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Pectrum

Interesting facts about everything

Found 2163 items

— Tell us a little about yourself. — I'm creative guy. — No money? — No money. I Want to stop using emoticons in correspondence, but unfortunately formulate proposals so that without emoticons, they look like a curse. — I bought my wife a diamond ring. So for two weeks not talking to me. — Why? — And this was the condition. — Abram, how do you feel about the idea to build a synagogue in prison? Still there are churches and mosques already. — Oh, Izzy, don't be ridiculous, if a Jew is in prison, it is not the Jew, let him go to Church. the Police busted a group of crooks selling diplomas in the subway. — We had to let them go, — said the doctor of economic Sciences, Sergeant Ivanov.

An Elderly Jew with large bags and suitcases wanders through the station in Germany. Suitable for sitting peacefully by the Germans and asked: — I'm sorry, but how do you feel about the Jews? — I have deep respect for your people. the old Man turned away and went on. Coming to another German: — Sorry, but what is your attitude toward the Jewish people? is Very positive! I have long wanted to visit Israel and learn about your culture! the Old Jew sighs in defeat, takes his bags and trudges on. Coming to the third: — How do you treat a Jew? — can't Stand them! unexpectedly meets a German. Never going to have anything to do with them! the old Man, apparently satisfied by this response: — Wonderful! I see that you are an honest man. Will you watch...

Sergey Shnurov playing "What? Where? When?" precisely know the answer to the question "Where?". Only a few of those who are tormented by cough, go to the doctor. The rest go to the cinema... At every party there are two categories of guests: some want to get off early, others to stay longer. The difficulty is that they usually married among themselves. it seems to Me, the head looks at me and thinks: "This device can run faster". a Deaf-mute scuba diver Basil read lips white shark: "there's my lunch."

Came to her husband from a long business trip and saw that from under the blanket on the bed sticking out of someone's of men's bare feet. — who's That? Who is it? — began to yell deceived husband, demanding an unfaithful wife answer. She calmly replied, Well, why are you yelling? Better tell me who me a new mink coat I bought you? No! And he bought it! You're my last "IPhone" bought? And he bought it! You me the sea was taken, although I'm five years asked? No. And thanks to him we together with you to Noumea went. But the car is new? And repairs at the cottage? Is that still fell from the ceiling? No, of course! And you're still outraged! Shame on you! the Husband guiltily looked down and muttered: — Well, you're at least a foot cover, and then...

— do You love me? — Yes. — And forgive treason? — the Dead forgive all. — can I please have a pack of condoms, a bottle of champagne and "Lollipop". — "Lollipop"-why? — For fun. the Service center. the Client looks at the bill and asked the master: — what's the point "Ride" — 300$? the Master: — Not a ride! Cross out... I Go to the accounting Department — no one. I go to the "Classmates"... Op-PA, accounting! the Chinese to defeat the locusts, had only to declare it edible.

Odessa synagogue. The wise old Rabbi gave a sermon: — Beloved wife of Ezekiel died during childbirth. Then he started to pray and asked God to give him the opportunity to feed the child, and the child is not left behind by the mother to the light. The Lord had compassion on him, and he gave him a woman's breast full of milk. Ezekiel was able to feed my son and not let him die. the Rabbi paused for a moment and addressed the congregation: — Can someone have a question? — Yes, Rabbi! — came a voice from the depths of the room. — Why God couldn't just give it a small amount to pay for the nurse? Why is he so messed up male figure? the Rabbi thought a moment and said: — I think that he reasoned like this: "If I can work a miracle, why should I spend...

Cool businessman came out of his office after the end of the day and was about to sit down in my car, he was approached by a homeless person. Dirty, smelly, but very polite, he asked the businessman: — Sir, would you give me a hundred rubles? — what are you going to do with them? — I'll walk to the nearest supermarket, buy the cheap vodka, get drunk, and then start on awful conduct, fight with someone, and at the end of the day will sleep somewhere under the bridge on old newspaper. the Businessman listened to the homeless, gave him a hundred, then called someone on the phone and said: — Fire the hell out of our accountant! I've an honest man is found!

One Sunny summer day walked a young beautiful brunette in the woods. He was walking along the path, thinking about something else, the girl suddenly noticed an ancient lamp. Picked it up, opened it, and there seemed a real Genie. Says: — You freed me, but because you are entitled to three wishes. Make what you want! I will do all that! But bear in mind that whatever you asked for — all the blondes in this world will appear the same, but twice. Here is my condition. Brunette shrugged and made the first wish: — Wish I had 100 million bucks! — Done! Now every blonde — $ 200 million. — I want a luxurious mansion with only 40 rooms! — Done! Now every blond beauties at the mansion on 80 rooms. Make the last one. Brunette thought for a moment, and then...

