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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 1175 items

The Unwritten rules of the road -------------------------------------- BelAZ and the police car are inferior to all and always, and there is no matter what sort of signs, markings, some light at the traffic lights If you have a 20 year old BMW safely drive into oncoming traffic, 200 km/h through the city (still the machine is written for grandpa), cut any suckers out there tunable across 3 lanes, but, to avoid conflicts with the new Cayenne and Gelika, and the same as you real osanami 20-year-old BMW Rushed forward with a traffic light, feel free to pass all, enveloping spray and a cloud of mud, but remember the radar, so to make the pass, immediately get up in front of someone you just passed and push the brake to the floor, and then go all like If the car...

Cornered in a local zoo, come to the ostrich grazing. Right at the grille sits a lady, well, I had a female ostrich, that is, staring at me. I'm trying to feed her (we is only allowed with special food at the entrance it is necessary to buy), not taking in any, but not out, the neck just pulls at me. I squatted down to chat, say: "what do you want then, bitch?" And she stood up and showed: "That's what!" My wonderful, most beautiful, and the mother's egg in the world. Fool the result was I, her mom immediately recognized but could not.

And tell me, as an artist - painter, can you draw? Twenty years of his life were given to construction. Something learned, something taught, something assembled. But, build a house ,and deciding that it must be the fireplace, it became clear that this is not something we can do ourselves . In Need Of A Master. I do not remember where we got it, who suggested, or gave him, remember I met at the station came from somewhere in the district a little man with a small bag. Nothing! — We cheered.The main thing that his hands were gold. Came to our house, showed the Foundation for future construction, explained that we wanted a corner fireplace. In the winter sit near him, but the kebabs in it and fry. The man rubbed his hands, ran, said that the inspiration comes...

The Story is not funny. A story from my childhood. The late eighties, early nineties. At that time it was so good. Parents took care of their children. Now I have three children and we are with them Lisp like infants (I don't know why). In the General case. We went into the woods to the hay mow. We have father and three sons. I'm a medium student at a time. Brother then little was. Mowed three of us: father, older brother and me. Make hay - while the sun shines. Who the hay mowed he understands how difficult this work is. In the afternoon, ate and senior took a NAP. I was instructed to fetch water. I went along with bro. And it all happens in the forest where there are bears and other animals. It is necessary to go through the woods about a kilometer or a...

Yesterday went to a meeting near the Butyrskaya metro, agreed to hook up there with a business partner potential. And I must say, never before in those places never visited and pre-Yandex-map route specified. When it stumbled on the reviews about the famous Butyrka. +7 (499) 978-75-46 butyrka-sizo.ru/ VKontakteFacebook Rate this place a "+" "-" 9 Artyom Karpov Cozy place, I recommend to visit October 16, 2018 Tatiana Soldatova hi all! I now go to her son in the Prison and I think that this is a nightmare, although I sat here in 1982, a very young girl, but under the Soviet regime it was easier, and now here bespridel , though. read on Vkontakte 8 July 2018 Nikita K. the Thief in the law recommends. The soup is good. If you are hungry, come and feed you for...

Ah, the cabbage... In the family, I was a late child, but as a child I did not understand and hauntingly asked parents sister. Brother I already had, and since he was older than me by 11 years, it does not suit me. One day I asked them children's a rhetorical question: "where did I come from?" They, without thinking, "found In cabbage". "Oh — I think — so easy!" We have in the garden was a decent bed of cabbage, which I previously was not interested. And here I was with such speed, several times a day, run on the cabbage patch, looked under every Bush. It seemed to me that she is slowly growing. Learned that in order for it to quickly grow, we must water it. And began, with hope, abundantly watered. I completely took patronage over her. Waking up in the...

The Previous Director of our house-building plant produces two sets of eight-apartment houses and homes were an active fighter against thieves. So active that the number of Guards increased in proportion with the holes in the fence. There is a new hole, a new vohrovets. And then came the new steering to our factory Doc and assigned to the zone of strict regime. Went through the plant, zekovsky manner of clasping his hands behind his back, looked around and hike apparently counted the vohrovtsy, which at that time was almost the same as working in manufacturing. And all fired. People were in shock. Holes in the fence a lot, but there is no protection, so get don't want? And was dragged. Who fence, who are the Board, and who pazderova, the one after the...

