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I was disappointed in female friendship in his youth. At the age of 13 I had a friend whom I trusted with all my secrets. One day she brought me a letter and said it was from my secret admirer. In his 13 years I was one of those girls who was not popular with the opposite sex, so I was incredibly happy! Friend said that the boy is simply afraid to come to me, so sent a message and waiting for my response letter if I like. of Course, I love it! We had common interests, and correspondence ensued instantly. The letters were handed to me still a friend and was happy for me. At least I thought so. After six months of correspondence with a mysterious admirer he was supposed to meet me in the Park. I was thrilled, but came to the meeting place inspired...

A Year ago, I got a job as a teacher in an ordinary secondary school on the outskirts of the city. it is mainly children from ordinary families, whose parents work at the plant in the same area as the school. The contingent of pupils suitable: harsh children living in street law, where they spend most of their childhood and adolescence. When I applied, I was warned that the work is hard, kids are difficult and need to wait for problems. It did not bother me, and began working. At first it was very difficult, teenagers are absolutely not listening to me and not sides, but gradually we came to understand and students began to behave properly in my class. I was so happy that we were able to reach severe youthful hearts, but my joy was not shared by...

In a small men's clothing store come a man with a son and start to watch suits. Finally, the father chooses a nice brown suit and tells the salesman: — How much is it worth? — $ 600. Oh, and why is it so expensive? Throw at least 100! — No, no, $ 600 — and, says the seller. Well, anyway, maybe you can do something to make the price lower? — not appeased male. After a long and heated argument, the price of the costume is still reduced to $ 300. Pleased with himself, the father took the suit and writes the seller a check for that amount. When he leaves the store, the little boy suddenly pulls his sleeve and says: — Daddy, why did you write the check? You have in the Bank because there is nothing! — Yes, I'm aware of. — But what took you so long and...

I work in the same firm for six years. During this time, the team has become my family, it's practically my second family. my colleagues and friends and support each other in difficult situations. Directs us good guy of 50, who recently hired a young Secretary. of Course, the firm will immediately spread obscene rumors about the reasons why he took it. And after some time the gossip has been confirmed, the chief began to formally meet with the Secretary. Young beauty with model looks, hated the whole team: women because he was jealous of her looks, the men because for them it was unavailable. What a sin to conceal, I also disliked the Secretary while nothing wrong with it I did not. And a month after she began to work with us, I landed in the...

Sit as a wolf with a Fox, drink, talk for life. At some point, runs past the hare. Seeing this couple, he tries to escape quickly, but cannot keep up, and Fox grabs his long ears. In utter horror, he tries to escape from the clutches, but nothing comes out. Then the hare begins to cry, hysterical and screaming: — Please don't eat me! Please! I have a family, a wife and little kids! There will be no one to feed! I beg you, mercy! will you shut up already! — does not hold a Fox. — We've been drinking out there, and you did not give in Fig. My question to you is this: you drink? Stunned by this unexpected offer, the hare immediately calms down: — Yes, I will. — That's great! Have just run to the store to round up, vodka to buy. Keep the money and blow...

— what is Your education? — I was Formed in merger of egg and sperm... — Why are all these damn flies are flying only around me?! — is that what you guess... — I jam?! — Yes you are an optimist. — In life you have to try everything! — And who can argue? Start with potassium cyanide! In the hospital the phone rang. The doctor picks up the phone. — Yes? — Look, doctor, my husband was run over by a steamroller. What to do?! — Send it to me by Fax, I understand. — Put, Stirlitz, the story about the fingerprints on the Russian radio, we believe, but how to explain the fact that during the search you had confiscated moonshine?!

One morning mom overslept, then I had time to take johnny to school. She called a taxi and decided to send his son to school that way. But before you send little johnny, she told the taxi driver that he in any case did not speak with the boy: — I have very much harmful and a spoiled brat! Can easily ruin your mood! she complained to the driver. the Taxi driver assured her that all will be well, and all the way thinking how that little boy can ruin him, the experienced driver, the day? And decided to teach the boy. — johnny, and tell me if your father was a wolf and mother wolf, who would you be? he asked the boy. — the Wolf! — Right! But if your dad was an elephant and my mom was an elephant, who would you be? — the Elephant! — True! But if your...

— Guys, let's go with tangkou to play cards! — On the strip? — have You seen Tanya? With her only for the money! — johnny, did you throw out the window in Dean's ball of water?! — No. — And the teacher saw you! — is Lying behind his back he stood. In kindergarten the teacher: — Guys, today we are going to sculpt elephants. Except for this boy. He will sculpt a ladybug. Such a small-tiny. Tiny... You know, Tsereteli?! Student: — Professor, what you wrote to me here? — Let me see... after a couple of minutes: , I wrote: "Write legibly!" to treat a girl, you should be careful, as with a herringbone pattern. to Cut down and bring home?

