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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 894 items

In 1950, I was nine-year-old boy with his father went to Leningrad from Moscow on the car "Moskvich 401".Somewhere half way the road paved over. The inscription with an arrow "Bypass" shown on the track into the woods. Where over cobblestones, stood a wall standing upright from thick logs. Father explained that before doing so end of the road.Put tall oak logs vertically close to each other and covered with sand in the gaps between them.Now replace the rock. But I remembered it for another reason. We stopped for a bite to eat before rolling into the woods. Passing cars were very few. The first turning into the woods, the truck stopped near us and the driver through the open window SAID,"do YOU NEED any HELP?" Received a negative response,wave his hand and...

Darwinists joke that men are descended from bears,and women from monkeys.Paleocontacts and read gray say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.And damn with the essence of these two statements(a one-and differences-a lot) will not do.I most of the fairer sex(which turns the eggs so that the sound was involuntarily torn from the throat) still don't understand.With some you can work without worrying about the problems in operational issues.The units can communicate,share personal and almost even a joke.And then there is Natalie.Her I married.The quintessence is the best I've ever had. And all of a sudden...I just felt this stab in the back.Resentment boiled and raged.Now the story itself. I returned home from work,not too tired,but irregular working...

Finally our Siberian town come summer. Noon, sun, humidity, temperature +28. I heard in Italy in this weather having a Siesta. Or is it not in Italy... On the street in silence, only the sparrows with their flock of loudly discussing the contents replenished dumpster. Sparrows much content, interesting to the little sparrows. The house from the street to the side of the container came a cabbage white butterfly. Her appearance in General is invisible, but one of the sparrows, not so successful in the production of sweets and for this reason were closest to her saw her. So as not to frighten luck, and pay no attention to the rest of the Horde on newly discovered prospects to eat, Sparrow sideways, sideways move in the direction of the butterfly. They say I'm...

Good we have people, especially women. Granny was a kind and others too no matter what kind, and the soul they have beautiful and unspoiled. Here I went once on the bus in the evening. And there are two acquaintances to each other ladies pressing issues of public life are discussed. Whether the birthday is of someone's back, whether at corporate which was delayed. There is an office center next to from there seems to go. "No," said the older and sixty years of age, I am against chemical castration. He W all personal belongings will remain, suddenly something else will do. They should just shoot and everything. - what are you Sophia p. - meets her other younger and thirty five, killing is not humane. What if he is innocent? I would actually castrated...

A Buddy told. Almost as a joke. one day he Happened to attend an international conference. the Day of the conference was dried brain at meetings and in the evening, moistened it in the hotel bar. to Drink alone in a bar for fun. So the man sat down next to the cultural company of the Japanese and of the citizen of the European Union. Drank extremely hard. In the end the conversation turned to life. the Japanese said: - Life is like climbing the volcano. Difficult, dangerous. But you have to enjoy the process and don't rush. Europeans picked up the theme: - Life is like a sail boat without oars on a stormy river, which flows into the sea of Death. To approach the shore did not succeed. It remains to pray and admire the scenery. this man reasonably objected...

The Story of Vladimir Ulyanov, Lenin of Course not: Tyumen oblast, the village of Borki. On the roadside are women and sell pies with any filling. And, for cakes hot boiled potatoes, salted cucumbers, salted fish, local catch and the tea! The real samovar! Yummy incredible! The smell of this vkusnotischi, a kilometer felt. the Women from each other, it is impossible to distinguish all dressed the same: sheepskin, boots and all this tied with a shawl. Siberia, a frost 30 however. Grandma, granddaughter and of course moms. The old woman or the young woman did not understand. I Buy a couple of meat pies, a couple of cabbages and a mug of this tea, climb into the cockpit and begin gluttonize. Here, in the door insistent knock. Opened. There are two pepper faces...

Actual Georgian infrared device was the reason acquired by our Department. Cold damp Leningrad device did not want to work ― broke down at start-up. Iron box with sharp corners, weighing thirty pounds. Loaded with this heavy fool I, as a young specialist was sent to the town of Gori, Georgian SSR, to fix or change. In the morning, I stomped to the factory on foot. The March sun was shining, the birds were singing, hairdressing, open wide open Windows, older shaved older Georgians Georgians razors. However, at that time almost everyone seemed older. Went to the cafe. ― Khachapuri and juice, please. ― Adyn love go, said I'm older, well really, an ordinary clerk. Khachapuri was small, in the form of a boat, the dough seemed to puff. the next morning, all also:...

