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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 1109 items

Oh, it was a long time ago, maybe recently. 15-17 years passed.... Driving with a friend in Odessa in the train. March 31, April fool's day tomorrow. But are not going to the masquerade: just a meeting of friends: one in Odessa, the second in B-Dniester lives. All studied together. I after a year in PKB (PROEKTNO-KONSTRUKTORSKOE BYURO) enrolled in graduate school and returned to home University. Druzyaka plants and ports scattered. come on! April 1. Odessa. 5 in the morning. Odessa a friend from the station (or rather lived, and then took off) a 15-minute walk. Who knows: crossroads of the French Boulevard and Dovzhenko. Well, the bars we go..... Go into the entrance (code lock I know). Rise on the floor - press call......and ringing in the next apartment...

The Story of "the thesis" inspired. in the Evening I phoned a friend, laughing. - Remember! 20 years ago, I asked you to find a report on the history, son. As always the last day and remembered the Internet, I was not home, I came here and asked to look for a paper on the theme. Abstract we found, I downloaded it to a floppy disk. Then ran to work, only there was a laser printer, printed a fairly lengthy work and presented to the child. the next day he proudly read aloud almost half, while the teacher didn't stop him. Got it for a fiver. today I cleaned the bookcase and found this paper. You'll laugh, but it was not the abstract and the beginning of a novel about popadantsev. Literally across the page from the one where the son stopped, the army of Napoleon...

It is said that cats always land on their feet. Now, that's not true, and I've heard that's not true. Why have you heard? Now tell. I got near the barn is the boiler is two years worth. It is covered with a sheet metal, and is expensive nearby cat – jump to the boiler, with him on the extension of the barn, with her on the barn, and where the soul of a cat will. And then one not very fine day for the cat I removed the sheet from the boiler moved to a new place and came back. Near I quickly ran the neighbor's cat and jumped forward to the boiler, but the sheet in the same place was not. The impact was LOUD, clear, BOOMING - it was clear that the cat has landed on his feet. Thinking that one of nine lives cat lost mazasis in the wall of the boiler head. Have...

Allahverdi to the story about the chief of police and his interrogation of a suspect with cakes and coffee. Was in unforgettable times by the chief of police in St. Petersburg Mr. Kramarev (God rest his soul). He liked to inspect the Department on the subject, what does the staff at this time. Build Opera, and then roll call. "Smith!" "Here", "Petrov" - "Present", "Sidorov! Where Sidorov Is?!!!!". Answer - " And he's in a meeting with an agent...". The reaction of the chief - "Both are immediately in line!!!". Here in this accept, if anyone knows...

My friend at work, one woman from accounting asked me to help her carry things. Things were a mattress, a blanket and two pillows. Although the city of nearly a million, but it was close. Coped for half an hour, although the featherbed barely got into a small car and partially sticking out. Even met the cops said nothing. The next day he came to work with a noticeable abrasion on his forehead. Said bumped in the garage while I turned on the light. I was told that his wife was told inaccurate information. Could not explain that it's not what she said.

Since high school, deep in the Soviet years, read and seen pictures of the giant drawings in the Peruvian desert of Nazca. They are so huge that they can only be seen from airplanes flying over. Whether the ancient Indians already had flying machines, or something else abruptly. The other day, along with a friend went to see his apartment, which he bought in Lyubertsy. I liked the house itself and the infrastructure around it. Step out onto the balcony of the seventeenth floor, he saw in the wasteland, far from home, created apparently by the natives, the inscription on the snow-covered ground, of three letters. Maybe it's for the aliens, or just for locals, but people think big.

Ordinary Vanya Khodus division together with the next replenishment of the Western Ukraine arrived to serve an ordinary van Khodus. For his secondary education he was a good fit to the operator of one of the systems anti-missile system, which was assigned. However, a week came to me Sergeant, head of Department and reported that the average Khodus not suitable for the position of operator. I didn't believe and ordered to deliver Khodus office. Come, stands, shifting from foot to foot. Ask about education – secondary automotive school. Pretty well, but decide to test some of the knowledge for school: – the square Root of sixteen? Vanya looks at me quizzically, about the root of probably never heard of. – Three times four. – Nine– thinking, meets Ivan...

Long ago it was... Entering the first grade. the Commission: the teacher of initial classes and two teachers. My girl clearly answered the questions on mathematics, Russian, ... Pleased the teacher asked one last question: - Tell me, Nastenka, and the difference between day and night? the Child was conceived. For a long time. - Well, what have you - sadly said the teacher, is so well answered, and a simple question the answer is no. the Child was revived. WELL, you KNOW the Earth is not only spinning on its axis and around the Sun. The earth revolves in a circular orbit, a circle is made... - enough, Enough, ' said the teacher. So we went to the first class.

