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Pectrum

Interesting facts about everything

Found 2163 items

A guy Came to the bar and ordered a bottle of vodka. — Dear, you're drunk this amount of alcohol! warned of a visitor bartender. — so what? Woe to me, you know? The younger son came today and said that he was gay. the Bartender nodded and silently put before man a bottle of vodka. The next day the man returned to the bar and repeated my order. — Well, this time what happened? — asked the bartender. — the Middle son was gay. — bitterly said the man and began to drink vodka. On the third day the situation repeated. — And now what? — asked the bartender. — the Elder son is also gay. — M yeah, you're out of luck! This family... do you Have someone in the family sleeps with women? — Sleeps, — said the man and burst into tears, daughter!

Oh, girls, what a smart guy go! One whispers to me today on the bus: "Girl, you have shvenzy undone". Well I foolishly blushed, come on panties, a bra, check... Only "Google" I learned that it's a clasp on the earring. a subway Car Packed to overflowing. The guy says standing next to the woman, on the left there is a handle which can be grasped. — Thank you. I have found that hold. — I know, but I will soon come out. the Caucasian hackers steal passwords together with the system administrators. — Mommy, sing a song about a mouse-noise maker! — I don't know this! — Well... "Noisy mouse, the trees bent..." the Government stated that the reason for the price increase is not, therefore, prices will increase without reason.

Called the Director of the enterprise of all his subordinates on Monday morning for a planning meeting and said, — so, ladies and gentlemen! Came Monday, and you are well aware that this is the most difficult day of the week, and need to recover after a stormy weekend, so much to overwork in the workplace is not necessary. On Tuesday you have to gradually increase their work rate to get in a rut. Wednesday have a shock to work, to give, so to speak, at full capacity. On Thursday I'll prepare myself for Friday and not much to reboot. Well, Friday, as you know, this Friday is short day, and all that. Here's a situation for a week. All clear? Anyone have any questions? From the back row came a disgruntled voice: — I do not understand how long is this...

There Is an examination at the veterinary College. Meets a student who never attended classes. The teacher did so, and that pulls on the subject, and finally asks: — So, last question. The answer to it depends, will you pass or not this exam. So, what are your actions if the horse when you fall to the ground break your collarbone? the Student becomes confusing to explain about the inspection of the horse, how to give her first aid, x-rays and stuff like that. But then he interrupts the teacher: — a Young man, first of all, you will need to call the Academy and tell them that you made a startling scientific discovery — found only in the horse world with a collarbone!

Court Is in the dock — a young man who disagreed with the sentencing: — may it please the court, Mr. judge, well it already in any gate! I think this is totally unfair! I don't deserve such punishment! The victim only had a broken arm, he had a month to heal! And me in prison to rot as much as two years! Where is the justice?! — Oh, that's what principles do you follow?! — exclaimed the judge. — Wonderful! I will heed your advice. — Yes, thank you! I knew it was a fair trial! "and so," calmly said the judge, — for the fact that you broke the victim's hand, I give you one month in prison. the Defendant was relieved, but the judge continued: — And knocked out a tooth you'll get yours, given that at his age he is unlikely to grow!

Once a man invited buddies here for a drink. Those bitter brought, but the Zakus money is not there. Then the owner decided to eat the fish from the aquarium. Caught every one of them, fried them, and ate under a little white. toward evening he returned from work his wife and immediately noticed that the aquarium is empty. Straight to hubby with questions: — the Beast, where fish of all things?! — what I don't realize?! Go, ask Vaska, our cat! the Wife removed from the feet of sneakers and a good spank fluffy. The cat grew angry at this injustice and decided to take revenge. Stolen from a nearby balcony women's bra and slipped into bed owners. Before going to sleep, his wife found under the pillow of a suspicious underwear. I grabbed the rolling...

— the Doctor, at me the head is too elongated... — So this is for you to see a midwife you had to contact about 30 years ago. — Yes, I gave him shouting so screaming! My wife constantly compares me with Alain Delon. — Yes, between the two of you have nothing in common! That's what she said... — Hello, I would like to return to the time machine. — But our salon just opened, we haven't sold any... And I realized. I Want a Bank app on a phone which will inform you: "Your Treasury is empty, my Lord." Or: "Women and wine is costly to the crown, ser." — Put, dear guests, the mushrooms, place on your health, do not hesitate. — And you're not gonna eat? — good for you, roomie! Mushrooms — this is serious! Should always be one...

