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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 481 items

Here now for songs? Shaker, Hey, pacemaker. No meaning, no soul, no music. And before that? SINANAJ YES OPA OPA SHINANAI. It is quite another thing! ********** what in your house unordinary people I realized even in the summer, when I saw under "do You love me?" answer: "I love compote and grandma." ********** to go to the toilet, not washing your hands after cut the red hot peppers was a mistake. ********** the children of the leadership of the country - Is a competent Manager! - Competent?! You think it's a compliment to say that the head can read? Although in our time - Yes, well at least the letter knows! ********** How frustrating to get your favorite sweater and suddenly to learn that he Eska, you're a bitch, not Eska. ********** People, always...

Don't like nationalism. It I as the representative of a superior race claim. ********** the Child is inexpensive. Somewhere 50.000 for connection and 8.000-10.000 monthly fee. ********** - Say, the conductor of the tram was caught on corruption. - What did he do? - the bastard ate all the lucky tickets. ********** - how do you feel about the fact that the President of Ukraine Poroshenko flew to rest on the Maldives? - Yes when did you already remember that it is not "ON", and "In"?! Bitches! Bastards! Hate!!! ********** - Man, you forgot to remove Shoe covers. - I didn't forget Anything, simple shoes shore. ********** my wife and shopaholics: it sopit, and I the broom. ********** - Why the British don't play water Polo? - Horses in the basin of the sink...

In the USSR, the seller was in the back room. Russia is now the Manager logs in merchandisers. ********** Ukraine threatened to refuse loans to the IMF, if the IMF will allocate the next credit to Ukraine. ********** I wish these hole were given to pensioners. ********** Odessa Privoz. Sarah, pointing to some kind of exotic fruit, asks the seller: - Tell me, how much it costs? Twenty hryvnia. - Tell me, what is it called? I do Not know. Well, you must know! You're the seller! - I don't know. - Well, name it somehow! - "somehow"? Well, as you wish! Well, like, for example? - Well, at least carrots! - Well, carrots! Sarah looks at exotic fruit: - No, for that price I carrot I will not take. ********** - So, where should I sign for? - Sorry, but you...

Monster that lives inside of me, has extended the lease. ********** - We will meet with you someday in the next life, somewhere at the crossroads of other worlds. You will find me in the warmth of a sunbeam in a drop of dew, the rustle of the wind... - do you Know how damn beautiful to send! ********** If you long to watch Japanese cartoons can animate. ********** faster To implement old products, now they need to be put into the showcase: savvy buyers will love the pull. ********** - Suliko, yesterday I was in the Yeltsin centre. - what? - the Mausoleum is much smaller. ********** Remember - the world is full of wonders and fabulous Dolby&BOV;. ********** - Darling, let's go somewhere. Where would you like to go? - I'd like to go home. - But we're home...

In the USSR of course the toilet paper was not. But shit didn't stink so bad. ********** - Abraham Ivanov invited us to a birthday party. Will have to give something. - sho will be on the table? - As always - pork aspic, suckling pig, bacon... - Then give a gift card for a free circumcision in our synagogue. ********** Fed birds in the Park. Tit are divided into skinny and bold. Bold, in their turn, are divided into thick and the dead. ********** , Dear Americans! And whether your "javelin" to put in the DNI and LC directly, without customs clearance in Kyiv? ********** - Celia, you didn't see who it killed my white chicken? - not seen, not heard, and may not greetsa in my garden! ********** – the stork brings Children. Happiness – the blue bird. And who...

- johnny, who, in your opinion, a militant atheist? - Well, it's he who hates the believers and is actively struggling with them. - And the example of the militant atheist can lead? - Othello! - ??? - Well he said to Desdemona, if she prayed at night, she said "Yes" and over it, he is strangled. ********** South Korea will take on Olympics 500 North Korean athletes. Putin throws up his hands in bewilderment. trump powerless grinds his teeth. Kim Jong-UN sings sarcastically "should Not bend under the changing world..." ********** the Invisible hand of the market does what it profitable. And more profitable - to go into somebody's pocket. ********** - Opeate mateial and Melnitsa bitcoin in temnote... - Mr President, can finally to the real economy...

Once Chubais said that the invisible hand of the market itself will put everything in its place. Not necessary, say, in her way. After that, it was hard to shake the feeling that something was a hand, covered with red hair... ********** - my girlfriend and I meet a couple of times a month, but she calls me three times a day. Well, this is because they mark their territory. ********** If you came over problems, sleep with the pretty girl. It will not solve anything, but the pleasure you'll get. ********** Never praise yourself just. I'm that clever! ********** I called him a freak, and he called me a Mare. I long whinnying... ********** From the correspondence: - CAG pishetsa see or see? - See. But I'd first understand the word "KAG" - And that is not a...

