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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

Regular meeting of the state Duma. On the agenda the burning question: rename Monday Tuesday, Tuesday Wednesday, Wednesday Thursday, Thursday Friday, Friday Saturday, Saturday Sunday and Sunday Monday, with the allocation of funds from the state budget. ********** in order to somehow divert the world attention from the scandal Kripalani, grandmother Elizabeth had to arrange the wedding of his grandson Harry. Almost from the first counter... ********** - Why you look at me as a fool, see? I try to be sincere. ********** Prefer to communicate with people in person, because on the Internet nobody believes that I'm sober. ********** Say, in Russia storks for the second child take to roll back the 20% of the parent capital. ********** the inscription on the...

Every girl's Dream: to purse, when opened, lights up the light in the fridge! ********** After the world hockey championship, the Americans were surprised to learn that Switzerland and Sweden are different countries. ********** - Tell me, do you know this woman? is Superficial. Was her husband of 15 years. ********** But when red fish wants to eat caviar and drink white wine, this iodine in the body lacks or conscience?.. ********** Wife somehow offended by that. Asked me to bring her sewing meter. Ask her: - Why? - we Need the waist measure. And all that I just said: - I Think that is enough?.. ********** - can't rest in the country, all the time we need to do something. - So you're not doing anything. - Here and suffer, to do something right...

As you can see in a telescope, all the planets are flat discs, but arranged vertically. Therefore, there life is impossible, all the people fall to the ground, which is also the disk, but horizontal. ********** Before you succeed, think about whether all your friends will be able to move. ********** - how late you can allow the girl 15-16 years old walking down the street? - I think to twenty years. And then - married. ********** It was so large among dogs of his breed that his eyes called Chihuahua-guide. ********** - How will I recognize you? - I'm in the embroidery. - I probably won't come. ********** - Hachiko waited your whole life, and you have three hours to wait I can not! - Well, you're still "Soon"... ********** - Be always sick, ye who enter...

Every owner of domestic cars is committed to put "imported" parts, so more reliable. Every owner of a foreign car is seeking to put the "domestic" part that is cheaper. ********** - abandon all hope, ye who enter here. - Sorry, you said something? I say, "Welcome to our free clinic!". ********** Looked weather - "clear". Went outside - "clear"... ********** - the Password, write a small English letters. Client: I don't know English, I studied German. - Then young German. ********** I could be happy every day, but the alcoholic did not work out. ********** I do Not know how the rest, and we in the family salary is considered foreplay. ********** the Opening of the bridge Crimea - is a gross violation of Russian sovereignty of the U.S. over Ukraine...

- Tell me, is it true that in this house on the fifth floor lives Rabinovich? is true. Only his name was Zuckerman. ********** Sometimes I think that ATMs have some kind of hidden game!!! Otherwise, what the hell are some so much time near them?.. ********** - Imagine Naum Solomonovich, our neighbor Fima drove the car to the girl and now marry her. - Oy vey! If this happened often, people in Odessa would have been more careful. ********** Policeman, pointeresovatsya on the Crimean bridge the presence of Putin driving license category "C", was given the right to drive vehicles of category "I" (Fighter), "CP" (Strategic Missile) and "ZS" (the Death Star). ********** In reality, it is not we understand the world, the universe through us she sees herself and...

The Seven deadly sins: 1. General; 2. Theirs; 3. Vstretilis; 4. Get; 5. Poklast; 6. Future; 7. Espresso. ********** - let's build in Moscow, the highest skyscraper in the world! Dubai beat the record! - Vitaly is the construction, not sport! ********** In France, the opening of the monument to Marina Tsvetaeva, made by Zurab Tsereteli. Now all the French will think that she was a woman two meters tall with Tits 10 size. ********** One day you asked what I love most - eat or sleep, but I don't answer because of bloated and fell asleep. ********** Go to Kiev Poroshenko and Saakashvili. Poroshenko - driving, Miho from boredom reading what is written on advertising billboards along the road. On one the inscription "pump and to the country!". Miho thoughtfully -...

Warning! There are some fools, you're the only one smart. Lay low and does not betray himself. ********** - did You have Jews in the family? - No, only Jewish. ********** Our man consists of three substances: souls, bodies and documents. ********** Scientists have found that drinking alcohol in small doses causes a person to go for more. ********** - Lucy, you watched the movie "Pompeii"? Is about Pompey? - Cool! And guess what happened? ********** - Sara, have you heard the latest news? - ??? - In Russia there are no oligarchs anymore! - Shaw is same all suffocated? - No, they just now began to be called socially responsible businessmen... ********** Husband is all that remains of the man after marriage. ********** Swear by the administrator and the...

