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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Cameron: "Brexit will please Putin." Obama: "trump will please Putin." it Turned out, people all over the world wish to please Putin. ********** had Not yet trump to be President, but I did a good deed: helped the grandmother to return to her family and spend more time with their grandchildren. At least, so says Chelsea Clinton. ********** - ISIS is willing to work with any new U.S. President, said Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. ********** - My wife without makeup is very scary. Don't believe? Here is a photo. But it's not your wife!? This is a picture of a frightened bear. - the wife was taking photos, without makeup. ********** Monica Lewinsky congratulated the first trump with victory over Hillary Clinton and expressed hope for the restart of their relationship...

The Child for the first time in five years in school, forgot your phone. Finally he learned the names of their classmates. ********** Russian motorists have tear off labels "Obama - schmuck!" to Obama... ********** for many years the Russian Federation has destroyed the Ukrainian economy, providing cheap loans, preferential prices, buying Ukrainian goods, etc., etc And finally Ukraine has spread his wings, freed from the Imperial shackles. High-quality Ukrainian goods flooded in all civilized countries. A grateful Europe, gladly opened its doors to millions of Ukrainian citizens... Yeah, fashion is now a genre of political fiction! ********** If you brought the joy - come in without knocking! ********** Effective Manager ( EM ) came to the management of the...

Earthlings enthusiastically looking for extraterrestrial life. A more developed civilization who know much more about the inhabitants of the Universe, keep radio silence. ********** Clowns terrorize the streets. the Billionaire villain is trying to come to power. America needs you, Batman. ********** In the Soviet Union were poor, just not enough, but the queues for iPhones has never been... ********** Confuses Suvorov with Chatsky - recorded in a diary Polonskaya and called the parents to the state Duma. ********** Broke the Law? put it on the Internet! Likes, Views, Your popularity, Help the police - All Yours! Headed a rating of the Best Morons of the year! ********** Russian citizenship, an apartment in Grozny and the title of "Honorary Mordvin" - what...

Nestrasil intelligent never say, "You're just a stump of oak!" a Real intellectual would say "You remind me of a billet for Pinocchio." ********** Doctor: - I got sick. Nurse: - Put yourself diagnosis awake treatment? - No. Go to a normal doctor. ********** - Wife trained to be a psychic. And I'm starting to believe these sorts of psychic skills. - Why? - have Appeared crazy idea to quit drinking. ********** grandma in the village is increasing, and potatoes, and cabbage, and pigs, and an ass granddaughter from cabbage, potatoes and bacon. ********** the place where the electorate smoothly into the people, he is not becoming obsolete thousands of years need to eat properly, to dress, to work, to raise children, it's okay to rest and not only be proud of is...

- Alia, you're still married?! Well and sho you say wedding night? - TA! The whole night changed my name on social networks... ********** I can not understand: the best years of my life has already ended or not yet begun? ********** Perfectionist-pokhuist will make it all perfect, but some other time. ********** - come on Saturday for health trail in the forest walk? - Great! Vodka as take? ********** After the Baltic States decided to sue 500 billion dollars to Russia for the Soviet occupation, the British thought and thought and decided to file a lawsuit in 10 trillion dollars to Italy for the occupation of Britain by the Roman Empire. ********** Grandfather with his grandson present at the marriage ceremony at the registry office: - Grandpa, and that is...

Proposed to his girlfriend to shoot a "home video" and for two months I am suffering with a documentary about her grandfather. ********** - Gave cool Chinese clothes, doing the Laundry, but the smell remained, not nravitstsa (( - As part of what? - Yes I-it's nothing ( - Hard to say? - Well... 30 percent of some characters, the 70 others. ********** — Why do you thump? — you only live once. — Is a stupid answer. Okay, the state of Affairs in today's society gives me a sharp antipathy, masks of hypocrisy, pseudomoral, replacing a real benefactor, is absorbed into the lining of most people. The slave mentality of the cult of his success and unhealthy commercialism, developing into a hatred of all who are not ready at every word to do with boasting...

Me head for a week not talking. Because of "Vkontakte" in the column "place of work" I wrote "monsters Inc.". ********** For the year in Russia, Bentley's sales increased by 48%, and Ferrari - 94%. the anti-Crisis plan has worked. ********** something of a pawn was totally ofertele... ********** "On one go. Leave me here to die" (when I go with my wife to the Mall) ********** From the news:"Putin instructed Medvedev to find additional money for the North Caucasus". "Oh, I can not see the 8th iPhone", - said bitterly Dmitry Medvedev. ********** SMS before the wedding: "Love, waiting you, miss you". SMS after the wedding: "Bread, toilet paper, milk". ********** Never before has the people's deputies of Ukraine did not live as good as under Putin. ********** -...

