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Sometimes in the cinema I want to move my mouse to see how many to go. At the wedding she swore that only death can separate them, but it turned out that the mother-in-law is also something that capable. My grandmother saw me talking to a friend on Skype, and went to speak with the President on TV. My home institution produces as humanists and techies. Sit in the guards, some work crossword puzzles and other Sudoku. Shooting of the program "Naked and funny" in the car with Dembele ended the scenario.

The old Man Rabinovich decided that his daughter Verochka got married, and began to fix her Family, son of his neighbor. Pouring him a glass of vodka and putting a generous appetizer, Rabinovich said: — Well, sho, Sam, you are not tired in bachelors walk? — Oh, you know, Isaac Solomonovich, still a little tired, î sighed Sam. — Then I still have a great offer: take my wife Fiocco! — Isaac Solomonovich, but your Verochka as blind as Crotia! — choked on a piece of bread guy. — Well, sho?! Still it's good! Sam, you can do everything sho wants to, literally under her nose. — But, Isaac Solomonovich, your Verochka still and mute! Still a problem? You never hear from her any bad word to your address, SEMA! — Sorry, but your Fira, Isaac Solomonovich, and...

— Count up, saw a new device. Cool: the keyboard is directly connected to the printer, operates without CPU, power supply and drivers... — a typewriter, or what? He was so greedy that even the lesser of two evils was chosen more. If you're over thirty and you have absolutely nothing achieved in this life — then you are an honest and decent man. — How is it that you are from Adler and not know how to swim? — And you're a resident of Domodedovo and can fly? — Raise the sails! — the Captain! We have a motor! is to Raise the motor!!!

The time when drunk guy kicked out of a closing bar. One hardly moving the legs, goes to the first car and starts to touch the roof. Somewhere with half a minute lead arm, and then sighs in defeat and goes to the other car. Again starts touching the roof and then regretfully concludes: — No, again not my... coming to the third, feels and again shrugs: And again... the Guard, who all this time watching the actions of a deranged man, asks him: — Hey, what are you trying to touch my car to find? the Man turns and thickly issues: — So on my Blinker should be!

— my Daughter! We are all from Monday begin a new life! I start to lose weight, dad will quit Smoking. And you? — can I leave school. — Daughter, uncle give you candy. You need to tell him? — I know what you're doing, you old pervert! the Genius of Salvador Dali was opened because there was not open, haloperidol. — Have you ever had something that was disturbing, but you didn't want to throw it away because I thought that someday you this for something useful? — And the children? Mike is the only child in the family. He dreams of a brother or sister, not knowing that thanks to dad's easy nature he already has three brothers and two sisters.

Two inspectors of traffic police are called to the place of the car accident, find car flipped and the blonde beside him. — What happened? asks one girl. — I was Driving, so not bothering anyone. Then suddenly I saw the tree. The wheel to the right I turned, looked, and there tree. I left again — and again the tree. In General, and wags until he rolled over in the end... Depeest looks around in surprise and sharply exclaims: — are You totally stupid?! There's no trees there! what the blonde resentfully replies: — I just saw a tree! In the dispute enters a second depeest. Carefully examining the car, he shouts to a companion: — Petrovich, so there is her freshener on the windshield hanging!

— Rosa Markovna, and what such love? — Oh, Sophie, it's simple... It's when I close my eyes still for all his flaws. Then open — and had two kids! somewhere on the Langeron beach: — Man, you sho is staring at me! Christ you there! — Madam, this is for you, no bra! — Fima, do not ship me, I'm not a ship! — Sho you, Yasha, I didn't... — I'm like a tanker! Better still pour! Zalman, came home early, noticed, as Celia puts it out of the package a bunch of new stuff. — Celia Shaw I see? You told me, Shaw has no money even for food... — Zalman, don't do mine the brains, it's not the money, which we did not. — Fira, and sho that you have matzo is so solid — just bite impossible? — Always you are unhappy with, Sam! Yes, if the...

A psychiatrist's Office, the door swings open, and inside on all fours creeping unknown man. Something strange pulling him in hand, and even in the teeth — some wire. Doctor, before that miss in the absence of patients, and joyfully exclaims: — Oh, who's crawling on me?! Is that a snake? Come on, crawl, once was. Now we understand in your situation! the Man started to shake his head, and the doctor continues: — so you're not the snake? Maybe you're a turtle? Yes? It's a tortoise in person to visit me here? Come on, come on. Tell me what happened to you... the Man continues to violently shaking his head. — So what is it that I have the earthworm!? — the Doctor! — spitting out the wire, shouts the man. Is there a network of lay!