Who have learned to live on the minimum wage, that with hunger will die. ********** - Samuel, you better not to marry, but if impatient, than we are not a couple? ********** Medvedev appointed Mutko, Deputy Prime Minister for construction. the Players breathed a sigh of relief, builders crowds started to hang. ********** Grandfathers fought, grandchildren squander. ********** Russia to 2024 will be included in the five largest economies in the eighteenth century. ********** it would be Cool if in Japan, the meetings would help to disperse the samurai and American cowboys. ********** Sell two homelands for the price of one. Contact: Brussels, Saakashvili. ********** On the way to the Parade, Putin saved the veteran from his guards, met Pakhmutova, Segal...

Walker stated that Russia will return the Crimea, as it regained independence of the Baltic States. it is easier for Us to take back the independence of the Baltic States than to return to the Crimea. ********** Bureaucratic slang: to Suffer is to perform the may decrees. ********** - I Wonder if Japan occupied the Kuril Islands, who will resent? - the Inhabitants of Sakhalin. I will say that their island is not worse... and they also want to live like human beings! ********** rise of the machines won: have you ever seen a robot proving to people that he's a robot? ********** Poklonskaya was bored at the inauguration of President because he thought that the ceremony will be open to the Apostle Peter. ********** - the Girl that is with you, put on pants now!...

At the rally. An old man most of all shouting slogans. The police runs up and takes only the young. Elderly outraged: - why wasn't I taken away? Police replied: - you have nowhere to send negative feedback and spoil your performance. ********** Person who is living in Russia, constantly stepping on the same rake, moved to permanent residence in Australia, now is experiencing problems with the boomerang. ********** Insomnia — no problem. The problem when you don't know what to Wake up. ********** the Moment physiology. Language is necessary to keep the teeth to teeth behind lips. ********** Man agrees with the woman in all in two cases: to bring it to sin, and her sin. ********** After you write a memoir, and decent all - to die. © Mikhail Zhvanetsky...

The Debate in the UN. the American representative: - can a country with a budget less than that of the state of California, have the right of veto in the security Council? national representative: - can countries, smaller than the Republic of Komi, in General, to enter into SB? ********** - you Know the rule of three cocktails? - More than three not to drink? - After the third you don't count! ********** - Remember all of their exes? - In the face - no. ********** Dwarf staged a drunken brawl in a bar. ********** Who does not understand the humor, devoid of greater than a sense of humor. ********** - Waiter, bring vodka! - But we have ice cream? I think the saucer. ********** If you obstruct, for repairs do not have to pay. ********** Duty hangover. A day...

Proved that people with high IQ are prone to depression, suicide, nesudimosti... Th this disease so - IQ? ********** Briefly about my age: already considered meaningless to lead a healthy life, then how can you lead an interesting... ********** "Grow - understand", "I Found something to be interested in", "is It you want?", "Do not bother with nonsense" and other ways to hide from children their ignorance. ********** Late in the evening. From the kitchen you can hear rustling in the fridge, hasty chewing and sighs of repentance... Ashamed? Don't worry! So lose weight millions. ********** Not so dangerous good with his fists as evil with hugs. ********** - hi, Sergei, something you have not seen... - I now live in the Emirates, got a local Sheikh zavhariv. -...

- Wow, so many buttons and lights! And pedals where? And that is at the helm of the top broken off? - are you really a pilot? ********** If a woman does not, so even if only takes. ********** the Second cat Skrobala finally reached the Russian-Finnish border. Now he is testifying. ********** have Always been convinced that in life everything goes and happens. But what is so bad... ********** Judging by the facial expressions, numerous tribe of political scientists on our TV is divided strictly into two categories. First, it is said, thinks "God, what am I saying!". Second, "God, how smart I am!" I must say, the number of individuals of the second category is much higher... ********** the Series is not in vain so called, but because it really serut people in...

Ass - she's petite, and ass from appetite. ********** what is the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? the Optimist thinks that the US and UK will send to our Russian oligarchs with their billions. the Pessimist suspects that they throw a bare ass, and guess who they will remove his pants , to cover your ass. ********** If you promise to return the money and can't return the promise. ********** Roskomnadzor (an organization banned in Russia) for sabotage activities added to the list of banned organizations. ********** In Russia is not working anything except the Telegram. ********** Abramovich has invested half a billion dollars in the Jewish community. In order to comply with constitutional equality, the government allowed other nationalities to...

School class on the tour in the art gallery. the johnny next to a picture of Malevich's "Black square" for half an hour trying delightedly to see. it is suitable To the teacher and asks: - Vovochka, why you're so fascinated by this painting? johnny says: - Maryvanna, trying to figure out what I foresaw and wanted to convey to people Kazimir Malevich: crashes youtube, or blocking of telegram messenger? ********** when my life was bad, I ate noodles. Now things have changed and I can afford many things, for example, "instant noodles Premium". ********** - Where to serve want? - Saannollisessa Troops, comrade Colonel - as you do! ********** 5 year old granddaughter rehearsing adulthood and the third day happily repeats the phrase: "You are my whole life...