If the school at prom girl doesn't she's pregnant. ********** the First rule of country club: who do not have enough space to stand at the wall — dancing. ********** Lantern thinks he shone. ********** Former employers at the drunk call to retired employees and say, what a good man found in their place... ********** My grandma thinks that Samsung Samsung to phone cheaper than Samsung at Nokia. ********** I'm not old, just my face is vintage. ********** Our country specially raised you bitter scum, then you could survive anywhere, in any environment. And you don't even appreciate it. ********** - Grandma, I brought cakes! - What the fuck pies? I love you for a beer sent! ********** Its warmth could pester anyone. ********** Ponografia. **********

More difficult to bring a woman to orgasm, the easier it is hysterical. ********** - do You love me? - of Course. - then why is it not talking every day? - what do you think I married you? - ??? - To not say that every day. ********** — Who's on first? — Ya follow me will! ********** Creators are doing, and critters get up ********** Ukrainian officials and deputies proved in the declarations that Ukraine is not poor, but rich European country. Checkmate, wool! ********** I Want to pack a suitcase, buy a ticket on the train and, leaving, to shout out the window: "fuck you fuck you!". ********** still, not every picture possible without sacrificing perception to hang upside down or left side down or right side up. And then just replace the original for a...

Defeat all corruption. But everyone who can do not want. Because all owe her. ********** Every woman is a witch: you are in the mood - doing, not in the mood - get up... ********** In connection with the emergence of a new emblem of military intelligence of Ukraine, in training courses GRU has a new course "Put an owl on the globe" ********** - I Bet 100$ that you're now asking your question? - What? Well, Gimme the$100. ********** You do realize that Scarlett Johansson in translation into Russian - Red Ivanych??? ********** "And yet I have a little Gypsy blood" - thought the vampire, leaving the camp. ********** A worthless actor was caught on the dog. the Transfiguration Professor called on TV and asked to return it to the patient. "do Not judge him...

If the man - rag, his woman is likely to MOP. ********** One day I was stopped by the employee of traffic police. When I asked her "What's wrong?", she said, "Oh, everything!". ********** - Fima! Such happiness! You still got the girl?! Beautiful? So it is necessary to marry! - already ready... My Celia is looking for the music and chooses to decorate the hall... - And you? Decide how many questions? - The... Household... Rewrite the property on the parents. ********** I Think Halloween was invented to somehow feed the people pumpkin — the most pointless food. ********** will Buy our crap and automatically participate in the raffle of 50 thousand suckers! ********** - did You cum? No.. you Must have some delayed orgasm... - come on, sit down, have a...

- Cute, go try it, I baked you a pie! - Oh, that pie? - what the Fuck., you try first!!! ********** - And this is our immediate supervisor. Hello, Ivan. And you again fly. - and to hell with her. - Well, I say, be direct! ********** - johnny, how old are you? Show me on the fingers, asks aunt. - I 5 years now. - Very good! - Aunt, and show me on the fingers, how old are YOU? ********** I Love people who I can't stand. They are so cute - always thinking about me and for some reason creep on my page. ********** I this household — I even have bread in the bread blooms! ********** - Honey, I so want to paddle in salt water. No problem. I'll buy you a sea salt. ********** Before you shout about the threat to American democracy, it would be better to move from...

Every day I think "Now how can it get worse?". But here. ********** - have You shown your wife this book on the thrift? - Yes. - And what are the consequences? - I stopped Smoking. ********** Superman (it. Ubermensch) — is a powerful being that decided to go to bed early and had an early night. ********** First date. - Come home with me. We'll have tea. - Yes, we're in a cafe just drank. - coffee Then? - And you're sensitive... ********** - Putin forced the world to respect us! - what happened to make the world respect us? Well, they introduced sanctions! All the time they speak about us! ********** - VAS, you, Ramzan Kadyrov, like? - No. - And Bashar al-Assad? - neither. - Well you fucking Russophobe! ********** Faithful life companion is a woman who...

Obama to vote for Hillary Clinton, because in case of victory he will no longer be considered the worst President in US history. ********** But we warned the West that for the mockery of our Olympians awaits them a terrible asymmetric response. And so he followed - smashing to the ground, and extremely asymmetric: the main culprit of ugliness upgraded with the sports Minister to Deputy Prime Minister. Well, West, crap I suppose? That's the same! ********** According to polls, if elections were held next Sunday, would win the trump. The surveys were conducted in Northern and southern Butovo. ********** tip: in case of fire first thing in saving a designer branded items. Passport you will always be recovering. Gucci you nothing to alter will not be...

Well, that cannot sleep, but a good appetite! ********** I have a few free minutes, I call the Agency and ask how much a tour to the Seychelles. The girl I immediately replied: "You can relax in the Seychelles for only 180 thousand rubles!" Ahh, can still! Wow my darling! I hang up, I push warmed up Doshirak inspired and begin to eat. ********** a girl Sitting on the bench. Next glued a piece of paper with the inscription: "Carefully painted!" By her is the guy and says: - Girl, you know how to read? She is looking at a piece of paper: - Is a lie! I'm a natural blonde! ********** making a difference: "the guests left, and guests broke is not a joke". ********** Much, I would give anything to go back to the day of my acquaintance with some people and send...