I had one friend, a native of Karelia, her name was Tatiana Shchukina. She married a Latvian, moved to Latvia, lived there for many years, and I can't remember which passport she wanted to do: whether she was given Latvian citizenship,whether Russian passport, but in any case, transcribed the name in its Latvian laws. It does not matter. So, in this transcription of her name began to look very strange: TATJANA, but it still warned that the letter "O" they have, and SUGGESTED the LETTER "C" IN the NAME!!! I immediately thought the same case with another friend who married a Dutchman, whose name was JOB, took his name, and there was a similar story: in order to transcribe this name in the Russian passport, she was offered a very nice choice of "JOB" or "JOB...

Today saw another film with Stallone and his Chinese friends. At the beginning of the show some publicity and everyone in the room sticks in their phones, including a young couple about 16 years that sat right in front of me. When began the actual film and the people moved on to the big screen, these two were still like someone istogramma. For the entire 1.5 hour movie, their phones do not extinguished, the benefit was in silent mode. The girl most of the time definitely looked fun, because quite often began to quietly laugh, although the film was not funny. The boy was passionate about the game is that ignored not only the film, but her attempts to show him someone else's pictures. I'm not sure that the two of them in total, managed to see over 15 minutes...

A Friend told. His wife with her daughter went to the local clinic. After the reception I decided to pick up honey.card to your home (so you will not lost). By the way honey.the card was kind of a thick notebook in which the daughter managed to put their 'autographs' multiple many doctors. But, notebook to give them flatly refused. out of the clinic, the daughter and says: - Mom, do you know why they don't give a notebook? - Why? - when I went to the toilet realized it. There is toilet paper, some scribbled notebook sheets. Apparently quite bad at them with paper. Here they are from our notebooks them there and run up.

Returned to Moscow and found that the rebranding of the ball in them. Pushkin is something serious. The monument is in the center of the room! Pushkin there neopisuemo curly, young. Mischievously looks at passers-by with a dumb question. Type, and fuck him here finally put some creative motherfuckers. But in life everything is interconnected. In apples means oranges. The mysterious lunar light affects the growth of Telegraph poles. How not to weave together the fate of the international airport, the fortress village of counts Sheremetev and the great Russian poet. I do not understand one - why this monument stands in hall E of ball 2? Does the copy in all other terminals? And how long in General to wait for the main monument to Pushkin, astride a rearing...

The Wife of my business partner - the dream woman for most Russian men. Because dresses as well as classic high-ranking office worker - male. Not in terms of style and in terms of "bought a few nice suits and go to them six months." Yes, things are expensive, but the format of "just go shopping or to buy something sort of" it is not in principle. In this regard, the closet is updated 2 times a season on a number of things and more on this stuff is time not spent. And then... in General, the older remained with the younger to sit. Played, had lunch, slept the youngest, and decided to play hide and seek. Younger in spite of the strict ban went into the wardrobe in the parents ' bedroom. Elder remembering the ban never even went to look for him there. And the...

Wife business partner experience in large state projects. the Costs of the profession - Cycling on Saturday in connection with jobs involving all hands at work. So how much gets tired, Saturday morning sleeping it off, the phone transferred to her husband, and if the case of force majeure, then he wakes up. Morning. Wife luxuriates in bed partner was awake and drinking coffee. Receives a message on his wife's mobile - urgently need to come to the meeting, the question of the level of city-forming enterprise in a large village of 10 000 inhabitants. What can you do... Partner's wife brews coffee, enters the bedroom, puts on the bedside table and begins gently stroking to Wake faithful. - Honey, you need to get up! - Mmmm... - Honey, my love, get up please! -...

Closer to the night a thunderstorm started. Had to take hundred grams to preserve domestic tranquility. Went to bed, curled up, not in the bedroom, and divam spread was too lazy. the night was awakened by an unearthly light and inspired by a female voice that cheerfully prophesied that soon the angels will come. My first thought was: that's what it is, squirrel! But remember that drinking before bedtime is obviously not enough. Second thought: wait the end of the world! The third thought was more pragmatic: maybe over on the other side? it Turned out that the leg I turned on the TV - the remote was lying on the couch. Can such terrible things at night show. Since Durkee is possible to ring out.

Ukraine. Winter 2019. On the street 1. Working in construction. 9 people, concrete workers. The people are simple. the Salary of all - minimal. Carry buckets and shovels the concrete. In the breaks and at lunch, come warm up in the bus keyway, which carries us firm on the building site. the bus Driver, stepanych (man of 55 years). All his work is to take workers to the area, and after work - to bring them in "TRUST". Schedule it, like everyone - from 8 to 5. That is all 7 hours (one hour a day Stepanovich, still have to work shipping people to the site and back) while we carry the concrete - he has free time bound to the place and the bus (it's dry and warm) that it even repair is not required ( in the "garage" is a car mechanic, they do all repairs and...