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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 493 items

On the Internet: - Tell me, and expensive in Russia to learn to be a trader? - not at All. Only 1 or 2 parents. ********** And imagine how the aliens are going to freak when they're flying through the asteroid belt, will see a convertible sitting in it the driver in a suit? ********** the Norwegian team brought to the Olympics therapeutic steroids, the Americans brought therapeutic opiates, and Canadians - therapeutic use of anabolic steroids. And only the Russians brought with them to spoof fake doping test on the scratched test tubes. ********** Learn socks about life. They do not bother if confused with its pair, and mate with any nearby toe, even of another breed, age and color. ********** I, like all my friends to alcohol are without fear. If he does...

In the series: left home, moved to another country, found a love and calling in life. life: left home, got hungry, went back. ********** the Most important talent a woman to know when to shut up. ********** out, out, out! The time will come cleaner! – is this really the best plan for cleaning the city from snow? ********** You say, "odd." But who said you were second? ********** In Odessa pharmacy: - do you have anything for gray hair? - of Course! Has deep respect... ********** Hero we are given posthumously, but President for life. ********** Odesskiy Dvorik. The neighbor asked the old man: - Rabinovich, you probably boring lives? - Why still bored? - object to that. All day I sit and think. - Well, what do you do on holidays? Oh, the holidays - animated...

[to meditation] I want to kill someone. [after meditation], and I know exactly who. ********** If you lay down in bed and suddenly remembered that you left the lights on in the bathroom, you better go and turn off immediately, because after an hour of painful reflection, to turn it off or not, you still go and turn it off. ********** a person may only be one Trustee. The one in the mirror. ********** In Moscow, there are all actors and writers, bloggers and columnists, designers and makeup artists, bankers and businessmen, experts and analysts, bureaucrats and politicians, and even marketers, sales reps, delivery guys and couriers. And yet lawyers, economists, accountants, auditors. And the police, the military. And consultants, sellers. And yet.... and...

People think I ask them where they are and what their plans are, because I want to meet them. Actually, I don't want to interfere with them. ********** Resident of Ivanovo massively sue for the lack of harassment. ********** my dealer explained the principle of trade in the Russian Federation. You can sell four apples at a low price or two on high. But if fat is the same, why the fuss with two additional apples. Now you have no questions? ********** Son grabbed a few in chemistry. To the question "what the deuce?" muttered: - the scratches on the tubes. ********** At the interview when applying for a job. – What languages do you speak – you Can think of, and most importantly to be silent in all languages of the world. ********** - I long ago was the sperm -...

Was born In the forest herringbone, in the apartment died... ********** Patriotic Patriotic campaigning detuned to vote for patriotically attached. ********** Communism is when all people are good. Socialism is when the state tries to make life difficult for poor people and facilitate good. Capitalism is when the state to spit on good people because it is occupied by problems of poor. Fascism is when the state spit on poor people because it is busy destroying the good. ********** "Only in the kidneys don't hurt!" - shouted the police drunk Pinocchio. ********** Charity – a way to distribute a small part of the money stolen to justify a big. ********** Ukraine asked the UN to change the procedure of use of the veto. Russia vetoed at the request of Ukraine...

Russia is a country surrounded by spectators with popcorn. ********** two thousand and eighteenth of March??? the Lord, I will not survive on one month's salary! ********** Cinderella married the Prince. He scattered in her room, the rose petals, but at 12 they became socks. ********** with age the memory has become useless, but now to re-read and revise the detectives was interesting - I don't remember how it ends. ********** In the domestic version, complete happiness is not only when you have everything and when all is nothing. ********** Women's loneliness – this is when the neckline is, and to wear longer. the Male is when the terms of neckline, and look in the bottle. ********** - You remind me of the Thunderbird... - such a proud and soaring above...

Vladimir Vladimirovich lost a notebook with phones of friends. In the us the list was not TWO officials. So which one of you steal the book? ********** — the car is a propagandist? Need urgent help! The man is bad — he for a moment doubted that in Russia all is well. ********** trump was not included Chubais in the "black list". Clear case, red red never hurt! ********** - are You smart? - what are the options? let's say, kind... beautiful... successful... reliable... educated... educated... strong... no bad habits... - Perhaps if the process of elimination, I must be smart. ********** I hare anything at all to look askance. ********** - Sam, Sonya and go to visit you and carry a bottle of wine! One? You they're not going to drink that? ********** On the...

Homeroom teacher at the meeting: I think that in the secret list of the U.S. Treasury - the names of those who in the 2nd "B" has still not passed the money on the curtains. ********** - May already be enough to feed the Caucasus?! - shouted the Moscow elite, not finding in the sanctions list of Ramzan Kadyrov. ********** To palmistry, astrology and Tarot cards I added one more lesson: the interpretation of the sanctions list of the USA. ********** In the bn.Yeltsin in Russia, there were 7 billionaires. Under the current regime, they became 96, an increase in their number amounted to 1270%. Here's everything you need to know about economic policy in the country to "hold". ********** Of all the Russian oligarchs, the US Congress has not made the sanctions...

