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Pectrum

Interesting facts about everything

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On a small clearing in the woods came two weary hunter's prey. Sitting near fire divorced, one took out a flask, poured its contents on the glasses and said to the other: — Well, good hunting! I last week caught this pig! Much more than what was shot today! Its weight was, would you believe, as much as 300 pounds! — Wow! That's a beast! — admired second hunter. — Yes, big was the boar, did first. — My whole family was butchered there for hours, and then two more days were made from the wild boar sausages. I got almost 400 pounds! — Yes it is! — dismissed the second hunter, and proudly continued: — Not so long ago, my father drank, gobbled up one person in the same abyss of sausages, as you just said, and drank some more, turned into the exact same boar...

In Moscow was disbanded vocational schools. The kids gathered a meeting, but are unable to formulate the requirements. My feelings for some people, words can't describe. Only with a tire iron, a shovel or an axe. Caught a carp, stuffed it in his gold chain with a pendant. Brought home. Since I'm fishing do not ask, wife she sends me. Keep the advice, guys. — How's your father-in-law? — don't ask... — ill? — is Worse. — Died? — is Worse. He replaced the floor and now I have, blah, two Tiffany... Always say to yourself that you will begin to lose weight after the holidays, but can't help it, because my life is a continuous celebration.

There Is a lecture on calculus. Harsh teacher tells his students that the worst mathematicians are only philologists: — don't believe those who say, they say, linguists — the most harmless people in the world! This is nonsense, believe me! These people are scary, scary! You should say something like: "poklali on the table", "pay for account", "my birthday" and all, they are ready to vaporize you in the most brutal way! At this point, with the back rows of the audience came a question: — Professor, may I ask? What's wrong with phrases that you are currently cited as example? the Professor sighed, adjusted his glasses and said: — And on your corpse, a fellow student, they would have jumped!

Beginning of the 90s. Cool new Russian calls to his daughter-the student gently strokes her head and asks: — Well, Sveta, you're 18 years will be executed soon, right? — Yes, daddy, three days later. What will you give me? — that's what I wanted to talk to you, Sveta. In short, what would you like? I don't like all these gifts, you better tell me what you need. — Daddy, and give me a gift certificate to cum! — batting her eyelashes, responsible daughter. — uh-uh... — scratches his bald head dad. — And this is what the hell is this? I never heard of. — Dad, well, you have me all of life behind! — with a chuckle, says the daughter. Is such thing you can go into any store and take whatever you liked and wanted, daddy! And, cut! I have this thing, Sveta!...

— what are Your strengths? — I run in the mornings. — Your weaknesses? — I somehow think that now everyone should know about it. — I use your tool "For healthy joints" for a year, and my knees still hurt! But it's Russian language it is written — "For a healthy..."! let's play the game? — Come on, what are the rules? — I close my eyes with your palms, and you hide away and never appear in my life. Husband and wife — in the art gallery. Wife looking at the image of a mighty stag, standing proudly on a cliff: — What a handsome man, just like you. the Husband, having covered deer horns and his eyes on the wife: — And so? Correspondence: — Hey, man! Since school hadn't seen you, e-my! Together, obuchaem as a thread? Where...

Crowded bus, rush hour. Somewhere in the heart of the stampede is the mother with a young son. At this time, the child leads a lively conversation with a nun standing next to. That he something keen said, and the kid with the bulging eyes in surprise, carefully examining her. And that's on the way — next stop, mom and son make their way closer to the door, then the nun throws his accidental interlocutor after: — Godspeed, my little friend! I was pleased to talk with you. Grateful mother turns around and meets a kind nun instead of the son: — thank You so much, what distracted the child, and that would just whim! I hope he does not hurt? — so you! This is a wonderful boy. I only have one request, will you try to convey to him that I am not a...

Sam Katz walks on Deribasovskaya street and suddenly notices Rabinovich, who owed him a hefty amount. With a loud cry, Katz rushes after him already gathered was to hide the man and says: — Sha, Rabinovich! Finally I caught up! Mr. Shaw, when you give me my money that I borrowed six months ago? — Oh, Kats, I'm glad to see you! — peace begins Rabinovich. — I told you already several times said Shaw pay it off as soon as coming after my dear uncle Naum Solomonovich from Moscow. — Yes, I remember that! And yet which month I listen to this story about your uncle from Moscow. To be honest, Rabinovich, I do not believe sho you have this uncle! — Well, you sho, Katz, how can you say that?! Want to show you a letter from Naum Solomonovich, which I received...

