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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 723 items

Have a dog who was taken from tiddly dog shelter. Rogue grew up in tridtsatimetrovogo handsome, trying to be grateful for that, he always cuddles up to me and all in the family (wife, daughter, granddaughters) Yes with such force and tenacity that can knock you over and absolutely cannot get dressed (to blame for this behavior, as the dog tries with all your heart, it does a good job). Moreover, the dog loves to cozy up to strangers (but only to the persons of the female sex aged from 1 year to almost a "Hello forever"). I always tell him: well, what do you throw at each girl, look at me, learn to control the senses. The dog is clearly in response to the giggles... Yesterday walking the dog I saw three little girls of 14-15 years old, on a Park bench...

A mortgage or mistress Work at a Bank with loans. today Comes the man, all disheveled and on edge, with my wife. Both 50 years old. Got to me, and the guy showing me said to his wife: "my mistress, this is where I keep money every month." It turned out the man my wife decided to make a surprise and to close the mortgage before the summer and the last three months began to bring large sums. His wife, noticing that the money in the family budget became less thought husband went to the left, and gave rise to a scandal. And I'm not like a mistress: 29 years old, 100 kg weight and tired of these kind of customers are kind, well at least it's Friday.

Is a Petri dish - a diesel locomotive, and a switchman will appoint the engineer. (says a friend) now, a phone call. Friend the police officer says - look out. pop out. Noise, noise up to heaven. Theater under the open sky. city Unguarded intersection is departure to Moscow with barely breathable railway line. Solaris at 60 found the train from the locomotive and five cars, the industry have to work beginning. Was bibical locomotive 10-15 meters, but zapolis they still bare. There were no casualties. Machine only for replacement. From behind the wheel, oshalev hooked her braking of the locomotive, jumped the woman, shouting: "You just weren't there, I was bibical, I with the baby food!" the locomotive was blocked both lanes, noise, noise from cars, the end...

- Honey! –from the bedroom came the voice of his wife. Tore her gaze from the monitor and frowned. What else does she need? - Dorohovoj! – increase the voice. Not good. To go, and then there's a storm coming. Go into the bedroom and stopped beside the bed. - What? – look at Curley's wife. - Massage my legs, and arches. damn it. A month of isolation, it's not something that to keep will soon wither fuck. Said in March - let's track cross country buy, so no "why should we track, to the Park we go for a walk". Yeah, I ohotilis. appears On the verge of a cat. Both look at him. Face sleepy. He stretched and jumped on the bed. Leaned against my leg cheek. Irritation began to recede. Stood up on his hind legs and fixed front on my chest, reached for the face...

My father is a plumber (he's a welder, he's a mechanic, he's a plumber). In dashing 90-e he went to repair the plumbing one major. Comes to the site, the host meets him on the balcony. All dressed up: the crimson jacket, chain, mobile... In General - trite and uninteresting. But the new Russian forgot to say that the plot run three dogs, a cross between a Rottweiler and a crocodile. So, dad comes in, opens the gate, and these creatures were throwing themselves at him. One grabs the hand, another the leg, and the third becomes the front and growls. HP runs out, drops his guard and says: - I'm Sorry, bro, about the dogs. You know now how many thieves (Yes, Yes, who would say - a comment of the author), so I had them for defense. - ********* - you're not...

Son enrolled in a private school in the United States. To pay for the child's learning in school, I opened a local Bank account. Of course, the Russian had notified the tax account abroad. When Peter came to the Bank to transfer funds between your accounts: Russian and American, then I had a lot of questionnaires and asked a lot of questions: - Why send money? To study son. - Show the contract, yeah, here for the year one amount and you transfer any more, why? - the Boy needs a pocket money - I explain - to buy clothes, going to the movies... - where the documents on the alleged spending? Questions and questionnaires from the bankers did not end, and the work day and my patience came to an end. Deciding to completely remove all possible questions, I, in...

For connoisseurs of traffic rules. the average Movement activity and intensity, somewhere near 40-50 km. per hour. In the left lane barely touching the white axial streaks, sweeps the rider and the girl, of course, bid farewell to persistent views. It's all as it should be covered with something tempting latex stretched over the motorcycle as a whole; and even the hair, despicable and attractive fluttered from under the kerchief, pardon me, out from under the helmet. the Girl rushes ahead of everyone. Raises and flexes at the elbow left hand. In machines begins to happen something noisy and active – she podkarmlivayut, blink lights, and draw out the belt and also waving their hands. And at that moment the girl turns to the right.