Was the blonde at the market and saw that the man sells seeds from apples. She approached him and, smiling, asked: — Man, you someone buys seeds from apples? the Merchant in response to serious: — of Course! You know, what is the demand? They increase mental capacity! — Really? — True! Well, give me ten Grand, I'll try. — With you 500 rubles! the Blonde paid and ate right at the counter seeds. Then I thought, and said angrily: — Oh, man! I'm on 500 roubles could ten pounds of these apples to buy! the Man answered: — See, smarter already! the Blonde thoughtfully: — Really... So, give me two dozen!

— where are You taking me?! — To the Registrar. — Why? the Right to you want to obtain. beer makers pray for a hot summer. Manufacturers of umbrellas are praying for a rainy autumn. manufacturers of vodka do not pray. They have no time. They have to work. — Imagine when we first met, you struck me as a hopeless idiot. — And now? — now I'm seriously thinking about a career psychic. Helpful hints: if you have a lot of guests and need a place to put them for the night, take plenty of vodka, and they will find their place. — don't smile! — Why? — I'm Afraid! — to Fall in love? — Horses.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were walking in the evening in the city and was considered a respectable audience. Suddenly they saw the unreal beauty of the girl, who was walking directly towards them. Watson perked up, smiled, and decided to hit on her. When the girl reached them, he said, — Dear lady, can you tell me your name? the Girl's response silently showed him the middle finger and sneer and left. Watson in indignation turned to Sherlock and said: — Holmes, for God's sake, explain to me what this means? — Elementary, my dear Watson! — he answered, removing his pipe from his mouth. This girl is dumb Spaniard, and her name is Juanita!

— MA-a-a-am! Tomorrow's parent meeting. Go? — No. — why? — I Know these parent meetings! We are better with you for the money to Egypt will go. remember how in kindergarten? — draw mom on birthday "kalyaku-malaku" and she's so happy! Somehow my wife and this focus does not work. — Dad, buy me the latest iPhone. — what's the magic word? Marina. — sorry, What? is Your mistress. — Black or white? A sheath is needed? From the writings of the son: "we Have a happy family. Daddy works. Mom — beautiful. And if you sleep more... and kind." Yesterday "Lada Kalina" I crashed in "Porsche Cayenne". Driver "Kalina" quickly disappeared from the scene in the trunk "Cayenne".

Rabinovich a very long time saving up money for vacations and finally having collected the required amount, flew to a ski resort. After some time he returned and met with his friend Jose. — Well, sho, Abrash, as you rest in the Alps? — asked Joe. Still liked or we in Odessa is better? Oh, Mr. Shaw, I'll tell you, Joey? In the Alps is just perfect: fresh snow, beautiful mountains. And what sort of ladies! Still it is impossible for them to admire! Oh, Abrash, I even envy you. Where do you live there? — I rented a room in the house of a local resident. So can you imagine, Joe, on the second day there was some mishap with three chickens, and the owner snapped their necks. So for three days we still ate all sorts of different chicken dishes. Oh, well, it's...

The Doctor — nurse: — What you said to the paralyzed man from the fifth chamber, what are we going to amputate his leg? — is it running? And you still say is incurable, incurable... Teacher Victor miroslavovich already the 2nd of September allowed first-graders to call himself a Victor... after hearing for the day: Miloradovich, Miloradovich, Miloradovich. — I am always responsible for my words, proudly said Valera. — We used — he said the doctors at the emergency room. Here's fifteen hundred, as you requested. — why not two? — you now what language is "thank you" said? What are you drinking? — the Name consists of two animals — a horse, a Yak. — how much are you drinking? — Change Pets.

Been on a plane two seats the blonde and the lawyer. A long flight, and the man proposed to his fellow traveler game: — And let's be of these riddles? I — you and you — me? If you are wrong, with you, five bucks, and if I fail, I will give you $ 500! the Blonde agreed. The lawyer asked: What is the depth of the Mariana trench? the Blonde silently took out five bucks and handed it to the man. Then she asked the question: — Who in the morning goes uphill with two legs and comes down on three? the Lawyer thought and thought, asked all the neighbors on the plane, I googled on the Internet — did not find the answer. He gave $ 500 to the girl and, burning with curiosity, asked: — Well, who? Who was it? the Blonde in response, silently gave him...