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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 697 items

Not a joke at all... Changed us as a Bank card at work, well I stood in line for our programmer... And here it came to his turn, the Bank employee brings it to the ATM, turns and says: Enter Your PIN code! - I don't remember him! - programmer responsible to him. - how long do you remember? - Well two years! - And how do You withdraw money? - So I do not remove! - And in stores as well? There are in fact more than 1000 rubles pin-in day can not be spent! - I so much in the day and spend! ... We all were just laughing in the queue!!!!

Today the revolution in Russia is possible only in case if the process will be headed by His Excellency Vladimir Putin. The process has worked on the action "Immortal regiment" when the officials on it were rounded up students, workers, petty officialdom and other state employees, giving them portraits of unknown soldiers. Here you can also imagine a powerful column of demonstrators, which walks ahead of Mr Putin with a placard: "Down with Putin!", or "Freedom to Sergei Furgal!", or something else like that. Behind him - the Ministers, the heads of the State Duma and the Federation Council, then the revolutionary Tajiks, Uzbeks, students and state employees, all with the same banners and posters. Powerful the column is approaching the Kremlin's Spassky...

Sit, work in the personnel Department of a small publishing house, as a stranger suddenly rushes in tears woman who cried from the doorway: - have You not noticed that my daughter has mental retardation? the Woman we calmed down, poured tea. Ask: - Who is your daughter? Who have mental retardation? - can't You see that one? - No. - HAVE %NAME%! - have Not noticed. With the duties of a corrector copes. - that's the fact of the matter is, the fact of the matter is that the corrector! In General, said the woman just a heartbreaking story. Once she has defined the daughter in a secondary school because "in the usual be the middling, and then be able to stand out, learn the best." And so it happened. But at home she was self-educated as he could. I read...

Affiliate, or Black stones Working in GR, meeting with serious people of different levels. Public and completely private, just the rich and influential. For 17 years I've seen probably all of whom you can imagine as the person or party to the talks - the first person of the country to the fly-district of the authority of the provincial Siberian town, from the normal sloggers - owner of a fast food chain, started from scratch, to the middle of the circle where "just gave because a friend and a loyal guy". Remember many. But it struck me the person only once. It was the summit talks between the three owners of big business, held with participation of the management of a large region. Planned structural complex transaction, including the entry of foreign...

Said the grandfather of my friend My father was killed in the storming of Berlin at the end of the war, and her mother gave me the first of the Suvorov military school. we Lived with the boys together, was a big United family, almost all who lost father, who's almost entire family in the War. The guys studied with me different - and some of them survived all the horrors of warfare and occupation, and some luck with the evacuation. Fed well, learn we did. Remember guys my bunkmate Matthew. A regular guy, studied diligently, and the former among the best pupils. Matthew was a thoughtful guy, talked mostly about school and the family not told anything. I'm not asking too much. a year has Passed to us for inspection came a Marshal. The General construction, the...

From the category of "That's all there is to know about ..." "I Want to draw attention to the mortality rate in five months in 2020 - it is the same five months of last year. This means that, despite the increase in mortality in April and may, Russia was the reserve for the reduction in mortality that we used and which we have accumulated in order to prevent a dramatic increase this figure", - said Golikova. To avoid doubt, the author of the words Golikov Deputy Prime Minister of the Russian Government. Dean of the faculty of public administration and financial control of the Financial University under the Government of Russia. Of course, Professor, doctor of Sciences. And that's all you need to know about the government of Russia, financial University and...

I was asked to write a pamphlet about just kick the lawlessness of the authorities when arrested in Khabarovsk Huber and riot, this arrest is caused by. Looked at the views of the opposing sides - hmm. Blacks have little, but if you carefully look at us - we are all in essence the blacks. The desire to destroy the state system, to create chaos and to get back to the palms we hold only sound judgment, that the trees in our latitudes do not grow. you See, I don't want to have in the United States - all these rallies, protests, demonstrations and events, i.e., accumulation of several thousand angry citizens together, in a pandemic just unhygienic. Lead to premature unnecessary infections and deaths. To such accumulations immediately attached provocateurs and...

I Wonder how many there are in the world of books has greatly affected people's lives? I'm Afraid that I know only a very few books that really could have such an effect. will Not mention the Torah, the Bhagavad Gita, the gospel and the Koran. Religion is religion. Yes, there was a "Capital", which, admittedly, still very few people actually read (especially to the end), but which in the end led to many serious events in a number of countries, particularly in Russia. Yes, there was such a book "uncle Tom's Cabin", which became (personally I never knew this) the best-selling book in the United States in the nineteenth century (after the Bible!). As told by contemporaries, this book is so greatly exacerbated tensions between supporters and opponents of...