The Recruit comes to the reception to the optometrist. The doctor performs standard diagnosis and his verdict: — Petrov, alas, but I can't allowed to serve in the armed forces. You have very poor eyesight. You would be treated and treated... the Guy stands up from his chair and, carefully holding back the joy, pretends that he is very saddened by this fact. Puts hands forward and slowly makes his way to the exit, simulating the behavior of the almost blind man. the evening of the same day the boy decides to celebrate such a happy event. Calls the girl and invites her to go to the movies. And here they sit in a dark room, waiting for the start of the session, when suddenly the recruit turns his head and with horror discovers a nearby location the...

— Tell me if you sell the apartment in Miami and to buy an apartment in Crimea, it will be considered as import substitution? — It will be treated as a clinical case. Grandpa asleep in a chair, loudly snuffling a nose. The grandson turned the button on his jacket. — What are you doing? — asks the grandmother. — Want to catch another station. Say that high-rise residents will be required to pay for anti-terrorist protection. — Now, probably, will hire the Marines at the Concierge. — something tells me that with the money the grandmother-the Concierge will buy the whistles. And execute how to buy a tank... — Why did you decide to divorce your husband? — thought he was the Keeper of the family hearth, and the guardian with the poker...

Results as the ensign of his company of soldiers to the zoo. Abandoning the service, the commander himself says about animals: — And here we have... uh... elephant... He's big and gray, instead of his nose hose... And in that cage tiger is striped and eats meat. And here... — ensign sees an empty cell, here the cell with the giraffes. But now they do not see, because they are in a different place to hatch in the nests of eggs. soldier: — So, comrade Lieutenant, and giraffes do they lay eggs? — What?! Who said that? — quickly turns to the company of the ensign. — Sidorov? Private Sidorov, do 100 to start immediately! the Soldier throws himself on the ground and starts to do push-UPS in a few minutes the ensign sarcastically: — So what are you...

During disassembly of the new Russian shot, and he was in hell. There he met some devils who obsequiously handed him a crimson jacket, given a choice of several gold chains and cool mobile, and then handed a suitcase full of dollars, and released a walk through hell. Walking on the groomed track, brother saw casino. Entering, he rushed to the roulette table and said the line to the dealer: — Put up $ 10,000 on black 15! — I'm Sorry, but we do not accept money. Annoyed, the man came out and saw a bar. — in Short, to me your best champagne! he said the line, the bartender. — I'm Sorry, but we do not accept money. having become Angry, the new Russian flew and bars, a deafening slamming the door, and came into the restaurant. — So, in short, I...

Georgians Came to the dealership to buy a new car. — Slyushay, daragoy, tell me what better car to buy? — he turned to the consultant. — Take the "Ford Focus" model — that is necessary! — And what a focus it shows? — Go show! the Georgians together with the consultant sat in the car and drove. Going, going, and at some point, the consultant turned off the road and drove directly into a tree, standing on the sidelines. — Close your eyes! he said the Georgian. The closed, and at this time, the consultant carefully around the tree. — Open! You see, we drove through a tree, and the focus of the car! — Wah! Wah! — admired the Georgians and when they came back to the salon, bought a car. Then called friends to brag about the purchase, put them in...

— Abram! It's true, sho you in the woods yesterday broke? — forest: three birch! the Musketeers-dystrophic hide one for all and all for one. In English, Zalman, you need to speak confidently to all the British and Americans began to doubt that the English they know. the Student came to the Rabbi: — the Rebbe! I have a desire to live forever! What to do? — get Married! — what? I'm going to live forever? — No! But the desire will soon pass! — Today we had a wonderful bus it was absolute, total silence. People would come in, quietly looked silently rode as quietly out. Not playing radio, not declared stops, even the phones didn't ring. — And while no one was sleeping? — Why? The conductor was sleeping peacefully in the back...

In the British patent organization has applied the man who claimed to have invented a car engine that runs exclusively on water. He at first did not believe, but after some testing it turned out that the man speaks the truth. — Look, two patents for that you make. First, what have you invented a motor that runs on water, and second, that water can be used as fuel. You're a professional in this field? said the man experts patent organization. — Professional — confirmed, man — I worked for three years in Saudi Arabia, looking for oil. It was there and came up with their inventions. — Awesome! And why you are there patent has not issued, and came to us? I was trying to make it, but I was told that I was waiting for two options. — What? — Hanging or the...

— I want to trace your family history but don't know where to start... — Try to stand as a candidate in the election. the groom asked: — When visiting the home of his bride that you first caught my eye? — Mother-in-law! Still face scratched! 2050-th year. The man looks at lying around in bed with him a female robot and says wistfully: — And it all started with a plastic tree... the Programmer calling the library: — Hello, Natasha? — is She in the archive. — could you unzip it, please. She wanted immediately. Sometimes I can't find a reasonable explanation for his actions, but then I remember that I'm a jerk, and everything falls into place.