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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 481 items

In Order to do that I was forbidden to leave France? Options with a Deposit - not to offer! ********** - Rabinovich, why are you so concerned about? - Not too much the government spends on defense? - If people do not want to feed his army, he will feed someone else. - what is cheaper? ********** - Petrovich, but at least you know what economic crisis? - How is that not know is a week before the salary! ********** If you have a crappy economy, will announce its translation on a war footing. The economy will be even worse, but people will not be up to it. ********** Life should be lived so that at your funeral relatives wept bitterly, and reading the last will and Testament - over the moon! ********** Putin said that the Russian business should be ready to go...

- Peter, go peel the potatoes. - mom! - That "mother"? As the tangerines to clean - so you're the first. ********** Blizzard invented as a remedy for claustrophobia. With it, you get used to indoors. ********** If you're trying to be the majority, remember: most people are generally already dead! ********** Announcement: - Looking for a job. Professional WIFE... Laundry, cleaning, cooking, meeting with beer. A full range of services after final registration. There is a contest employers. ********** About vodka, don't drink. ********** the Psychologist approaches the cashier at the store. Cashier: - You need a bag? the Psychologist: - You want to talk about it? Cashier: - Yes, damn it! I'm so worried that the bags do not need! ********** Before you say...

- Nature always chooses the best option, so in the human body no extra parts or parts. - Is that you Jews and Muslims tell. ********** When I say that I'll have my day, it seems that I am constantly moving. ********** a Strange feeling when people in the transport otkazivaetsa from you. on the one hand, phew, well and good, but on the other — Hey, you che not satisfied, scum. ********** If Russian language was not so great and powerful, a Russian person would be better off. ********** life care to live without worries. ********** When you meet a girl, first of all pay attention to the presence of intelligence, and if not, once you understand MINE. ********** like I'm not looking. Like I run up. ********** Only the new sins get rid of old remorse. **********...

- I Wonder if Putin knows that the Constitution be elected President only for two terms? - Knows. - what? Says that this refers to two consecutive life terms. ********** - I'm not fat! - You weigh 80 kg. - 30 kg is lying on a heart is a heavy burden! ********** Neher to feed your feelings who you are not hungry. ********** Gods like those who worship them. ********** - you Like to cut? - First align the top of the thinning scissors to ear level. Then a smooth transition to the neck. Then make the keeping side of the border. Well, and Poynting, slicing... - Short? - Poluboks. ********** - But where is my jacket? - asks the citizen is at the cleaners. - I don't know, ' replies the receptionist. - Probably when we took all the spots, there's nothing left...

- what's stopping you personally to diversify your life? - too Lazy and the criminal Code of the Russian Federation. ********** - How do you cope with work? - asks the tourist resting in the shade of the pergola of a farmer. - Excellent, - answers the farmer. - I need to uproot some old trees, but there was a storm and made me this work. - Very interesting. - Then fallen trees struck by lightning, and I didn't have to burn them. - Amazing! What do you do now? Now? Waiting for the earthquake that it shook the ground, and the potatoes. ********** I'm the bartender asked "the usual?" "Of course," I answer. My first time in this bar. bring Me orange juice and pickles. Than the lives of the person with whom I confused? ********** After fifty intervening years...

Mood is like the autumn leaf. Want, f***ing break. ********** Some of us are brave only because they are afraid to be cowards. ********** Rosstat report: another year has increased the life expectancy of Russians who survived the previous year. ********** the Essence of the ostrich policy is not to hide your head in the sand, but to show ass. ********** Black and white - it's just extreme shades of gray. ********** - Yes you Schaub for the rest of my life just a salad "Olivier" ate! - can't understand a curse or a blessing?.. ********** - What do you think of our yeast infection? - Oh, it's only noble and honest woman! Even when she pours the water into the milk, then be sure to boil it before this. ********** traffic for the truck driver: in yellow I'm...

- Mr President, why is the forum still had his hands cross, and You are divorced? - you know, in exactly the same situation, I have the last time the iPhone was stolen. ********** When transferring money use the services of Russian post. Because our horses carrying your money, the fastest, and the most sober drivers... ********** - I would Not want to disappoint you... - you know you're still fascinate did not. ********** Say, in the toilet of a confectionery factory for the workers unit is installed to verify it does not stick? ********** Putin goes to their elections with the slogan "not to live well, not worth starting". ********** but I do not want to spoil my bad mood! ********** this is how you look sometimes at people and think: "Mother dear, and I...

On Putin's meeting with artists in the Kremlin Volochkova have to wear very long and very tight dress, not to accidentally do the splits. ********** Halloween is the only day of the year, when the girl at the party you can say: "You're so ugly!" and hear in response: "Thank you!". ********** Since childhood, I was very polite. Therefore, when the clinic doctor asked me: - How are you doing today to poop? I said, - fine, Thank you. And you? ********** Economy may be a market or planned, but Russia as always your way, our economy - Patriotic. ********** When did the downsizing, the Director, noted for his tact, was summoned by one employee: - I just don't know how we'll manage without you, - he sighed, - but, in any case, first we will make an attempt...