On the sedative effects of fishing, I was like already told. Anyway, all new is well forgotten old. Their SUV popped up on the scythe at full speed, at the turn of the hoisting wheel fountains of sand. Behind the wheel was an old Korean man, and with him two young. - what is? - asked the old man. - enough! You're on a boat, with wave surf the eyeballs take. - Raschikhmarova! - gave the old team young. The word was some kind of Korean, but what it is, I realized as soon as they pulled from the trunk of a car roof your punt. - Your goal is to go beyond the wave of the surf. Understand?! the old man was strict and the young dutifully nodded their heads. The punt landed on the water, young Koreans are no worse than than the Japanese ninja jumped in and roared...

Dostoevschina. to Him from childhood, said each: - Mishan you to the circus need a clown. Who good-naturedly, and grandmother live so out of malice, said that if he is again as a joke, that the Gypsies kidnapped and clowns sell. Some, frightened by vampires, it was assumed that Mishan clowns bitten. And despite this, over Mishkin jokes rarely laughed. And he was joking did not give up, despite the blows of fate and cuffs. From all I could joke to make even a tin can tied to a cat's tail, and literary books. Not funny? That's the case. Some bastard slipped Mishan Dostoevsky and left in the yard unattended axe, now I'll never know. It is in student construction team happen. In the yard of the house, where five students on the wait defined to aunt Mary. In the...

I spent my Childhood in nature. Our's five-story building stood on the outskirts of the city among fields and meadows, and grandmother all summer getting us to the meadow, spread cotton pique cover, and arranged something like a picnic. And when we returned home, pique cover faithfully served me as the tent that I collected on the balcony. When I grew up, it was occupied by bro. it's been decades. Last year I was visiting my brother, found out that his third daughter is crawling on the bedspread friend of pique. Opened his mouth, brother laughs: Yes, the bedspread, the parents gave, so all of my kids grew up on it. Took a picture of the child soon went to visit the matriarch of the family - aunt at 90 - showed a photo she: Oh, look, the veil that I am your...

On Duty in the city. A day old, doctors leave patients with pain coming in an endless stream. Suddenly runs into the office of the administrator of the hospital and looking at me with terror in eyes informs that sits at the bottom man, just three days ago released from prison where he served eight years for murder. And now he's got a sore tooth, he's aggressive, we're all gonna die and what to do?!!! Have assistants begins a light tremor, so I have to help him to follow the killer into the waiting room. There among the women, children and the elderly sitting, barely pomestilas in the chair, the shaven-headed, bearded bully, one to one similar to me, only for twenty centimeters higher, harder and covered in tattoos. Politely invite him to go to the office...

And in our area there is a dangerous maniac. he Usually goes hunting in the evening - when the streets were still dark and full of people. He goes and carefully chooses a victim, no one is hiding. The victim even does not suspect anything, and he already begins to approach the spiral trajectory. And it seems to be looking completely the other way, but actually never releases the victim from view. as he Approached, he finally attacked the victim and begins to torture her. Sophisticated, giving no chances to escape. Let go only when the victim becomes pale green. Then he graciously allows her to escape on trembling legs. This is a completely harmless old man. He just loves to communicate. He will not slaughter with a knife, not strangled and raped. But the...

My mother-in-law collects garbage from all cottages.. for heating baths.... :-) (I was sick as all the colored plates, magazines glamorous.. in short not lit, and only causes harm) and we have in the office yard the tree fell..... in short, 100 rubles and I sawed it :-) in the end 1.5 cubic meters loaded into a fawn (Peugeot partner trunk is 2.5 cubic meters).. call the mother-in-law : Dear, the FSB is concerned (she's a dentist worked, damn she's 82) what time will You be at the cottage, she was like, in what context ? (Well explain called brother-in-law... said you were underprivileged in the wood..... here we have, like, help) Reply : Go to hell along with son-in-law...... :-)

Scored beer, standing in the checkout line. In front of me a girl of five. The seller holds the chips and money (five 10-ruble coins). The seller says "the Chips cost 60 rubles." The girl freezes. I feel at least Robin hood, telling the seller: "let's add", you begin to rummage through the wallet, don't stretch fifty dollars. The seller palms the chips and hands me 40 rubles back.... But the girl is not leaving!!! She stands and waits for a change! I nobly waving his hand "Let him have it". The seller gives the coins to the girl. I pay for my purchase, very proud of myself (slightly too tight a halo) and then there is the MOTHER of the GIRL and begins to figure out how she managed to buy the chips for 10 rubles?? To listen the conversation did not, went to...