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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Question Orthodox Jews: is it possible to chew meat milk teeth? ********** - Open the fridge and there is a bowling alley. Is like? - the Ball rolled. ********** After the nationalization of PrivatBank is to be expected privatization of the national Bank. ********** He undressed her with his eyes - horrified - and put back. ********** Pessimists grumble that all the news reports about the busy Palmyra and Aleppo. While the optimists just happy that it goes to the Federal and not regional news. ********** FIFA announced the beginning of investigations against Vitaly Mutko. The decision will be made after decoding of the expert group explanatory notes Mutko, written in the English language. ********** not to hurt, the doctor advised me to pour cold water...

Observed that many from 35 to 45 years is a difficult transition process. They move from 46th to 56th... ********** - describe Medvedev's presidency from 2008 to 2012. - taxiing tandem from the back seat. ********** Corruption is when officials have money to burn, and in the tax Declaration of them enough to swear. ********** According to statistics, the longest toast at the wedding, begin with the words: "to speak Beautifully of course, I can't...". ********** - How are you? - Yes norms. The cemetery food to decorate the grave. How are you? - Take two. ********** But Nuland has already left biscuits in Poland or is it just Khokhlov so lucky? ********** the Americans live well, but not proud of their President. the Russians are bad, but proud of their...

The question of the Armenian radio: - is it Possible to build communism in the Caucasus? Answer: - No. In the party Program said that communism is not far off. ********** Scientists have rejuvenated the mouse using gene therapy, now any old person can become young mouse. ********** one day a NKVD-Colonel shny wrote on Semyon Mikhailovich Budyonny denunciation. After reviewing the document, comrade Stalin has caused both to his office. is a Very complex vapros tavarischi, he said. Naye even know who to Verity. Let's sdelaem. VI will play checkers. Who viigraet is on the right. - business for you! – said Semyon Mikhailovich. Pulled out his battle sword and chopped down a NKVD-Colonel in the noodles. - Maladets! concluded comrade Stalin. ********** Wished to...

When some woman asked if I agree to marry some Zinaida, I started to sober up instantly. ********** - don't touch me, it's for the new year. ********** Is a complex operation. Suddenly the lights go out. When it is enabled, the table is empty. Among nurses, the panic starts. - Quiet! - says the surgeon. Under General anesthesia, he could not get far. And liver we... ********** Idea: before the corporate fasten on the neck of the DVR. Elegant and will have something to blackmail colleagues. ********** fiction stories I began to write after a few times came home in the morning and had to explain to the wife. ********** - then Beats a current. ********** as a result of continuing negotiations about the transfer of the Kuril Islands, the Japanese side signed...

The Years go by, you get older, getting smarter and finally understand that after the ninth grade you had to go to vocational school at Barber. ********** I would like to grow food myself, but I can't find bacon seeds. ********** As it would be fun to do at the gym, if calories when you burn them, and even screamed! ********** I Hate when a conversation you start with a bow. ********** of Course you can't buy happiness... Well, grief does not sell... ********** Mathematical Sciences, natural Sciences and the Humanities can be described respectively as the science of the supernatural, natural and unnatural. /Landau/ ********** — Profanity reduces pain. — can I have another anesthesiologist? ********** Our peasant long harnesses, but quickly goes. Our woman...

Enrage the inhabitants, complaining to Putin: no money, eat dogs. Can you hold it?! Aleppo under siege, Palmyra lost, what wages? ********** iOS 9. battery level 33%. To recharge the battery, you must recharge for 67 rubles, and to connect the charger. ********** Swimming in the pool, you get a session of healing homeopathic urine therapy:) ********** - my brother in Syria the terrorists are fighting! - Um, terrorists? And my mind... ********** this is not Yet Buhari the month with Holy week, the wreck, and on the first channel already squirrels running around. ********** the year of the rooster, year of the monkey ... To people, apparently, never comes... ********** - Roskomnadzor tried to make in the register of banned websites IP address 127.0.0.1...

The Head of the interior Ministry - Baranov, chief of police - goats. Here they are, the visible results of police reform by Medvedev. ********** Black humor is like food in Africa, not everyone comes... ********** Every time a cheeky woman yelling obscenities at the guy, the little wench in her head running from corner to corner and laments: "Even if not*ve al". ********** Again, not sanded sidewalks. I, like most passers-by, in the middle of winter fitness: until the store came three frontal splits, five transverse, bending to the side, squats, obstacle race... Oh, the body cheered! ********** - Son, today's the day to learn the truth. - I'm adopted? - No. Daughter you are. ********** - What are your plans for the New year? - Climbed on the tree... stars!...