Gun In 1949, for the first time after the war, in Popovka with his family came from Leningrad, my uncle, Pyotr M., pilot of the Second world war – for him the war began in 1939, in Finland, and ended with the defeat of Japan in 1945. Myself I didn't remember – was still too small, however, one episode has survived in the collective memory of the family. One day, Pyotr together with his wife, Anna Borisovna went on business in Boguchar. On foot, with bus service were absent. A long way, five miles on the highway, paved with cobble stones. In Sochi, the pair was late, we were returning home after dark. On a deserted stretch of highway, almost in the dark to meet them seemed two shapes with obviously unfriendly intentions. In short – ordinary robbers, who...

Wedding story 5 today I was Shooting a wedding and after painting in the registry office for Sevastopol tradition, the couple went to ride around the city and monuments to appear in the video and photos. Ride the city loop and one of the guests suggested that we go to Balaklava (this is the farthest district of Sevastopol), to walk around the Bay along the waterfront. The restaurant still had plenty of time and, therefore, all agreed. Drove up to Balaklava Bay: walk, drink champagne, make a wedding film and photo album. There, on the promenade there are several wooden piers where fishing boats dock and boats. On one of these piers, we came to make a beautiful photo session on the background vechereyuschim sea. Bride spinning in a flowing dress, my...

The Parents were told. For a long time. the words of the mistress of the apartment, which they rented, barely married. That is, long before me. In the neighborhood lived a preschooler, which the doctor, among other things, wrote the admission of vodka. Whether three drops in a bucket of water, or a teaspoon per Cup of tea, but it's true. The admission of vodka. Maybe the disease was rare, and maybe the doctor practiced alternative medicine. the Boy quickly figured out its uniqueness and proudly walking in the communal hallway, loudly declared from time to time: - My oganism thebuy of vodka! it is needless to say that this phrase my father was adopted? And carried with them all their lives. And the kid, by the way, grew up a normal person. Not drunk, not...

Inspired by the story https://www.anekdot.ru/id/997588/ - "the need for love old men approaching children" my Grandma lives alone. Call her a couple times a week, and she says, says says. She lives very far away, get to her infrequently. And then went to her daughter for a week. Talked a lot. Grandma was told where and how stung I felt when a classmate of my dad, Lenka, living in the neighborhood, promised and did not, in General, any question resulted in a long story. Well, life, she, of course, complained heartily. I listened to the hardships of a lonely life, and took off the bat: to disassemble, clean up, trash to throw out. I Taxied to the grandmother in the room with a suspicious jar from the refrigerator: - Can I throw her out? - Oh, it's Sergei...

Unfortunately it is difficult to convey in words the atmosphere, but I'll try: the wife had birthday, came 4 of her closest girlfriends with their husbands. Despite the fact that my wife of many years (she is 46, I am 49), we are still newlyweds, only 5 years of marriage. here friend all happily married, never came back, maybe 25 years old married. this is all already drunk, and I tell the table, my wife and I recently had the flu or SARS. namely, at first, was sick for a week the wife and I stayed, because we go an ENTIRE WEEK without KISSING on the LIPS!!! Well, and then could not resist and kissed him, and the next day I got sick. God, they were LAUGHING at us!!!!! All the families, to tears. cried: - and are You still on the lips kissing? - and we have...

I never believed in God. Sitting watching a film about how 40 years, Moses led the Jews through the desert. And there is such episode. The Jews told Moses that they only communicate with him, and want to communicate with God himself. Well, Moses began to call upon God to appear. The wind picked up, throwing dust, smoke went on the TV screen, spread from TV to the wall, then the ceiling in the room. I've already started. I think what the hell, after all the dust and smoke is on TV. Half an hour later I realized what it was. On the street car drove the glare from her headlights, like smoke, went through the wall and across the ceiling. a Similar case I had before. Watching some movie on TV, and they show a fire, house fire, firefighters extinguish the fire...

"GIFT" I Have a few bottles of men's colognes from avon(not advertising). Wife, now daughter. So, there is among them a healthy bottle, but the smell I do not like and do not like! I after shave splashed them and instead of deodorant used and the wound cauterized, something to scrub-wipe used, do all to this stuff quickly over. And he, infection, is still not the end and not the end. Throw a pity – gift, and worth the money, and I'm not a millionaire. Other colognes seldom used, beach. And suddenly the other day looking – and shit, just a few times left. Uraaa!!! Well finally begin to use classroom-tested and wonderful colognes! Nothing boded ill. 23 Feb. Almost solemnly, the daughter gives me a gift: - Daddy, I congratulate you. I know you will enjoy it...