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Pectrum

Articles on a range of subjects: history of Russia and the world, society, famous people, amazing events, unique places, curiosities past and present. A huge collection of jokes and jokes and fun and instructive stories from life.

Found 2229 items

On the track of one of the southern States swept the blonde with great speed. The Sheriff who was chasing her, finally able to get around her car and stopped. The guard left the car and went to the breaker. Lady, you will have to pay a decent penalty for such a speed! — What speed? — clapped eyelashes girl. — Well, of course, speed is the path that you overcame, divided by the time in which you drove this way. — How do you find the length of a path? Do you know the address of my home? — No, I don't know. — But you admitted that you saw how far I came! And I'm going out of the house! — look you have in the car is the speedometer, it affects the speed. — What is speedometer? — Well, before you round window with arrows behind the glass. While...

Once one of the Gypsies, resting at home on the couch in front of a large TV set, beckoned to the son. In a second small have swirled around dad waiting for orders. Gypsy lazily looked at his son and gave: — Come on, I need some cigarettes! — Well, dad, I need money. Give? the Gypsy rolled her eyes: well, you're certainly a nerd is cool! For money any fool can me cigarette to bring! Come on, you're on your own big already. the Boy shrugged, and walked away. Some time later I returned home, I immediately ran to daddy and handed him a pack of cigarettes. He quickly opened it and was surprised to find that it is completely empty. Stood up, looked at his son and sternly said: — what is This?! There's nothing here! It's empty! Small eyes narrowed...

Father — daughter: — Sara, well, how many earns your new boyfriend? — Oh, Papa, he has asked me the same vulgar question about you and mom... — Masha, going to the movies after school? — I can't. After school I go on University and then get a job. Before: had a fight — and remove the phone, and all. Now argued, taking the phone, "Twitter", "Instagram", "Odnoklassniki", "Facebook", "Vkontakte", "Skype", "Snapchat"... it is Unlikely that our parents 20 years ago could have imagined that preparing for the exam will be a photography abstract phone. Monarchy — type government, in which the highest position in the country is sexually transmitted.

Brought Together the British and the French to dig a tunnel under the English channel. They convened a meeting of the special Commission, which began to decide which construction company to trust with this project. The meeting was attended by representatives from different countries. First made by the Americans: — Our firm will undertake this project. We will dig a tunnel for two years from both sides of the Bay. Ensure that the accuracy of the alignment will be up to twenty meters, not more. the Second set deadlines for the construction of the Germans: — We will make a tunnel for one year. We dig from two sides and guarantee the matching with an accuracy of ten meters. the Third was made by a Russian: — So, dig a tunnel will be two weeks, maybe...

One in our area, the utility "dabbled" with electricity. Well, or substation decided to "indulge". In the end, the lights turn on and off several times a day. A result of interruptions was the madness of our fire alarm, which now also included on their own. We called masters, they promised to come the next day. The day was to enjoy the tantrums electronics. I'm on the evening was scheduled a workshop on "Skype". In the middle of my superiors of the conversation the fire alarm went off. Of course, colleagues heard her. — there you Have it, a fire? Oh, never mind. It is now important to do everything before the deadline. 15 Seconds head looked at me in silence, and then slowly and hesitantly said: — you Know, the problem is not so urgent.

At the Odessa Privoz: — Madam, why is your goose so expensive? It is not expensive, it just follows the dollar. a Conversation between two inhabitants of Odessa: — Izzy, you know, I last night wanted to give head. — Why do you think so? — Well, would — would not give. — Sonia, you have these cacti on the window... is that men do not climbed? — Oh, sho you! On the contrary. Schaub jumped... — That Abraham's wife is smart, economical, beautiful, true! — And after a long time he became a polygamist? — mony, Mr. Shaw, how are you? — Shaw to tell you, Zhora... Like on the ship: sick and still need to swim.

Were Talking one day depressed with the enlightened Buddhist monk and tried to bring him out of balance: — You're nothing. — Thanks for the compliment, depression. — your Life is a blank. Good it lacks. — So wrong, and it turns out that I am a free man. — Love, joy and kindness are absent in it. — I Agree. I am deprived of these illusions and the Creator of your reality. — May you free, but the world is shrouded in great suffering. Suffering is everywhere! — right where suffering, there is joy. One cannot exist without the other. — You're going to die and not know the truth. I have so many lives ahead, I'll make it! the moment, the depression ceased, and then said disappointed: — Oh, Fig with your exercises.

