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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 1513 items

I Served as under Peter, in one of the ancient cities. Arriving in the part of the KMB faced cane local grandparents - after lights out, the company did not go to bed until on the table panel will not put 100 dead mosquitoes. We, the young, slept like a log, and grandparents, is the night mosquitoes biting. A couple of days we about half an hour who would like to catch mosquitoes, but really it was good to sleep, do not bite at night. after a couple of days ended. Mosquitoes were caught even more than required, but waking up in the morning bitten lips. Everything was just the mosquitoes we caught a day where someone can to evening dragged into match boxes.

HOW ELEPHANTS DIE You have never seen death, Dickie? Learn as we go! the Old elephant, 60-plus years held in records as Marita, died last night. She hasn't led the family, handed over power to the chief of their third daughter, powerful Margaux, but she switched to the role of the grandmother, carrying the herd brushset body, witness to the young is not too strayed from the nurses. And maybe it would stretch a few more years, if the boys from the neighboring Maasai village is not the time to become men. But Maasai become men means to perform the feat. For example, to kill someone. And boys, taking heavy, in their own growth, spears, twilight crept up to the elephant herd. This was not long ago. Recent years, the Maasai had to be satisfied with a bloodless...

About their buddies will talk about how cell phones should be more careful. it all Started with the fact that he called his wife from work, and that's kind of like the house was, but curtly - call me later! Says my milk ran out or something and to reset the call forgotten. And hear the wife in a company talking to the man and laughs. of Course, it is strained, he immediately turned on the recording and conversation piece managed to record until interrupted. There is nothing criminal, so, joke some, but the voice of the man familiar. this is his friend! after work I went to the acne to Druganov this, and asks: - Hey, you Natasha my today not seen anywhere else? - No. Missing something? - yeah, so, they say, are not met. But listen, that's your voice! to him,...

Summer...20 years ago, still a student, digging around in the garage, sitting in the pit to change the oil in my first car VAZ 2105. The time is 10 am. On the contrary men of 50 years, 3-4 person. Drink. Not noisy. This same man, he the garage through places in 20...And the dialogue: - Guys, I to you came yesterday? - Well, Yes, drinking... - how long do I have? - Yes the fuck knows, drinking be healthy... - Mmm, and I'm home when I went? - Yes the fuck knows, me son came, took her home...said the master... - Umm...yeah..walked - what the hell happened, then you? - Yes came home, no salaries... - How much???? - All!!! cacasink money thousand 50-70... My top five were definitely less than his salary... Memorable...

The Pursuit of beauty is a terrible force. You know the young couple, quite a people today. Good look, better yet earn. The material base is growing, and with it the growing knowledge about the possibilities of the modern world. Swinging husband regularly takes steroids. Wife got a boob job from the second to fourth size, with plastic surgery of the labia. Now my husband had weakness and lethargy, began to grow Breasts on the female type. My wife had inflammation in areas of seams. Both are treated in the same clinic. She asks her physician husband to tell him not to Skive and properly treated. She doesn't need pumped. He complains to her doctor that is now afraid to touch her breast. Suddenly, that stuffing will burst and they'll both suffer. In the state...

Do Not consider myself a music lover, but over the last couple of years, pumped from the Internet is just a huge amount of music. To represent the range, that is from one of my favorite "I will survive" to "Oh, Tachanka-rostovchanka". Usually come to work at 8. Before the start of work time to revise and finish deferred documents, read news on the Internet. All this takes place under the sounding of my music library. Because of its early arrival meet regularly with cleaners that work on our floor. Recently I was approached by one of them, a very elderly aunt, and gave disk. Asked to sign over to him my music, he says that we like, the same musical tastes.

Was in our class a guy named George. Nice guy, but that's math, not loved. When I got to the Board, if something was taught, I always forget, then blush, lost and as a result got his "deserved" the deuce. He was sitting at the same Desk with Maxim. And guys are constantly insulting each other. once in math class Maxim said loudly: - If the word Jora to change the letter p to p, we get.... the math Teacher with a smile and looked at Maxim and said: - This word will happen if Jora just come to the Board.

History that occurred on the Northern cosmodrome of our country in the 80-ies of the last century. Winter. Was preparing to launch on a commercial basis one of the French satellites. In one of the units ended wheat alcohol rectified for cleaning solar panels. The commander called in a neighboring unit and agreed to obtain a loan 3 liters of this fertile fluid. For delivery, he singled out Lieutenant N gave him for this 5-liter canister. U P in the adjacent unit was a comrade that the results thereof the product was doing. Comradely he gave P the product with a campaign, not 3, and 3.5 liters (0.5 for personal use), but still gave a good Cup of this drink. After that P went home. As for trouble, the path P has been laid on the path next to Mika. On this path...