According to statistics, an increasing number of boys in Russia would like to have a secondary education up to 27 years. ********** Son dropped my iPhone and slightly damaged the screen. If anyone is interested - I can give: him 3 years, brown, brown eyes. ********** the decision not to organize the Olympics House of Russia. Well, nothing. To meet the requirements, it was possible to call a house of prostitution. ********** the more your door like a Bank safe so you more desirable to thieves. ********** the IOC in disbelief at the Olympics-2018 the Russians a little spin on the flag of Slovenia... and finish with him. ********** the louder the voice of truth, the faster sits. ********** was a joke "Why police go for 2 ? A: one can read, another to write...

Do you know why the Ukrainians have replaced the Prosecutor General's ultimatum Biden for six hours? Because not slaves! the Slaves would not have waited six hours and changed immediately. ********** I was in the store and the salesman asked me: "You don't want to donate $ 2 to stop world hunger?" I said, "Hell, of course! I had no idea that we are so close to it." ********** - Sam, did you hear the Israeli scientists have discovered that the first man appeared in Israel! - yeah. That they are still the most important not revealed: that he there came from Ukraine... fleeing from Russian anti-Semites... ********** Putin can be understood if to put all corrupt officials, that one will work. ********** life is a constant fee for sweets, which have long been...

Looked out the window, and there's such a cynical parody of the Soviet Union, which God forbid any veteran will see. ********** In 2017 the Russians ate potatoes 25% more than the medical norms. Looks like lobster, marbled meats, oysters and truffles the people are just sick, snickering, however. ********** the Beauty courses for the development of the imagination is that after a couple of weeks, you can visit them from the comfort of home. ********** Rabinovich asks his friend: - Fima, please don't tell my wife I borrowed the money. - Well, Yasha, I don't do it. But you don't tell my wife that I still gave you a loan. ********** If you decide to take a medical test for something, decide for yourself, what will you do if: ) it will be positive; b) it will...

Admin note: the Phrase "the Internet is, when load router and right now is fucking loaded and you will be the fucking Internet!!!" equivalent in meaning. But the second sentence about 7 times clearer for the customer, because after her he was not asking a question again seven times. ********** Women's logic. Well, some of this irresponsible gouging the father of the family, if the elementary text, "Hello, where are you now what you are doing will be able to pick me up? What are we doing today, we visit called. Forgot to call mom? The protractor has a child?", he does not answer for a whole minute?? ********** This woman will be able to see the evil dragon Prince and turn a handsome Prince into an evil dragon. ********** "We were forbidden to hire black...

Here now for songs? Shaker, Hey, pacemaker. No meaning, no soul, no music. And before that? SINANAJ YES OPA OPA SHINANAI. It is quite another thing! ********** what in your house unordinary people I realized even in the summer, when I saw under "do You love me?" answer: "I love compote and grandma." ********** to go to the toilet, not washing your hands after cut the red hot peppers was a mistake. ********** the children of the leadership of the country - Is a competent Manager! - Competent?! You think it's a compliment to say that the head can read? Although in our time - Yes, well at least the letter knows! ********** How frustrating to get your favorite sweater and suddenly to learn that he Eska, you're a bitch, not Eska. ********** People, always...

Don't like nationalism. It I as the representative of a superior race claim. ********** the Child is inexpensive. Somewhere 50.000 for connection and 8.000-10.000 monthly fee. ********** - Say, the conductor of the tram was caught on corruption. - What did he do? - the bastard ate all the lucky tickets. ********** - how do you feel about the fact that the President of Ukraine Poroshenko flew to rest on the Maldives? - Yes when did you already remember that it is not "ON", and "In"?! Bitches! Bastards! Hate!!! ********** - Man, you forgot to remove Shoe covers. - I didn't forget Anything, simple shoes shore. ********** my wife and shopaholics: it sopit, and I the broom. ********** - Why the British don't play water Polo? - Horses in the basin of the sink...

In the USSR, the seller was in the back room. Russia is now the Manager logs in merchandisers. ********** Ukraine threatened to refuse loans to the IMF, if the IMF will allocate the next credit to Ukraine. ********** I wish these hole were given to pensioners. ********** Odessa Privoz. Sarah, pointing to some kind of exotic fruit, asks the seller: - Tell me, how much it costs? Twenty hryvnia. - Tell me, what is it called? I do Not know. Well, you must know! You're the seller! - I don't know. - Well, name it somehow! - "somehow"? Well, as you wish! Well, like, for example? - Well, at least carrots! - Well, carrots! Sarah looks at exotic fruit: - No, for that price I carrot I will not take. ********** - So, where should I sign for? - Sorry, but you...