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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 697 items

In Serpukhov unknown washed in the fountain a new mattress and carpet. because Of the fountain added to the detergent water in the bowl turned into a thick foam. The perpetrators recorded on the camcorder, set the program "Safe city". Washed the mattress and the carpet brought from a rented apartment. One liter of detergent enough to make sure the detergent commercial law. the Whole town is looking for vandals purity, as water from the closed system of the fountain had to be drained into the sewer. Fortunately, all this was visible from the Windows of the city hall, so the fountain to wait long for assistance was not necessary.

Just went to the history about the surrender of rights in the States, I'll throw in my. Sitting with her husband in line in new Jersey, expect when we call and quietly talking. Radom sit two say "brother" young, inflated guys and talking loudly in Russian. Heard us and one immediately suitable. "you don't know," he tells me "how much and to whom you can give that exam would have." I did not at first understand. "Well, to pay that the rights issued without examination, that would not turn him in," he added, seeing that I do not get it. "What is there to surrender" said I, "in Russian, there is nothing to do, he's easy". "Nick," he cried, "here the woman said it's like a bump in the road!" Well, I really did not say so, but every interpretered as he...

With a friend a few years we have marievale. Like autumn, so close to the river or lake in the winter in the hole, the spring can be on the ice for a swim. In this regard, there were many exciting incidents. Let me give a couple of them. Once the season was bathing in a small forest lake. Come, clean the hole, swim, dive, voiced the world expressing admiration. And each some time I decided that after bathing, do not sin at the snow around the lake run, and we swam naked as a rule. That day was a Blizzard, so that ten meters can not see anything. He got out of the hole and ran. Closer to the edge of the lake sat a fisherman in the hole. Sitting, not bothering anyone, suddenly someone taps him on the shoulder and asks: Well, like biting? Turns, back, bare...

About the intricacies of terminology. somewhere in the beginning of the century, the British Government decided to give Chernobyl is fucking expensive device in order to improve the financial position of one of his Ltd. The Ministry had bought the device, took him to Chernobyl and was invited to a week-long training of specialists from Ukraine. Received an e-mail program stay for a week, and there, among other things, Friday night's planned ".. party with the French Connection". We are a little while.hevaen: why is someone who will? (For the slow-witted French connection in slang means a Blowjob...) Please explain. In response to: "Sorry - in French Connection". It turns out, the name of the pub with French cuisine, by the way, very cozy. Pinned guys...

Short story (no vodka,almost) about the Pope, Israel and Israelis. Year, I think in 2000, gathered the Pope to visit the Holy land. You can understand it, in Israel many people like to travel well, Dad, as the saying goes, God himself commanded. Apart from Jerusalem, Nazareth and some of the places the Pope visited the natural surroundings of the sea of Galilee. Well, for those who do not know it's just a freshwater lake below sea level, and for Israelis it is the sea-the sea of Galilee. Also known as Galilee, of Tiberias or Gennesaret sea. The place is very beautiful and according to biblical legend, the waters of the sea Jesus walked, until, according to Butusov, Andrey took out the minnows. By the way, minnows there, checked the fish are tilapia must in...

Probably all know the story of newly-found relatives abroad who tragically died, and heirs left. That same happened to me.. Comes in the mail message from a black friend and me: - Dear Mr. X ! Writes you a Trustee of Mr. X, who was tragically killed in the African heat. It so happened that Your namesake no family left in the African heat, but left the status of $ 10 million. Since You have the same last name, we can receive this inheritance-are You interested? I: -willing to consider Your Proposal.. Trustee:- Great! It remains to observe a few formalities. I:- while we are with You, dear, not started the formalities, I would like to know if I can help with moving abroad? the Trustee:-will certainly help, but for their services I would like to get 40% of...

Call to a landline. - Is a Vasily? - Yes, it's me. - Kukushkina 16? - Yes. - would You like to install plastic Windows? - Yes, good. - do you want to zamerschik came to you? - Come. - what time is good for you? any. - Thank you for understanding. - for God's Sake. I have to hang up. How tired of these marketing calls. One pleases. House for Kukushkina 16 demolished five years ago. I live in a completely different area of the city. The phone number left the old. And you come, if you still use old data.

About the exam for driving in the States I also have a story. the Brother had long driven a car in Odessa, and his wife does not. They come and need to get behind the wheel - not for a living, and to move around. Then, with foreign rights to pass the driving itself was not necessarily a theory test is not applicable. The evening read a little book on this subject and went to take. His wife passed and my brother there. How so? Primitive same issues and he is a driver with experience?! dark comes to the citizen who took the exam: - could you explain why I failed? Well, look here... - and puts the stencil on a sheet of paper, in which the brother put crosses in front of the other answers. - See, of the twenty questions you answered correctly to only three...

