oh...th! ********** - How to find a job with a degree in "Religious studies"? to Found a sect! ********** Why the mode in which you can do all sorts of dangerous shit with the OS, is called "safe mode"? ********** popular superstition that the money should be put in the most reliable Bank, and to take in the most unreliable. ********** - No need to boil. - How not to boil, if I told here to evaporate?! ********** the more a woman wants to receive from men, the less the man of her desires. ********** Recently had a chance to go on the track in the Park behind the lady from...

If the attendants that public transport has not got the seats to form a military unit, it will be the most ruthless and ferocious battalion. ********** "Citizen" is when horse manure you smell the circus. ********** Oh, those are so sick! Wrote a note from his hands, the patient became angry, that nothing is clear. Then printed on the computer: paroxysmal tachycardia, occlusive disease, discirculatory encephalopathy - again he did not understand! Latin him what to write? ********** - In 2017 28th Jan finally get to leave this damn monkey that this year many people brought a lot of suffering! - So like 20th-the inauguration?! - I'm talking about the Chinese calendar, actually... ********** - Represent, the neighbor, the New year hasn't started yet, and we...

Bored? Go eat make, floors to wash, her husband kicked give, with a child for a walk and everything goes! Bored she is! Kerala just! ********** Union of fishermen has filed a lawsuit against Milonov for what he called Bozhenov Naryn rotten herring. The sales of herring in the shops fell twice. This stuff even vodka will not go complain to the buyers. ********** - Everything! Divorce! - take your time. - Nothing to think about: she ate my entire brain. ********** - In the fridge don't touch anything. This is for the New year. - So it seems there is nothing there. - There is hope for a brighter future. And ketchup. ********** - have You lost your mind? - Yes, thank you. ********** I love candles. Especially ikeyskogo skunk in the glasses. Smell cool, provide...

In the expression "one" or two but in the expression "there are two but" one thing. ********** the Income of ophthalmologists on my feet. ********** relationship status: sleeping with the laptop. ********** he Who doesn't risk doesn't drink hawthorn! ********** Saleswoman tobacco stores out of business sadly said to her mother: - get Old, mom.. I spent my best days.. - don't say nothing, you're as charming as ever. - Oh no! Now, when I give the delivery men checked the money. ********** 1 year - took up the chest and... ate. 16 years old - took to the chest and finished. 22 years old - took up the chest and... turned on. 70 years - took up the chest and... fell asleep. ********** Smoking-Smoking a philosopher says to a colleague: - Cigarette similar to...

Imagine how would the above and more were the pyramids of Egypt, if the Jews had not stolen building material and not sabotaged. ********** the Husband and wife are lying in bed. Wife: - I'm Sorry, dear, I ate dinner with Luke. Probably got that from me smells awful. Husband: - nothing, Nothing, dear. It is even fun to sleep with Cipollino. ********** Loudiyi! With no time on the Internet. How do you do it, damn it?! ********** a Proper woman should be able to do three things: to stick, to feed and do not stick... ********** - I don't Have enough middle fingers to Express my feelings to you! ********** At the beginning of 2017, the Republican party of the United States can rename in the order of Tamplierov. ********** In connection with the transfer clock...

Two pedestrians meet each other. Both stop at the Billboard and read: "Hurry to buy a washing machine for fifty thousand rubles. Final sale this year"! One another: - And next year it will be more expensive? - No! Cheaper. ********** - And we at school have declared war on tardiness and absenteeism! - how? - Lost... ********** My friend is like Pushkin - a real son of a bitch. ********** In the office of the Director of the school: - Maria Ivanovna, tomorrow in your 9th "G" will be a new exceptional student. - So exceptional? - Yes, already from three schools were excluded. ********** When I was young, my wife was not yet married, her parents forbade us to see each other, I've climbed through the balcony to the bedroom, we made love and after the act I...

The inscription on the pillar at the exit from the metro "Vasya was Here", written below "Where are you, bitch, was a" ********** China returned to USA dear American underwater drone. The audit showed that returned the drone was a cheap Chinese fake. ********** In the evening, Pierre Curie liked to lie in bed and read a book by the light of a wife. ********** Why I don't like parties? Yes, because after them it is necessary always to look for a new job... ********** One woman telling her friend: - Today I insisted that the doctor examined me in the presence of a nurse. - You don't trust the doctor? - asked the friend. - I don't trust her husband, who remained in the waiting room with the nurse. ********** I have the feeling that as soon as I'm going to make...

- Darling, give me a birthday kitten - He'll grow into a huge cat. No way! - then a new car - What was that you said about the kitten?! ********** Brought somehow Poskrebyshev Stalin the document to be signed. The leader read it, smiled, said "Not a little steep?" and signed. Poskrebyshev came in some confusion, once again looked over the decree and froze... "For outstanding achievements .... Commissar M. .... reward and cremated out of turn". Secretary the word "reward" has the wrong first letter!!! What to do now? After the signed – try not to do! There are different versions of what the outcome of that story. The most truthful historian of our time Svanidze claims that the order was executed in 24 hours. The grandchildren of the Commissar, looking at the...

Klintonsha again wants to count the votes... Oh, depreciatively to that, instead of trump, Putin will win! ********** I look at some people and only one thing in mind: "How to obtain a license for a gun?". ********** even a Woman can not be punished. She might like it. ********** If you look at women's Breasts a man is not joking — so it's the right size. ********** to Sit in Russia for everything. But up - unless they know those plants. ********** In Chinese prisons they build mini-cities in which the bus stop, shops, Internet cafes. All of this to prisoners, after being released quickly adapted in the developing society. Russia has gone further and adapt under the conditions of the prison, coming out of her, the man again did not see the difference...