— Oh, you Vovochka, right? Volnenko, perhaps? Let me blow on the Boo Boo. — Have to tell you that the trauma you yourself. the Mother asks the little boy: — Want to see the sister that you brought by the stork? — sister — not, but the stork in the winter — it's fun! a Woman should not do in life three things: 1. To dwell. 2. Like a fool. 3. On a fur coat. the shop: — please Give me that turtle-skipjack. — the Bug of jumping? Fuck, I forgot to turn off the heating of the sand in the cage! given that capoeira is a dance with elements of martial arts, in fact every normal dance at Russian wedding — also capoeira.

Inquired once of an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian, where is the best place to spend time with a woman. Each of them thought about it, and then gave the answer. the Englishman said: — Well, of course, at her house! A woman cook a delicious dinner will burn candles, good wine, spacious bed... And ready for a date is not necessary, very convenient! the Frenchman the same question answered differently: — the best — outdoors! You need to take a woman on a picnic somewhere on the river or sea... Champagne, strawberries, birds singing, the lapping of the water! Everything has to be romantic! the Russian stated the following: — the best place on the ladder. If a woman is low — a bit higher rise if high — on a step lower down. And if something...

As a result of an unfortunate set of circumstances killed the man and then turns out to be the gates to heaven and hell. Appears next to the Apostle Peter with the explanation for the newcomer: so now we have to decide where you to focus. And for this we will ask you about the soul with which you were familiar during his lifetime. the First soul says: — Yes, I knew him, he was a wonderful person and very good friend! Always helped in difficult situations. the Second soul: — And I worked with him, he was a great employee, honest and Executive. There is nothing to think — he deserved to be in Paradise! But here comes the third turn of the soul: — Oh, no! Send to hell this monster! the Dead man in shock refers to the last soul: — Anton, what...

— Me last night, on the street by an unknown man threw gorgeous bouquets straight to the feet! Shaw, Zina? A pot of geraniums dropped from the balcony? According to the Constitution, Semyon Markovich had the right to work. But I tried not to abuse it. SEMA of Shniperson had six children and one wife. And he's always wanted quite the contrary! — When my Samochka playing the violin, I always cry... — Ha! When our Bob goes to play cards, did we cry the whole family! Every the Odessa man faces a choice: a lifetime to eat one scrambled each morning to explain, "where you up all night, the cattle, wandered"?

Decided one day the Martians sent to Earth his scouts. Send spies to Japan, France and Russia and left them there for six months. After this time called them back to headquarters and began to ask about the results of the exploration. First asked the spy, who was in Japan: — how is it? — They are rapidly developing their technology, but still far behind from our Mars developments by as much as 200 years! the Second asked the spy, who was in France: — how is it? — the living Conditions they are very different from ours, but their perfume industry ahead of ours for 50 years! the Third asked the spy, to visit Russia: — how is it? — Just I teleported, not even looked around on the ground, as I was approached by two local men, and said, "Oh, you'll...

— I joust all killed! — And the prize you get for it? — No, I'm telling you, I really, really killed! After the death of sinned conductors fall on the upper side of the shelf near the toilet. — I thought of you... — you cheated on me! — I thought you were noble and forgive me, but you're just like everyone else. I, when peeling potatoes, also crying. That the onions didn't think that he was a freak or something... Night, call an ambulance: — Hello, Hello! Hello! The man needs help urgently, on the verge of death! — Hello. Prove you're not a robot.

In the hospital the doctor talked to the man, asking him about the circumstances of the incident: — So what happened with your friend? — see, doctor, we sat with him at my house, waited for the other guests. Well, to pass the time, decided to drink a little severe. I buddy gave a couple of hundred and the nearest supermarket was sent, and he himself stayed at home to watch the guests but the appetizer on the table to prepare... — Okay, go ahead. — So. This moron came to the supermarket and looked for him there, you see, decorative vase with flowers, so he bought it! Spent all the money, and no vodka or even beer, and even that is not enough. There's nothing left! Only this vase with flowers from the store brought! Right here there is nothing-nothing...

— Vadim, do you found it? — I don't know, guys, in it something is. — yeah, and that "something"- fifth the size... the Dialogue in the opening day of the new supermarket: — Girl, where you have a liquor Department? — This Department yet. — And why are you open? Professor of history, explaining to the students how the ideal of beauty over time, gave the following example: — Miss America 1921 was 160 cm tall and weighed 73 kg. How do you think would have won it today at a beauty contest? — Hardly, — said one of the students — it is too old. a Man comes into the store where you recently bought a vacuum cleaner: — When I bought this vacuum cleaner, you said that it will serve me for the rest of my days! And he worked for only three...