The history of 9 July about the exam on the right. the fact that left a long time ago already reposed in the Lord a Union and live in one of the Northern countries of the United Europe. And it so happened that the education in Russian had managed to obtain only in the framework of high school, everything else in the local language. Accordingly, the entire technical and professional vocabulary and the language and idioms of the modern Russian language I had to learn in the process of direct communication with the Russians. Good communication enough, as all work, thanks to their fluency in the Russian language, associated with business in regions with Russian-speaking population first and foremost on Russia. So one day, at the dawn of work, the need arose to...

How the British decided to train seagulls. Someone against submarines, enemy uses missiles, torpedoes, ships, aircraft and other military gadgets, but for example the British during the First World war, when submarines of the enemies were a bigger threat and decided to deal with them exclusively in a peculiar way. At the time to detect a submarine was not an easy task, and with weapons it was a bit easier. But the British decided to deal with opponents. One of the admirals offered to train the gulls to crap on periscopes of submarines. would do this to a submarine while at periscope depth and received such a nasty missile , pop up to the surface fully and then it would have been easy to detect and destroy. in Addition to this, there was another crazy idea...

Was my friend Sasha, we worked together. Yes, I already wrote about it. He liked to drink wine, moreover, was not particularly picky. I mean, drinking is diverse, what was at hand. And at one time it before putting the bottles carefully removed the labels, and gathered a decent collection. Then his wife and children went to visit their parents in Voronezh. Sasha took his collection and plastered labels the floor in the hallway. Plump, butt jointed without gaps. And then poured it on top of the transparent epoxy. Says his wife came - this was a scandal. Screaming, they say, people will come to see it, to think that my husband is an alcoholic. Had to paint this beauty sexual paint.

You like chess? I don't. What almost agree with the cockroach, acquaintances Michal Mihalych Zhvanetsky. "Chess I'm just afraid," - said the intellectual to the marrow of chitinous legs: "because there is bound to humiliate one of them. He proves that he is weaker, and please don't be annoyed. Apparently, that's fine, but not for me." So I'm not afraid of them, but it's not for me. Although the figures are great targets, if from Pneumatics to shoot, it is a pity that fast. But that does not matter because instead of chess can adapt the spoon. Spoon better chess. Stick on any horizontal poperechenko to bend and all. Get into the spoon, and she turns. Fun. According to another chess I don't like. That's not really a sport, and gambling. Sports from gambling...

American artist Hugh Troy (1906-1964), a famous Illustrator of books and a big fan of practical jokes, during the Second world war he served as clerk in one of the army training camps. He was tormented by the need to fill huge number of forms, statements, and reports. In protest, he invented a special report on the number of flies caught on the sticky at the officers ' mess. He became every day to send such a report to the Pentagon. Day after day these reports were passed to the Ministry of defense, until the inevitable happened: someone in the Pentagon wondered why only one training company sends such a report? Where are the others? Do some officers neglect their duties? One day Troy was approached by two officers from another Department asking if he knew...

It Happened in ancient times. In one research Institute, engaged in radio, argued the heads of the two laboratories: let's call them Ivan Ivanov Ivanovich and Petr Petrovich Petrov. Ivan was also a profound expert in the field of tubes and wrote her PhD dissertation on the devices based on vacuum tubes. But this time instead of vacuum tubes came to semiconductor devices, and the thesis became irrelevant. Ivan Ivanovich was angry and tried to prove that the tube has not exhausted its possibilities. On the contrary, Peter with special zeal became involved in semiconductors, even on courses went. And it's not like Ivan Ivanovich. One day, nia was a jubilee, on this occasion outside the city sponsored summer camp (and it was autumn, the children have already...

Inspired by a story from 07,07. once the case was forced to smile at the group of 20 people, maybe even someone will smile here. it was in the late 90s at the University... Just discovered classical music and, thank my teacher, the vast world of foreign literature. this is for any couple, sitting in the middle rows, trying not to Shine, listen with headphones one of the nine symphonies and reading "the Seagull by the name of...". the Lecturer decided to turn its attention to a blatant student and asked, "what sound?" Not noticing how he went, I had to honestly answer: - Beethoven Some confusion of the teacher and, after a pause: - who read? - Bach. total distrust of suspected mockery, check book covers, check music from the headphones and I was merciful...