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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh jokes every day Ugar.Su

Daily updated database of jokes on Ugar.Su! Only fresh anecdotes!

Found 485 items

One American film Director filmed the novel Hemingway. After the premiere he was told that Hemingway is very unflattering recalled about the painting. This can only be two reasons - categorically stated the Director. Any Hemingway haven't seen the movie or have not read the novel. ********** When good with his fists, the evil is already with a gun. ********** Students gnaw granite science, and teaching it to them chew. ********** People: - Again everything is more expensive! Three skins tear up from me! State: - And fuck you THREE skins?! One is enough. ********** we have to Live so that everybody was saying that you're not affect them... ********** December 2016. In Irkutsk (Russia) from poisoning "Hawthorn" 123 people were injured. 78 of them failed to...

- Why do journalists so often and with apparent sympathy by telling us about the plight of women with low social responsibility? - Colleagues after all. Corporate solidarity... ********** Lecture on political science. The theme of "gangs". Lecturer - grandmother, God dandelion. - In 90-e years in Moscow there were many criminal gangs, which were often formed on a territorial basis, that is, on areas. For example, the Solntsevo group, which is now broken up... the Voice from the last row: - Yes, as they broke up?! Nichrome! Grandma is changing dramatically in the face and angrily, Oh, begins the list: - What do you mean collapsed? Sanya Small put, Skull planted, Shaven on the pen set! the Lecture was disrupted... ********** trump – helpers: - Yes... it seems...

Want to improve relations - to improve and not want to find out. ********** I Noticed that the employees of "Mail of Russia" have recently become more humane? will Listen, comfort you, cry with you for the lost parcel. ********** If you choose the lesser of two evils, the greater evil may be very offended and take revenge. ********** - Storm sky mist conceals, snow spinning vortices... Or here's another: "Above the gray plain of the sea wind, clouds..."... - the Director of hydrometeorological centre if the weather in April more specifically? ********** - Hello! - Hey. How are you? - is Normal. - doing What? - Getting statistics. - Th for statistics? - Yes here, I think. who and how many times a day told me the stupid phrase "Hello", "how you doing...

Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you what you can be useful to me. ********** Stability is when the dollar returns to its place, and the ruble prices... also remain in place. ********** On a call to tech support: "I can't log in to the computer!" and I want to answer: "I do not know, try to change position...". ********** the Ombudsman after his inauguration went to the world Cup and have committed harassment... "Great and mighty Russian language" - said to be Turgenev and he added: "In the mouth your feet!" ********** Abraham met Sarah, rested in the sanatorium, at the station, came home, Abram takes a telegram from the table and shaking it in front of his nose Sarah says: - Read! read Sarah: - Abram, tomorrow arrive in 15-40 meet. Your favorite...

A Psychiatrist by mistake instead of the test slipped the patient the form of the exam, the result of which he was simultaneously enrolled at MSU and to the day hospital. ********** my wife's cat-British... decided on the sly too to send, it tries%of the house, had long dreamed of! ********** - Your eyes are like two inductee. - what? One mows and the other one is really blue. ********** Nutritionists advise to eat often, but gradually. The first part I have a good job. ********** I have Before me two bills, one in denomination of 50 rubles, another worth 5000 rubles. Feel the difference? ********** - Hey, April, you have the ground is white! ********** - Why so few read Newspapers? - Toilet paper is sold everywhere. ********** As for selfies, you can...

- Dear colleagues, I brought grandma's diary with powerful spells for money. I will read them, and you — chorus repeat after me! the Minister of Finance, and more traditional methods of recruitment do you know?.. ********** Any caught stealing a police officer is dismissed a month ago. Any of the collapsed building - an illegal construction. That would be so, and with a failed marriage... you have Lived together for a couple of years of life no no,and then the marriage certificate is not issued suddenly on the paper, no watermark... and ZAGS that was left, and signatures are all invalid ... ********** According to Shmarov Debian 125 times deprived of the rights and appointed harm we can say inhumane punishment - fine of 200 rubles. Obviously the traffic...

Man will drink - won't remember anything. the Woman drink it and remembered everything! ********** Russia in solidarity with Britain in the case Skripal will send diplomats 25 countries. ********** UN Secretary-General expressed extreme concern about the actions of Israel against the Arab demonstrators, who were peacefully throwing stones at the Israeli police. ********** once the red light was used for manifestation not only of depravity but also of film. ********** ads on avito: Sale cheap SUV known British brand 4x4 all wheel drive, studded, black, 2015, kit all-weather, night vision devices, small mileage. In the apartment. In short: for sale cat. ********** Women are divided into two types: 1) Her Boobs - the dream 2) Her dream - Boobs ********** Opens...

