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Pectrum

Articles on a range of subjects: history of Russia and the world, society, famous people, amazing events, unique places, curiosities past and present. A huge collection of jokes and jokes and fun and instructive stories from life.

Found 2229 items

Looked at graduation photo. Realized that modern fashion requires that the length of the skirt and the heels were about the same. You shut up here for the rest of the clinic? Shut your mouth! — you close! If so nervous — make an appointment to see a psychiatrist. And I went to him and recorded! Waiting for this monster! — you're a freak! Come into the office, I was a bit late... the Lines on your hand can tell a lot about your personality, but the browser history can tell you about it more. it's Time to clean is when the room screaming cat, and you can't find him. Good blonde Lucy always buying live fish and releases it free. Into the woods.

— is There intelligent life in the Universe? — Is. — And why are we not linked? — So reasonable... — guess how many teeth I have? Well, if a normal person is a 32, then you have probably 28... — And in which hand? Hooked to the girl, wanted to meet you. And she cried out: "Get out! It's ladies only!" — Sigismund Appolinarievich, do you remember how we used children to fight? — Oh no, modest Lazarevic, thank you, can we do it, what are we — what are fiends?.. Children to fight... Sitting Pinocchio and says to himself: — That's the immaculate conception I have, and my dad is a carpenter...

One day a little boy decided to ask the father has long worried his question. He waited until dad finished all his work and sit back in the chair in front of the TV. Then a little boy came up to him and with typical children naive asked: — Dad, where am I from? on Hearing such a provocative question, father almost choked on his tea. Frantically sorting through in my head all the possible explanations on this subject, he, blushing and stammering, trying to avoid the most spicy nuances, he explained to his son the essence of the process of reproduction of the human species. When the same question was completely chewed, the father excitedly asked: — so, do you understand? Still have some questions? what kid in complete shock replied: — I did not think...

Man talks to local: — If I catch fish, it will not be breaking any laws? — No! It'll be a miracle! — Why does the wind lifts the skirt? — Because the wind is masculine. — Alex, let's go buy coffee! — that's a weird word "vodka" pronounced. a Man after heavy drinking, calling a friend: — Hey, well yesterday we were given! The glitch was, when you have a lemon on the table on thin legs running! — Oh, you're my Canary in the tea squeezed? Girls really did not read the fairy tale "Cinderella". They read only to the phrase: "Cinderella married the Prince." And throw. And then it is written: "End of tales".

The evening of the day, the most common fish store clerk in boredom languishing behind the counter. Then suddenly the door swings open and inside runs into the befuddled man with a fishing rod behind. Quickly looking around, he runs up to the counter and excitedly asked the saleswoman: — Honey, I need a big carp fresh, not frozen! Do you have? — Yes, there is. Now weighed. Fat lady gets out of the fridge, the giant carp, which only finds, calculates and reads the value. The man pays, takes the fish and takes a step toward the exit, but then stops and returns a purchase to the shop assistant with the words: — And you please throw me the fish from behind the counter? Please, just throw it to me. my Aunt surprised: — what the what?! — Then I won't...

The man Decided to spend summer at sea. I bought a train ticket, got into his car and realized that the car is unreal hot and stuffy. Then he called the conductor and said, — Tell me, in the car have air conditioning? — don't worry, man! In the car, all the vents are open from the month of may, hot will not! — said the conductor. — No, you are confusing it with ventilation. Air — conditioning- this is when air masses move in a closed cycle! — with knowledge of the matter said the passenger. the Conductor said nothing, only rolled his eyes, saying, as there are clingy people. Instead of explaining, she beckoned a man over himself, to his own compartment. He could not understand, still followed her. There the conductor picked up the bitten Apple and...

— Lucy did you find the man through the Internet? — Yes. — how? Now searching for him through Interpol. Children in the café make the order: — We coffee with cream and a bag. — And a bag why? — where are the bones from cream to quit? As said aunt Fira: — Remember, Sara, sho, I will tell you! Nail a shelf, and the neighbor asked. But to yell, sho crooked nailed it — there has husband needed! — abramchik traveled to Holy places, begging for happiness. And Shaw helped? — No, so my wife and returned... Time is fleeting... yesterday you guys played football in the yard, and some drunk asked me to kick the ball, but today this drunk — you.

Was Driving like a man on his business, in a hurry very. But when I was passing by city madhouse happened to him trouble — lost a wheel. An hour fiddling with him, all could not return the wheel back in place. And all this time, through the hole in the fence behind the poor guy curiously observed the occupant of a mental hospital. But at some point, even madhouse patient did not survive. He irritably shook his head and shouted to the man: — well it is impossible! Frog you have from each wheel at the nut and fasten them using four! And go quietly to the house, just wait! Man, clearly not expecting such a sound Board from the usual crazy, surprised eyes widened, and involuntarily gave: — But how? And how do you know these things? I'm sorry, but you...

