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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 1961 items

Banana stories recalled. "Lesson of Economy" the Year was probably "87-88, my parents sister took Moscow, the capital of the show. I walked down the middle, and then two-on - bananas sell. Ocheredko of course the wild, but we were lucky, just an hour and a half or two in the crowd and in the hands of a few kilos of bananas. Incidentally quite ripe. The parents of this delicacy to us as the great shortage of feed. So I first about this masterpiece of nature learned to spell. it has been a number of months, and then miracle of miracles, our Belarusian town also brought bananas. Such a scenario was not expected, and perhaps it was the same event if the Martians came and cleaned public toilet. And most importantly do not fuck knows where delivered, and the...

Who once studied and passed the theory of the SDA, knows that the rules of the road there is an unsolvable situation. This is when unregulated cross the intersection simultaneously drive up to four conventional machines. With the same road surface on all four sides. each of the machines, giving "right of interference". In life, this traffic doesn't even happen. But. You will cry, but I've been in this situation as a passenger. it Happened in Mongolia. They also go by our rules. I do not remember where we went, but it doesn't matter. it So happened that met at the intersection of dirt roads. I'm sitting watching this stalemate. two seconds left. Mongol I ask - so how, why? - one more car, he has the advantage - respond to my Mongol driver. (and that was two...

Moscow Winter. frost below -10º – 15º. At the bus stop with the other there is a girl in a sheepskin coat. Beautiful hair, beautiful makeup. Pulls out my purse for my iPhone to call, but the cold refuses to work. Rubbed his mouth, breathed on him. the Unit began to rebound, led blinked and went out. hotter Start to breathe on him. The phone cheered, even the screen flashed for half a second. Stopped blowing on it – disconnected. Put him in a sheepskin coat under his arm. Gadget came to life with beeps. Pulled it again died. the Girl thought I said to myself: - Suck it or what?

Thanks to the post about bananas... 1972y year. Heat, fires... In the world energy crisis and the oil for the first time exceeded 100 bakss. THOSE BUCKS. Signed first agreement with USA and it seems like the arms race was silenced. In Alliance in full swing is developed by working oil and heaps of money. Kosygin will sanction the fight for the welfare of workers and consumer goods.... This is I later learned. And then in Orekhovo-Zuyevo imported PINEAPPLES. In an ordinary city, Moscow region, 120 km from Moscow, three weaving factory chemical plant "Karbolit". And I pigged out on pineapple. Terrible Allergy and I never gave. I cried and begged, but ran into complete failure. And just creepy zavidyvat friends in kindergarten, who continued these pineapples...

Of old: in one group I was studying with foreigners (at the University) - Chinese, Malay, and Ethiopian. In Russian, I would say, speaking knew well, but writing is not given at all. For foreign students there was an elective course - "Russian language", they're talking, writing assignments did Gosam and prepared for the diploma (because the English knew worse, and Russian among Russian learning easier). Go to the library after a steam, and there is a mark (Ethiopian) almost crying over the notebook. Came to find out what the problem is, and he gave us the writings of his pokes and tutorial with an emphasis asks, " - Do what the tut says?". Take a look, and "b", say "Hard sign". Mark, even sadder "Wooot, Russian language strange, you see two words, and I...

They Say the history of the Armenian radio began with reservations at Yerevan speaker: "Under capitalism man exploits man, under socialism it is the opposite". The radio became a character of many anecdotes that began with the phrase "the Armenian radio ask". these stories were so popular that representatives of this Armenian radio had hard times. Once in the early seventies in Moscow in the pillar hall of Unions hosted the all-Union conference of workers of radio and television. When the presiding officer announced: "the representative of the Armenian radio" in the hall there was a roar of laughter that the poor representative long was not allowed to begin. When the laughter finally verse of this same representative took the microphone and said: "We are...

"Little Miracle." I have Long wanted to tell this thing, sorry for the "nemoznost." Now the time is suitable. my wife had a grandfather, but she had never seen, he left very early. Moreover, my father-in-law father barely remembers from childhood. Originally his family is from somewhere at Poltava, but at the end of the 1930s they moved to Birobidzhan (there are older brothers of my father-in-law were born). During the War, all the grandparents/uncles/aunts etc. died, no one left. But the father-in-law and his elder brothers of the rare memoirs of his mother knew that their father had a brother. Well, I knew the name was known, what was an officer and died, and perhaps nothing more. In 2012, while I was in the hospital lying, had a lot of time, so I found...