In the distant childhood come the end of summer. The guys from pioneer camps, went the stories about swimming, Hiking, etc., etc. One of our friends – Hini, named beaver, a great visionary and the inventor decided to make a contribution. But as there is nothing special about the camp on the Kerzhenets river near Gorky does not happen, then had to unleash the imagination. And away, as they walked through the woods and met the donkey, as they night in the woods organized horse slaughter with flashlights and at the end of the story they're in the woods saw an eagle. – what was he doing? Asked him. – Flew and screamed. – how? After a moment of confusion gave: "Karrr, karrr, karrr."

When I was a student from a school in defense, we had a neighbouring commander of a platoon the senior Lieutenant... well, let's call him Dmitry Saraev. Personality he was quite extraordinary. Athlete, master of sports in decathlon and officer ... everything. Thought he directly and decisively, without any abstruse variation, if not more. this is for the straight and narrow-mindedness called his cadets by VT Volobuev. I don't know why, but most likely by the name of the joke where the main character is trying to say: "Volobuev – here is your sword", said: "Volobuev – here *UI" because it is sometimes called – Salebuy – hold *UI. Because of their natural qualities, he often became the hero of the small histories passed down orally cadets each other. Some of...

The seeds of feminism in my Dorm. WARNING: post may cause an aversion to people (at least several human individuals). Student Dorm. A block of several rooms with a population of a total population of 20 people. Two toilets for common use, without sex differences. One of the toilets no longer working, the second (which runs 20 people) - in a terrible state, through the vital activity of both boys and girls (we can do without the dirty details, though the evidence was enough). I tired to use the dump and I decided to bring second toilet to the right. If I had known, then be disappointed with people I never would have started... Day 1: Asked the commandant permission to conduct an independent works (attempts to persuade the repair manual has long been...

Here recently on this subject, and your observations I will share. 15-20 Years ago on the way to Vladivostok, I drove through the village Dmitrievka, motorway M60. See the grandma at the curb with a bucket of plums. Plum and almost a fist. Hamper - I love sour fruits. Ask how much, grandmother answers. Normal price, buy admire, like any worm?! And I admired that. Our son-in-law - an Amateur horticulturist, grows long and successful all this fruit, but much fruit is grown with worms well, smaller of course, bought from the grandmother. The reason is known - the zone of risky agriculture, but they are with my dad and even beekeepers. Treat the plants during flowering anyway, that poison their own bees and poisoned himself, so just flip-flopped time and bloom...

The Road was long, tough week and I started to get sleepy behind the wheel. Friend says - let's change you, is still not far left. Reluctantly let her behind the wheel, still he ride taught. However there was one caveat: - our Audi was in the shop, and this old Behu I have a friend begged for a day. Climbed on a chart the place and completely distracted from the road can't. you should Never speak under the hand of the driver, especially a friend, but could not resist: - the Gas dump on bends! - You said that if tuck slightly in the direction of rotation, the trajectory she'll find? - So that the front-wheel drive was, and is back. the Friend thought. Some time passed in silence, thinking about each her. And then she goes, , I understand! Beha weak.

Here don't like people who, having noticed someone else's fault, like publicly to expose, though often in an offensive manner. Fortunately, there is such a thing as karma, and she does not forget anything :) I Sat yesterday with a big company work in a cafe. Among others were two girls - Irina and Dasha, and it so happened that in the same Polo Ralph Laurent. Calm drink cocktails, and suddenly Dasha across the table jireh says: listen, and you are not ashamed to wear fakes? She answered blushing, how is it? - Well, you Polo obviously fake, begins the Dasha. - I such things do not attach importance to, softly retorted Irina. But, like, I have a real t-shirt. - no, well, you see, what cut, what material, - said Dasha. Here the threads diverge, there is a seam...

At a friends wedding, the program was a visit to some source. The day was hot. A few guys were expiated. My brother has not invented anything better than to wrap your wet panties in a bag and throw in the car. The wedding was not without incident. The groom half the night with a drunk friend in the police force sat. The bride, meanwhile, pulled all the stuff out of the car and the cowards too. Rinsed and hung in the bathroom. And here is a picture of the groom returns in the morning, and in the bathroom the wrong men's underwear hanging. With a drawing hand on the causal place and says "Mine."