To the subway entrance, staggering and emitting a bad smell, suitable boozer. It immediately stops were on duty near a police officer and strictly says: — So, man, like this in the subway is impossible! Well... uh... a dog with you. Just, please, tell me, is it true that... IK... in this underground there is a staircase, which itself goes? is True. And up and down rides, condescendingly police. — And that, true that... hic... underground all the... marble lined? — Well, Yes, there are all sorts of paintings and inscriptions in gold. — is that true that underground there is Sochi... ect... train travel? Right under the ground? — you Can say that and the train, Yes. So you, man, not local? with a squint asked the guard. — What is it? Life... uh...

— You're fired. For the systematic absences. — You would think that if I skipped erratically, you would have left me... In a country where average alcohol consumption per year per capita is 18L of pure alcohol, it is hard to prove that drinking diet Coke is bad. — Madam, sho had VI thought of me if I sent you a kiss? — Sho you big quitter! business day: Oh, the weather, walking around all day like a bum. Output: ablegal all sofas, seven times, fell asleep, watched some TV until the end. — Dad, I can't marry Izzy: he's an atheist and doesn't believe in the existence of hell. Has come out boldly, Sara: you and mom will quickly prove to him that he sho is very wrong...

One guy went hunting in the woods and came across an old hunter without a leg, cheerfully on crutches on the path. After, beginner hunter asked: — And if not a secret how you lost your leg, Ivan Petrovich? — Yes, I'll tell you, it's a long story, mate, ' sighed the old hunter. — Well, nothing, the road is long. Tell us, eh? Okay, fine. In General, there was I drunk here in this forest and suddenly — BA, mink and hare! I his gun stuck inside and shot a hare, then the ears got in the bag folded. I went, then, and spotted a Fox hole. Well I go the gun your stuck, pulled the trigger and got the Fox by the tail... — So, and the other foot-what, Ivan? — Then listen. I went with a Fox and a hare in the bag next to the edge of the forest, they saw a hole...

— Thanks, Zalman, the same can also be black! A jar of coffee, or perhaps calves. — Naum Aronovich, what is the difference between loving a man and married? — I will answer you, Sam, for your interest... a man in Love finds no words, and still married is not time to insert them. Good to be a caterpillar: guzzle-guzzle-guzzle, then wrap, sleep, sleep, sleep, Wake up, beauty! Today saw the road service fill up holes in the asphalt sand. And let the criminals just put in the corner? Only in Russia, overturned cars can be heard laughing.

Goes somehow Rabinovich in the bus. At some point, it sits a venerable gentleman obviously Jewish appearance. Rabinowitz begins to think to himself, "So who could it be? In this area live only three women: Sara, Rosie and Hannah. Sarocky have just been me. To rose Abraham, but he in the other direction to go. But to Anna just three to go: Cohen, Friedman and Levi. So, yesterday was Wednesday, and that means Cohen was from IDA, and Anna levy. So it's Friedman!" — Good health, David Veniaminovich! you do not get ill! But let me, do I know you? How do you know it was me? Rabinovich with a slight smirk: — I figured out!

Says our engineer on safety, nothing is more pleasing to the eye as the second eye. the Management of "AVTOVAZ" presented a claim to the Chinese, why don't they fake their cars. To which the Chinese replied that they tried, but the machine worked better and more expensive. First, my wife ran away, then the dog and cats... Now I look at how hard the fish aquarium to push out the door... — Have to say more positive words: happiness, joy, peace. — Died of a jam? an Announcement in the office kitchen: "After the third squeak of the microwave the food gets shared!"

Spacious, half-empty Parking in front of a huge supermarket, drives a mini-bus and driver's seat — a small and fragile woman. Deftly turning with the wheel, it starts to wag in search of a better place, and in the back seat yells and sports a whole Horde of young restless kids. The woman, clearly exhausted at the end of this farce, trying to calm the kids and, at the same time, don't miss out vacant Parking space. the Noise finally got, and, driving past the Stop sign, she was not going to slow down. On such a blatant violation immediately responds the inspector of traffic police, all the while with the hope of watching the lady. He at the moment is my car: — Mam, I understand, but don't you know when to stop? the Woman sighs wearily, picks up on the...

— Hey, dude, when did you last fought? — I don't remember, but what? — nothing, I counter-reset. — Lady! What do you yell like a stuck?! — are not you ashamed to say?! And surgeon! — Yes I almost was sober! — Right?! And who poured a bottle of vodka to the aquarium with the words: "Oh, fish such sad eyes..."?! Grandma goes to the grocery store and asks the seller: — my Dear, you don't know the spot where the coffins have? — you Know, grandma, it's... — So, — interrupted the grandmother, is it your family need if you're cheated. — I Have news for you. Start with the good news. what makes you think that is good?