— So you want to learn something new, the unknown, to see something beautiful and fascinating to touch something magical and... — Honey, are you talking about traveling or about the change? Son smokes the house out the window, hears the mother coming. A cigarette thrown, the spray freshener. The mother enters, it is: — Mom, I don't smoke, it stinks from the neighbors. Mother: — Yes smoke, drink, women drive home — maybe even get married in your 44 years! Cannibal somebody drags. Goes to meet his friend: — Who are you to lug about? Students. — Who? Student?! Put it out! Yesterday I one student was cooking, it until the water was boiling all the potatoes eaten! She could not sleep. Started to count sheep, and then met with a...

An elderly Odessa tortured a hearing problem, and he found an ingenious way out of the situation. The old man did not buy myself a new and very expensive hearing AIDS, and decided to make his own. Took an ordinary wire and stuck it in the hearing impaired ear and the other end just hid in his jacket pocket. And here he meets his old friend, shows him his own simple invention. He had examined the device, surprised issues: — I'm amazed! Well this is kind of nonsense, and not a hearing aid! You still have to buy a normal! Well you with this piece of metal in my ear still can't hear anything! — Here you are wrong, my friend, — calmly replied the old man. — When people notice the wire in the ear, involuntarily begin to speak louder and to me is just right...

The zookeeper's crying. Ask it: — why are You so upset? the Elephant died. That was your favorite? — no, damn it, I just do it for the grave dig... Talking two blondes: — I always go on Saturdays to the theatre. There are going to be quite wealthy and intelligent people. There is a chance to find a decent husband. — And you try to attend two theatre, then the odds will be doubled! — why do I need two husbands?! the Applicant enters the Conservatory. The Chairman of the Commission asks the question: — Well, what, tell us, the Opera differs from operetta? — Sorry, I had a triple in the Russian language, so I'm not sure. Suffix?.. in the Morning the wife — husband lying in bed: — Why are you keeping me awake? — I Will... after...

The time when you drunk man, all filthy and disheveled, walks into the bus and sits right next to the priest. He pulls from his pocket a tattered rag, straightens it and begins to read. At some point, he sharply turns to the priest with a question: — the Father, and you do not know what the person may receive the arthritis? — the disease of my son happens to those people who do not live according to the laws of God, those who walks with lewd women, and goes overboard with alcohol! Oh man! — at these words, a man immersed in meditation. the Priest felt sorry for it: — Will you, my son, worry. How long do you have diagnosed arthritis? — What are you saying, father! I have, fortunately, no arthritis, no! I've just read that the Pope found...

— Not in this world no love! — Why not? There! Well, give me an example. — Alcoholism is an incurable love for alcohol. And I am a living example! Two girls-twins sit on the bench. Goes past a drunken man, and begins to stare at them. One says: — I Guess you think you seeing double? No, we do the same. Man makes big eyes and asks: — What, all four? the Young man doesn't know what to buy your girlfriend's birthday. Asks mother: — Mom, if tomorrow you were eighteen, what would you like to receive as a gift? — Nothing more, — sighed the mother. being kept in the apartment complete archive of "House-2" on the discs. If I will have a search at some thing, there's a chance in court to plead insanity... — mony, you sho want: to...

Once an elderly man came to the cemetery to visit the grave of his long-deceased mother. After praying and putting near headstone flowers, he sighed and headed for the exit, but suddenly noticed the grieving man at the grave nearby. The accident tore their hair and wept bitterly, wiping tears with a dirty handkerchief. Deciding to comfort a stranger, a man come closer to him and heard him bitterly laments: — For what?! Why did you die? Why such injustice?! To whom do I have left? Oh, what a misfortune -- what a nightmare! Gently patting the stranger on the shoulder, the man said: — I'm Sorry to disturb you, but I just could not pass up. Never seen anyone so grieved at the cemetery. Excuse me for asking, but whom you so mourn: his father, brother or...

— Bring me the decanter of vodka and something to your taste... — So we write two decanter of vodka. I heard that there was a virus that is transmitted from the computer to the man! — yeah, but still it will have infected your fridge and rape your dog! On the letterhead of the results of the analyses are brought from the lab, it is written: "failed to open jar". — Now you tell me: women can be trusted? — is Possible. Let them believe it. Oh, my God, why does your car smell like that? Well, and what you want — 120 horses!