Karma: when they buried the manufacturer of the flash drive is lost the cap. ********** - the CIA stated Russia's contribution to the victory of Donald trump. - Something just not done in the world for the money of Russian taxpayers! ********** If the program "good night, kids" was aired on NTV, she would fit into the format of the channel. the story was if that piggy steals Stepashky cabbage, and Oksana as the police officer investigating the case with my service dog Sirloin. ********** an Alcoholic is a person progressi on the chest of the green serpent. ********** - did you say You throw smoke. How's it going? - Smoked for 30 years, threw a 36 minutes ago. So far, so good... ********** Mikhalkov will survive Putin. We hear from him about terrible Putin's...

Dialogues about fishing. - cups anyone???!!! ********** a Beautiful woman is a whole world, but some men only look at the hemisphere. ********** Operated under a legal entity, but have filled physical. ********** cab Driver putting Valuev, is still able to spread the "thank you" to the bread. ********** - Darling that bites on my back? - Well, I guess, termites have learned that you are boring in bed. ********** MP Gansa (of course, from the Communist party) protested that too is a troublesome activity as a parliamentarian prevents it to perform the duties of the cook at home. This history conclusively proves that the Communists have not left their anti-social attempt to prove to the world that any cook can run the state. ********** the naked king does not...

Do Not forget that eating chocolate to speed of the brain is effective only when there is something to speed up, otherwise you can stay fat and dumb. ********** Girl is like the alphabet. Thank God, willing more. ********** 30 years is a wonderful age: fans of 40, you're not the Pope, and those who 20 were not yet sons. ********** - Lucy, we need some time apart. - You can't love me? - No, just soon the New year, I have no money for such expenses. ********** Deputies and officials flying abroad for the holidays, will allow Russia to rise from 119 to 83 in terms of corruption. ********** - Hello,beautiful! Gone where? Do not answer... - I'm so Sorry! I was so distracted that I forgot to send you... fuck. ********** If she were a man, I would say that it has...

The Officer is a catalyst, accelerating the conversion of any case into an unsolvable problem. ********** the World will be saved by love, and mass shootings. ********** I do not know much about politics, but can you name ten names of Russian, Ukrainian, well, for example, American politicians, but of all Belarusian for some reason I only know one. ********** In the restaurant, the waiter coming to the table: - Sorry, but we can not be with her. - Yes, it's not my trip! ********** "to Celebrate the wedding anniversary after divorce?" and other creative reasons to drink. ********** Well, I understand why men get married: so they washed, cleaned, cooked... And I mean, why would there rushed? ********** - What are you drinking? - Vodka. - How much? - ashamed...

We Have in Tuva space ship "Progress" has fallen. we Now have in Tuva at least some progress there. ********** Why Russia is more profitable to build churches than factories? Yes, because the government cares more about our afterlife. ********** so Cold that the nipples protrude through the jacket. ********** - What kinds of psychological violence did you know? - Rise at 6 am. ********** the Stars are little holes in the floor of Heaven. ********** All studies in music, I asserted that the ability to play the violin will come in handy in life. And here it is! A neighbor lent me rosin soldering iron! ********** I Have a rare name and I was surprised to discover among the neighbors in the stairwell namesake. Particularly surprising that it is the dog of a...

By leading designers: it is necessary to Dress for the weather and undress - love. ********** the Relationship of St. Nicholas II and Russia more precisely describes not the word "redeemed" and the word "Pro...the ball." ********** it Often happens that the long-awaited meeting for the entire day is meeting with the bed. ********** the people of Tuva thank "Roscosmos" for the ship "Progress" with Christmas products! ********** the Ministry of defence of Ukraine said that the shooting near the Crimea all the missiles reached their goal. the intention was to tease Putin... ********** Men, remember: life is movement, careless movement - a new life. ********** - love More paper documents than electronic. - Why? - do Not slow down when you open them...

Chef absolutely not stand the smell of pine needles, but not in the same Department of the firm of pine and fresheners are not used. While the chief has not told about the problem. ********** If a woman has not changed her hairstyle, you are not that she has serious problems. Whines just. ********** By analogy with chess, if marathon runners showed the same result, then the champion of marathon is now defined on the street. ********** — Putin promised to end corruption and you did half. is halved? — No, put an end to. ********** People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. People will not forget one thing — what they felt thanks to you. ********** the Driver began to guess that he had a flat tire when on the turn he was overtaken by a...

I'll save up some more money and finally buy myself a yacht! The bath will be much more interesting to take. A yacht is not like a rubber ducky. ********** Zaldostanov proposed new coat of arms with rays of sunshine and Golden spikes. As the lid of "Baltika". ********** ENT: - Doctor, I have lost the charm. - You like to say, smell? - what kind of snot this and that. ********** With me friends have to War with me you will not do. ********** Nigger in the ass wheeling Cox, friends called "bounty." ********** When, finally, many girls will come - excessive thinness shows that the body lack or food, or health, or the brain. I want to cry from these girls with the figure of a toothpick. ********** Remember, if you sat in a taxi, asked to turn off chanson and...