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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 481 items

When God created Adam, the question of the creation of eve was a rib. ********** That summer this year is not set yet already in January. ********** in Any case, do not tell relatives that message up again I free. But if you already said, take all these pictures as a test, after which you will become stronger. ********** discussion of the history of firearms: - is a Pity that instead of truly useful inventions that could improve the quality of life, get rid of disease, to save from death so many man hours, so many cerebral resources were spent on the invention and improvement of the unnecessary shooting of the shit. the disease can not say, but with weapons, many were saved from death. And how many have improved their quality of life... ********** Two...

- Damn democracy! quietly cursing the Chairman of the CEC, registering 146-th candidate for the Presidency. ********** Every second chin does not like his owner. ********** - Russia is so harsh country that its currency is backed not by gold equivalent, and TNT. ********** If a broadcast our win, so you watch the commercials. ********** - Doctor, I have cough some bad. to start the treatment - will be good. ********** Music on the phone should be such that in the bus you said, "Wait, let me listen" and not "speak up!" ********** – is a place where the love for one's home is particularly strong. ********** - Rabinovich, why did you buy a rubber woman, because you have a wife? - Oh, you have no idea how good the rubber heart to heart talk! ********** "I...

Is cynicism, there is a kind of cynicism, but it happens: brewed in house hatches of the chute and will post the next announcement "Thank you for keep clean". ********** really hate when they say that you're too irritable! ********** - I can read thoughts! - what am I thinking now? - fuck you! ********** Why is free action "night at the Museum" and "night at the store"? ********** Corkscrew comes to a fork and said, "Honey, I'm late, well, you know what the place is jammed!" ********** Two friends discussing a guy. - that man to me last night molested. - Really cheeky. You were molested, but to me no! ********** In an expensive motor show, as the women's section of the bath, from a variety of options for men captures the spirit, though real opportunities to...

On the first channel out the project "Stars under hypnosis". I'll wait for the release of "Star tripping" and "Stars under the bulldozer". ********** classmates should sign up though, because there can be all to grade 1 and watching mad men. ********** Yesterday watched a long show about wine. It is well cures all diseases. Took of the wine more, so that all in the Bud. Next morning I woke up, I feel like all diseases so pitiful, so painful whined all the time. Felt so sorry for them. ********** As one politician After us though Sobchak. ********** the US imposed sanctions against the "thieves in law" Peskov: This is a provocation and a blatant attack on the President's inner circle ********** - Why do you want to divorce his wife, you have lived together...

OK, that hair is thick, wavy and silky. Too bad that on his chest. ********** trump and Eun who argue nuclear button more. - Pygmies... - smirked Putin. Button... you should See my switch! ********** Iran-2018. The people decide what to do with thieves. Russia 2018. Thieves decides what to do with the people. ********** - Tell me, please, here You are, Director of analytical economic center, under your control dozens of economists and super-computer That... show your calculations? What will happen to prices in the new 2018? - They grow up. ********** the Morning of December 31 I went into the woods. And was immediately detained by police. Here is what I attached? Well I have neither axe nor saw. Only the bag with mushrooms. ********** the opinion Poll of...

At Least one we ahead of the Chinese. Their New year, year of the Dog, celebrated a month earlier. ********** Scientists have created a portrait of the outstanding and yet typical of the modern scientist. The name of the hero Zvezdobol Nicemove Bespolitov. ********** did you Know that among his Grandfather the frost is finally grown up when you cease to believe in children... ********** new year's greetings "happy New year dog!" would be more appropriate just to write without commas ********** 1 Jan. - Hello, this is the housing office? - Yeah, what happened to you? - We urgently need a plumber, the pipes are burning! ********** this is a New year friends Sechin on the holiday table somehow was missing the sausage. ********** Stayed single for the New year?...

Recipe Christmas Carp: a Well-washed carp lay on the bottom of the pan. Add cloves, cinnamon, few drops of lemon juice. Then pour carp with a glass of white wine and a glass of red wine, then add: 50g. Gina, 50gr. brandy, 100g. vodka, 50gr. rum, 50gr. tequila. The dish is not warm! Carp throw it unnecessary. But the sauce - yum! PS Carp must be dead, otherwise this bastard all the sauce drink! ********** If you saw someone crying on the street, walk up to him and asked sympathetically: "it's your bad haircut?" ********** Milonov proposed to ban Luggage in the shops after the terrorist attack in St. Petersburg. you Can still door to prohibit, through which terrorists can sneak into the shop! the stores are also banned - because they can infiltrate the...

Bob didn't expect a simple human question in social networks "Where can I get the shotgun to kill all the collectors and police officers" will bring it to the top by subscribers, ahead of Medvedev, Kadyrov, Nyusha and Pasha Will put together. Of all the proposals, the half was "Give for free". ********** Signed a law establishing a registry corrupt, in which you will get civil servants dismissed in connection with loss of trust because of corruption. Right, what confidence can be to those who are caught. ********** Well, the liberals, doprygalsya! Ruined The New Year! Heat on the street and puddles. Where the frosty Russian weather? Wanted weather in Europe got liberasty! ********** the Government reported on the increase in the minimum wage: the poor moved...

