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Pectrum

Interesting facts about everything

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Oldest hotel in England. An American tourist stands near the carved doors of the Elevator and constantly pressed the button, stamping their impatience and muttering curses. To him sedately fit old porter, takes his hand in white glove on the hand of a tourist and politely said: — Sir, you don't have to press hard on the button, you'll break it. Lift should be here on the first floor, wait a little bit. — What? Lift? — puzzled asks the American. — And you, probably, Elevator meant, right? — No, sir, shakes his old head porter. — We have here in the UK, it's called a lift. — Ha, nonsense! As this mechanism was invented in the great America, then called it needs an Elevator! — swelling pride is the responsibility of the tourist. well, sir, perhaps you're...

Blonde walks into a fishing store. — Say you have a fishing rod to catch fish? — as Much as necessary. What kind of need? — The greatest! And the husband from fishing one little thing brings. in the Evening, going to bed, you should leave at the door all his troubles, advises the therapist to his patient. — And you think, says the patient — my wife would agree to sleep on the landing? the Woman on reception at the psychiatrist: — the Doctor, you can call me persecution mania? — Why would you, dear? — follow me for three years no one was watching, and so want! Blonde and brunette watch the races, and the blonde asks: — what's so hurry? Brunette explains that one who arrives first will win a lot of money. The blonde thought a...

To cook soup was not so boring, try to portray villainous laughter every time you add any ingredient. Waiter, I'd like to the same that the gentleman at the next table. No problem, sir. I'll call him on the phone, and you act. — And remember, Fira: the woman needs the husband, because not everything can be blamed on the government... there is No such perfect woman who demanded nothing from men. Even the rubber need to pump up... Hello, police. Help, I was robbed! — We're on our way. Where are you? — I'm home. Learning a new receipt for the rent!

Dies of a serious criminal authority, and goes to heaven. There he meets the Apostle Peter, asks for a name and begins to dig into the papers. Some time later he says: — I'm Sorry, but you're not here to get into heaven. And, honestly, you have nothing to do here! You in his entire life robbed and killed some incredible number of people already is scary! All go to hell! the Bandit is outraged: — But how? I'm at life has built two dozen temples, constantly donated money to the Church! The ten monasteries of the money helped, for thirty bell new bells ordered! So it is impossible that I did not get Paradise, let's take a closer look your bumazhonki, you, winged! Peter again the digging in the papers, but the name of the authority so finds. Embarrassed...

The two Met each other on the street, and one of them face was blue and swollen — not the face, and a quiet horror. The second is a saw, and whistled: — Hey, Andrei! Wow, why is your face wrong? Andrei hesitated, but, knowing that questioning will not leave, replied: — wow, really! Yes here I wanted to yesterday in a rocking chair to go, the body, so to speak, in the tone of the lead. — is Understandable. And where does the rocking? I'm talking about your face when you asked! — Well... there in the rocking chair, one bodybuilder dropped the barbell... — Where on your face? — Not really. His foot dropped. — yeah, okay. And the face is yours to do with it? It decided that it was very funny.

— Petrovich, what do you have aquarium overgrown with slime? Even the fish are not visible. — I Want to see how the mother-in-law will hands be transplanted in a jar of my piranhas when going to wash the aquarium in the bathroom. lectures: — Ivanov, are you guys going to sleep? — No, you, Professor! Just took the pose convenient to absorb the knowledge. Wonder criticize men who drilled on a weekend morning. They are not to blame, and their wives, who snuffles: "Until you hang a shelf — no beer". — Why do you drink so much?! — I Have a big problem! — Yes, what you have can be the problem? — Like what's the problem?! Yes, I'm an alcoholic! Sleeping Chaim and Sarah. Suddenly Sarah says: — Chaim, you're soon not going to spend...

Came as something scarce son to his father and asked: — Dad, America — it is what? the Father thought to himself, scratched his head and said: — Well, America, son... in short, it is like an office chair. Comfortable, practical, secure, all the buttons, the knobs — everything is possible under itself to adjust. But wildly boring. "I see," nodded the son and asked another question: — And England? — Well, England — she is so thorough... vintage leather armchair. Very heavy, bulky, rubbed, and sometimes patched. But wildly comfortable. — is Clear. And Russia? — Hmm... Russia, son — she as a backyard bench. Uncomfortable, hard, pain, blows. But she carved our names.

