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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 717 items

How did the phrase "hussars do not take money". the Sister of the famous Russian naturalist and philanthropist Paul G. Demidova, she was married to General Lavrov, failed to grasp simple family happiness. Cards, alcohol and debauchery fascinated her husband more than the charms of his wife, who decided to look for affection on the side. Rich and beautiful lady Lavrov quickly found comfort on his chest three guards hussars regiment, captured her grace, wit, and chivalrous manners. Wanting to thank their friends for the incredible romantic adventure, Lavrov gave each of them a bill for 30 000 rubles. Shortly before the General began to hear rumors about his wife's infidelity and the unreasonably high costs. If the first fact does not bother, then the second...

In the days of "developed Soviet Union" a bunch of kids, the school kids were walking in the evening on Glengorm in Moscow. There are a lot of alleys separated by rows of bushes. One friend had a high growth and brutish appearance, although the character was a regular guy. He went to the bushes and on the next drive saw a few girls. The natural desire of the guy to meet you, girls, the evening walks probably also not just. But he himself is a little unusual... He turned to us and bass yelled "Guys, the women here!!!" and then a quiet, unctuous voice, "girls, girls where are you?!" Girls responded to his bass, saw his appearance, and the reaction was natural... such speed I never saw.

It Happened at the turn of the 80s and 90s, when the fashion was the renaming of cities, streets and metro stations. Then this fashion has passed, at least in our country, and then, at the peak of the wave, conceived the power of one suburban town to rename it. Because the government is deeply respected Orthodox culture and traditions, and the name of the city nor in culture, nor in the traditions of Orthodoxy did not fit the Dzerzhinsky. So was appointed to a citywide referendum on the renaming. The proposed new title fully answered the culture and traditions of the city of Ugresha. the Nikolo-Ugreshsky Stavropegial monastery — the city's main attraction and among the townspeople were deployed on a massive information campaign: residents lucidly and...

My youngest, the IPhone 4s. Got as a result of a natural cycle, from elder sister, which the gods sent eight, which was ceded to it from his wife... and those de. I androidiani. Ascetic (read - miser). For this I use Galaxy Core duo is much older, survived the battery transplant, a number of administrative interventions in the firmware and suits me in all respects. From his pocket, though a bit awkward to get in decent homes, but what would understand it in vintage! So, the younger that age even four eyes in class, he now Rockstar, suddenly began to look at my categorically not prestige, even in his circles, camera. Makes allusions to change. Have, in his ten years, he already understand something about this life?

Different English. My classmate Marik on Skype recently told. we have Lived with a family in a kibbutz for 18 years. During this time, my English was already at a high level. of course! Many of the technical documentation at our plant in Israel were in English, I regularly conducted tours with foreigners from different countries, and we always spoke English. I understand the tourists, I understood them. And here we are with his wife and daughter moved to Canada. (In Peterborough, who cares). a Relatively small town on the border with America, which turned out to be a job for me. Actually in this case I was in Canada. the list of staff requirements for emigration to Canada was my rare for the production of specialty chemical engineer. we Come to this town, I...

What hand itches? One day the lad was bitten by a mosquito. Do we here on the fourteenth of mosquitoes is not to say that the clouds, so, occasionally fly. But the kid with mosquitoes relations specific. If you have a place within a kilometer of the mosquito, even the written on the package, it the lad will definitely find, calculate, and will bite. However, it is not about the culinary qualities of the kid from the point of view of mosquitoes. Talking about something else. in Short, bit him, the mosquito. In the left hand. And here he goes, scratching his limb, and suddenly declares. - Hand-left itchy! - what? - For money! - who told you such nonsense told? - Grandma! This is a sign of this. If the right hand itches, then to get acquainted. But if the left...

Year 1992. 1 training course at the agricultural College, near the city of Pavlodar. The lecture is just beginning, the teachers are only familiar with the group. The subject I do not remember, Yes it and is not important. We are in fact also first went into the audience, you really do not know each other. Took their places. I sit, waiting for the teacher. Comes seems. Next said: - I will call a name and you get up and go. Like all standard, everything goes smoothly, until the queue has not reached one of our classmates. For some reason he chose to sit in the back row. So, call his name, on the back of some stirring, and to the untrained glance, nothing has changed. The teacher calls the name again, and trying to find a man, and could not see him. the...

Said collector of kitchen furniture. Later in the evening I return from work in the subway. For me a backpack with tools and another bag with them. The train comes a hefty screwy man. Little people. He starts to sit next to the men and their mother. All shy away from it, and he was pleased. Sat down beside me. Signs show that is bad, let's stop. He nods and sits nearby, waiting. Take out of the bag a large x-ACTO knife and start to clean the nails. The man stares. Before stopping and quickly gets out of the car.

