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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 697 items

Daughter was four years old. About a couple of weeks before the New year she announced that she wants to become a real snow Maiden. And for several days tortured me this idea. While I suggested the easiest option. As Snegurochka - granddaughter of Santa Claus, to be that it is necessary (any Santa Claus) to persuade to marry my grandmother (specifically, my mother-in-law). Currently the pleasure I received not from the fact that the child ceased to distress me, obsession, and the story of a mother-in-law about how on a Christmas tree in kindergarten, she was publicly are engaged own granddaughter imposing Santa Claus (who is also the caretaker of the kindergarten).

Someone posted post. Cocky and wrong, in my opinion. Okay, I think that will answer. Write a comment, weighty and deeply reasoned. Wrote happy. Was about to strike a triumphant finger on the enter key like a thought: here you will answer him, and he is not silent, answer no less weighty, and you him and he you... And the day is gone, and the mood is spoiled just scribbling nervously, level of cortisol rises to crimson mark, a fuck-up. No. Press the delete key. All drown. And in a great mood, drinking coffee with cream, humming the tune Shainsky. Or ex-wife dashed off something absurd in the messenger. It requires a response, the emotion and everything. But I will not miss. Oh Yes, I'll answer! I'd say that she has a chandelier will fall. Write, write...

- what country are You from? asked the waitress in a cafe in Naples. - Try to guess. You have 3 attempts - I replied. Okay. Romania? Ukraine? Sweden? - Why there? - I don't know. You high. And a little weird. - Not even close. I'm from Russia. - I thought so. I know one curse word in Russian. - What? - I am ashamed. - Oh well. I'm an adult. - makes Me uneasy. - I'm listening. - Good: the Tu-t'u in fundul, simple. - What does that mean? Don't understand. In my native language, so do not say. - "Go to hell, you fool". I remembered: it's in Romanian. - I'll teach you right, Russian Mat. - OK. - Sukablyat. Useful on all occasions. - how to translate? - No way. The meaning depends on the intonation. When you feel bad, say a sad, low tone, when wonder...

Friend when I moved to "elitku", he said. In its first week in the door in the evening pounding neighbor - help, there husband of bum can not out of the house to expel! Looking down on the stage a man in a jacket with an umbrella bounces from some unshaven fat man in a t-shirt and sweat pants. Friend, a fighter with the brigade in the past in history, a moment in a situation figured out. Flies to the bum and immediately his two - BA-BAM from the counter! He collapsed under a heart-rending shriek of a neighbor: — Ahhh! Are you really stupid?! Ahhh! the Man in the jacket, too stunned and precipi "thank you, bro," ran down the stairs. Neighbor in the full siren was blasting, stands, voice already ultrasound. yevpaty-Kolovrat! It turned out that a friend...

Went on a tour in Central Asia, held in the hands of local currency: Kazakhstan tenge (by the way, Russian word "money" just from Tenga happens), and Uzbek Sumy. I remembered a funny story. At the beginning of the 90s, held a summit of the presidents of Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan, one of the topics — introduction of national currencies. The post-summit joint press conference. And one of the journalists asks, do you know how will look the new bill. He adds that, according to rumors, on the banknotes of Tajikistan is a portrait of President Rakhmonov. "Well, on your own?..." Nazarbayev grins, and says: "I can Definitely say that on our money portrait Rakhmonov will not!"

My mother, after suffering in extreme youth the tragedy that is entirely vinyl their inactivity, began to keep the diary. At first it was just reminders, then transformed into a daily record of the main events of the day. And so from day to day, from year to year since the mid-70s, starting with description of the weather on this day and ending with the time of bedtime. Dad even eventually organized in pricechannel the pantry shelves where they are all written diaries for years, months, and dates are stored. We all laughed at this, but are first to run to her closet, in order to see the important events of the past. Every party, before leaving, we choose at random any date of the past and the mother, wearing glasses, with a sense of self-importance, and...

Was in one Siberian city, a wonderful stage actor and Director, people's artist Boris Nikolayevich Kiselev. He told a funny story that happened to him in the 1970-ies, on the eve of the New year. Profsoyuzny the Committee requested the two artists in the image of Santa Claus to drive on the flats of theater workers and to congratulate children with coming New Year. This should be done by 31 December. Santa Claus has appointed Boris Kiselyov. It and is clear: the best candidate for the role of grandfatherly in the whole city not to find. A crowd favorite, a Joker, a merry - solid appearance, elegant voice. All anything, but the evening of the same day Boris Yeltsin was to play a major role in a theatrical new year's show - and he just was obliged to remain...