Well, that has come to life in virtual reality. We scare them with the weapon, showing cartoons. They have been accused of showing slides. ********** to Wean employees from solving crosswords in the workplace is very simple: it is necessary to include this lesson in the circle of duty. © C. Melamed ********** these days there's one thing harder to find than a needle in a haystack to find the needle in the hands of a young girl. ********** , We build socialism with a human face, but it turned out capitalism with a goat's face. ********** the Client asks the Barber: - You would not advise me how to save the remnants of my hair? - I would recommend you to purchase this locket... ********** I do Not know how many people die from love, but many of her are born...

As gentlemen ought not to lie, for the post of Prime Minister are more likely to choose lady. ********** Intends to take out of the fridge a couple of Beers for consultation. ********** the Porter Institute of beauty and became famous among his colleagues a big tip. - How do you do it? - asked his buddy. - is Very simple. When clients come, I meet them with the words "Please, Madam!", and when they leave, I tell them: "good-bye, Mademoiselle!" ********** When talking about the medical examination that you have to pass therapist, ophthalmologist, dentist, ENT, neurologist and others, I have a feeling that we are talking about the quest. ********** to live like you want, you either want very little or to be able very much. ********** Writing appeared among...

Few people know that the famous "the Thinker" Rodin sculpted from Russian: naked man, painfully thinking "What?" and "Who is guilty"? ********** - As a Declaration of love on the neuroscience? - Marinochka, do you believe in the excitability of neurons after exposure to estrogen preoptičeskoj on the medial region of the hypothalamus at first sight? ********** somewhere in a parallel universe, the object of a small business is a stall Shawarma, and not a shopping center. But officials pretend that it is not, plant a little earlier than people die. ********** - so, Lenchik, the Customer said, - I'm a single man want a card for a birthday to send. Are you this, the woman he any prettier than picture. And fun. He frowns women do not like. And so with a hint of...

- Now, the Ukrainians, unlike the last time, will not demand freedom Hope Savchenko. - Why? - They will not forgive her that she didn'T blow up Parliament with all MPs and is not brought to an end the attempt on the President... ********** the President after the results of elections said it's time to make the leap. the First from the country rushed oligarchs. ********** Olya so much did duckface that were fed bread in the Park. ********** - Your wife is a wonderful woman. You're in good hands. - I already knew that he was. ********** my first wife was Natalia, and Natalia second, in General, as it turned out, did not have their reason to change, not in the soft sign was there. ********** Robot vacuum cleaner gathered in the house, all jewelry, and an hour...

The Survey showed that 85% of Russians happy. The remaining 15% at the time of the survey were sober. ********** Adam's Apple is a piece of Apple that was stuck in the y of Adam in the throat when eve told him she's pregnant. ********** - Dear, and I have a juicy ass? - Yeah, ass indicates your appetite... ********** Patience is, of course, a strong weapon, but sometimes you begin to regret that it was not a gunshot. ********** - I absolutely no relations with dumplings: boiled, off and forgot to buy something I forgot, then bought a cook forgot. And today the climax: I am the water, the water boiled... and then I realized that I forgot the dumplings at the store. How to explain it? - You cursed ravioli factory. ********** Teacher: johnny, what are you go...

Vanya and Manya Wake up after the wedding night. Vanya: - Manya, your mother swore that you are a girl... - Che, right, and swore? - Straight, and swore! - Oh, this is awkward... ********** If poverty reduction is to come from the mind,it can be slightly rich. ********** the arms Race is when you first proud of the nuclear shield of the Motherland, then long on the shelves remain the same, only banks with sea Kale. ********** Grudinin – radish. Red outside, white inside. ********** Miser pays only when lady say, "Yes." ********** How much water impurity, and sour cream still will not... ********** Sherlock, how did You manage to solve this complicated case? Elementary, my dear Watson, compared the list of recipients of visas from Russia last month with an...

Apparently, the next spy in London would kill balalaika. ********** ... what Sobchak? Yes, everything as usual. When she want nothing from you, "Russia is a country of genetic scum". It is the same before the election: "In our country live a beautiful, intelligent and hardworking people." ********** Prime Minister Theresa may calls Putin: - Vladimir, I am outraged! Your spies tried to destroy Skripal... - do Not understand, - said Putin. – Tried or destroyed? - have Tried. Is not my spies! ********** I wonder who will be the next President. the following will not be the previous. ********** Masha tired of her boyfriend. She very much wanted to have in relationships have been changing. Desire turned - boyfriend cheated on her. ********** "Thank you" in a...

- Isaac, you have heard the statement Serebryakova about rudeness and arrogance, as part of the Russian national idea? Is not an idea, Abram, it is the result of a ban on the carrying of weapons. ********** When you were attacked and harmed - you just got unlucky, and when you harm the attacker - you have no luck in full: If attacked by an animal, you sue the animal rights activists; if it was a woman, you sue advocates for the rights of women; if it was kids, you condemn fighters for the rights of children; if it was the face of another nationality, culture or religion, you condemn fighters for tolerance; and even if it was a man, you will sue the human rights activists. So stay still and wait for assistance to law enforcement official if of course luck...