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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 697 items

Recorded grandfather for a free haircut from any of the Institute. The time went, liked it. Signed another. in six Months was like suddenly he began cutting neighbors and friends. And so well, efficiently. they began to recommend to friends, began to cut for the money, bought the equipment, the grandmother sent the first free haircut, then to courses in the same Institute. In General, flooded the business. Ask how so? You're just a free haircut went! So, he says, imagine a hall in which 10 women that the guys in haircut not understand. And every teacher at 10-20 times explains how to cut correctly. they do not understand, he explains and shows. now, watched and learned. Well, and teachers during this time I asked around a little, to buy a better even cut...

Well, hooked me theme cat-dog pickles: I remembered a story. I have a good friend, in the Soviet years he worked at the poultry farm. In the period of General scarcity he drove to our office "holiday sets", so one of our leaders even joked: "Yes, I know him, his love to our ladies for the great eggs!". The egg was really large, not like the store )) now, he once told me that his factory regularly sends its products to Germany. "The Germans buy our chicken?", — I was surprised. "Not really, he explained". It turns out, we bought all sorts of trim, for the manufacture of dog and cat food. So, loading and dispatch of each truck personally supervised by the Director together with the chief technologist and the rest of the guidance carefully checked perfection...

Just answer to the critics: all that can be said of the cheese has been said by Jerome K. Jerome, Yes, yesterday, author NM. I've no claims. So, the gaps are filled. I Went five years ago to Russia and decided to bring my brother as a gift cheese. He is we-known bat grew from childhood zvizdyuley received for regular emptying of the refrigerator from the then the quality and variety of products of the Soviet dairy industry. And then just various sanctions imposed and the uproar that, say, dying Russian people, cheese requests. Another brother to him from Holland local varieties navez Adamov all with gautami, and I thought: let, be the original. And, in addition, took on the head port Salut, and limburger. Who knows what it was, he probably shook his head...

In 2000, after the graduation, we Aydar Mu spring...assigned to work in the North of the Perm region in a penal colony. Aidar – a full-blooded Tartar, I – the father Russian, mother Ukrainian. Promised employment as engineers in the city, in the real world – sent to a distant colony of special regime, by setting the rank of Lieutenant and appointed to the captain's office, because specialists have missed. Arriving with passing trucks to the destination, came to the headquarters, introduced himself to the head of the OIC (Association of penal colonies), won seats in the hostel and pass in the residential and industrial zones. The village was small, almost all the shops belonged to the representatives of the Armenian Diaspora, and the main Kommersant – in the...

Go with a friend and his family to the country. From the rain all the roads, except the asphalt, turned into a horrible mess. not Far from the house, a friend decides to cut off and turn on the primer. goes to Meet the man in the raincoat, rubber boots and a fishing rod. Saw us and began to wave his hands to stop. -"you better Turn back." says. But at a friend's jeep, waved, go. 500 Meters across and sat down firmly, pushed, dug - all to no avail. in about 3 Hours the same man rides past on a tractor. it Slowing down, tearfully begging to get us on the road. Catches a cable, and is sad so speaks: -"How do you zaebali!"

Leafing through an old page... a Few years ago — I told you about my visit to the colony of lepers that occurred as much as a quarter of a century ago. the Story attracted the interest, to my surprise, she became interested in other sites and it has caused quite a lively debate. One of the heroes of history was father Damien, a Catholic priest, who came to the colony to care for lepers and to improve disgusting and cruel situation of these seriously ill people. And one soldier in the field — he did it! moreover, the conditions in this forced the colony improved — he was able to change the attitude of society and government to the problem of leprosy patients. housing and churches with his own hands and bandaging the wounds of lepers — from day to day for...

In the subject of stories about the military. once in connection with a change of address I had to register in the military. I was a reserve officer, so no surprises expected. Saying at work that late hour, I went in the morning in a military registration and enlistment office. the appearance of the officer who took me, said that in our army it's not just good, but great. His skin was shiny from the light post lamps, his face was kindly rounded, loose form fit its convex shape, hardened by years of Desk work with documents and recruits, and it was obvious immediately that he has not experienced any heavy hands of ensign or viscous dust army of polygons. the First question it had a direct relation to the military theme: he asked what I do. My ill-advised...

When I was little, I had a grandfather. "So what?" - you will ask. Grandfather happen at all. Common. that may be So, but not quite. The children of my grandparents generation almost was not. Grandmother was, Yes. Entirely military widows. My grandmother was a war widow. Why then did the grandfather? And my grandfather was her second husband, my mother's stepfather. He was also a widower, his family (children and wife, the beginning of the war to give birth pregnant with twins) died in the Minsk ghetto. He was still alive by accident - rushed to pick up from summer camps near Mogilev eldest daughter. But to return to Minsk was not able to. Not yet. there were many such families - people broken by war and lost loved ones, got together and tried visodate some...

