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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 493 items

Do you remember how insulted and beaten by the Ukrainians in Russia during the Ukrainian elections, not allowing them to vote? I don't remember. For RF - barbarians. ********** Went to Ilya Muromets to the Serpent dragon Princess to rescue. Comes to his lair and shouts: - Give, dragon, in good time Princess. Otherwise, I'm all heads blown off. out of the lair of the sleepy dragon and dissatisfied with the answers: - what are You doing the morning shout - good FMD interfere with sleep?! Explain clearly what you need Princess. A lot of them from me. - Show then all. Brought the dragon princes and 10 princesses. Looked at their Ilya Muromets and asks: - And only these? The other not? . Okay. I will not take today. Better I to you in a month I'll stop by...

On lump sum payments to pensioners will need 220 billion. Similar searches Zakharchenko will never end. ********** you Can tell a lot about the mood of the woman in her arms. for Example, if a woman is holding a gun she's probably angry. ********** WADA considers healthy athletes sick, the IMF considers Ukraine as a reliable borrower... But the world order breaks is still Russia. ********** Oh, there is in the world happy people! Live and do not know of their apartments, where 9 billion in the Cabinet are! ********** - the cottage on 80 acres of ples does not belong to Medvedev, and the head of the local anti-corruption Department. - Well, now everything fell into place. ********** If Poroshenko part-time worked in the anti-corruption Department of the MIA...

- I'll have a Burger and a coke. - Young man, you are in the library. - Then heart of a dog and a dandelion wine. ********** Jealousy is a suspicion that the wife do the same as you. ********** Duma Elections is when people are asked to choose between a wolf, dog, Fox and Jackal. It looks all so different, say different. But if you look real close, all FROM the same FAMILY! ********** my Husband says that all my problems from too much imagination. But my doctor is convinced that my main problem is the absence of her husband. ********** — hurt me — Exactly I want? — Yes! Punish me! Make him suffer! — Duck in the country Medvedev is living better than you — BITCH can NOT be SO CRUEL ********** Look at some and understand to dress still have interest in...

Hell, is it really so hard to push the legs through the headache. ********** ideally, I like a doctor ready to work for the idea if: 1. Someone for the idea give me a house with utilities, the idea will provide electricity, gas and so on. 2. The idea is to provide food, clothing, 3. The idea will provide transport 4. The idea is to put in cinemas, theatres and other entertainment venues 5. The idea will educate children ********** - Here you say, well, steal, what to do? And if you shoot anyone who you find in the stash more than a hundred of their official monthly salaries? - are You calling for the overthrow of the legitimate government? ********** I will Not be surprised if it turns out that Russia all this time was not invested in US treasuries, and...

"Time car", fades into "the train has left". ********** Students of the Conservatory at recess running around the building to sing Bob Marley. ********** don't like smart blondes, generous Jews and nimble Estonians, they complicate my simple and slender perception of the world picture. ********** news 19 September: "absolutely unexpected was the outcome of the election. Most seats in the state Duma went to the party *****where before the election there was virtually no chance. Analysts attribute this to the phrase of the representative of the party N*** who in the midst of a debate inadvertently blurted out: "if I go to the Duma, the first thing to do is take the "Kalash" and shoot all the bastards!" ********** . — the Man choked! Is there a doctor here? —...

Impatient often pay dearly for that patient goes for nothing. ********** Fainting Hillary Clinton is not a health problem, and the attack by Russian hackers - said in the campaign headquarters of the democratic party. ********** Announcement: "the Amulet bringing money. Price of 10 thousand rubles." - I Wonder who is bringing the money? ********** the Conversation on the beach. Very hot. Wife (thoughtfully): - Impotent well! Husband: - why is it okay impotent? the Wife (after a few seconds, gesturing with his hand): - THEM-in-the-TENT-WELL-SHIT! ********** - the Truth is in wine... - whose? - are You legal? - Yes. How did you know??? ********** I Really want to run, but I have no fitness bracelet or smart hours. ********** Every time I drop the cleaned seed...

You're lucky I'm not your happiness. ********** the worst form of unemployment, non-working head... ********** - the Woman, your place is in the kitchen. - Thank you dear, I already ate. ********** the Clock is necessary in order that during rest you do not oversleep the right to work. ********** the passing of life! There are more "never"... I will never jump with a parachute, will never be rich, never gonna wear that frivolous dress... one Consolation: bullshit I still manage to mess things up a lot! ********** Draft Russian budget for 2017 is stored in the computer of Putin in the folder "Fun". ********** I would love to tell you what's going on in my head... but me not allowed there! ********** to tackle corruption in Russia is too expensive. **********...