Blonde buys shoes. Seller: — the First two or three days, shoes are a little too tight. — okay, I'll get them only next week. Lyusya is a very afraid of whiskey with "Cola". Because after whiskey "Cola" Lucy was not afraid of anything. — Mom, I went to play football with the guys. — over my soup! — What traditions are most popular in your family? — Send me to the store as soon as I get undressed and take off my shoes! — Tell me how you manage to predict trouble. What are you, clairvoyant? — Rather, apocaly...

A Man abruptly wakes up in the middle of the night. The chest stolen from the horror, heart pounding that is about to jump out of his chest, the whole pillow is wet from cold sweat. Eyes open, frantically looks around and notices that holds hands for a causal place. immediately wakes up his wife. Also notice the strange position of his wife and asks with surprise: — Honey, what happened? — Honey, it was just a nightmare! I had a scary dream like I'm walking on a painted corridors, a luxurious fairytale Palace open the door in one of the chambers and I was in a real harem! Oh, like a Sultan! Go to sleep! — laughing wife. — and I thought exactly the same! I realised that the Sultan, I obviously do not pull, and here I became really creepy...

After 10 years of marriage, the wife turns to her husband: — my Dear, you are by nature a winner or a loser? — Dear, over the years I realized that I was the victim. the phone Rings. The hostess picks up the phone, and there is a drunk man: — Hello, tell me... I'm with you on the phone? — No, damn it, on TV! — my God! Live, and I'm in shorts! — But it is wildly stupid! I think that 25 years ago his parents found in cabbage baby and decided to raise a head.... — Sorry, we can't take you to work, you have no experience. — I Have no desire, but who cares? In kindergarten Dasha was so sweet baby, a double murder was never solved.

Before takeoff, the flight attendant walks down the aisle between the seats and suddenly notices unfastened man. — Sorry, you need to buckle up for take-off, with a smile she says. — you Know, my dear, I will not wear your seat belt! I had flying longer than you've been in the world! — Oh, I see... a confused meets a flight attendant and goes to report the passenger to the chief pilot. some time Later, in the cabin there is a captain and is talking to the still unfastened man: — I was told that you have a lot of experience flying, right? — Yes, I'm flying for 40 plus years! — Well, then you will not be so difficult to imagine such a situation. Imagine that I'm in the plane on the runway and almost before the takeoff of the plane failing engines...

Blonde came to the car showroom and bought a new foreign car. And in a week came to the service center and told the master that the cabin is constantly unpleasant smell something. The master listened to her, examined the car and said that he did not see any for this apparent reason. He asked the blonde stood him up, and he'll see what's the matter with the machine. the Blonde agreed. They sat in the car, and the girl has sharply given on gases. She squeezed full speed on city streets, lacila, came on red and the tube rode on the sidewalk, frightening passersby. Finally, the blonde arrived back to the service and told the master: — Well, now you smell it? — Honey, I don't, to feel it, I sit in it...

— Look, Izzy, why, when you call home, you don't pick it up until after ten calls? — shoby And they knowed I did. — don't mess with me, I'm terrible in anger! — Yeah — not really... so, young man, you want to become my son-in-law? — Honestly no, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter. Wife returned home in the morning. The husband opened the door: — Where have you been? It's 4:00! You said that you have a bachelorette party until 23:00! — Parked... In the subway gives way to a two grandmother to observe natural selection...

In one remote Ukrainian farm was a wedding. Noisy, fun, razgulina — in short, a real feast for all the villagers. The groom quickly got drunk to a state of no fit and peacefully nozzles at the wedding table. He was approached by a friend, began to bother and to say: — Mykola, come on, Wake up! The wedding of your sleep! the Groom, rocking, tore the head of the table, dull looked at each other and asked: — Whose wedding? — Bye! My! Well you got married today! — I? And to whom? — Yes, we really did not understand. You train with her a couple of days ago, I met! — Oh. And what's her name? — Yes, we really do not remember. Chi, Chi Pauline... Who knows with her... the Groom, in terror, clasping his head: — Chipollino???