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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 790 items

Fifty-six years ago two friends dragged the sofa. One of them was born a son and he and his wife decided to move from mom to mom. And moved everything except the couch. Sofa decided with a friend to move, because other sofas more comfortable to wear than his wife. There are in General not very far to move, if directly. But in a straight line forest, woods uncomfortable, and on the road about six kilometres. Too far. Walk with a sofa. Night. Because of the wheelchair with his son was carrying and a suitcase. More to carry the day there was nothing. Couch suffered before dark. There's even a small truck was, but the couch it would fall all the time. As it fell dark. Not terrible absolutely. The place is normal. Half of the village sits, so half of there is...

The other day the boys decided with a metal detector to try their luck in search of treasures. Petya, having learned about it, bought copies of Royal gold 5 and 10 ruble (original 15,000) and bury near the ruins of the old monastery. The next day he told friends a terrible secret that has been passed that around the monastery of the bandits hid all the stolen gold. All together they go to the monastery and about a miracle! The first day found a treasure of gold coins! "Experts", however, were not confused by the fact that the gold was as good as new. To celebrate, took on his chest, began to make plans for buying new phones, laptops and all other necessities. However, when I went to a friend of the jeweler on the evaluation of the treasure, Petya wouldn't...

And now about the ruff. the early 90's. History by itself is not new. And every town has its raisins! the Chelyabinsk Region, the town of Zlatoust. Sweet girl of 11-12 years with a canister of 10 litres runs up to the beer stall. Insolently and to the window: - Dad asked seven. You pour five and water. Mom asked!" queue goes the guy. Takes the canister and pours into it "fry" vodka. - my water your dad poured! Guys! And let's not press! turns Out the other guy and puffin ' on to the canister dichlorvos.. For all. Doliva girl water! the Saleswoman shouts: - Well, why the heck am I to foam washing powder was thrown, if you have everything with you!? the Curtain. the Story is real, AWOL seen!

To yesterday's story "How much scientific staff to change a light bulb?" But who knows how much to do this British scientists? Figured it out in 1969. the Soviet science, then, is achieved a very remarkable success in the Russian tokamak T-3 has reached the temperature and stability of the plasma, an order of magnitude greater than the achievements of the rest of the world. The others, of course doubted, and asked to take a British Commission to verify the results. Arrived, settled them in the best hotel in the morning... suddenly they notice that the bulb has burned out. So they, knowing that the room listens to the KGB, began to loudly argue about who is going to change it. Then I went to the store, came back and the bulb is new. So here is your answer...

Now Saw an article online about a new TV - and it is super thin and smart and with camera retractable. And I remembered. It was 12-15 years ago. I came into M-Video to get some equipment for work. At that moment I was really very tired, shook a personal level and at work. We had to wait until I'll prepare the papers for the results. And now, from fatigue barely wander around the store, looking mostly at his feet and saw the following ad structure: stand upright is a rectangular piece of Plexiglas (plastic) to which is soldered translucent bright advertising image for the film, and it all the bottom/inside is beautifully illuminated. And apparently from exhaustion I glitched because I'm a minute or two standing naturally with his mouth open and one thought -...

Hello, friend! Now I will tell you about the dangers of unfiltered beer, so be careful and tell everyone. This way we can warn millions of people. so. Last weekend brought home unfiltered draught Edelweiss. Poured into a glass and put it on the edge of the table. And something as awkward as I turned around and knocked over the hand glass. And all of this delicious grace flowed down on the table and paralepsis over the edge, flowed into my PC. And at the computer of my expensive and fancy case, that is the case from a Corsair with ventilation on top. So all this beer delicious burst inside and washed the entire complex, from top to bottom flavored beer rain. All, of course, immediately passed out and no longer signs of life. now. What is the difference...

Men who are over 60 will understand. Gathered at the cottage to PowerPivot. Well, "dacha" -it says loudly. The barn with the shovels, land with five trees, but the potatoes in the weeds. But the table and benches there. He drank, then the neighbor, he came and brought with them. Fit well, fun. A neighbor, old man-the tongue has no bones, tells stories as he runs for the women. Interrupted: - the Neighbor! where are you casting? - get Out get out of the weeds Yes pee! Grandpa went into the weeds and give the owner turned to us: - That Petrovich pours! He is 85! What women?! Here intervened, one of my friends (he's a doctor with us). - And I believe him. You listen to the grandfather, jet, mow the grass! Are any of you capable of it? We thought...