- Tell me, a million is a lot or a little? - Fima, it depends on whether you want to earn it or spend... ********** Buy the new iPhone 7 - now waterproof, so you don't accidentally pour boiling water when making dosik. ********** hi, I'm you from the future, give me 500 rubles to this number, and then explain it. ********** Scales showed that the bone was another 8 kg more widely. ********** On a laptop you can drink tea, eat smoked chicken and burgers. It is possible to drop and even throw. Because fuck this piece of iron will be fine. And when he did die, before sending in for repair, it is necessary to carefully wrap in several layers of bubble wrap and Packed in a box. Because a laptop is a complicated electronic device that requires careful handling...

Wanted to make an impressive photo TO to lose weight and make an impressive photo AFTER. But while regularly doing all the more impressive TO. ********** - is Wrong you, uncle Feodor, a sandwich eat. It must be caviar spread - so it will be tastier. ********** - Use the method of proof by contradiction. Suppose that the equation has no solution over the field of real numbers. You disgusting? - Yes just disgusting! ********** Poroshenko said about the readiness to recognize the DNI and LC if they will allocate a loan to Ukraine. ********** — I Hope the defendant, we'll never see each other? — Did you retire, a citizen judge? ********** 95% percent of the people around me are complete morons, idiots and just demented. The remaining 5% - stupid sadistic...

All I in the fall looked. Bring Olivier and snow. ********** Just imagine how it would be cool if everything shown in the advertisement was true. Well, in the news at least, that's good. ********** the Daughter leads to the house of the drunk guy. Parents outraged: - Daughter, who is it? - Sleep it off, then ask. ********** - Well, how was your first lesson? - the Teacher did not understand and started to ask us. ********** the Central Bank said that the ruble will remain stable and at the same time announced the coins of 1000, 2000 and 5000 rubles ********** - I grew up in a very poor family. Even rainbow we had black and white! ********** Russia is the country in which the sale of incandescent bulbs, 100 watts can get the same term as from the sale of 100...

When I eat — I am deaf and dumb. When I drink — I'm more sociable. ********** Told my girlfriend that month is not so painful as women make us out to be. how to get nail clippers out of his back? Hands can't reach. ********** - Why is the Black sea, Yellow, White, Red, and Blue sea? - Why not? Well uh-gay-tion! ********** All advertising of food, drugs, toothpastes and so on. it will be much more effective if you finish the phrase "And this man Boobs"... ********** If my absence changes nothing in your life, then my presence in it has no value. © Bernard Shaw ********** the more intelligent a person is, the more interesting for him to know what he is yet a fool. ********** call: - What do you do, dear? - cook Soup made from mushrooms collected in the...

Difficult to squeeze out a slave when you squeezed all the juices. ********** - Look at me. Spank you for the full. - Hey! She is not full! ********** Always wanted to have a man romantic, rich, strong. Dreams come true. I have three men. ********** Brought his son to the first class and was surprised to see a classmate with his daughter I Suspect, will have ten years to solve for her homework. ********** > in order to be understood by people in Russia, any news, idea, or program of a political party must be in the format of limericks the Classical format of limericks requires that the top two lines meaning had nothing to do with the bottom. However, the program of parties suffers from the same... ********** In the rules of the road I would add the...

— Hello, my name is Vadim, and I'm an alcoholic. I hate my job and I go to her in order to have money for booze. — Vadim Olegovich, you are sure that the Director needs to familiarize first-graders with the school? ********** Elections in the United States are transferred to Facebook. The photo of Clinton photo with trump. After the election, compare the number of likes. ********** Nympho got shipwrecked on the island and after some time she already had seven Fridays in the week. ********** - Waiter, what a mess! I swallowed a cockroach! What will happen now?! - And what, exactly, is the problem? You are a vegetarian? ********** the Funeral was marred by conflicting information about the health status of the deceased ********** in order to be understood by...

- is There a concept of Stockholm syndrome to the residence? - Patriotism. ********** policeman whistle, soccer referee - whistle. Is that the new symbols gay? ********** In the South of France develops a new state - Burkini-Style. ********** I am outraged! Outraged by the laziness and inaction of the deputies of the state Duma! In a country so much permitted, but some of them don't even pereizberat!!! ********** At the Deputy said: - How do you to such a life sunk? - From kickbacks, from kickbacks, " said Deputy investigators! ********** the Driver, remember! Breathing in the morning in your own breathalyzer, you climb into the pocket of GAI! ********** For lovers of quests: the First quest in the history of Russia - Soviet cartoon "the country has...

The Phrase "lost my head with passion," especially dislike the male mantid. ********** I was a child was a good boy: one summer it seemed to me that sleeping on the street homeless freezes, so I went home, took a Valerian and doused the homeless to the lions came in and warmed it. ********** it's Silly to complain about the sheep, the leader of the wolf pack to the excesses of wolves. ********** - How's your cat's name? - Thomas, but he is more like his name is Kosh. And yours? - Tim, but he is more like his name is to eat. ********** -In our mental hospital, there is addition? -Yes, please, that Napoleon, that's great, but Andrei. As Andrei Andreevich the chief psychiatrist in our hospital. -he is So yesterday, the doctors said that we have a decent...