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Entertainment / Other

Pectrum

Articles on a range of subjects: history of Russia and the world, society, famous people, amazing events, unique places, curiosities past and present. A huge collection of jokes and jokes and fun and instructive stories from life.

Found 2229 items

Friday night. To my dad, watching football, a daughter, a graduate, and says: — Daddy, I want to consult you. Please turn off the TV, it is very important. Father turns off the sound. Daughter: So, daddy, I can't decide who I wanted to be: either a cardiologist or a dentist. I like both. — Daughter, and tell me how many teeth a normal person? — 32, daddy! — yeah. Well, a heart from one person, right? — True! — Well, what is there to think? The expense of 32:1, go to school to be a dentist!

My Mother gave birth to me in the hallway of the hospital — don't have time to take to the chamber. the next Morning the doctor decided to cheer her up, saying that birth in the hallway is one thing, but three years ago, a woman gave birth in the Parking lot near the hospital. — So that's what I was... — sighed the mother.

My sister loves makeup. To see her without make-up akin to the Eclipse — very rare. once to visit her without warning, came the groom. When she opened the door for him, he said, "Good day! And Veronica (my sister) home?" She said, "No!" and quickly shut the door. a minute later the groom is calling her on her cell and asks you: "Come to you, and the door was opened by a woman. This is your aunt?" Now the sister thinks, as if to tell him that the woman who opened the door for him, he needs a month to get married.

On a Park bench sat the father-the old man and his 40-year-old son. The old man was feeding bread to the birds, the son was reading a newspaper. then the father asked the son, pointing to the Sparrow: "Who is it?" Son distracted from reading and said, "a Sparrow, dad." After a while, the father again asked the same question, pointing to the bird. Son angrily replied, saying, father, why are you repeating the same thing, it's not funny. The eyes of the old man became sad, he frowned, opened his briefcase and took out a big thick notebook. "Open it and read," said the father of the son. He reluctantly obeyed. On the first page was written: "July 1, 1976. Today on a walk my three year old son 24 times asked me: "Who is it?" pointing to the Sparrow. All...

Therapist's Office, middle of the day. At the door timidly knocking on the old lady enters and says: — my Dear, I have got a little problem... you See, I seem to have flatulence... Well, my dear, in your old age, it is absolutely normal. — that may be So, my dear, but that's not my gases smell. And out somehow without making a sound. I've been in your office several times they were released — and nothing else. — you Know, grandma, that you pills. We are waiting for you in five days. five days later, the old woman returns and begins to row: — my Dear, what did you do, huh? Now my gases smell terrible! — Oh, that's fine. So, pills for better sense of smell helped you. Left to cure your hearing!

Asked my husband to give me some driving lessons on the racetrack. Going, I try to follow his advice and after a bit got used, ask: — Tell me what I look like from behind the wheel — not much stress? what husband gave me: — Honey, you look gorgeous, and the two of us I was very tense!

Was Resting one evening with a friend at my house. In our bright minds of born brilliant, as we then thought, the idea: to paint my Dalmatian dog with henna. it is Said than done. Ran to the store bought henna and painted from head to toe poor of Sobakina. Turned chic leopard. in the Morning at the dog Park we made a splash. The neighbors demanded to remove "this animal" far away, their dog was barking and only my dog was happy and nice to walk. I don't know how to survive three weeks until the paint washed away, the neighbors very nervous.

My son is eight years old. We went with him to the pharmacy to buy a contraceptive drug. He asked me what this pill is, say Yes, say it. I irritably answer that from children. He anxiously looks at me, and then gently asks: — Moms... And from the new kids or the old one?

The policeman Is at his post. Suddenly right at him at high speed the jeep. The inspector then begins waving his wand and desperately whistle, the car stops, it appears from the hefty man. You know, dear, that you exceeded the speed limit? You'll have to pay a fine! — said the inspector. Ha, exceeded! I couldn't do it, I have a special restriction: the car can not go more than 60 kilometers per hour! COP effaced, but continued: — I saw what you were wearing! — But, no! My car doesn't start until the driver and passengers are not buckled! the Inspector, realizing that undermine to nothing, making a last attempt to fine you: Okay, what kit do you have? At this point the car goes the same hefty man in a white robe and cap, and sternly...

Work in a private kindergarten, every day I try to prepare the guys for some new entertainment or game. For example, today we had a day of riddles and puzzles. but they make kids next riddle: — fat, losing weight, and even voice for the whole house. Well, who is it? the Five-year Andrei impatiently shakes the hand above the head: I know, I know! — Yes, Andrew, speak. — It's mom! By the way, it was a harmonica...

In one beautiful summer day my friend and I aimlessly wandered around the city and decided to go to the movies. Managed to buy tickets for a couple of minutes before the session began, but when came to the hall, around was already pitch dark. At the entrance of the Comptroller assured us that the hall is almost empty, so we can get in any place. In the dark we dived after the bright sun, so the first minute I saw nothing, and made his way through the ranks just to touch — looking for a suitable place. Holding hands, wrapped up in the ranks, got to the middle and plopped down in a chair. Another moment and the whole theater rang out a deafening scream. Aunt controller turned on the light, and it turned out that we sat at the only two places in the room...

Izya Rabinovich quit my job and began to look for a new one. Walking on Deribasovskaya street, he saw an ad: "In a large construction company requires workers". Izzy went in for an interview, invited him to the Director, he says: — Rabinovich, what place you wish to occupy in our company? After the position of your Deputy! But I already have a Deputy! — Well then I want to be the chief engineer! — He also we already have. — And if you have a foreman? May I approach? — we have a foreman, Rabinovich, even two! Know — poshurshat papers Director, I can put you up, concrete worker... — sho do? — Have using shovels to throw the solution... Oh, vey, and you have a shovel equipped with a motor? the Chief's eyes bulged. — uh-uh......

Friday, wonderful warm evening, slowly the food in the city. Suddenly at the intersection I slow down the valiant representatives of the DPS. without suspecting Anything, stop by the official car, rolled down the window and stretch out a driver's license. Young Dpsnikov welcomed: — Good evening! Today took alcohol, Smoking something? — No. Just go home after work. And then my companion he sighs and pained voice gives out: — Oh, well you so?! As you will drink or smoke, be sure to call us again. My partner here will be waiting for you... lifted the Mood man! Like it would be fun guards!

Yesterday with four-year-old daughter went to visit my old friends. The child first came to him in the apartment, so the first 15-20 minutes she was running from room to room and with curiosity examined the unfamiliar territory. At some point went to the big mirror in the hallway and gave: — And my mom has the same mirror! She was next to him spinning all the time when shaved armpits! From such a shame I went crimson and looked sternly at her daughter. The same, noticing my stern look, he hastened to "fix" the situation: — Or, for example, antennae pulls...

The Smoking-room at the factory. There are two employees with sad faces, smoke, one says: — VAS, did you hear that our Brigadier had died? I've heard of it. Terrible news... — sighs the second. — Only here I can not grasp one thing. — What, VAS? How did he die? After all, a man in the Prime of life was not sick, never drank, smoked, and then this happened! — no, I do not mean it. I wonder who else along with our foreman died. In the sense of "together with the foreman"? — surprised the man. Well... In our original paper was written: "but Ivan Ivanovich died is our best specialist".