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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

No in Russia such obstacles which no one swore. ********** - Suliko, you know, between us and the ballet lies the abyss? - giv, is not an abyss that is the orchestra pit. ********** When you sit down to learn a foreign language, it often slips thought: "What the fuck, the first builders on Earth started to build this tower of Babel?". ********** Each of us goes his own sexually. ********** — Your son wrote in the book that he wants to spend the summer in jail! — What's wrong with that son wants to spend the summer with his father? ********** Russian bribe-takers! Catch the moment! Turns out, the offering type bath, sauna, Hamam no longer punishable. the Precedent has occurred. ********** the Grandson asks his grandma: - the Grandmother, well read tale - We...

Old Age is when the refrigerator is getting less food and more drugs. ********** According to the latest research VTsIOM, the rating of trust to the government increased by 3% and approached the level of confidence in our football team. ********** - could You tell me where is located the city Museum? - I don't know, ask someone else, I'm local. ********** the optimist woman should be half full. ********** - Well, Yasha, how's your wife? Oh, Sara would be the perfect wife, if she has not demanded of me that I was the perfect husband. ********** - Tell me why you dress as a beggar? Do you have that?! No money for good jeans? We pay you a respectable salary! - But it is a normal jeans, day ago purchased... - why not ripped? Holes-where? ********** Pilots...

- Mr President, why you took Yevtushenkov Bashneft? - There have been irregularities in the privatization process. - So they were everywhere. - Great idea! ********** still, Russia ukrainofobsky country. Cost the star of "Playboy" from the Ukraine to try a little to earn additionally in Russia prostitution - from arrest and deportation. But in Ukraine, the Russians Babchenko, Muzhdabaev, the host can prostitution is legal. ********** Women harmful long vrednichat. ********** On an expensive powder sitting king, Prince, king, Prince. The shoemaker, the tailor can't afford this. ********** Split personality - it is, of course, sad. However, if you want to transfer the couch, the two of us to do it much easier! ********** the Best capital policy: fairness...

Campaign Straight line turned into a Distorting mirror. ********** For execution of the order to increase the life expectancy of the Russians issued a decree - cuckoo cuckoo no less than fifty times. ********** - Why among aristocrats decided not to do the tattoo? - have you seen any airbrushing on a rolls Royce? ********** Effective Manager is by itself a weapon of terrible destructive power. And in combination with knowledge within the exam – all the mega weapons. The only problem is the delivery of these warheads in the strategic economy of the enemy. ********** says the husband of a friend of Pauline: Life to live - not a field planting. ********** Outlining its programme when the Minister of sport, Mutko said that the national team of Russia on...

- Oh, son, we raised you as a decent man, why you grew up to be such a dick... - the Apple fall far from the tree. - the Apple from the tree now able get. ********** I understand the reason for the lack of mutual understanding between the players of our team. The fact that the gray-haired players always want a beer and a NAP, and tattooed boys - viscaria and Discoteka. ********** - Dear, and we let a cot for your mother will move from the kitchen to our room. And then somehow uncomfortable. Well, of course, uncomfortable! Three nights you can not eat! ********** the Investigator, having read books by Agatha Christie, is afraid that the killer himself, because he well VA-and-ashche not think. ********** Want to ask the President a question? Wait for...

Want a fairy tale! Don't need a gold fish or a cat scientist. Want Chukovskiy - each small Midge may be a small flashlight. And then I'll catch this bastard!!! ********** — Who is the most beautiful girl in the class? — Ya — Be my girl. — But I don't want. — Good! Who wants to be my girl? — I want! Is the most beautiful girl in the class. ********** it May seem that I'm just a goof. But trust me I am a sucker extraordinary! ********** to not Change anything I recommend, the delicate balance of errors compensating each other makes the program work. ********** Recipe lazy Golubtsov: 1. Go to sleep... ********** — And I'm an Amateur. — in my opinion, on very rare gourmet. ********** - What do you do when you get together? - I don't know, I already drunk...

Anatoly Borisovich Chubais suggested to allocate pension funds in the nanotechnology industry. Although the present pension of the Russians]. ********** There are such ridiculous people who think that the singer needs to be able to sing. Or in order to obtain a degree, the official must touch the science. You know, so you can agree to the fact that the Minister of agriculture needs to understand agriculture and Vice Prime Minister for construction through the construction. ********** - Yesterday broke her favorite record of his wife. - vinyl? - Where there is, still sulking. ********** If you were brought into the woods and told to dig a deep hole, you know: turn up worms and take you fishing. ********** the Coaching staff headed by Stanislav Cherchesov has...

