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Entertainment / Humor

A dozen new stories. Anecdotes from Russia.

Jokes from Russia - the most funny jokes, stories, sayings and phrases, poems, cartoons, and other humor. Go from 8 November 1995. Compiler Dima Verner

Found 697 items

Grandmother will not fail! it Was this in the eighties of the last century, when I was young and athletic boar. When I was 14 years longed for with my own money, and not the size of pocket money for school lunch, but many at once. A hundred or even copycat Rublev!!! Hard work, I was not afraid, the force was not hurt. the Mother replied simply: take a newspaper, look for a job in the school holidays. Searches the entire end of may to no no avail, no one needs kids for three months. the Mother worked, pulled two kishmoto, it was not until our hotelok. My brother was sent to summer camp and me to my grandmother. once I mentioned the problem she immediately said Oleg, grandson dear, not a question, come with me! And led me straight to the children's room of...

Help to pass exams from home with a computer. A lot of different jokes from the series "Professor burdock. Welcome. Welcome!". Because of coronavirus online exams from home have become super popular in the West. We just put a invisible software which they have developed and control the computer of the student and calmly answer his questions. But it's the easy way and the students prefer the most incredible ways, which sometimes end in not very good. the Examiners are in his computer with the help of the test student. After the identity of the person tested, the examiner , using a computer webcam, is looking where is a test and there's nothing suspicious around. Once the test begins, the examiner is observing himself and using the program. This system is...

About basic instinct, written and spoken a lot. But not for nothing is he the main. In the early eighties or late seventies on one of the Kuril Islands it was decided to organize a military unit. Due to the complications in Soviet-Japanese relations. Where by chance and army orders and got my friend. Directly at the source. The unit was deployed for the initial organizational work. Pitched tents, ate C rations and lights out. Haven't had time to sabresite dawn, there were shouts and gunshots. You ask where does basic instinct, because it's a diversion, and maybe the beginning of the war, but it was not so. - get machine Gun, machine gun! - brandishing a gun, gave orders to Lieutenant. - Yes we never were! they live with the foreman, all his life served in...

About the breadth of consciousness Met recently with one of the authors of the website. Nice to talk to, rode bikes, sat on the roof of Hayat. Remembered how the last time rode bikes in Moscow. Went to the friend he's living at the centre, offered to explore the city. Went along the boulevards, I call my friend who also rides his bike and invited him to join. Met, went out together. Roll, sat down on a bench, talked about life - my friend told me the events of recent days, PAL same, confident that we heartily banter, joking in the subject. After talking in this manner for half an hour, the man bowed and went, and we returned home to a friend's house, set high and sat down to watch the sunset from the roof. - Sergei, what if we told him the truth? - What...

CHELYABINSK AND the GLOBE skyped brother-Mike from Chelyabinsk. So, without any purpose. And most likely, he just found out about the existence of Skype and had to use this knowledge. , We weren't really friends, just the next shift on duty, nothing more, but I pretended that all thirty-three years after demobilization, and walked like a cat around a laptop and was waiting when they finally call on Skype Misha. it Turned out, waited not in vain. I've never met these people, only heard about their existence, Michael was plasmatelevision. - Misha, my friend, as it happened to you? You're in school, probably went, so that there school, you're taught the Soviet homeland and entrusted to serve as the operator of the altimeter PRV-16, we maps studied. - I'll also...

In the old days when you could travel and visit museums, the house-Museum of Rembrandt in Amsterdam, I learned an interesting fact. Rembrandt, as we know, was not only an artist but an entrepreneur was selling paintings, his and his countrymen, many of whom now nobody remembers. And so often it happened that the painting the buyer liked and the price was not satisfied. Then Rembrandt with the students, or himself, wrote a copy at a reasonable price. Imagine Rembrandt van Rijn copied some third-rate creators! Although why be surprised? Akhmatova, Pasternak Tarkovsky and fed transfers are not known to anyone Tajik and Kyrgyz poets. But the nightingales, when Akins was not enough, simply make them up, along with their creativity. Rembrandt, perhaps, this would...

Friend says: - my mother and I live on the second floor of the old house. And right above us, on the third, the family lives of some alcoholics. There are many, frequent guests, booze binge, and who who who have never even delved into. once my window, and there, you know, a special brush, telescopic handle, and suddenly I see a drainpipe that goes past our window, climbs a man with a bottle of vodka in his hand. When I saw him, he was just between the first and second floor, literally in some few meters from me. I was so scared! And with fright, shouting "Where you're going, bastard?!" waved at him what was in his hand. In his hand was a brush. From the stroke of the brush disintegrated all of its telescopic length, and almost landed troubleso on the head...

