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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 994 items

Yesterday go outside and see a neighbor with a swearing, collecting something from under the gate. - door Neighbor, are you there? -is There some sort of a bitch, I got into the habit at night of the broken glass to enclose in a rut where I'm coming from the yard. Catch, strangle the bitch! Today in the morning, just dawn, I needed to go. Opened the gate, gathered to drive the car and suddenly you see that the neighbor's dog, almost on their bellies moving along the fence. I Must say that the fence is the neighbor of corrugated Board and a height of 2 meters, only the bottom strip is 30 centimeters from the grid. Between us a fence from mesh-netting, so I can see everything perfectly. the Dog, the neighbor at night, produces walking around the yard, in the...

Inspired by the story of "a round twice doesn't fall." USA, Colorado, 2003, fall. Learn to "hyscule" exchange, uncle aunt and baby where I lived (long they health)- went to friends in a neighboring state for the weekend I stayed at their friends 10 km from the house. These, too, pros - house, yard, child. Well, then piled with tree leaves, a carpet. And I have nothing to do, bored, give think clean. Took the rake, he set to work. After an hour the courtyard, almost pure, begins to get dark - it's time for a smoke break (16 Smoking and now continue). Smoked begin to look for tool - find stepping on it. Flew to the back of the head, a good cut, remember that "Jin", a fight stick as it hit the back of his head. Being in a near syncope but somehow not falling...

Sanatorium, on may holidays, the history of the public eats diet food. Tables the natives of different social groups and regions. The speakers softly playing jazz of the thirties. The people frowns with displeasure. Finally Auntie DJ the dining room included an Italian chanson, Cutugno, Richie and Poveri, al Bano and Pupo. The couple across profoundly noted - has finally turned the music two thousand years, not this pre-war suckage. I'm chewing my scrambled eggs, for some reason, interjected with the comment that this music is called Italian disco and it's from the 80-ies of the last Millennium. What the neighbors said resentfully - you have it she was in the ' 80s, and to our village it only came in two thousand. I will not name the area, not to disgrace...

I had a Chance to earn a nanny. First time went for a walk with the child together with his dad - well, that kid to me to start used little. And looked this walk are mainly: Dimka somewhere runs (often to the parked cars), dad silently undermined from a place, catching up, brings back to the Playground... and a minute later it repeats. I the next day popervosti also ran after him, and then think: the guy almost two years, well, he can not really do not understand! Called. Stopped, meekly (!) returned, well, in the future, too. somewhere with half a year, I have worked and met through a few years in the clinic - Dima almost in school already processed. And looked their best in the line so: Dima rushes through the corridors, and dad SILENTLY running after...

Yesterday, going to give, saw a strange biker on the side of the wheel, as if stoned or drunk - driving "eight" writes, stopping every twenty yards.. closer, and this girl of about 18 wearing short shorts. Headphones in ears, and the cable in the phone, stuck. Here she removes the cell phone in the side pocket of his shorts. In the end, she's a while trying to go to a smartphone from his pocket fell out, and when it fails, it stops and begins to push it back....

Told one friend. I write with his words. the Astronaut! Saturday night. Came home from the theater (he's an actor). His wife and daughter Friday at the cottage. In the theatre after rehearsal with the lighting "sat". Cushy. the House have wanted. In the pan distribute the cutlets and potatoes, twinkle little and went to change into home. Pants pulled off, and slumped on the couch. Open my eyes, and me astronaut bent! Everything revolves around the blurred vision! Frightened! Where am I??? And all the banal. Pan and everything in it burned. neighbors called the fire Department! Those me in the smoke and found. Burned out it could!

To the story about the operation for appendicitis. Took me with acute pain in the abdomen and put in the chamber to ascertain. While lying suffered terribly and heard nothing, my brain remember all the names which came to our house to do injections. Took me to the surgery, then brought back and put me in my place, in the state of anesthesia. When I woke up, looked after me the whole chamber, all loved me and laughed. As it turned out, under anesthesia, in the house I loudly demanded a roll call: VLASOV, STAND up, STAND up ERASHEVA, etc. called all famili prailno and who would have stood up and reported, and I am further commanded: QUICKLY COME TO ME and report back. Grandmother with peritonitis did not leave alone, the rest just seams didn't split from...

