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When appropriate, and when not to give cash as a gift is the actual gift? Try to understand.
the Freedom of choice, not a desire to hurt
I Have chronic hurt children: ten years parents never bought me gifts from an early age gave money. This was accompanied by the catchphrase: "go Buy yourself something itself, we would not guess". "You try," I thought, choking on tears. In my feelings the insult was double. In the eyes of the most loved people I capricious and ungrateful, I am impossible to please. This time. They are not trying to experience and learn what I like and what I want, that is, in fact, really aren't interested in me, not love.
it is Interesting that over time, gifts of money began to please me much more than any other. Whether because my expenses consistently exceed income (no matter how high they may be) and I enjoy every extra five thousand, falls down unexpectedly. Whether because somehow I'm embarrassed to admit that I want as a gift (the value can exceed the desired intentions of the giver). Whether because I often don't know what I want. Whether it is very a pity, completely unnecessary when you receive an expensive gift and know that could spend the money more usefully. Caught me sobbing over gifted iPhone kid shook his finger at his temple, you say, the only person who is upset by such gifts.
in Short, the reasons are many, but the fact remains: gifts of money ceased to be an insult. On the contrary, was a welcome reward. Moreover, I envy those who's parents/husband/friends give serious amounts of on birthday, wedding anniversary or just because. For example, recently a friend on the date the parents gave 300 thousand rubles — so she quickly closed the loan. No it was not obliged to Deposit money immediately. Gave and gave. The goal sounded, and then decide for yourself. That is helped, and the freedom of choice left. Is this not a concern?! To be honest, apart from the joy for a friend and I felt a pang of envy, bitterly recalled his experience.
My father received an inheritance from my grandmother, I just decided to split it between my mom, my sister and me. Only the sister and mother he gave the entire amount of the whole, and I said nothing: they were given 10-20 thousand in a very critical situation when there was nothing to feed the children. Moreover, given the alleged debt that I do not relax. And then, when in the form of "debt" has accumulated, the entire amount forgiven me, that is, in fact, gave money. To childish insults that you think is naughty and does not want to understand my "wishlist", add a third — do not trust, is accused of extravagance. The truth psychologists say, money is just a tool, by themselves they mean nothing. They can represent power, freedom, security, love finally.
As much money to Express love and respect? When and what form this appropriate? How to make so that not to offend the gift?
When it is appropriate to give money
1. To the wedding. Good old Soviet tradition. Quite appropriate, in my opinion. Much better than when newlyweds receive a gift of five crystal vases and three coffee makers. The main thing — not to be mistaken with the amount, not to sound like a cheapskate, but not to cause damage to your own budget. The perfect amount is determined by a complex formula that takes into account the welfare of the young (if they are very young — rather, their parents), and your own degree of your closeness to the couple, the magnitude of the occasion. With proper calculations, the couple not only "discourage" the cost of the wedding — they are still on honeymoon.
2. On vacation . Not a sin to give to a beloved child or parents money on vacation, which they themselves cannot afford. I confess, the hair stood on end when my friend gave daughter for 18-20 years on 100 thousand rubles for a trip to Italy or Spain. But rather, it is just black envy — I have never travel was not paid.
3. The expensive thing. Friends and/or relatives may chip in for an expensive thing to bestow yourself you will not buy. My son was stunned and incredibly happy about getting 18 expensive camera, one which neither I, nor even every one of his friends could not afford to give as a gift. In the end, the friends gathered as they could, the family added the rest. It turns out that each individual gives money, all together — dream.
4. On impressions. Now it is fashionable to give prepaid cards or certificates for theater tickets, a visit to the shooting range, skydiving, or other "impressions". The certificate is also a kind of money which you can spend at their own discretion, but in a certain field. For example, thanks to this gift I was able to visit the man show favorite actor from the first row of the stalls (I'm not that much of a theater-goer to spend 5 thousand rubles for a ticket).
5. Prepaid card. When you buy a certificate, ideally, of course, it would be good to know what areas a person is interested in, but a prepaid card is money in its purest form, it can pay off though in the store stroytovarov, at least in the boutique, even in a grocery supermarket. It's a little more delicate than the money in the envelope, but just as beautiful if you don't know exactly what the person needs. For closer friends, not suffering such children's complex, like me, may well go the option of paying for the training, seminar, workshop, tea ceremony or even specific purchase in the online store.
6. On the day of birth. Colleagues at work, I would suggest not to reinvent the wheel: in this case, it is appropriate to give money in an envelope. However, it is very important to be politically correct: it is a shame when the birthday boy opens the envelope and realizes that he has collected, say, 300 rubles, and a colleague a week earlier, threw for 500. In this case, there is resentment that someone more valued, and someone — less. If for some reason the amounts are different, the holder of the "common Fund" need to have strong justification for why this is so. "Why is Anya collected for 400 rubles instead of 350 like Mike?" asked once I at the next collecting taxes. "And we love her", was not a very clever answer of the organizers. It would be better if it referred to the fall of the ruble, by God! Well, at least Misha next at that moment was not.
7. Adult child. Going back to the beginning of this text, today, I am sure that it is appropriate and even useful to give a large amount of adult child — in the car, cottage, repair. Importantly, that amount does not look like a SOP to the giver then is not required for this obedience. Of course, any gift should be disinterested. But when you give money, this rule is especially important.
Pauline PARKER, for Banki.ru
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