The Beginning of the two thousandth. Affairs food in Ostrava (East of Czech Republic). the Route takes you through Prague, to her transplantation to the plane of the local lines. the First bell rang, when, after the plane released it seems to be in the General area of the airport without customs and border guards; was surprised, but then there is... Found the right gate on the first floor in the far corner. The hall is dark, there's nobody in front of him. Began to slip vague doubts. Before departure, okay three hours. Wait... Two hours - the picture is the same. come to the shop girl boutique, show ticket, explain in the Russian-anglisko-Czech that I wanted b to Ostrava. The girl is nodding his head, yeah, to you, to the hall... Okay, wait... Hour before...

Arrest the fascist troops of the entire leadership of Winnipeg, Canada, 1942. on 19 February 1942, the Nazis entered the canadian Winnipeg. At six in the morning the aircraft with a swastika landed at the airport Selkirk. At the same time, fascist patrols appeared on the streets of Winnipeg. the Sirens air siren were heard explosions, ground troops were approaching the city. Six miles South from the building of the government of Manitoba, five... after 45 minutes, the Nazis were already a mile from the city centre. At 9:30 in the morning the city surrendered. Brandon, Flin Flon, Selkirk and other towns capitulated. Manitoba became a German province. Canadian flag over Fort Garry was replaced with the swastika. The city itself was renamed as "Gimmershred...

Inspired by the story of superstition: https://www.anekdot.ru/id/941473/ "Oh, I don't believe in these superstitions..." - song of the grandmothers-IEC from the cartoon "flying ship". the Usual Saturday morning, I made coffee and the Turks poured into the cups himself and his wife. Put in your sugar and add a little milk to both cups. Don't know why, but I am want that is, although the day usually drink coffee or black tea, but without sugar. Oops... in my mug, the milk is curdled, and the wife is fine. Tried the milk quite fresh, without the slightest sign of souring. Splashed into a mug of boiling water is not minimized. In my day, high school chemistry studied tough and understand that something foreign in my Cup was a catalyst for the coagulation of...

Somewhere in one of the many parks in London Russian milf walking his little boy. Child not even two years old, he is very mobile, but says still not very good, confusing fun Russian and English word. Finally, he got tired of running around the Park like crazy and he runs to the mother so she can ride him a little in the chair, saying loud and clear: - Alaska. the Neighborhood sitting on a bench a respectable English couple, who fondly admires the fun and funny Golden-haired child, but after hearing the last words of the unhappy prinosit: - Oh, Oh those Russians: still so small and already wants to Annex Alaska.

Came to grandma's house. Grandma is old, almost 90 years old, but still vigorous. The apartment was obtained is renovated, everything is new, nice. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. Open the valve with cold water – not cool. To push a little harder – again, not spinning. Accidentally spun the other way – easily turned, the water came. But not cold, and hot. Swore, turned the pressure of hot, open the other valve (logically, it should be with cold water, although he is wearing a red "type label") already in the right direction. Not spinning! This quest I already passed, so I spun it in reverse. Oh, OK, went cold pressure! Decided to adjust the water to the desired temperature. And then I got it! It is extremely difficult to adjust the water when you...

Waiting for the Elevator. I am a girl with an Orange and a couple, God knows what floor. God knows is just above twentieth, Orange – small dog brand "bare-eared drisch on chicken legs", featuring, oddly enough, mind, intelligence and courage inveterate idiot. the Orange in the hands of the hostess - the person in the house known. He has bitten two boxers and one basketball player of the Moscow Spartak. Tried to tear the broadcaster of the Central channel, but he spoke. - Ooty road, Orange, Man, God knows what floor, pull hand to him. - wow, Orange pretends that bites a man's finger. Only it's not just "woof", it bazovica-hoarse "woof" at least Alabai if to force him to bark. Or hound of the Baskervilles if she went from howling to barking. Man pulls back...

So! The Saturday before Easter. The kids arrive tomorrow we have to meet, so I am under the car. call. Kum. Just a question: - doing What? - the Car handled. - what? Sick!! Great holiday! The bird nest is not Vietnamese! You can not work! You're Russian! Orthodox! The Lord is not in vain left us its laws. God will punish you! And another half an hour showing me morals. - Okay!!! Enough! Not little me. What do you do? - How? Wounded! me the giggles struck. - And nothing that is sinful? Today post yet! - Um not! Barbecue is sacred! Holy and sin can not be! You're no expert! Grab a beer and come get me. had to quit work and go for a beer. Or we don't Russian, or Orthodox?!

Yes, there are teachers who love to talk "for life"... When I came to the University, the exam has not even dreamed of in any of the officials of the Ministry of education, even in your worst nightmares. Passing the documents to the admissions office, I received from them, among other things, the paper with the exam schedule. Among the exams was listed as "English language test", in front of which stood a dash. "what's that?" you ask. "This testing is to form then the language group on the level", I replied. "Why the dash?" "So You have the same school such that no testing is not required, You to the highest level assigned". my School really wore the proud name "with the number of subjects taught in English". However, by the time of my study, the "number of...