In the bus often see a message: "Save today on travel, lose tomorrow, waiting for transport". Every day, I feel that he saved someone else, and I lost. ********** - What a mockery – to increase pensions to 100 rubles and even glory in it? Is not a mockery, and the payment to pensioners interest issued by them in the elections credibility ... ********** We live in an era of Great change. Places terms. ********** - Rabinovich, could you come up with an original marketing pre Christmas move? - Elementary. On nezarazene the sled sitting Santa Claus and sells the fresh alienating. ********** Ad: "Looking for a woman to create a family atmosphere on Christmas night." ********** the Student, a supporter of Navalny decided to go on strike and not go to school. His...

Lord, if you had created us in his image and likeness, tell me why you and the nerves in the teeth? This is horrible, why?? ********** Lived with meaning, and it was great. ********** new year's wish: "May this year was the one that I write after the dash". ********** old Age is when tired, dressing up the Christmas tree. ********** — Izzy and foreign agents, are those who have relatives and nedvizhki abroad? — No, Sam, it's those who struggle with such. ********** Well, everything. The presents all bought, now you can relax, not in a hurry and die from poverty and hunger. ********** - Sam, how are you feeling? - If you go to bed, then good, but if to stand, then it is better still to go to sleep. ********** - Why do I get bags under my eyes after sleepless...

The cat gave me a gift under the tree, not waiting for new year's eve, cattle impatient! ********** - For what bought, for and sell! - It's a sure path to bankruptcy... ********** Dog Secretary of the President. ********** - I feel a sense of pride for our seniors! - ??? - of Course. Pensioners could before? Well, to help children with the apartment, well, a cottage to build. Now, as the money is used to construct the stadiums, the Crimean bridge and by 2020 a lot of things you had built. the Main thing is that they are in Monte Carlo and Courchevel the money is not squandered. ********** Comes to the barracks the company commander. Orderly: - Company, attention! Then comes the commander of the regiment. Orderly: - Even still! ********** To belly up...

According to the IOC rules at the Olympic games in South Korea, the colors of the costumes of the Russian sportsmen should not contain the tricolor. And if three "Olympic athlete from Russia", dressed in red, white and blue costumes will come together? Their disqualifiziert or shot on the spot? ********** Decorated the apartment for the new year with his presence. ********** Without a job you piece of shit, and work - working shit. ********** Press conference with Putin, the next question: - Vladimir Vladimirovich, tell, what started this whole IOC and our athletes? - Yes, with same, with what and everything else. Someone lured the coast. - can you be more specific? Who beguiled? - Columbus. ********** In Russia, every new ship or submarine, you need to...

, salon: - 80000 per phone???? Why is it so expensive??? - the fact that this phone is equipped with a system of recognition of owner by iris... - And why the heck the phone is this system? Because a phone needs to be protected. ********** new year's corporate party is the only booze after which, if you don't come to work, you will not drive, because the chief also did not work. ********** - how'd your wedding night go? - Yes so-so. Outraged just. The bride was very inexperienced! ********** - when do you think Sechin will sue all 300 billion , the Rosneft shares will rise in price? - the Shares not more expensive . BUT! gasoline will certainly rise in price for 5 roubles. ********** the Secret USSR was the Union of the moral code with a deep sense of...

Russia began a presidential campaign in 2018. Congratulatory speech Putin has already prepared Zyuganov, Zhirinovsky and other candidates. ********** Governments ordered the cops to wear gloves dangeureuse. ********** Children's Christmas gift - coloring "Winter"! Attached juhla grey and green pencils! ********** Ideas that require sacrifices, in fact, require treatment of their carriers. ********** still, the difference in mentality in everything. Here Santa Claus has a whole year vpahivat a shitload of elves, making gifts for children, he feeds the reindeer, climbs into the pipe, etc. whether It is our Santa Claus. The entire year hell knows what, I suspect that fishing, hunting, berries, mushrooms, because of Baba Moroz is not known. Then hrenak, a stick...

The First person in the nature coast beguiled, was Columbus. ********** the international Olympic Committee (IOC) has demanded from Russia to the form of athletes was no more than "one or two colors of the national flag". the First time Russia has so clearly recommended to return to the red flag. ********** the freelancer is only two problems: "Where to find the order?!" and "why the Heck I signed up for hemorrhoids?!" ********** Wife eating a sandwich, decided to remind her: - You don't eat after six? - the sixth, after it will not. ********** Once a tomato is a berry, no matter how cool the chutney and smoothies, and ketchup - jam. ********** the Night is dark and full of terrors, and only the refrigerator in her bright and full of promise. ********** I...