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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 1373 items

Once at the "round table" to explore all of the participants (10 people) leading suggested a game: everyone says their name and the first letter of your name comes up with some adjective describing it. - Olga. Charming. - Kirill. Eloquent. - Oleg. Careful. - Sergei. Sports. when it Comes to a guy who chatted with a neighbor and did not listen to anyone else. Leader: what's your name? - the novel. - And? - ?? - Adjective what? - the novel. Attentive.

Another son, 5 years old. Sitting in his house, drinking tea. Runs low and starts to shoot at us from a pistol with percussion caps. We played along, fell on the floor. Lie. The child laughs and says: "come on, he's a toy. From this I would legs were shot." his dad already choked :)

In the 12th hour of the night was driving home. Came from the underground Vojkovsky, to take the tram. I was approached by a girl on a horse and asked: "Young man, do you want a horse cab?" I'm talking puns, a few were taken aback and refused. Then we rode the tram and thought that nothing can be refused?

Once returned to the workplace from lunch, found for mobile missed call from unknown city. Call answer - "Morgue-so, Hello." Soul left in the heel, flying before the eyes all sail possible relatives. Going with the spirit: "And you called me a few minutes ago, on what issue?". You hear rustling on the other end, trying to find out something, the phone grabs a young girl: "Oh, Hello, I your ad on avito called you kitten has not sold?"

My husband is smart and discreet. He tries not to succumb to emotional impulses and to observe some codes of dignity. So when our almost twenty-year-old cat prodit in a prohibited place, another prohibited a puddle, he gives him a kick and pokes the muzzle of his deed, and just quietly cleans up the puddle. Then sits down beside the cat, stroking his graying head and sweetly says: - Nothing, Shura, nothing. Here die, we can make you a Mat and lay on it, once and for all remembered.

Workers called for a small amount of work. Say - view conditions - if normal - will work. The conditions I have to work so - so, shed, all conveniences on the street... I Took the white cloth - which greenhouse cover - cut off a few pieces, like the covers on the couch. The piece in the window attached with a stapler and the door - like curtains. Square cut - on the table - came with white cloth and old chairs fitted a rear hub done - like the white covers came out... the Workers said warmly, as in a Museum, and a discount made for good conditions!

In the continuation of the story “About Ryazan”, only this time it will be unfunny. in Short, a month and a half I brushed them accounting. A fuel theft was opened. Management accounting "from scratch" set. Desantura delighted. And make a decision that is removable huts I on apartment firms moved in. Well, the SIM I was given corporate. There't get used to staying. on the first day, BAM and call me in the evening on the SIM card. Female voice: Oh, is that you? - no, it's not the Dollar, this is the Mongolian Tugrik. - where's the Buck? - I don't know, closed I guess. Well, she came to me. There I admit, already furious without women. And in the morning calls me boss - work ride. Saw this bitch, and as he charged me in his chest! - what are You doing? Well...

From the memoirs of Innokenty Smoktunovsky: we were Shooting in the Crimea, the shooting took place on the beach. It was hot. At lunchtime, the whole group rushed to bathe. And I, of course, too. Went swimming, ninerals, I heard them calling. Well, I'm a disciplined actor: name is - go. The operator says: "we Need to finish all until the sun is gone." You have to. I sat down already to make-up and feel that something is not right, discomfort of some kind. And suddenly, I realize that the jaw-mouth is not! Dropped it when diving. I immediately to the Director, yell: "I am the jaw is lost!" And he laughs all around with him. Think I'm kidding them. Half an hour proved that I'm serious. Well, when they realized that it's true, was all TA-a-AK sad-sad. Can not...

Lived with his parents in a private home. We had a dog. Dog-Porthos - that was his name - breed torturer. He was very much like a representative of these Terriers. Size a little bigger than the average cat. But really most of these cats hated. In pursuit of them could run and leap over a tree branch at a height of 1.5 - 2m. of Course the house could not settle down no cat. But the dog was the smartest. He has committed himself by catching mice. Not eating - just piled on the porch. Several times brought even rats. I was a couple of times to witness his hunting (this explanation for those who argue that he was already dead). Could write a lot of stories about how he showed his almost human intelligence, but the most memorable one. The neighbor's car stuck in...

Movie bloopers in the movie. Sometimes I think that the writers even at school did not study. Turkish March, hero Domogarova makes a smart statement turns out an equilateral triangle, and we're legs... Apparently, the writers forgot that the other two sides are called sides in a right triangle, which can not be equilateral.

Gathered with friends in a room in the family Dorm. Beer, vodka to drink. Yes, to talk on different topics. We suffered a couple of serpent green aviation to discuss. And the soundproofing in the Dorm is useless, and now to us sounds from behind the wall to infiltrate the creaks and groan. Immediately the theme of aviation has changed for the jokes appropriate. And the pace intensifies, along with the decibels. Suddenly behind the wall "Bang-Bang" and silence. The silence among us. Looking at each other. Is what? - is the supersonic barrier.

If proguglit "the First hacker of the USSR," appears his name and his story. But in contrast to foreign hackers, the story of the first Soviet hacker's rather sad than funny. at first I didn't even want to mention his name, but anyone can find it online. This is Murat Urtembaev, ostanovivshii AVTOVAZ in 1983 and now lives in Kazakhstan. I don't really agree that he is the first hacker. The first computer crime in the USSR, recorded 6 years earlier, in 1977, Vilnius. Then, through a computer system was stolen 78584 RUB (I got 180 and then I was jealous of many). And foreign classification he is not a hacker. He's the mole, hacked from the inside. But about Vilnius the country has known nothing but scathing article about Murat in the Izvestia newspaper, I...

"a guy and a girl are engaged in sports walking, the girl really likes the guy, so after a workout, he asks: - Can we go somewhere? - And where? - Come to Chelyabinsk?" © (History on the basis of the above joke). we have a common friend. Man for thirty years, but the life of people in ordinary jobs. Even the level of Head of section he did not Shine. Because of the complete lack of humor and abstract thinking. Takes everything seriously and just right. Allegorical forms, in principle, does not understand. in Short: a typical goof, "hard worker". One lives in a factory Dorm. In General, a good, honest man, but dull as the legendary Forrest Gump. Remember? "Run, Forrest, run!" and here. the Passion loves to run. Probably because there is no need to...

Once, back as a senior Lieutenant, traveled to Kirov for training... the Town is poor, the prices of all low. Travel employee UIS allowed not to live in poverty. Free from attending the lectures and seminars had to visit the local brewery, which was such a good boozer with the freshest draught beer "Vyatich". As it is with a friend in the Dorm decided to check how much beer can take a standard body of the employee of service of execution of punishments. Drank to full autopilot. When autopilots young employees took them home, increasingly in think tanks began to receive signals about the need for draining spent fuel. Had to stop, remove, say, fire, hoses. Stand, pour the ancient city Holy water... Flies a garbage truck, there is two color of the Archangel...

Was somehow in the Roma settlement. Standing on the street with a friend, talking. Then there is on the streets of Roma, surrounded by a crowd of brethren, or rather, mostly, seester. He's noisy and loud yelling in her beautiful language, the other is also something clamoring. And since I recently do not understand very well like a Gypsy, ask the interviewee: - Why is he yelling? Is Petka. From his house stole 20 engines, so he yells that he knows the thief, that's for sure Andrew. Wants to deal with it, and women are discouraged. - And the police why not to declare? - And you think, these engines are store-bought?