Ireland remembers. In 1847 the Choctaw Indians learned of the terrible famine in Ireland and collected the needy of 170 dollars — an incredible sum for the poor of the tribe. Now, after almost 200 years, Indians are suffering from coronavirus and their state became one of the most affected areas from this scourge in the United States. all of a sudden, the Irish decided to "repay the debt". They collected nearly $ 4 million. the words of the Irish from the social.networks under the post with an appeal to help the Indians: - "From Ireland with love. You helped us when no one else helped" - "Solidarity from Ireland" - "Thank you for helping in the 1800's. I would like to give more, but I lost my job" - "Stories about the kindness of your ancestors has always...

In the Hawaiian Islands, including on my Oahu, surfing and Hiking are very likely the most favorite activities. What is surfing they know everything. And Hiking, according to the dictionary, "is a short journey on foot, lightly in a mountain area with the use of marked and well prepared trails". Generally accepted in the United States a Russian verb that corresponds to the foot, – "haikal". the other day, after two months of quarantine, I haiku through the rainforest to Manoa falls at the so-so prepared the trail, and suddenly a leg cramp. Sat down on a stone beside the road, took the phone, playing solitaire, waiting for release. Go past the two ladies. Not young and not old, to be completely sober. - Are you Okay? – asks one, are you all right? - Yes...

Preference of the Sochi river. the August 1987-th year. all of Us in the yard was almost equally a year old and the mind. From 16 (I) to 18 (four more friends from around the front of a house). once, dad, my neighbor and friend, Victor, a man of culture, head of the ideological section of the House of Culture. Saw us not far from the house, in the bushes. We played the goat for departure... Shook his head and took him home to show what playing cards you need and what you don't even need to pick up the deck. He began to explain the rules of preference. Then he explained how to calculate a bullet. Played a couple of rounds. And got carried away... in the Morning dispersed. On the second evening and a free night after you began to play the Pref already great...

In the last century, after uni called and sent a Lieutenant-dvuhgodichnikom, in the distant steppe region. I had a very culinary gifted mum, and all the relatives were. Despite the climatic challenges, life there was good and staff normal. Lived in the officers 'dormitory, ate in the officers' mess. From the very first days I really liked the one local dish called fried. It was mashed potatoes with fried onions and a large pile of finely chopped roasted meat. Never understood the grades of oil, but how much everything was flavorful and easily perceived by the body. Most interesting is that all the officers, from the young to the veterans, amicably was indignant, how much can you drive this garbage from dried potatoes, and how all of this is tasteless and...

Doing good, don't think about the award. Imagine that you are bill gates You spent 30 years of his life and $ 50 billion of their own dollars to support humanitarian programs. You directly saved hundreds of thousands of lives in Southeast Asia, providing half of the continent of anti-malarial nets. You have reduced the mortality rate of infants in many developing countries, buying vaccines against polio for 40 000 000 children. In the list of your charitable initiatives – financing of educational platforms such as Khan Academy, where people can get free access to education at the highest level. so you've given half of his money to charity. And wrote in his will that 90% of the remaining will also be spent on helping the needy. There is no doubt that to...

Go to Oleg. He recently moved, but the tradition of watching football is not violated. Approaching the house, towards a neighbor of Oleg on the floor, a couple saw her. Accelerated – and bingo! Come to the entrance at the same time. She applies the key, I open the door, pass it forward. Madame graciously smiles and nods. - Thank you! Immediately obvious cultural people. Not that your friend. Wow! Call Oleg uncivilized! Yes, he even to hell send pre-apologizing. - you Know, he said to my husband "you" is drawn. In principle, everything is clear, but I want to hear the original version. And Leonid Borisovich children and grandchildren, he runs the Department, he is respected at work. - Understand... - Sophia L.... - you Know, Sophia L., Oleg S. a loving...

To zero, when money in the country were many, and most of the business grew by leaps and bounds, we and our partners launched a number of projects. I will not lie - most of them are not fired, but many at least have paid off, and the couple continues to feed me today. Usually the start of the business after writing the business plan and the selection of the team was carried out by skidding of the project to the "big nonpublic uncle" for it in the first place was an important kinship of asking ( read, a guarantee against fraud for the circle) and the individual themselves asking ( there are a lot of successful projects, a young, educated, family,without harmful habits and most importantly, the security guy gives the word that these potsy never THROWN). Term...

If you put the task to the children outside of Russia forgot Russian language, then the shortest path to get them to recite Pushkin. Reliability is second only to the mug in the Russian language. From the beginning of our 10-year-old son, on arrival in Canada, trying to talk to him in English, said: "I am with you I will speak only in Russian. You have such a bad English that it's disgusting to listen to!" the Wife decided to consolidate the success and sent him to a Russian club, where they taught grammar and spelling. After that, he came with us in English. The circle we cut off and Russian was saved. And then we visited friends in the States. They had a daughter the same age. "Olga, the guests read Pushkin" - asked the proud dad. "Dad, I don't wanna read...