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One older gentleman asked to see her married daughter. Immediately upon his arrival he looked in to her little grandchildren, who terribly missed. Jimmy at this point was busy reading books about aviation, which, of course, pleasantly surprised by his grandfather. — Who do you want to be when you grow up? asked the grandson. — I dream to become a pilot, sir, — cheerfully said the boy, earning him the approving nod. Well, and you, Bobby, who you want to become in the future? — asked grandfather to his second grandson. Bobby looked up from reading the latest issue of "Playboy" and sadly spoke: — Adults, I just want to become adults...

— I'll take your washing machine in repair. — what about me?! — And you have to repair is not subject. the height of stubbornness: you enter the wrong password until then, while the computer do not agree with him. — Sarah, you hung out to dry your underwear. And now every man can have a good idea of your intimate areas! — Good performance can be had by anyone. For decent money. And advertising — free. — Sam, remove your hand from the backside of my daughter! — But she likes! — I don't like! — So I'm on your not put. Talking to two friends: — do you advise me a good doctor? — And what kind of doctor do you need? — Idle!

— Excuse me, you have organised a competition clairvoyants? — Yes, but the set of participants after two weeks. You come back later. You do not understand. I for the prize. the Man went to the store and loud saleswoman: — Matches! — do Not cry so, I'm not deaf! Shouted here! You any filter or without? You know how to pleasure a woman in the distance? — Yes, I understand, understand! Quit! I want to talk to you about many things, — says the wife to her husband. — Obviously those that you don't have? — Oh, how they have you look good. Hefty steel! I remember back in-about-from such! How time flies... — Yes, and here time, it's silicone!

A Young soldier who just got to the part, caught off guard hardened General and started to ask him tricky questions: — well, tell me, fellow soldiers, that you will meet on the way — what will you do? — I'll Take a gun and will shoot! — Wonderful. But the enemy is not one, it on all sides and surrounds you! — I'll Take a gun and kill everyone! Okay. But too many enemies! And there is still and tank rides! Your actions? — 'll shoot at enemies until the ammo runs out, and the tank with a grenade will blow the place. Great. But the enemies do not become less! Still have the tank and the helicopter the enemy! They all come and come... — Comrade General, may I ask you a question? — is Possible. Excuse me, am I the only one I will serve?

One of the new Russian grown son, and now it's time to attach it to some University. But this was not a simple boy, a Scion from a wealthy family, so he and the University have been identified suitable. In General, the father agreed and the boy left only to appear for the exam and answer a couple basic questions level elementary grades. here is the long awaited day of the entrance exam, the son of new Russian timidly goes into the audience, approaches the Professor, and he begins to ask one another questions. The guy is silent like a statue, no sound emits. Finally the Professor sighs in defeat and decides to ask him one last question: — Well, who discovered America, do you even know? the Future student is still rested silent. The host can not stand the...

Shop lingerie. The seller turns to the woman: — I'm Sorry, you what Cup size? the Husband ahead of his wife: — what are you, what are cups?! We have the saucer!.. — Zina, marry me! — it's always... "Zina, marry me," and in the morning you sober up and change his mind. — No, Zina. — don't change your mind? — Not sober. — hi, how are you? — Yeah, my hamster died... — That just went and died? — No fucking with special effects! the Girl says to her friend: — as much As I wanted to be a movie star to me then the whole world would say that. — Enough of what says about you the whole street. — So, my dear, prescribe you bed rest! Tomorrow will come to check on you! — Oh, doctor, you have no idea how good I am in bed!

— Sara, today I went to the doctor. So, what you took for an orgasm, turned out to be asthma attacks! the Policeman rebukes Putana: — You'd better went to work. — why are you not coming? the Dialogue in the restaurant exotic cuisine: — Wow! They have a menu to eat soup with elephant meat. — you never know what they have there in the menu is written! They're always out of molehills do. there Is a court. Judge: Witness, you know what awaits you for perjury? the Witness: — I promised 5 000 green... the Lieutenant Rzhev: — And here in vain they say that in Paris, they drink less. When we were there the last time with cornet Obolensky, was so drunk that nightmare.