— Abrash, I don't know if I should go on a diet or not — I think in our floor scales still dead battery. — Verochka, she's not just dead — you're still crushed. — And I do in Paris will not take? asked the wife is leaving on a business trip of her husband. — If it was a trip to Bavaria, you probably would suggest me to bring a case of beer? — Why are lads so fast drives? — Because they are afraid to forget where they have come. — And why they so often stand on the sidelines? — Forget... the Man comes to the doctor: — the Doctor, from my wife left and took the kids, I'm out of work, no money, no friends, I became very much drinking, but my hands were shaking, in the eyes of all the doubles, all body hurts, I can't think straight...

One man worked in a factory for many years and every day brought them to the Breakfast sandwich with anchovies. But one day he was approached by the foreman, and said, — Petrov, tomorrow there will be foreign guests to see our factory. Need to get this meeting was held at the highest level, so tomorrow bring myself to eat something better than a sandwich with anchovies! And then be ashamed in front of foreigners — they would think that we have the company of the poor, the workers are starving, and we desperately need them to sign a contract! the Man nodded and brought the next day with a sandwich with black caviar. In the eyes of foreign guests he ate it, and guests were delighted with the well-being of ordinary working plant. Of course, they signed a...

Once the student has met with the priest, and they began a dispute. The priest claimed that God's miracles do exist, and the student tried to prove that miracles do not happen, everything can be explained from the point of view of logic and science. having Exhausted all the arguments, the priest said, — Ivan, I can tell you that our Church has an old bell ringer for 30 years, and all is well. But once he tripped and fell with a 20-metre bell tower! But it was not a single scratch! I think it's a miracle! — I don't think so, in truth, it was an accident, retorted the student. — Suppose. But a month after the first fall the bell ringer fell again with the same bell. And once again, there was not a scratch! A miracle? A miracle! — no! — fervently said...

— Honey, I brought a truth serum. Now we know how you feel I really belong. — you piss me off. A typical dork, a wuss, nothing in life can not! I hate you! I have six months sleeping with our neighbor! — wait-Wait, it must first drink... Teacher: — Thus, we all descended from apes. I: — Personally, I came from the chameleon. Teacher: — Who said that? Man at the crossroads giving out candy to children. One of the parents asks: — Is an advertising campaign for a candy factory? — No, it's an expansion of my dental business... — How was your first day at school, Arkady? — Bad! The guys called me fat! — don't worry, you're not fat! Better go eat, I made you two buckets of soup. Man at work, a friend says: — Yesterday, a...

One lady, whose husband went on a business trip, she called to her lover. The day before the expected arrival of her husband, lover come back, but as soon as he undressed, as he heard a knock at the door. The woman looked through the peephole, and said in a low whisper: — Oh, husband is back! Nick, you need to hide! — Yes, where I have buried here? nervously began to look around the lover. — Low bed, wardrobe, no balcony, too. — go to the kitchen, stand in an intricate pose and don't move. I husband say that the sculpture bought. Lover bullet ran to the kitchen, and the husband, finally having coped with the lock, entered the apartment. — Honey, here, had managed to arrive early! Is there anything for dinner? I'm terribly hungry, ' said husband and...

Stirlitz ran, brandishing a pistol. He was running Makarov, screaming for her life: — Give me the gun, you bastard! Approach the man by two cops: — come will witness. — finally decided to register their relationship? As with steam and electricity it is possible to make a baby? — is Very simple. I take a few, cut down electricity. And then — as usual. — my Dear, here we hang shelves, then we will have lunch, and there is a bedroom. — Hey, honey! Come without it! We were all given 15 days! the Husband returns home in the morning in serious condition. Wife meets him at the threshold and says: — And how you can do my face to look?! — everything can be used.

Cat Basil in utter confusion, rushed among the snowdrifts, hair standing on end, eyes were desperate. He ran as fast as I could, and shouted all around: — And where? Where is spring, I ask you?! How much can! I can't take it anymore! What kind of country is this?! When you see the first snowdrops, when I finally hear the chirp of the birds? Where? Where is all this?! I'm not talking about a thaw! Snow! Everywhere the damn snow! If the sky is mocking me! And they say that spring comes! Lie! Blatantly lying, and I'm tired of this endless lies! But in the meantime, people affectionately watched the cute furry creature and with a smile said to each other: — Oh, the screams! The spring sensed. Cats do not spend!