As I organized a concert Tsoi (continued, https://www.anekdot.ru/id/1127101/) In search of the nigger was gone almost a week. Helped the bass guitarist Leh. — we have, on mine, any frame. From the island of Madagascar. We have him on the farm of vodka dripped, so he was singing and dancing — pleasure. — Class! — I said, — what's her name? — Napoleon. — Just a Napoleon? — yeah. But accustomed for Leon to respond. Leon-Napoleon demands Mark Borisovich match. He was black ("black So that was not done darker..."— I remembered Brodsky). And hood, like a desert hare. I slowly and, I thought, clearly, expounded the arguments in favor of his participation in the concert, they say, is a rare opportunity and an honour to acquaint the Soviet people with the work of...

"I never have any girlfriend wasn't "her our tunes", but to dream -- right !" (Quartet) "Ally" Warner classic womanizer. Why he is married and happy in marriage - a mystery to me. Not without incident: a few months ago, the wife broke the wall of his smartphone in a fit of jealousy. He complained that the financial situation does not allow immediately to purchase a new mortgage or something... And I lay around the old push-button Motorola. Don't question to borrow a good man. Potter pictures, numbers and other personal information borrowed. have missed Something, as it turned out. the Phone, he returned in one piece, no complaints. Sit, then, on Saturday in the workplace. To hear the ringtone... MY call ! ragtime from old Polish movie "VA-Bank." going for a...

Today Sent a shipment of medical supplies to Vladivostok. At first was astonished, why do I need it - there is the Internet-delivery in any point of Russia. I wanted to do, but in the process of investigation convinced me famous Moscow network pharmacies to Vlad is not reached for these drugs, and they themselves are not available - must be ordered in advance. But improved service pharmacy on Chistye Prudy wrote down my cell and call me when the order arrived. Then pure 19th century - I sit on the bike, I stop at the pharmacy, pick up cargo and carry it to the nearest branch of Mail of Russia. It was the post office. The huge building on Myasnitskaya, the entire facade repair, a lot of entrances and doorways, no markings, exactly where to enter if you want...

Events somewhere in the year 2008. the Bus, morning, winter, ride to work. Food. Drunk with Nocera friend chose me as a target for conflict. Healthy man, fixative, of course through the jacket cannot be seen, what he's lean or athletic, but shoulder width is enviable. The whole thing goes to the scuffle. I'm not conflicted, I have always believed that the best fight the one that was not. so the escalation of the conflict reaches the maximum, and right now, right here will begin. Wondering why the bus (Lasik) to masitise. Say: - take it Outside, - and he had kept going – I in the injury was not here now and again... Stop the door, runs out into the street to combat alcohol athlete, I step to the door but... the door in my face zahlebyvalsya, Lasik gives on...

My friend Alexandra is very busy life. For the last one week he had been in 8 countries around the world, rode a camel inside the garden ring and personally planted almost 500 trees. Not to mention many other things not printable. Looking at him I understand that it is not live - and just amoebic exist, though like as not the last person... Today he called me and shared his feelings: - yesterday, I realized that I LIVE Is the point? - Well, in the literal sense, almost as great: "I think therefore I am". I just realized that not exist, namely, LIVE - I Wonder how you understood it. - Arrived parents, my you know, both have done a lot in his time for the country. We talked, I told your business that he managed for a couple of weeks. And mother sat down...

I Like memes about Natasha and cats that are here on the site spread. Only for you this is a joke, but for me a daily reality. We now have four cats and a cat, Basia, Zosia, Frosya, Fox and Lexus. (Yes, Lexus. Can afford it.) And not because we do collect rare pests, as it may seem. Just our house in the village far from the road. And kind people, fluffy happiness knocking at the gate, always start with us. Attach gifts to relatives, friends, acquaintances and neighbors. It is possible not to distribute all. Those that we have, it seems, forever. And the list is always open. to get Away from this economy for a long time impossible. They are not one to leave. Therefore, the sea and foreign countries for us are not suitable in principle. It does not hurt...

American conservative activist and journalist, AMI Horowitz conducted a funny social experiment. He did like collecting signatures for the demolition of monuments to slave-owners. for Example, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. And new Yorkers enthusiastically signed this petition. But when we are talking about another slave owner - the prophet Muhammad - their enthusiasm suddenly disappeared. - I want to tear down the statue of Mohammed, founder of Islam, because he also owned slaves, says Horowitz a black woman. OK, I don't want to sign it, ' she says. On the question of why people sign a petition for the demolition of the statue of Washington, and that's the same for a statue of Muhammad no one person replied that it was because of "religious...

Inspired by a folklore story about a Korean group Victor Tsoi - https://www.anekdot.ru/id/1127101/ 1986. The beginning of perestroika. Unremarkable Leningrad research Institute. Partogram was also no vydelyayas comrade Antennae. some time even hung hand-written his detractors poster: "Is in the cupboard Antennae Without antennae, without panties." But it quickly blew off. One day I went to Osikovo Vladimir Minko, one of the young engineers. Like many if he was interested in Indian fashion trends. The result was the announcement that the auditorium will be a concert of folklore groups, promoting the art brats of the Indian people. When the Antennae saw a dozen hare Krishnas in orange robes with barabanami, he immediately became suspicious and locked the...