- tan, maybe getting laid tonight? No, I - this week has already killed. ********** At the lesson of Russian literature in school: - Children, to whom the great Russian poet Nekrasov devoted the following lines: the moan we have a song called...? - the tennis Player Maria Sharapova. ********** In a relationship after a fight sometimes we have to apologize even if you were right. mainly because you're too rude was right. ********** In Yakutia frost -70! Men licking vodka. ********** My career is the instructor of the children's school of martial arts ended when the parents found out that I don't know karate and just like hitting children. ********** What?! Because of the piss of a piece of cardboard I have to marry you? ********** the Ministers began to...

- Honey, I offered you a hand and heart. The brain in the list did not appear. ********** With a woman's logic is clear... Now about men .. at First, the man spends a lot of time and money to impress the girl of his success and security... And then indignant that his beloved "only the money"... ********** Just had an altercation in the bus, and on soul at once it became easier. Guys, I think this old age, I'm afraid. ********** the Men do not feel sorry for money for foreign women, vodka, friends, car, hunting and fishing. Everything else is called "spent money on x...Nude!" ********** When you have a call to unknown number and represented an international financial company it is not a hoax and not even a draw. The company did financially, because it works...

Not always the inner voice tells us is right, sometimes he's just kidding. ********** the Microsoft Programmers writing for the Windows updates, after death will be put on the graves of the monuments in the form of a monitor with a blue screen. ********** - Who would you love, in the end, you'll have to clean up his shit. - are You talking about? - Well, there, dog, cat, parrot, fish, kids, finally. - Vodka! Vodka does not need the shit to clean up! - It depends on how much you drink. ********** Women have to puff brains, because the natural beauty of women's thoughts, men do not appreciate. ********** My grandfather was proud future father - real, I'm proud of the past, my son would be proud of the last of our great country... ********** If you now reread...

If you have butterflies in your stomach, not necessarily is love. Perhaps you are just a bird. ********** Nadezhda Babkina is a song. Nadezhda Babkina is a pension. ********** ad in the newspaper: "Buy soccer shoes. Unworn" (wife of Pavel Pogrebnyak). ********** - I'm sharp-sighted as an eagle, flexible like a snake, brave as a lion, smart as a Raven, fast as a shark... - Petrovich, you're a mutant! ********** after the message in large letters "Your ad blocker is interfering with normal operation of our website", I imagine the poster above the trenches of the First World: "camouflage Your form prevents normal work of our snipers." ********** - Here University finishes, I'm going to give back to the Motherland... - I didn't take! ********** Sometimes life...

Anatoly Wasserman went fishing, but the next day came an evil, hungry and sleepy, like the fish he caught, but in some pockets of the pot, tripod and tent, I forgot. ********** I Wanted new experiences from life? Change the ringtone on the alarm clock. ********** Yesterday saw the state Duma opened the session after the vacation. Returning from Europe tanned deputies sang the national anthem of Russia! Proud of the country! ********** America wants to make his protege President of Russia. It is only the protege of America in response to all the sanctions will invest $ 100 billion gold and foreign exchange reserves of his country in the US national debt! ********** If Vasiliev stole a purse in the bus, it would have received the same period. if there is no...

Give a man a fish and she will say: "Here and clean it himself." ********** Found on "Mathis" bag. When it worked, I survived, but the "Mathis" ripped to shreds. ********** Russian washing machines - tumble dry low and a hostile takeover. ********** Unknown man nastoychiʙo zʙonil my kʙaptipy ʙ ʙ six in the morning. I yelled at him and threatened that if he didn't sʙalit. Then he was offended and decided not otdaʙat my wallet and phone that I ʙchepa ʙechepom lost ʙ bar. ********** Kazakh film "101 Almaty" ********** Communism is a relic of the future. ********** make Sure you have a complex password so that no attacker could not read spam in your email! ********** I would set up opposite the American Embassy in Moscow, the monument to the victims of...

Arkady Volozh and Boris mints when making the citizenship confused account and bought Malta. ********** Ad. will Meet an ordinary woman of average build and middle-aged with a subtle appearance. With the aim of creating a strong average family. ********** "Saved" is when bought in the supermarket salad with markdowns of 50%, half eaten, and half thrown away. ********** Nietzsche wrote the status "Vkontakte" when it wasn't mainstream. ********** as soon As Russia launched through space secret underwater satellite - Americans to tin and its the same. Technology race continues. ********** outdoor cats is pussy without registration. ********** When our President goes to the podium of the party Congress of "United Russia" present imitate the political orgasm...

In Russia, "All, not a drop of alcohol!" it's not a vow, but a reason to run to the store. ********** "Avenge me!" said liver the alarm on the evening of 8 January. ********** - You don't know what it means in Russian "merchandising"? Loprazolam... ********** did YOU KNOW that January 9 in the morning on the bus holds an average of 12 people less than 29 Dec. ********** the U.S. Department of justice appointed a special Prosecutor, the aim of which is the investigation into the "possible intervention of Russia in the course of climate change in the United States." They are still about the tilt of the earth, I do not know. Shut Up, Vladimir Zhirinovsky! ********** In the Russian language to recover - and to recover and gain weight. Over the Christmas...