Loveeeee! my whole life has zadolbali lovers to generalize. This zadolbali began not today and not yesterday, it is not something that years to decades. But what I read recently in history https://zadolba.li/story/28361 was the last straw. All. Click on the "to Cry". the cries of the children, according to the author of this story, bothering everyone. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, Carl! This is all generalizations generalization! Well, write to the author "many" instead of "all" - and would have been right. But not all the same! Here I, for example, do not interfere. On the contrary, I listen, and the mood improves. Even if this happens in the cafe. Why, even in the theater. And even if I missed some cue. No, seriously! Maybe I'm the only one what? Or I generally...

Recalled cold days. of course Not all but some who I am sure will understand. Heard, for sure, the idiom "lose face", maybe someone even searched the Internet for an explanation of underlying values. If you were looking for, stop watching house 2 and the television news. have a magic way to try. In the frost needs to come out with a soccer ball and the same fans of this wonderful, summer games on the street. In any case, not to catch his short-sighted opponents, and not to breathe him in points is not a sport. Then the order to run, and puffed enthusiastically, not realizing how much stiffening up your arms and face. And now to running hard, and stiff in the cold ball in the face. the Effect will be more interesting if the ball is a basketball. Now it is...

Watched on TV about Russian ingenuity rollers. We have it quite normal. Bought a fridge, big and with a large freezer, with delivery. Well bought, paid, zhdems. Ordered delivery to the entrance for the first floor(important!), further, like themselves. Brought, unloaded, left. Here and came with a smile North furry animal. In the hallway is built-in furniture, there's a simple washing machine can be difficult to push through, and now this "tower". Quite upset, even though the return do. Che do? Moreover, the Fox is already starting to laugh. I like Archimedes, urine in a head – Eureka! Take a tape measure, measure all, then pull out the wide Windows. With the help of neighbors, easily drags into the vacated gap in the window, the refrigerator, first in the...

Speaking of fat. I'm Surprised the Russian. I did like 50% Russian any longer. the Kursk mother can say. Educated, as anyone can see, in the Russian culture. And I for Russia, no, no, and shame. What are you, Russian, native Russian brand - fat - just took and gave? Well, how so? Try to take the German sausage, Belgian beer and Swiss chocolate or cheese, for example. Yes, they will declare war on this basis. If not a military one, for sure. And then fat. Yes fat the basis, the cornerstone of all of scrapie, as they like to argue here, some. Just a shame. Such a great world culture, and the role of fat gave a reproach... let it be the Ukrainians Although not. Figured it out. And he. You give that back to back - no difference. Fun solid. by the Way. About...

The Brigade No. 100 so. this story happened in the second half of the 70s of the last century, so for 13-14 years until such time as these "nerds" destroyed the country. They are, in fact, was to become my patients, and it is unfortunate that in those years they lived in Odessa... I was a student of a University, my classmate was a paramedic. And after the lecture he said to me: we are a cool team, where sanitation solid My power over all sorts of martial arts... Stories, the pay is good (at the time). You will two masters of Boxing, one in judo. And the wrestler. in Short, I went. In those rare moments when we were at the station ( normally at shift change), was heard loud megaphone shouted: 1st (2nd or 3rd) cardiology ( children's, traumatology, etc, etc)...

Teacher of the year in the Netherlands was the teacher of marijuanaville the winner of the annual educational contest "Teacher of the year" in the Netherlands became a school teacher marijuanaville from Utrecht Robin Dixon. The teacher managed to get ahead of their colleagues due to the original material feed and support his disciples came along with him to Amsterdam. "Very nice to win the largest educational competition in the country, especially the teacher of my discipline for the first time invited to such an event. I think I won because was able to captivate both children and members of the jury with science. Mathematics teacher asked everyone to solve equations, chemistry teacher showed the experiments, and I invited them to smoke some properly grown...

Good point - one of the most dangerous and risky occupations. Once I was young made one mistake that cost me my health and huge for me. Back 7 years ago from Sochi, in a cafe in Goryachiy Klyuch met a girl. Chat, I persuaded her that I take her to Voronezh. Just on the way there. I never thought that such a simple situation could lead to further horrors. for the past 7 years together. Mortgages, inadequate mother with the father, a beautiful girl turned into a blood drinking monster. In General, do not take passengers.

No salt In the morning, I usually have no appetite. Here and in the times (19 August 2008) I went to a restaurant at the hotel and ordered ham and eggs just because you have. Then paid for the room, and asked the administrator what is the easiest way to get to them the Vladikavkaz mayor's office. the Hustle in the city - found. the city administration asked who deals with the refugees, and where you advise me to take humanitarian aid, which I have in the car? Some uncle asked me what and where I carry, and who sent me. to Learn that no one sent me here, and I just bought toys and Moscow region carry them refugees from Tskhinvali, he clucked and offered to take it in Alagir boarding school where placed, say, refugees with children. I have Not found this...