I'm not jealous, just him with no teeth really good. ********** Now a good Park - big deal! My neighbors so well the car in the yard put, now that the second week will not, it does not go. Apparently, very sorry for them is trump to lose. ********** was unable to repeat. on the day of the 100th anniversary of the great October Socialist Revolution the opposition has failed to repeat such a significant event due to the fact that the government of St. Petersburg has not agreed on the venue of the Revolution. The opposition and the Bolsheviks insisted on the Palace square and the Winter Palace, the government proposed to postpone the Revolution in Lenin's Hut in Razliv, believing that only there she would not disturb passers-by and tourists. ********** on 7...

I hate these posers in jeans with holes in the knees. No one will believe you so much you pray, no! ********** I Saw only that in the group of my city: "Merry deer, three hundred rubles." Just an ad to sell toys, and like on my resume! ********** There is nothing worse than to take a wet door handle in the toilet. You yourself claim that it's just water, but doubts still remain. ********** - Nicephorus, bring me, my dear, the piano from the halls - it's my glass of cognac is worth. - good woman, a Grand piano in the bushes. You yesterday, when the wolf, her garden to go say... ********** - what are the similarities and differences between physical education and Olympic games? - here And there, if sick, need a doctor's note. For the gamemaster, not to go...

Life is the time period between "This age will soon pass" and "This age will not pass". ********** what you're trying to forget the day, keeps you up at night. ********** the Schrodinger Equation in real life: the Observed object (the girl) changes its properties depending on the amount of alcohol consumed by the observer. ********** - OK Sobchak, she needs to raise the popularity before the new year corporate parties. But You, Elena, why go on? You're a very well-known among Russians personality. - Yes, that's right and we want the Russians to know me in person and not on other parts of the body. ********** the Husband and wife. - you know how men are running after me? - Yes, I know, and the swift, sadly, was me. ********** Life is full of suffering. If...

- what do you think will happen if Chubais is appointed Minister of defense? after 3 months of privatization of the army, and six months later, the high General staff will become a limited liability company with foreign capital. ********** do Not ask women a lot. Be content with what you give. ********** Manages the house-2 are also suitable to control Russia, as the faucet fit in lifting. ********** - Why is Santa Claus walks with the snow Maiden and Santa Claus - no? Because Santa Claus has a boyfriend, but until they are ready to come out! ********** Registrar: - this time say "Yes, mother!" a simple "Yes." ********** - Doctor, please, tell me what were the last words my poor husband? - He said, "Tell my wife my last wishes: "Sara, you have paid the...

Was the last days of October... Goosebumps on my legs torn pantyhose... ********** One restaurant owner posted in the window of announcement: "the bills pay for your great-grandchildren!" the First visitor, saw this ad, ordered a chic lunch with the most exquisite wines, and when the waiter presented the bill, he showed the ad and said, Account pay my grandchildren! - Absolutely, they will pay your account, but this account of your great-grandfather! ********** Provident Scottish farmer insured his life, and soon drowned in the river. The neighbor says to the widow: - How lucky that your husband was so thoughtful, though he could neither read nor write... - And to swim, thank God, - replied the widow. ********** - When Pushkin was killed? - In the 37th. -...

Vladimir Pozner calls to prevent Sobchak and vote against all, and to prevent independent candidates and to vote for whoever you like — do not call. ********** to Make mountains out of molehills is not necessary and even dangerous. The resulting creature will be shitting like an elephant and at the same time to fly. You need it?! ********** in the past century the main troubles of Russia were fools and roads. In the present won Sobchak and Russia. ********** In Moscow is preparing to pass a competition of jokes about Razman Kadyrov. the Main prize - a free ticket to Grozny to shoot apologies to Ramzan Kadyrov. ********** - Vovan, here's how much you can lift? - Easily - 126 kg. Every morning I work. - Sway in the morning? - No, just get out of bed...

Dreams always come true! But we need to know exactly what you need. And then arrive the Prince on a white horse, and you're already pregnant from her husband... ********** a Little girl asked her father: - Dad, why don't you want to play with me? - Because I don't have time. - Why don't you have time? - Because I work. - why do you work? - to earn money. - why to make money? To feed you. the Little girl thought and said: - You know, I don't want to eat, so you can safely play with me. ********** HR: - beautiful, beautiful! But do you have any other recommendations except from the warden? ********** - Che-my head itches! Is probably the cockroaches woke up. ********** Wife enrolled in a section of shooting sports. Now I don't run to the left, and zigzags...