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Pectrum

Interesting facts about everything

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— What a restaurant! No veal, truffles no, not oysters... Bring my coat! — unfortunately, your coat is either. the difference between the Muscovites and Petersburgers only in the fact that the first brazenly pissing in doorways and the second is shamefully piss in front... In the fourth week of a vegan diet, head literally cleared up and became much better. I realized that it is time to quit with this garbage. — Tanya, why are you late again to work? — Tube, Victor Ivanovich!.. Barely opened bottle... — Leonid, what were you doing with three assistants in the lab? ... — And why did you rabbit looks with such respect?!

Referee: — Say you accidentally killed your wife? the Defendant: — of Course she ran up to his mother in that moment, when I pulled the trigger. Found the boy with looks of Alain Delon. Doctors struggling with the mystery of why an eight year old boy looks like an octogenarian French. Rabinowitz walks into a grocery shop and asks: — How much is the ham? as soon as he goes outside, the storm begins. A powerful clap of thunder shakes the area. Rabinovich looks up to the sky and conciliatory tone said: — Shaw is even the same to me. drunken pop Nicodemus on his jeep already helped three old ladies to get straight to heaven. At the feast: — you Know, the French say that from the table it is necessary to go with a slight...

The officer approached the Sergeant and asked the question: — Comrade Lieutenant, tell me, how much you can eat buns on an empty stomach? the Ensign scratched his head, something in the mind figured and said: — about five, maybe even six. — Wrong! On an empty stomach, sir, you will be able to eat just one bun, and the rest would no longer be on an empty stomach! the Ensign laughed at such a task and thought it would be good to ask the captain. He went to him and asked: — Comrade captain, tell me, how much you can eat buns on an empty stomach? — seven Pieces, I guess. — is a Pity. Now, if you said, "about five or maybe six," I would have you so good pinned!

— Than the last office party ended? And I don't remember. — I don't remember, but the boys told me about how you got drunk and on the table a strip dance. — they Lie! I do not know how a Striptease dance! — so they said — do not know. — what's with the mayonnaise salad don't eat? — No, don't eat mayonnaise. — can't stand?! — Tolerate, but not far... — What is "betwixt?" Is a quarter — liter bottle for three. johnny had seen films about wildlife. Comes the next morning in a kindergarten and went straight to the teacher: — they said On TV that the crabs feed in large groups. And we have in the garden a large group? metro: — the Man! Why are you on me all the time look and look?! — well, let's switch places, then YOU are...

Beginning of the 90s. At a busy intersection waiting for the green light is a fancy tinted "Mercedes" at the wheel sits a typical boy in a crimson jacket and talking on a cell phone. Suddenly right in the ass of a Mercedes hits an old rusty through "penny". From "peanuts" immediately POPs up pale from fright white-haired old man coming to satinirovannaya the window of "Mercedes" and says: — Oh, excuse me, I didn't want! In my truck something with the brakes, I just don't have time to take her to the side! I'll give you the money for the repairs, the apartment will sell, but I will! Hey, can you hear me? Silence. The old man repeated his speech several times, but the answer is still not heard a word. Waving his hand, the old man climbs back to his...

Is an international beauty contest, which attracted representatives from all over the world. After several qualifying stages to the finals three beauties: an American, a German and a Russian. The jury asked them a question: "Imagine that you are stranded on a desert island in the company of twenty men. What will you do?" Finalists for queue: — I pray all the saints to save me! replied the American. — I will choose the bravest and strongest of twenty men, and he will be my protector! — said the German. Russian: — So, the question is clear to me. And what, exactly, is the problem?

— Colleagues, let us always be honest with each other? — Come on, you stupid freak... — nick, and nick, marry me! — Married?! In my opinion, Lucy is another name for... — If my salary is $ 5,000 and your 500 — it's called! Man, returning home, sees the dead goat at the entrance of the house. Calls the police, reports the goat. — you bury! And why are you calling? — But because in such cases it is customary to inform relatives! In the port of Odessa near the dock POPs up a mermaid with a baby in hand and addresses the crowd of curious: — where there lives the diver Jora? — are You drunk or did hit a man, hit a woman! — Comrade captain, and sober I would not have been able, honestly, after all the wife!

