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Child I was just crazy about dinosaurs — I had a whole collection of little figurines, and I have reviewed all messages on this topic. In short, I really wanted to be a paleontologist. When I was five years old, my mom took me to see a psychologist before entering first grade. During the conversation I was asked the obvious question: — Andrew, who do you want to be when you grow up? don't hesitate for a minute, I confidently replied: — the Vet! Already home my mom asked me why I hid who I want to be really. Then I gave: — Mom, I still have to explain to her who the paleontologists!

A branch of a major Bank. To the girl consultant a man comes and says: Excuse me, could you give me the book of complaints and suggestions? Yesterday I was in your Bank and would like to leave it in their entry about the work of your colleagues. the Girl darkens and sadly asks: — And you want to write down the complaint? isn't that you? Actually I have a great suggestion how you can improve your office! an Employee of the Bank, delighted, goes with a book in the office, comes back and gives it to the man. He immediately accepted something to scribble. The girl, charming smile: — can I ask, what do you have for a suggestion regarding the employees? — I Have a very reasonable proposal, girl! To dismiss all Rabotnicki this office to hell!

— What place you want to take our company in the next five years? — I would like to take a seat where no one will see my monitor.

Today runs up to me three-year-old daughter and gives an Apple with the words: here, eat! Bite off a small piece and return: — Thank you, sweetheart. Hurt pouted and continues to insist: — Papa, eat! Eating half of the Apple, look at dochu, and she's already almost crying: — have it! Sing! — the Princess is mine, what's the matter?! — Dad, pinese a knife and sing me to pieces!

Comes into the synagogue, Yasha young, newly married to the beautiful Mirocke, and refers to the old highly respected Rabbi: — Rabbi, I have such a thing. You know, we Firuzkoy married only three months, but yesterday she gave birth to a baby. How is that possible? Because everyone knows Shaw from conception to birth are nine months! the Rabbi answered him: it's all right, Yasha. Look, you and your Firuzkoy how many married? Three months, the Rebbe. — Here. And Verochka how much is already married to you, Yasha? Three months... — yeah! But before your wedding you lived together, Yasha? — Yes, three months. — Here! Yasha, well, how many will still be three plus three plus three? — So nine, Rabbi! exclaims the young man...

— Why do people get hangovers? — When a person drinks alcohol, his body kills germs, and survivor arrange funeral services.

Famous comedian Stanislaw Jerzy LEC was doing twice desperate attempts to escape from concentration camps. And twice he was able to catch. He was told to take a shovel and dig yourself a hole. This shovel was the murder weapon of the warden. Stanislav is wearing the uniform of a guard and the third time he ran, and this time successfully! Then he explained his desperate desire for salvation: If I was a romantic, would find the situation quite suitable, and died. But I'm a comedian. And I beat the warden with a shovel.

Sat on the sea the poor man, and fished. Hour sitting, the second, suddenly he fell. He tied the line and saw that the hook had a real goldfish. The poor man released her, and she said to him: Once you've managed to catch me, then make a wish! But the only thing more I can do, I can not... the Poor man thought and thought and finally said: — And give me a goldfish, such an amount of gold that can fit in my house! — Okay, — replied the fish and waved his tail. — You got your wish, go home. the Poor in anticipation rushed to his old dilapidated house on the edge of the village. He opened the door and saw on the floor the only large room is the coin of real gold and everything, do nothing. In anger, the poor man rushed back to the sea again...

One day my mom got a call from the scammer, one of those that bred naive retirees and gullible old women. Further according to the mother. Three hours of the night, call on the mobile, in the tube the whistling voice of the boys: — mom, Mom! I'm the police! Help! Pause, waiting for the reaction. — what? the Pause continues, apparently, confusion. Then mom finally moves away from sleep and sends a crook to hell. But the thing is, I have it for the fifth year running in the police, and that night was on the day...

Students Visiting a historical Museum. Two delayed at the mummy of Pharaoh: — Look, he is covered in bandages! — Yes, apparently its pretty good ancient Egyptian bullies...

Not so long ago decided to get in shape — at work and started to ride the bike in the morning, now run and walk in the street. on the first day reached the modern sports grounds. Did seven push-UPS, chin-UPS happened only once. Avid Sogunty openly grinned. Well, Yes, overweight and unsporting, well not to laugh now. the next day found a small deserted Playground in the Park. Work out at your pleasure. On the third day he came again in my secret place, look, on the bench, a girl in a tracksuit. Chubby, but very nice. Of course, I did not want to shame with my one pull-up. Decided to warm up. 15 minutes later cursed myself and was about to leave, the girl called to me: — do Not hesitate, please. I few days ago on a new site was seen as you was...

Lead parents to the hospital the boy with charred eyebrows, eyelashes and hair. The doctor takes him into the office examines and asks: — So, darling, what happened to you? — Yes we are Petya and I decided from the canister to leak some gas, went to my dad's garage... a boy stops talking. — And then what? Tell me. Well, in the garage it was dark and we Petka struck a lighter to see how much is in that can of gasoline... — saw? — sarcastically said the doctor, gently causing the boy a special ointment on the face. — Saw the hell, even I saw it! — heard the voice of the father of the boy from the reception. — All the inhabitants of the surrounding houses saw it!

A good friend of mine got a job in a company well-known IT company. The whole family rejoiced in his achievement. Everyone except grandma... the fact this: Junior grandma every morning, handed her beloved granddaughter "lunch". And continued this tradition up to the University and previous places of his work. And then he flatly refused to take her lunch. Says the food there is great, and even before the now uncomfortable colleagues. Grandmother noticeably became sad, and the guy wilted. Head of the Department noticed this, found the cause and agreed with the chef of the dining room to invite grandma, she personally made sure the quality of our grandson foods. the Grandmother gladly accepted the invitation and the meeting captured a few samples of...

I'm a psychologist, and I have one client, let it be Marina, 29. Courted me for two years and gradually got rid of his childish need for a mother. Worked hard in this direction — now she communicates with her mother, married well and lives a happy life. And here just a week ago she called me and tearfully asked for a private meeting. It was again raised an old topic. Life mother reproached her that in the first six months of her life, she just tortured the mother was screaming and crying. Nothing helped, screaming, day and night, night sleep did not give. And all subsequent years, the mother remembered her daughter saying, I'm so with you suffered, and you are so ungrateful. And recently, Marina went to Moscow and came to the appointment with the...

— Dad, the ugly duckling who then turns? — Into a beautiful Swan. — And an ugly chick? — great chicken!