The Resurrection will repeat in two weeks for Catholics. ********** In the season "Summer 2018" and sandals you have to buy 2 sizes larger to wool socks to climb. ********** According to foreign agencies, Putin had surgery for increased powers. ********** - Why are you holding Cabinet aquarium with goldfish? - So nice to have someone who opens his mouth and does not ask about the salary increase. ********** Russian liberals carefully saved in computers their obituaries in Babchenko, victorkane wasted. For the future. Or name in the text to change, and again in the struggle against the regime. Not disappear as good... ********** Poklonskaya Daughter turns to the mother: - mother, Mother, the Internet is again about you and write nasty things! They say you're...

You Have problems? Mortgage? Communal? Money to paycheck not enough? Relax. Now, if you have been arrested a couple of lard a $ or not given UK visa - that would be a problem, and it is so nonsense. ********** lied to us that Ukraine is bad medicine. They get from the world... ********** - still animal is much higher people in their mental development. If, for example, twenty horses run the race five thousand people are willing to pay money to see them. Take twenty people, let them race, and I assure you that no horse will not even pay attention to them. ********** the editor of the newspaper received a letter: "Sir! Last Tuesday I lost a gold watch, which is our family heirloom. I was advised to advertise in your newspaper, which I did. The next day...

Telephone answering machine: "Hello. You were in the service of assistance to citizens who are in strong alcoholic intoxication and have lost ability to focus. Please leave a beep after the message". ********** - the Mother, come and see what this son in his room half the day sitting quietly? - Now... (come) a book reading. Says, the Institute asked. According to the theory of convex bodies. Said the course is called "Abnormal configuration of multiple interacting objects". Something like that... - And who is the author? - Like the Kama Sutra some... ********** Vekselberg and Deripaska would – they ridicule Americans. Offended and immediately rushed to beg for help from the state. Strange ... for some reason we don't hear the condescending "there's no Money...

Dogs of course can be our friends. But I don't see any cat who shows the police where the grass is hidden. ********** - the Girl, where can we meet next time? Is very simple: every day I'm at the Philharmonic, and on Saturdays and Sundays the whole day, not getting out of museums... - you know how to refuse! ********** the Emblem of civil servants: the soaring hedgehog. And motto: Light pink do not fly! ********** When the number of Vice-premiers will be equal to the number of Ministers? What should a horse to replace him on the ferry? Why it's easier to call the eternal crisis of the crossing, to replace the horse? how many times kryaknet agriculture? How quickly the new Minister of science will become an academician? In what will be renamed on the former...

One of my friends when they want to talk about something, he hesitates to admit -- says it's his familiar. ********** - Angry face control at the entrance! If you're not going to leave here a lot of dough, are not allowed! - Yes you do not go to these parent meetings. ********** Mother with daughter choosing dress (daughter gathered for the wedding of a friend). Mother: - And give you another set of clothes beautiful buy? Daughter: - come on, I'm not the bride... Mother: - Well, who knows what at a wedding can happen. Then to the morgue was not ashamed... ********** - Went to the store and forgot the audio book on pause to deliver. - Oh, in my time book on pause was raised automatically: put a bookmark, put it in the backpack - all, the book on pause...

Wife to her husband : - Slooowly, yesterday I accidentally saw the list of your incoming and outgoing calls.. what is this Gene? You tell me about it did not tell, every 2-3 a call from him or him?! Husband: - Stupid, jealous, first, if I ever find out that you "accidentally" looked at my phone - pray a second, Gena is a WIFE in the Latin alphabet for Kazakh! ********** Actor so realistically played the role of a criminal authority that after the show him backstage came two pickpocket and honestly shared with the public mined. ********** Succumbing to the seductive temptation, you commit a sin, not stupidity. ********** in the morning sitting in the back of the store, open the cardboard containers with the eggs and felt tip pen carefully they write: "left...

Thinking is not when you passed your stop, and when brought with a garbage bag. ********** Read in the newspaper column "good advice". It is written: "wine can be frozen". Oh, come on, what remains?! What a stupid advice? ********** - why you took the name of his wife? - the Domain was free. ********** When the wife makes the brain inevitably becomes stupid. ********** For an Ogre to be good to people - it is his appetite. ********** If one says what he thinks - does he think at all? ********** He always tells the truth, but it is selective in who it to say. ********** Very often, a successful career helping those caustic remarks that we just keep to yourself. ********** the Director of the school summoned the teacher of the Russian language: - Mikhail...

May the barbecue season. And that means one thing: someone single-handedly prepares a barbecue, and the remaining 10 assholes will stand in the sidelines and teach him how to properly fry. ********** Vegan or vegan? It is clear that the established rules yet, but you need to have to decide. You can not unprincipled to eat grass! ********** in the Beginning was the Word. Then two. Then meaningless bullshit... ********** If in schools there are lessons of labor, in the end, should be the lessons of the holiday. ********** Clinic "Aybolit" conducts a comprehensive diagnosis of diseases. Attention! One diagnosis as a gift. ********** British fans promised to arrange a third world war in ChM18 and bought one-way tickets. ********** Where free medicine, treated...