A Good rest on the sea in early September. When the sun warms your body and there is no risk of burns. When the water is clean and warm and the beach is a lot of space. When there are no crowds on the Seaside street and you walk freely through it. One bad - when I came to rest one. Well, as bad. Do you expect to meet beautiful and interesting woman and hopefully have a great time. But looking at the attendees its recreation, as well as nearby hotels you understand that lady without a man here is very difficult to find. A little flirting with a girl who sits at the reception I go to my room, pour myself a little brandy, go to the mirror and look at yourself. Well, as such a boy might be without a companion? And what should it be? The selection criterion is...

Arranged get-togethers with friends in honor of departing summer. We were talking about who like resting. Remembered: All summer I walked past a man in the garage who cleaned the paint save. Every working morning at 8:30 and 8:15, he was on a stool in short-shorts, flip flops and a respirator and stripped the paint off the gate. I put the bike in the garage at night, and he was still standing on the stool, a respirator and stripped the paint. Dremel. With the 3 inch disk. At low engine speeds. Barely touching the disk surface. In late August, he painted a leaf and began to clean the second. Here he is the man who know the value of the path.

Tour of Poland. One of the points of the program was a visit to Czestochowa, with its famous "Black Madonna." At the entrance to the monastery, two toilets — male and female. In our — no, in the female turn to a hundred meters. Well, the picture is normal. I think it is not lit, go to the toilet before leaving for the road. And now, after the tour, we go back — what's the deal?? The queue in both toilets! And in the ladies ' toilet queue halve, but now exactly the same worth to us, because the ladies are tired of their hundred-meter string, and some of them rushed to the men's closet, creating, of course, turn. And what's interesting — in the men's toilet are ladies exclusively in monastic robes, making the place resembles the black-and-white Catholic...

In the morning, walk the dog in the alley close to home. it So happened that around this time, the compassionate old woman carried the bread to feed the pigeons. it is Clear that by this time fly a whole flock of different birds, in addition to most of these pigeons, from sparrows to crows. last week, we watched as a dove!!!! in a brazen attacked a lonely crow, driving it from spilled feed. She dodged, flew away, but she never attacked. All anything, but this morning around the feeders was on duty with a dozen crows, who had organized the genocide are pigeons...

No offense to their children, Them for you to avenge your grandchildren. (instead of an epigraph) When I was little (5-6 years old), we lived on the edge of the ravine in a two-storey eight-apartment houses wooden house (toilet, of course, on the street, the city baths in half an hour). A city expanding, swallowed villages and ravines. of Course, us kids were bored just hanging out in the yard. Our little "gang" under the leadership of Valery's (all grown up, already in the 4th grade studied) together explored the nearest ravine, scrambling over the edge of it. We went down, clinging to the grass and the bushes, saw the hole wild dogs (thank God, was smart enough not to go there) and the dogs (thankfully, from afar). From the remains dumped into a ravine...

My friend the Professor saved studied At the Institute, frankly – not always intense. Especially for non-core subjects. And here is the exam... know Nothing, no notes - a situation familiar to many. Sitting three groups by the amphitheater teacher somewhere at the bottom. Look ticket – one issue of seven vaguely something guess. And that's all. Three books had nothing in them are not found. No one to ask – our all like me, only worse. Looked from the top to the young Professor that we took – the face of a very sad and wrinkled. Think: "we Need to go! The first traditionally score higher for courage, then to three, there is a chance". something pathetic depicted on a piece of paper, go to the Professor. He asks: - Ready? Shrug in response: - so... In the...

Recently read a very funny comment on the pictures of girls dressed in leggings Nude. Rear view. Flesh color so cute, so leggings are almost not noticeable. One chojnacka writes that in her life, there were also these leggings: "I sometimes ride. One of my friends came from Paris and gave me flesh-colored leggings for riding. Moreover, in the groin, they were hemmed brown suede. We are both not skinny and when I tried them on, it almost became a widow: her husband began to choke from laughter. For riding I have never once not flashed. Okay, the instructor, but because the horse could run amok, and this is a serious matter". I think the time in the mirror, look at yourself.

Dad told me. he Passed the exam in mid-terms. In the audience all quietly writing. The teacher sits at a Desk, cut off from all the newspaper reading. Dad is like a mouse redraw something with a big Talmud under the Desk. Suddenly rustled the newspaper, and dad throws the Talmud in school. A Desk without a bottom, there was a massive TABIDUS! Eyebrow the teacher creeps up, he looks questioningly at dad. Dad looks him in the eye and, trying to keep the voice sounded relaxed, gives: - Oh, blotter fell. the Teacher again, unfolds the newspaper, the exam goes on.