Pioneer end of the 80s. Met a very beautiful girl, she has a younger sister my parents sent to a summer camp. It is necessary to visit, chocolates and other sweets to take. here we Go. we Met a girl, took brought and rode to brag and share, childlike believing, that we and no it is not boring. here we met in the camp of a friend. Kostya was a pioneer for the babies looked after. And we ourselves barely 18 passed. He was invited to stay the night: long time no see, chat, the guitar is! - still Saturday! What to do in the city? And I'm alone with a girl! Looking at me he said. We looked at each other and agreed. , only now the Principal in the camp. Take a walk in the forest to ten, she's going to town on a weekend. Well, we are young, the mosquitoes in the...

School were "virgin soil upturned" Sholokhov. The teacher Zinaida Andreevna Ivanova asks the guy a question: "Why Feeding taught English?" He did not read the book, don't know what Makar Feeding undertook to teach English, to help the proletariat of the oppressed countries to make a revolution. Here he hesitates to answer, and with neighboring desks girl he whispers the phrase from the movie "Gentlemen of fortune": "the Embassy will take!" He mindlessly repeated it out loud. Classmates were happy neighing. Zinaida Andreyevna, too, could not refrain from laughter. The two put did not, finding his embarrassment is sufficient punishment.

History of Pro football coaches inspired. In adolescence, like any kid at that time, engaged in different sportsoccer. Then it was all for free, come join and train. At one time there was a period - Sambo, about one and a half years. Achieve small, coach treated accordingly, but not expelled. Won some local competitions, then regional, I'm in the team. MISSED THE WEIGH-IN. Ran trainer angry dog: "Go away". I'm on the tribune to watch the competition. Suitable coach. In weight over 90 kg, only one party to fight he had no one, and the distance traveled. "You go with him?". Me 64 kg. And why not? This lad me in the first minute and flattened on the Mat. The result is him the Cup and first place, I certificate and the second. So coach is very praised for this...

Went the conversation we have with a colleague about a funny and interesting names. She shared with me an incident from the life of his friend by the name of Pancake. One day he was sent to some conference at work, well after the official part everyone who each other never knew, wanted to meet you. And now, coming to the next figure, A. Blin (reduce to initials) holds out his hand to introduce himself. Further dialogue: it's okay, nice to meet you. - my God!- responds the colleague - All my life you've been looking for! I. Pan, very nice.

May 9. the Respect to this holiday, it is impossible to cultivate, it is in our blood. It comes with stories of a bygone already grandparents (extremely restrained: my grandfather, a Colonel, a lot remained silent, this job... and I only have old black and white photos in albums. Who are these real military patriots of their country, whose are they grandparents? And I do not know now...) It comes with my family history. My great-grandmother Lida travelled with two children from Belarus to Michurinsk. Asked to sleep, but the Belarusians were not allowed, was afraid of theft, refugees were dissatisfied. "The Germans are spun, order navedut!", said the residents of this village. And called the village - Khatyn. During the German air raids Lida jumped into the...

Confession of a slave's fitness bracelet. Today dropped in for lunch in a small restaurant near the road. The people were quite little, so everything was on view. At some point, half of the visitors at the same time shuddered and looked at his watch. Since I, too, shuddered and looked at my watch, I knew immediately what it was. The time was ten minutes before the end of the hour and Fitbit bracelet reminded those who have not passed the 250 steps for this hour that we need to move more. Some visitors even got up and supposedly went to the toilet, which caused there would be pandemonium, but they were there, it's not the shortest way, and then just "forgot" where I was going, and returned to their table.

Grandfather today told In the ' 90s, he was Deputy head of the Council of veterans of microdistrict. In addition to the veterans themselves, they had a variety of volunteers - from students, who helped the elderly on domestic issues ( with the social workers in those years were tight), to the sympathizers of the older generation, including "children of war". Among these volunteers was one man - a veteran of labor with great zeal helped what could lying and reaching victims of war. Once he and the grandfather were left alone in the building of the Council of Veterans. Drank tea, and recollected life. Grandfather told about his combat career in world war II. A man who worked many years as a volunteer, smiled and said: I, too, fought... - How? You're 12 years...

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