HORSE CEMETERY there was a story exactly two years ago, in the same wet, October day, like today. there was a farmer, and he now lives well. Lives and from morning to night plowing on his farm a three-hour drive from Perm. Little horses, little cows, and a lot of mongrel dogs, to have someone to hang out under my feet and bark. On the highway driving fun painted vans, but their playful coloring wasn't added in autumn landscape with none of the joy. Yes it is understandable, because it was a traveling circus. The circus pulled off the road and made his way towards the farm. Dog after some discussion, decided to call the owner and his tractor. the Owner arrived. - Good afternoon, excuse me, can you sell us some hay, carrots, there cabbage in General that you...

On the door, on the inner side pasted the announcement: They live at your expense. The numbers of two apartments, tenants who haven't paid the rent and the amount owed. Each more than a million rubles. Stated that these apartments will turn off the use of toilets. As a normal Muscovite, I don't even know these residents, although I live with them in a stairwell. In the morning, taking a marker, wrote on the ad: I Propose to limit the execution. For a few days, it's simple handles, there comments. A few "for" someone "against." I personally liked this: I Propose to evict to the countryside, with the provision of housing with no amenities. Then thought, but this is a social network, but not the phone. To what people brought.

Prologue: Inspired by the story of the ladies (or ladies), drinking in the subway vodka out of a crystal. In the 90s we sometimes also resist a party with good snacks in a Shuttle bus. Took located face-to-face the nurses , on bags, on my knees laying out the glasses, vodka, beer, fish, etc. In the end as something insolent and stopped several times for a bus to run to the kiosk at the bus stop for catching up. was Young, healthy. Maybe because like the Brezhnev era people who were younger and healthier, and still to come. the Actual history. In the first half of the 90s somehow my boss with his friend, doctor of Sciences, passed the dining room. And from this institution passed the tables outside and sell vodka on tap, of course, snack. Stagnatilis my...

Had years 20 ago in Cyprus. Took a day trip to the ostrich farm, the children asked. Even in the bus are instructed to: Ostriches not to frighten. They have a smaller brain own eyes and easily disconnected. questions and the guide said that almost every day there are ingenious Russian peasants, who must get the ostrich to the fence, stand on the sides of the protruding head and a chorus loudly shouting "BOO". Ostrich cuts off. I laughed. We now knew what to do. Came to the farm, walk. See the poster in RUSSIAN: "Ostriches not to frighten! Concrete floor there, but then they stutter." Feel proud of the country the poster is in Russian only. And after a while hear "BOO!". I went to see it - the fence is ostrich and slightly further back 2. Not lied to hide.

This story happened 10 years ago, in Baku. the Subway. Noon. Half-empty wagon. At one station we went a few boys 16-20 years. Noisy, screaming, stebutsya over each other, laughing. Essno all, including I'm bored seeing the guys. On some station, one of the kids pressed the button of the driver and says: - Hey, driver, stop at the turn, huh? the Guys apparently found this joke very funny, wildly neighing. I thought the driver would get mad and say something like, "Hey, don't fool with the button" and all that, but the driver apparently decided not to pay attention to. it's been a couple of minutes and the train stopped in the tunnel. It happens sometimes, lasts no more than 15-20 seconds, so no one noticed. And suddenly in the silence hear the voice of the...

Vitalik came out of the house a bit early just started to meet people at bus stops, and the sky was painted in soft reddish color. The day promised to be Sunny – an Indian summer. Garage cumelca has not yet been tightened. This was the way: no one will be able to advise how to tune the carb. The whole job took less than an hour along with watching downloaded YouTube videos on setup. the Road was nenapryazhno. Vitali was going to pick up my wife to close the holiday season, but a strong blow in the trunk back to reality. Dyed blonde, distance, brake – usual in our time the combination. Vitaly damage was estimated at $150. The lady assured him that her husband will come in to pay. The husband, understanding the situation, came to his wife in the drum with...

Yesterday call. The robot care-a friendly voice broadcasts: - Good day! You available credit card "100 days without interest"... lalalala...to get a credit card, press "1". You will be contacted shortly. it was late evening, and I urgently needed to go on business. So I got a little angry and said, No. UY go, bitch! And hung up. in just a few minutes another call. Female voice: - Hello, good day! My name is Marina. So you are interested in our offer? I was a little taken aback and answered, Me: - I have the Russian language sent to hell! M: Who are you sent? I: Robot your. M: Well me you will not send. At this point, I very much wanted to say, "Well, let's and then you are sent!", but then Marina quickly apologized and hung up.