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Entertainment / Humor

Fresh dozen of funny jokes. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

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A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Found 119 items

You choose It. Choose from many other, carefully scrutinizing, studying... Or at random, hastily, inadvertently, the first. It's really whatever you like. at First you all of It, not overjoyed! Friends tell, what is It good. Then begin to climb out minor flaws. One thing you never noticed other changed for the worse. And you begin these things annoying the farther the stronger. It takes a lot of money, not to call... But my friends have no such problems. Begin to look at others, first for fun, then seriously thinking not to break up Lee. But you're used to It already! And all the same advantages in some too. Just going to suffer, berating Her for every school, well, or one will not stand and will choose another, perfect (as you think) to pass her all the...

All dialogs - on government communications. DT: - Volodya, hi. Well, can I have something to bomb in Syria? Requirement reputation, friend. GDP: - Donya, and who you pulled the tongue? DT: Well, Volodya, I'm sorry, the devil has beguiled. Help to get out. GDP: - okay, hang on. GDP: - to Alla, Bashar, have you that it is unnecessary to give Don the bomb? So it is necessary. BA: - Volodya, but how? I want to sleep. Well, if it is necessary, that is, three pieces. Wanted to demolish for renovation, but money is dismantling the no. Coordinates send by TEXT. GDP: - Thanks, the Bash, along with its air defense practice. Move all of the goals of the two kilometers. Tomorrow will declare for aggression and can start to take out the trash. GDP: - Donya, all agreed...

Remake of an ancient joke. the balloon off course, and the aeronaut fell urgently with him down. Seeing the man downstairs, he said, Excuse me, where am I? - You are in a balloon, 15m above the ground. Your coordinates are 5°28'17" N and 100°40'19" E. - it looks Like you're a mathematician, sighed the balloonist. - Yes, I am a mathematician, ' agreed the man. - How did you know? - the answer, apparently, accurate, and complete, but for me completely useless. I still don't know where I am, and what I do. You me did not work, only in vain wasted your time. - And you seem to be out of managers, noted mathematician. - I do a top Manager of a major company, - sprang the balloonist. But how do you know? You've seen me on TV? - Why? - surprised a mathematician...

In Moscow, there are all actors and writers, bloggers and columnists, designers and makeup artists, bankers and businessmen, experts and analysts, bureaucrats and politicians, and even marketers, sales reps, delivery guys and couriers. And yet lawyers, economists, accountants, auditors. And the police, the military. And consultants, sellers. And yet.... and yet... and yet... Not enough only janitors, they are the people already left

Two tractor lunch box in a time of much fruitful work. The Yam, cucumbers, etc. One reads articles spread out as a tablecloth is a newspaper: - Hey, Mikhalych, what I write... In 25 years of sexual life the woman's vagina is worn for just one ten-thousandth of a millimeter! - Yeah... That would be us these bearings!

Hereditary magician will perform any of your request. to All who requested to return the Crimea to Russia, choose trump the President to lay off 10,000 cops, return the medals to the Olympians: the job completed. Ready for the next job. Payment on the card*, the essence of the request in the accompanying TEXT.

In Saudi Arabia wholesale tied all the biggest corrupt officials, and almost all of them agreed to cooperate with the investigation and return the money. If Russia happened like that, that would be enough dough to build a socially oriented state, and the surrender to purchase a Saudi Arabia.

Exam: - Professor, I don't know the answer to any question of a ticket, give me a deuce, I pressabout in the army and there killed and only mom and dad will weep for me. - You are so not ogorchaet, I'll give it a three. - Professor, because of the three I don't get a scholarship, I don't have anything to invite my girlfriend to the movies, buy drugs grandparents, no, I can't live. Okay, I'll put four. - Professor, thank you, five! Five? Squirt, get your five and so I never saw you again.

Early in the morning after Returning home from duty and noticed that the front door is not locked, the Mute went into the bedroom and found Sarah on the ravaged bed stepennoi and not a little flushed. after Seeing her husband, she became confused and muttering, in the morning in a dream or reality... a brownie or a brownie, but so arrogant... began to stick, she fought back, but there was nothing I could do... the Gloomy and lashing his trembling fingers pace, NEMA carefully looked at the bed in search of traces of the crime, and then, tormented by painful doubts, went into the nursery, looked at the peacefully sleeping on double-Decker beds, twelve young men of different ages and resignedly thought, "I Hope he at least used protection".

For the common man the difference between socialism and capitalism is: Under socialism, he says: "Oh, I didn't have enough sausages!". Under capitalism, he says, "Oh, I don't have enough money for a sausage!". the Word "money" was added, but the sausage is not added.

Court hears the case. The judge calls the witness. - Surname? - Whose? My? - No, mine! Of course, yours! - My Rabinowitz. - the Year of birth? - Whose? My? it's mine! It is clear that your! - Moy - 1935. - is he Married? - Who, me? - No, I! Well, of course, you! - Married. - have been living with your wife? - whose, mine? - No, mine! - With your - about six months.

Rabinovich says Sarah: - I was thinking: I'm older than you and probably will die first. You likely will mourn, and as soon as decency, to get married for Yasha. My grave will overgrow with weeds and very quickly you'll forget me. Then you destroy my shop and sell it for a pittance. And then you go to the States and going to splash out my money. Sarah: - Oh, don't fantasize. First you die, and then we'll see...

Once Augusto Pinochet spoke to the people: - the Secret of a good life in the country is simple - Augusto began. The crowd watched with interest for him. - hard work... has left the Square a few hundred people. - enforce the law... the square had gone another hundred. - And no communism! - graduated from Augusto, expecting that this time will go even more people. But no one left. - why is no one leaving? asked Pinochet. - I just said, "No communism!". Among the crowd is no Communist? said a voice from the crowd: - All the Communists went after the necessary labor and compliance laws!

The First channel showed the "Irony of fate" for the New year. It's, you know, it smacks of dissent. First swing at "the Irony", then in the New year without, terrible to say, Pugacheva, and then into someone's brain inflammation will creep the thought that the President might not be Putin...

From the discussion of the history of firearms: - is a Pity that instead of truly useful inventions that could improve the quality of life, get rid of disease, to save from death so many man hours, so many cerebral resources were spent on the invention and improvement of the unnecessary shooting of the shit. the disease can not say, but with weapons, many were saved from death. And how many have improved their quality of life...