— Mom! Mom! I went to the pond for a sweet sedges! But there in the pond someone who is terrible! I'm afraid of him! Well, first, I'm not a mom, and a senior Lieutenant Ivanov, and secondly, sedge whether it was you we now tell you! — johnny! — strictly said the mother. — Why yesterday was not in school? — I a gift to the teacher was doing. — What kind of gift? — have it And yesterday was his birthday. So I decided to let the rest without me. In the pharmacy. A young man with a recipe to go to the Apothecary and through the window a piece of paper. The pharmacist looks at the prescription and such a strange sight flips it. Then turns his back, looks again at the paper, turns and hopeless voice asked: — please, Tell me, what hurts...

— Doctor, I was abroad on a business trip. — Great, something interesting was brought? — I don't know, come over to you to check. Fat patient the doctor. The doctor: — Pills for weight loss drink? — Drinking. — how much? — How much... Until you gorge! — why, Doctor, you told me to stick out my tongue and do it without even seeing? — I Just wanted in silence to write a prescription. — Cute, today I was at the doctor he said that my chest — like a young girl. — And on your fifty-year-old ass he didn't say anything? — No way, about you we haven't talked. You're afraid to walk at night on dark streets? Spread legs of pork fat, and a fun pack of yard dogs will not let anyone to you!

Player went to rest in the village, but soon returned. A friend asks: — how was it? — Pat and Mat. how? — no place to Go, and all around foul language... the lesson of the law of God: — And now Jimmy will tell us how a boy have to be to get into heaven. — Dead, sir. Family at the resort. Son: — Mom, can I go dad? — No, it was too deep, you could drown, or a shark can eat. — Hmm... dad? is A new daddy we can find! the couple walking in the forest. The wife says: — Here is a great place to rest and eat. — you're Probably right. Fifty million ants can't be wrong. the New Russian reads, "the Gingerbread man" son: "And then Wolf says Bun: "I'm a grandfather, I left and left my grandmother, and from you go now..."" — Dad,...

Once little johnny came home from school, threw his briefcase into the corner and immediately ran to dad with questions. That in this time of rest after a hard working shift in front of the TV. The kid sat down beside him and asked: — Dad, tell me, what do you mean "bad joke"? the Father thought for a moment, and then solemnly said: — you Know, when mom swears she's on the pill, and then on light there you are! johnny shrugged his shoulders, clearly unsatisfied with such a philosophical answer, he went with the same question to my mother: — Mom, tell me what "a bad joke"? the moment, then confidently gave: — you Know, when the Pope claims that he owns the whole company, and then you show up and it turns out that this company... companions!

The Conversation in the chat room: — how tall are you? — 155. — You're such a little Princess! And how much do you weigh? — And weigh even less, only 120. If you want original and elegant way to insult the man — compare it to the starfish. Everyone knows what a starfish. And very few people know that she has no brains. Running in the morning in the bus, understand why the kindergarten was a game "Take the chair". If a woman does not mind — check if she's still alive. the Glamorous, the police are Sheepdog under his arm.

Due to an accident at work died a young engineer and went straight to hell. After a short time he realized that he was terribly uncomfortable to be there, and he decided to take up upgrades. Soon, hell has installed the cool air conditioning made new showers, boilers began to work better. Hearing about this, God appeared to the devil and suggestively asked: — so, how are you hell doing? — excellent, Excellent! The conditioning here, the new boilers with smart heating system... And I still don't know what the plans of our engineer! — What?! Who?! Engineer? In hell? It's definitely a misunderstanding, I tell you! Engineers in any case should be with me in Paradise! Quickly give it to me! — Yes, for any price! Very much I liked that the engineer in my...

Broke one man water, and he called a plumber to fix the damage. He came and started to work. And the owner of the house had a daughter — a real beauty, and so it is, and that next to the plumber around, and he look to tear it could not. And suddenly she whispered: — My father will offer you money — not take. Will offer alcohol overseas share rare — not take. And ask him for better rusty stud and it will bring you true happiness! the Plumber finished his work and did as ordered, the girl asked instead of money and gifts from the owner of the house rusty nail, and took it and left. A father hugged his daughter and said, — Good girl, honey, we beat this fool fooled!

— Your Bank is giving loans on parole? No problem... — if I won't? — You will be ashamed before God when I stand. — When it has to be... — that is, if the fifth will not return, the sixth will appear. a nice Hotel room — all super and the towels are so fluffy that the suitcase barely closed. Whiskey. If you read it with the accent on the first syllable — you are an alcoholic. — how do you live with your husband? — Oh, know well: he hangs me noodles on the ears, and I carefully wound it on the horns... Today's football — it's a little late, and I, like any Russian who care in what state I'll be to the beginning of the match. And I will be there anyway.