— the Sheriff, this guy was standing on Broadway with an outstretched hand. — $ 50 fine. — But he's only five. — Let him out, let him get. the Heart of fisherman's Seeds nearly stopped when he saw that little catfish that fell through, so still hooked tail and knocked over a box of vodka cooling in the river. — If you give a man the right to one unpunished murder in life, our world will be perfect. — But you might not see. — How's your summer? Which countries have already visited? — Robotland, Mahnattan, Croatia, United States toilet and bath, garden United Emirates. — what did you do? — I Swam in the sea... the works. — I did it all myself. — nick, you're homeless. — And, nevertheless, all by myself, all by myself.

On reception to the doctor concerned parents and brought my teenage son about sixteen. — On what complain? — asked the doctor. — Oh, you know, doctor, really bad was our boy! Nothing in his life is no other than a computer! From morning to night playing online toys from the monitor is not off, was gone completely! Help! implored parents. the doctor examined the teenager, asked him a few questions, made some notes in my notebook and authoritatively stated: — Definitely the boy should be treated! — How? How to treat, doctor? — cried the parents. — Traditionally: alcohol, cigarettes, girls...

The Doctor an ordinary rural hospitals had found a miraculous cure for all female diseases: it is necessary to tell the woman that this is a normal sign of old age, and the recovery is happening right before our eyes. kingpin sentenced to 20 years. Judge: — the condemned appears to be the last word. Do you have anything to say? — Yes, I want to ask the lawyer what he can say in his defense? Wife, look like it bothered me — dress up for an hour at a mirror spinning outfits sorted! Either case, I opened the wardrobe that fell in that and went. the Man at the proctologist. He examined him and said: — you Have prostatitis, hemorrhoids, need expensive treatment. How are you with finances? — Doctor, you must be visible, look closely...

Once you come one Jew in the synagogue and speaks to the Rabbi: — Rabbi, I'm so scared I want to eat malyupasenkaya a piece of pork! Strength to endure so there is no more! Well, just a little... what the Rebbe responds to him angrily: — what are you, Abram, darling! How can you say that?! On what kind of pork you mouth?! — the Rebbe, just a tiny bit! Well in this crime?! — How did you get the nerve to come to me with this question? Irene did the Rabbi is not a joke. — In the Torah in black and white written that it is strictly forbidden! And you know it, so get out of here! — Well a little, please! — Not! Not allowed — period! — But, Rabbi, how about you?! I, for instance, yesterday saw with my own eyes as you ate pork... — Yes, it was...

— Profanity reduces pain. — can I have another anesthesiologist? — Sarah Markovna, and sho you gave my husband on his birthday? Oh, Rosie, well, sho can give the person from whom the same are they? Is Shaw only Valerian. — Without the flowers on the doorstep! Do so come from? — Petrovich, are you nuts? Open the storeroom, I have fingers of frost do not feel... — Izzy and sho, are you 40 years old still living with mom? — Oh, there's Prince Charles also lives with her mom, and no it still does not condemn! — Petrovich, are you nuts? Open the storeroom, I have fingers of frost do not feel...

In the office of the surgeon stopped the patient and said: — the Doctor, my surgery it is urgent to be postponed! the Doctor looked at the patient and asked: — Well, my dear, and what is the reason? — you Know, I almost a year standing in line at the prosthetics, and then, finally, the time came! the Doctor nodded and with a wistful look began to stare at the ceiling. The patient became nervous: — Doctor, why are you silent? — I, my dear, and see in reality this picture: dusky plays the melody of Chopin, a lot of people in mourning clothes, they cry and grieve, and you are lying in a coffin, shining perfectly aligned, white teeth!

— You are charming! — Alas, I can't say the same about you. Okay, then do as I do. Sovrem. the Old Professor tells his colleagues: — Recently saw that read a lecture to students. Wake up, and what do you think? I do read a lecture. — the jar of the future? — You what? — the Light, please. What you, the student? — Brandy. — Oh-Oh-Oh... Brandy is good! — No. Cognac is "excellent"! Flying with another balcony with the bed sheets in his hands, Cyril was so similar to Batman that rescuers removed the trampoline.

Teacher Maria Ivanovna conducts natural history lesson at the first class in which studying the hooligan Vovochka. Speaking about the different animals, she asked the children: — so, guys, do you know how to talk to animals, which I have now told? Okay, Tanya, what do you say? — I know that the cow says "Moo!", Maria Ivanovna! — True, Tanya, and said gold star. What we would say Kolya? — I heard the cat says "meow-meow-meow", Maria Ivanovna, — thinking, responsible boy. — yeah, cats are exactly what they say, good for you, Kolya! Well, who else? At this time, johnny pulls up his right arm, nearly falling from his chair. With a sigh and prepare for the worst, the teacher says: — Yes, Sidorov, what would you say? — And I, Maria Ivanovna, you know...