In the theater. City Council all articles about plays and actors traditionally hang on a special Board. Once the head of the literary part of putting up an interview of Valentina Talyzina, which she gave to the newspaper "Evening Moscow". The article was called "I - Talyzina". Past Board passed another actress with her husband. Stopped and said: Well, look what it is!? What it means: "I am Talyzina"? Just the height of indiscretion. - don't worry, dear. Give an interview to "Moskovsky Komsomolets and tell him, "I - Talyzina," said the husband.

You had a case where unfamiliar people were immensely happy? I had! Settled in I grave mother-in-law at St. Nicholas Archangel cemetery. In the office I was told that I was going to the place and waited there for the workers. I'm coming to the end of the cemetery - weekdays, people no soul, "misty morning, hoary morning"... Pretty scary - different thoughts in my head, something dreaming for the crosses... And suddenly I see the tomb of the mother-in-law a pale, frightened woman. If it was a dog, she would furiously wagged his tail, jumped, screamed... But she only said, choking with joy and happiness that she was told to go to the grave and equip to wait work, and then terrified, and there was at least one living person... I Wanted to tell her that I am...

Flying smartphone This story is it happened in a difficult for the Primorsky Krai in the Typhoon season. The river was out of its banks, the region was declared a disaster mode. Help flew in a helicopter, the then Governor of the region Vladimir Miklushevsky, and with it his immortal crew, the operator of which was a Leonid. When the helicopter has reached the necessary height, he decided to capture the full extent of flooding on your smartphone by putting it in the window for better color fidelity. But did not consider the elemental power of wind, the phone blew instantly. He flew away, and with it dozens of family photos and other interesting content associated with the work. Grieving for the smartphone there was no time, on the coastal rivers floated...

With me a colleague he worked, Lithuanian. Also married a Lithuanian woman. People are calm, even phlegmatic, I'd say. And then, they went to West Virginia to relax. Rented a house there, walked, climbed in and went to sleep. Wife, lime, woke up first, and the first thing on awakening she saw a huge snake crawled out from under the bed. The other would have screamed, of course, but lime Lithuanian, so she gently pushed the Algirdas and said al "GIS, we have under the bed of the serpent." Algirdas, tired after a six-hour drive the previous day, Wake up not wanted, so I mumbled: "you can't see the snake if it's under the bed" and fell asleep again. Then lime pushed him harder and said: al "GIS, but I want to pee, but if I get up, I'll step on the snake!" "So...

To yesterday's story about the fly in his fist. I also Have this habit, from the window to throw out. Though not with flies (I put them in the fist is unlikely to catch), and cockroaches. And in Israel, cockroaches... well, Russian immigrants, of course, but I'm on the "local" (or is it, too, visitors, but also where). Big creatures with almost a finger tall. the First time happened in high school, like tenth grade, can't remember exactly. Sitting, suddenly a scream, saw one such beast. I go over there, look, calmly grab the roach with his hands and fist are on the other end of the class. There I open the window, I throw this cockroach. Then come to the teacher, and quietly ask permission to go wash my hands. Oh Yes, for the sake of completeness. In the...

This story happened in my childhood with my friend Roma. We were in fact all boys are curious and mischievous. In the city where we lived was the reservoir, where starting from the month of may you can swim and rent boats. One Sunny spring day my friend waiting for me at school decided to go to the reservoir alone. We studied in the same school but in different classes and I was late. On the way to the reservoir, he met another boy from our yard and they together went on. In the head Romka came up with the idea to rent a boat. Her children were not given and they begged the older boy to take them to the boat. Took, swam to the middle and decided to dive from the boat. He took my shorts off and shirt and put them on the stern. During the jump, the boat...

Last fall, we brought his wife in Ohrid. Who knows, it's stunningly beautiful and tragically underrated tourist town on the shores of the lake in Macedonia. We then quickly found a house there, he settled and went to dinner. the Good people suggested us a restaurant on the shore, where for indecent small money visiting travelers usually eat the local trout are endemic. While there was a little lost, and began to torture the local road. And the people there, I must say, as a simple cotton dress, no one does English and does not understand. Here look, there is one very well-dressed old man approached him. He begins to explain, then he asked - where are you from? what is there to do? — From Russia, — speak, — just for a couple of days came. his Grandfather had...