An ordinary day, nothing portends trouble. Then suddenly I get a call rescue service: — Girl, help! What do I do?! I am a hunter, drove peace from the forest, when suddenly this deer jumped into the road! I got it! How am I supposed to be?! — well, first of all calm down. Say a large deer was? — Yes! But now it lies lifeless, twitching occasionally, but there's so much blood! — You mentioned that you are a hunter, right? — Yeah, right. — That is, the weapons you got on you? — Yes, there is. — Then shoot him, to not suffer. the Man thanked the girl for the advice and hangs up. But after a couple more minutes and the bell rings again: — Yeah, girl, it's me again! — You shot the deer? — Yes, it did, as you advised. So, what now, with his...

Psychiatrist tells the patient: — So how did you decide to contact me, tell me everything from the beginning. — With pleasure... so, first I created the heavens and the earth... Rabinowitz, close the window. It's cold outside. — You think sho if I close it, the street has become warmer? Man comes to the doctor: — Doctor, I have insomnia, I Wake up. well, well. And how many times per night? No, not necessarily at night. I Wake up every third and fourth day. — the Doctor, I dream in English, and I don't know English. — What do you recommend? Learn English. a month later, the patient appears with a happy expression on her face. — so, did you learn English? — No, but now I sleep with a translator. In a dark alley: — Man...

Once three vampire started to argue: who are most greedy for human blood. Decided to prove in practice. First went on the road and after 15 minutes came covered in someone else's blood. The other two ask him: — Well, how did it go? — do you see that tree over there? — Yes. — Right behind him — the few houses of the village. I all the inhabitants killed! Flew the second. A little more than half an hour, and he came home covered in human blood. The other two ask him, say how it went. He says: — See that tree? — Yes. — the broken village is small, but there is more live people there! Came third. Flew away an hour later returned — all over, from head to toe in blood, already reeling. The other two immediately — it: — what are You doing this? Where...

— Dear, today you have outdone yourself! You talked on the phone with a friend for three hours! — Honey, the doctor prescribed me a drug before use, which should shake well! the receptionist says to the client: — If you do not prove that it was your wife, I will not be able to put you together. — And if you manage to prove that it is not my wife, I'll be grateful until death. it's a feast. Toast says: — I, for example, my wife lived twenty years... — my, — corrects his neighbor. — your fifteen... — can you Imagine one man in his will left 100 thousand dollars to one woman who forty years ago refused to marry him! — Yeah, that's what I call gratitude! — How old are you, Madam? — I recently went to thirty. — Yes? And what...

The owner of the factory came to the Rabbi and complained that he had problems with the business: — you Know, Rabbi, my factory is running at a loss! The staff I lazy, don't know what discipline is, the performance is almost at zero, and all debts, multiply and multiply... Help me, you're a wise man! — Okay, — replied the Rabbi — if you want advice, I'll give it to you. Just bypassing his factory, all the workshops, two times a day with a Talmud in his hands. a month Passed, and the Rabbi came back to the manufacturer, this time happy and smiling: — Rabbi, you have created a miracle! I began to follow your advice, and my staff began to work! In the team increased discipline, everything is done timely and properly, and with the debt I paid! Tell me...

In the Late morning from the door of a luxurious mansion leaves the businessman and sent to standing near the gate of the black "Lexus". And not waiting until the driver opens the door for him, a businessman opens it himself and sits in the back seat. Glancing at the driver, the man notices that he is extremely depressed and almost crying. — Sergei, what with you? What's wrong again? — asks the businessman. — You have a month that someone with a grudge, as you can! the Driver, a heavy sigh silently starts the car and leaves the road. The businessman doesn't let up: — Sergey, I don't understand what's going on?! I'm from your village was taken? — Well, was taken, Ivan... — the army you got? Well, got... — I three-room apartment in the center of...

One Jew returned home from the hotel by taxi. When the driver drove him to the house, the Jew came out of the car and began frantically checking his pockets and his bag, while saying: — where the Fuck is the wallet? Where's my wallet? the Taxi driver in this time waited patiently until the client will pay. A Jew in this time, all rummaged through his pockets, then slapped his forehead and exclaimed: — I left my wallet in the car! I was able to put it down?!.. the Driver, upon hearing these words, has sharply given on gases and rapidly left. A Jew, fairly rubbing his hands slyly said, And Rabinovich — well, not lied — this thing really works!

Sarah — seller of vegetables and fruits: — I ordered three kilos of plums! I paid! A son brought in, I weighed only two pounds! — And you son didn't weigh? Lena increased the lips, just cursing at the parents. in Order to show that he is not squandering the budget, the mayor put in his Lamborghini gas tank. Few people know that the villagers have confused Svetlana has a notebook with debtors. Oleg was never able to hint, so on the birthday of the grandmother, he gave a specimen of the application of inheritance.